Valhallahereicome
New member
- Joined
- Feb 21, 2009
- Messages
- 132
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 3w7
Well, judging from my own experience, it comes more naturally to be selfless when my self-worth is high. When I don't feel like a valuable person, I tend to let people take advantage of me, but that's not selflessness so much as fear of repercussions and the desire to please. It's not done to make other people happy - it's done so that they'll treat me better in the future, which I would argue is actually a selfish motive.
Letting some people walk on me can actually hurt others, too, if interests clash - and I'd say that's also selfish, to deny one person something they deserved because I'm too busy seeking admiration from someone else. Like others have said, this tends to happen when you have low self-esteem: The people who deserve good things from you are those whose friendship already seems secure, so you shaft them to chase the respect of someone else. Real selflessness means doing what's right even when you'd rather not.
When I feel worthwhile - when I see everyone as equals, then I can freely choose the times I want to be generous without any motive except wanting that person to be happy. Feeling secure in myself lets me give without demanding back, because all I'm thinking is "I feel great, wouldn't it be awesome if everyone else felt great too!" rather than "I'm missing something, maybe if I give this person a ride 20 miles out of my way they'll like me and that will fill up this hole I have inside."
Letting some people walk on me can actually hurt others, too, if interests clash - and I'd say that's also selfish, to deny one person something they deserved because I'm too busy seeking admiration from someone else. Like others have said, this tends to happen when you have low self-esteem: The people who deserve good things from you are those whose friendship already seems secure, so you shaft them to chase the respect of someone else. Real selflessness means doing what's right even when you'd rather not.
When I feel worthwhile - when I see everyone as equals, then I can freely choose the times I want to be generous without any motive except wanting that person to be happy. Feeling secure in myself lets me give without demanding back, because all I'm thinking is "I feel great, wouldn't it be awesome if everyone else felt great too!" rather than "I'm missing something, maybe if I give this person a ride 20 miles out of my way they'll like me and that will fill up this hole I have inside."