[Fi] One of Many Contradictions

[Luigi]

Do you ever get the feeling that, in spite of how genuine you want to be, sometimes you're not sure how true to yourself you're being? Is this a common struggle for a certain type?
Any and all feedback is appreciated and welcome. Also, every post from here on out gets a free like from me. Unless it's something that goes against my values.

 

[Frosty]

9's- don't want to generalize, but because I can usually see myself in many aspects of many many characteristics and things, it can be sort of difficult to tell what truly originates from the self.

I can see this being true for 4's as well- differently. Because of 4's hyper awareness of their own emotional states- their well defined and known sense of self?, some sort of disconnect is there... between ability to express and knowledge of what is there... dunno.

 

[Kas]

Is it a bribe?

According to MBTI system that may be Fi- because Fi users focus on whether people are consistent in beliefs, actions ect when they (we) find it also very important to understand themselves. Looking for inconsistence in their own actions or moral system seems natural.
And as people are complex there are always contradictions. Probably we all lie to ourselves a bit and we need to deal with that. Maybe it disturbs Fi users more...

That thread is not about NFs, but you may find it interesting:
http://www.typologycentral.com/foru...lie-themselves.html?highlight=lie+to+yourself

 

[Ghost]

I don't feel this way. I'm disingenuous in so many ways when dealing with others. Dissembling, redirecting, lies by omission, and jokes are all common ploys for me.

For me, authenticity is more of a gauge or barometer. I like having a read on whether something seems honest or not, but it isn't the only thing that interests me. I'm curious about truths masquerading as untruths and untruths in the guise of truths. It's like a playground to me. I prefer when I'm the one toying with those things, though. When other people do it, I'm never sure how seriously to take them.

Because everything I do is usually for my own benefit or amusement, I don't worry about being true to myself. The exceptions are 1) when I'm trying to get to the bottom of how I think or 2) when it feels like people expect me to lie. If I'm trying to figure something out, it does me no good to focus on the surface or on a self-deception. If people expect me to lie, I experience this weird tension, and I can't do it. It's fine for me to choose to deceive but not for someone else to impose that choice on me. I'd rather opt out of the whole situation, tbh, even if that means losing an acquaintance or a job.

Any and all feedback is appreciated and welcome. Also, every post from here on out gets a free like from me.

Don't feel obligated to do that for me, assuming you were going to.

 

[Luigi]

[MENTION=18763]Ghost[/MENTION] not an obligation, but a sign of my appreciation for sharing your views about the topic.

 

[Dutchie]

This is the main struggle with all NF's in my experience. NF's actually get their self esteem via being able to be their authentic selves. The paradox is that rejection and criticism is difficult for us and if we reveal our true selves and are scorned or rejected, it's so painful.

I think the trick is to find one or two people to whom you can reveal all parts of your authentic self. Then decide what parts of yourself you will reveal to others. It doesn't mean that you are being inauthentic, you are just picking and choosing what to reveal as a means of protecting yourself. Nothing wrong with that!

 

[Cygnus]

I don't care about being "genuine" at all. I care about surviving and remaining happy.
I try to be honest for my own good. It may hurt me a bit today, but in the long run, I'll be aware of my weaknesses, and other people may be more willing to reciprocate this honesty.

 

[Luigi]

This is the main struggle with all NF's in my experience. NF's actually get their self esteem via being able to be their authentic selves. The paradox is that rejection and criticism is difficult for us and if we reveal our true selves and are scorned or rejected, it's so painful.

I think the trick is to find one or two people to whom you can reveal all parts of your authentic self. Then decide what parts of yourself you will reveal to others. It doesn't mean that you are being inauthentic, you are just picking and choosing what to reveal as a means of protecting yourself. Nothing wrong with that!

Thank you very much for that. Fe is such a beautiful function that seems to give me a whole new level of understanding things emotionally that I can't attain by myself. My mom is an ESFJ and one of my favorite people to talk to, for this reason. Good point, though, since we're so conflict-averse we pretend to be more "normal" (even though we know differently) so we don't get our feelings hurt. Is that what you meant, did I understand you correctly?

 

[Dutchie]

My sister is an ESFJ too. She's also my "person", the one I go to when I'm completely melting down and can't see the forest through the trees, so to speak. She's got this practical side that I lack sometimes, so I value her advice.

Yes, I suppose that's what I meant. Although your reference to "normal" is interesting to me. What you describe is very normal for NF! At least in my experience and from what I have read.

 

[Luigi]

My sister is an ESFJ too. She's also my "person", the one I go to when I'm completely melting down and can't see the forest through the trees, so to speak. She's got this practical side that I lack sometimes, so I value her advice.

Yes, I suppose that's what I meant. Although your reference to "normal" is interesting to me. What you describe is very normal for NF! At least in my experience and from what I have read.

Well, I trust your knowledge of the area. I guess we can just put this one to rest, then. Being ourselves sometimes means putting up a facade to protect our innermost selves. That's okay I guess. Here's to us