[MBTI General] NF type male, with a T type female.

[Angry Ayrab]

Well, I know that I have never been in an intimate relationship with a T type. I know that I am attracted to them, but what makes me curious is, how such a relationship plays out.

As much as I would like to deny being socialized by a patriarichal system, I know I am affected by it. What I mean by bringing that up, is I do expect to be the man in my relationship, even if I am "Thenthitive and Thoughtful." Would this be interpreted by a T type female as her man being a sissy? I personally know that I am not a sissy, and that is good enough for me, but come on, that wouldn't be cool, if your SO didn't validate your thoughts and perceptions, as after yourself, their opinions are the most important to you.

Sorry, I am not making sense, but what I am curious is, how would a mature T (Female) type work with a NF (male) in a relationship?

Man, I am having a hard time explaining my thoughts

 

[Chris_in_Orbit]

=| It depends on what you define as mature. If mature means they don't have societal expectations on gender roles then yes your relationship should work out just fine on that level.

 

[Angry Ayrab]

Ok, here is where the perception comes from. I always hear T types call us smothering, from an emotional perspective.

 

[INTJMom]

Well, I know that I have never been in an intimate relationship with a T type. I know that I am attracted to them, but what makes me curious is, how such a relationship plays out.

As much as I would like to deny being socialized by a patriarichal system, I know I am affected by it. What I mean by bringing that up, is I do expect to be the man in my relationship, even if I am "Thenthitive and Thoughtful." Would this be interpreted by a T type female as her man being a sissy? I personally know that I am not a sissy, and that is good enough for me, but come on, that wouldn't be cool, if your SO didn't validate your thoughts and perceptions, as after yourself, their opinions are the most important to you.

Sorry, I am not making sense, but what I am curious is, how would a mature T (Female) type work with a NF (male) in a relationship?

Man, I am having a hard time explaining my thoughts

T women can be feminine. They are not all manly, as you seem to fear. I don't think you will have a problem. There's a lot more to a person than their MBTI.

I love NF males. I love their insight and the ease with which I can talk to them about deep feelings.

 

[Chris_in_Orbit]

Ok, here is where the perception comes from. I always hear T types call us smothering, from an emotional perspective.

We are.

 

[INTJMom]

Ok, here is where the perception comes from. I always hear T types call us smothering, from an emotional perspective.

Find someone who doesn't feel smothered by you.

 

[Usehername]

Well, I know that I have never been in an intimate relationship with a T type. I know that I am attracted to them, but what makes me curious is, how such a relationship plays out.

As much as I would like to deny being socialized by a patriarichal system, I know I am affected by it. What I mean by bringing that up, is I do expect to be the man in my relationship, even if I am "Thenthitive and Thoughtful." Would this be interpreted by a T type female as her man being a sissy? I personally know that I am not a sissy, and that is good enough for me, but come on, that wouldn't be cool, if your SO didn't validate your thoughts and perceptions, as after yourself, their opinions are the most important to you.

Sorry, I am not making sense, but what I am curious is, how would a mature T (Female) type work with a NF (male) in a relationship?

Man, I am having a hard time explaining my thoughts

There are T females out there that don't want to be teh man in a relationship either. (BTW, for other readers, not implying that this is universal, only stating how this would work in the previously-stated worldview.)

My hesitation to date NFP types is not that they couldn't be the man in the relationship, but due to the stress that comes from me (a TJ) needing closure and structure and (not excessive amounts by any means, but) reasonable efficiency with achieving such structure and closure. Because I feel a bit of pressure to achieve this closure, I always end up taking the initiative with decisions, which sets a tone in the relationship that makes me tired. I don't want to do that, despite being a) good at it and b) needing the structure. I would far rather the guy take the lead and set out what's going to happen (when we're going where) knowing that I'm more than vocal and confident enough to speak up for myself whenever there's something planned that I am disinterested in/uncomfortable with/etc.

The NFPs I know all cast out feelers for a long while which stresses me when I'm looking for direction on how to proceed forward; not knowing what's coming so I can relax is what I dislike about NFPs. (My stress is not very visible nor pronounced... it's just tiny things that add up and make me think long-term that I don't like being in a very mildly stressed state 24/7 which makes me avoid most NFPs in romantic relationships.)

FP males might work better with TP females than TJ females. Unless you can be true to yourself and your need for open-ended freedom while still accounting for the TJ female's need for closure.

(BTW, it's all the little things that are stressful. When to get the car in for the appointment, when to plan to do x, y, z, etc. This is the structure that TJ females need to feel relaxed and be comfortable and friendly people. Without the structure we get mildly stressed and then you see the not-so-fun parts of the TJ.)

 

[colmena]

I wish there were more type relationship dynamics available online. With gender variations, also.

 

[Totenkindly]

I wish there were more type relationship dynamics available online. With gender variations, also.

Me too, although the gender variations are greatly impacted by culture (which includes predominant religious/moral beliefs). So it would only be applicable if everything matched up.

I think that the theoretical isn't really sufficient to capture the reality of specific type matchups, so people who have had extensive experience with certain types of people need to be the ones to develop a particular pairing description.

 

[Salomé]

There are T females out there that don't want to be teh man in a relationship either.

