phoenix13
New member
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2008
- Messages
- 1,293
- MBTI Type
- ENFP
- Enneagram
- 7w8
This is a real source of conflict for me. And I don't mean with extreme or abusive situations, but just with everyday irritations, I pride myself on letting them go, & trying to give other people the benefit of the doubt when I get slighted. I try to focus on other possibilities why they blew me off, or why they went flaky on me, or if it was a miscommunication or whatever.
But for some reason, I get really internally angry/disappointed/frustrated when these happen occasionally, it just builds up, I don't know if it's a cumulative effect with one person, or with my variable moods, but I don't know what to do with it, because I don't feel it's justified to communicate about it with the person because it's core to my identity to be laid-back & easy to be around. Sometimes I don't know when I'm justified to be angry.
Can anyone relate?
Absolutely. Maybe you already do this, but when you're pissed, take a day to figure out why. Somewhere in that time, ask someone you trust whether or not they think you're over-reacting (use those words... otherwise, they'll just say what they think you want to hear). Just knowing that I have that tendency, along with a guilty virdict from a buddy helps tremendously to diffuse whatever anger I'm feeling.
Now, if you are justified (or if you don't buy your friend's reasoning), it's essential to your mental health to confront the offender. The most effective way to do this is to be vulnerable. You're probably pissed because you're hurt or you feel used or blah blah blah. Say that (and not "I 'aint no K-mart, so quit asking me for paperclips, bitch!"). Worst case scenario: you feel embarassed for making a big deal out of it. Not a tragedy, but you could always come back and say: "I was sensitive because my grandma just broke her hip," or "...multiple hemorrhoids." They'll understand.
Hopefully you found something useful in that ramble-fest. Keep being laid-back and awesome. That way, if you do loose your cool, you'll be forgiven.