My hesitation to date NFP types is not that they couldn't be the man in the relationship, but due to the stress that comes from me (a TJ) needing closure and structure and (not excessive amounts by any means, but) reasonable efficiency with achieving such structure and closure. Because I feel a bit of pressure to achieve this closure, I always end up taking the initiative with decisions, which sets a tone in the relationship that makes me tired. I don't want to do that, despite being a) good at it and b) needing the structure. I would far rather the guy take the lead and set out what's going to happen (when we're going where) knowing that I'm more than vocal and confident enough to speak up for myself whenever there's something planned that I am disinterested in/uncomfortable with/etc.

The NFPs I know all cast out feelers for a long while which stresses me when I'm looking for direction on how to proceed forward; not knowing what's coming so I can relax is what I dislike about NFPs. (My stress is not very visible nor pronounced... it's just tiny things that add up and make me think long-term that I don't like being in a very mildly stressed state 24/7 which makes me avoid most NFPs in romantic relationships.)

QFT!
Informative vs. directive communication style.

I have a problem with men (and women) who are overly sensitive. I don't want to have to walk on eggshells or second-guess everything I say.
That stresses me. So thinskins are out.

I like the intensity of many NFs. And a little smothering is ok, depending on who is doing it and how .

 

[Jack Flak]

I wish there were more type relationship dynamics available online. With gender variations, also.

Imo the best:

Relations between Psychological ("personality") Types

Problem: introverted types may or may not correlate between socionics and "everything else."

 

[ring the bell]

I'm an INTP. I have an interesting little interaction with an ENFP at the moment. It can produce such an intense connection that I can't even begin to explain. I'm currently trying to figure it all out myself. I would love to have some sort of insight into the mind of an ENFP male...

but to answer your question, NFP is so intensely different than the NTs i've dated. there just seems to be a level of depth there. It's intoxicating.

 

[Angry Ayrab]

I would love to have some sort of insight into the mind of an ENFP male...

Lol, not to derail the topic, but just to let you know, ENFP's love nothing more than talking if they feel safe with you. Just make the person trust you, and you will have their inner most thoughts and feelings. The catch is the person really has to feel that they trust you with everything. I have yet to meet anyone that I have shared my most inner most thoughts and feelings with.

Lol, despite this, you can get 98% of my thoughts, by just being a good friend . It's those 2% are really personal, and I am not sure what I really think about them.

Now this may be specific to me, but if you want any advice on general trends, there is a bunch of us ENFP males, and we would be more than willing to answer anything (feel free to start a thread).

 

[Salomé]

Imo the best:

Relations between Psychological ("personality") Types

Problem: introverted types may or may not correlate between socionics and "everything else."

ESFP?
Nut. You're crazy.
ESFPs are fling material.

 

[MissMurder]

T women can be feminine. They are not all manly, as you seem to fear. I don't think you will have a problem. There's a lot more to a person than their MBTI.

I agree. It's all about finding the right individual. I consider myself quite feminine too, btw.

 

[Jack Flak]

ESFP?
Nut. You're crazy.
ESFPs are fling material.

I believe I've read (and I could be wrong, it was like 7 years ago) that they did real studies of couples based on their types, and found that the duals are more likely to have satisfying long-term relationships than anything else. I fully believe it, because while I may not have my heart and soul ripped out by an ESFP, I can't seem to get into huge disagreements with them, no matter how hard I try. All things being equal I'd probably rather fall for an ENFx if you're talking about impact, but there could be some huge value disagreement down the road to screw the whole deal up.

 

[Salomé]

I believe I've read (and I could be wrong, it was like 7 years ago) that they did real studies of couples based on their types, and found that the duals are more likely to have satisfying long-term relationships than anything else. I fully believe it, because while I may not have my heart and soul ripped out by an ESFP, I can't seem to get into huge disagreements with them, no matter how hard I try. All things being equal I'd probably rather fall for an ENFx if you're talking about impact, but there could be some huge value disagreement down the road to screw the whole deal up.

If an ESFP is the best I can do, I'm gonna give up now.
I had me some of those apples. *shudder*

Studies shmudies. I could give examples of three different studies which all "reveal" different things about compatibility.

Anecdotes - blah.

Theories, man. Where are your theories?

Impact? Perhaps, but not important.
Communication, fascination, identification, admiration, understanding, growth.

 

[Jack Flak]

Theories, man. Where are your theories?

Well...The studies may be distorted due to there being more male INTPs and more female ESFPs. We're different, you know, men and women, and you aren't the first INTP female to have a general distaste for ESFPs.

It seems women prioritize intelligence in mates more than men do, for example. Not that ESFPs aren't intelligent, but if you start comparing NTs against them you might find a little difference.

 

[Salomé]

Well...The studies may be distorted due to there being more male INTPs and more female ESFPs. We're different, you know, men and women, and you aren't the first INTP female to have a general distaste for ESFPs.

It seems women prioritize intelligence in mates more than men do, for example. Not that ESFPs aren't intelligent, but if you start comparing NTs against them you might find a little difference.

Get over yourself.

I'm not talking about intelligence. I'm talking about intuitiveness.

 

[Jack Flak]

I'm not talking about intelligence. I'm talking about intuitiveness.

What's that? Is that when you like, just have a feeling about something?