[NF] NF Females How do you Like being Approached?

[obzen210]

What do you look for in a man, both physically and in personality?
How do you feel about traditional gender roles?
What did you look for in boys-physically and in personality-when you were in high school/college?
Do you ever wear revealing clothing? What is your primary method for finding a man?
When choosing a guy, do you focus your energy on one guy at a time or do you test the waters and choose the best one?

 

[Amargith]

Grin. It would seem someone is hunting for a mate.

You might want to do a quick search; we recently had a lot of 'what do women want' threads.

 

[ndovjtjcaqidthi]

Some people.

 

[obzen210]

I'm working on a project that's related to MBTI. I've seen alot of the threads on here but the information is hard to digest. It seems easier to me to go straight to the source. I seek information mostly.

 

[FemMecha]

What do you look for in a man, both physically and in personality? Kindness and intelligence. The ability to listen, understand, and not judge me is a huge deal. If I think he has shared similar types of pain in his life, then I feel like he can understand and not judge me.

How do you feel about traditional gender roles? I reject these rather adamantly, although I'm not offended when a guy opens a door and so forth, but I try to remain aware that he isn't dismissive of my ability just because I'm female. Also, I run from competitive communication rather fast. A man doesn't need to compete to impress me, but rather to just feel secure and kind and say interesting and funny things. I don't care about outward achievements, so bragging feels oppressive to me.

What did you look for in boys-physically and in personality-when you were in high school/college? I had more specifics when younger, and they matched my imaginary ideal. They were the same as now, but just more details about hair color preference and that sort of thing which seem ridiculous to me now.

Do you ever wear revealing clothing? What is your primary method for finding a man? I don't wear revealing clothing because then everyone can see. It isn't because I'm not sexual, but it's because I don't want jerks looking at me and you give up that control when wearing something. I always wished that guys didn't assume I wasn't sexual just because I hid my sexuality. I typically try to help one-on-one interactions to occur between myself and a guy I'm interested in so that we can talk. I attract men with my intelligence and attempts at kindness. When I start to feel emotional attachment I will share personal pain, and I will listen to what he has to say.

When choosing a guy, do you focus your energy on one guy at a time or do you test the waters and choose the best one? Generally I only have significant feelings for one guy at any point in time. When single there may be a few others I wonder about, but I'm not typically able to have intense fantasies about more than one actual person.

 

[Firebird 8118]

What do you look for in a man, both physically and in personality?

Hmm... I'm going to start with personality first, since that's the first thing I look for. I find myself attracted to any man who is genuinely kind at heart, even if he pretends/appears to be tough on the outside. I would also appreciate his honesty and respect towards me, just as I would want to be honest and respectful towards him as well.

As for physical appearances - it doesn't matter a whole lot to me, as long as the man in question is confident with himself and can display that confidence.

How do you feel about traditional gender roles?

Not sure if I've understood this question properly, but I'll try to answer it:

My siblings and I were raised in a different way from most kids who are brought up in conservative families. I try to seek a balance between both 'traditional' and 'modern' gender roles, as my parents encourage me to balance work with chores at home. So I guess it really doesn't matter to me whether a man whom I'm attracted to prefers to take on a traditional or modern gender role, since I can accommodate either way.

What did you look for in boys-physically and in personality-when you were in high school/college?

When I was in high school, I had crushes on guys who were taller than me and/or from a different country. Except for one guy, though, I didn't really pursue them. Most of the time, I was focused on my studies and extracurricular activities.

I think I have matured a little more now, when it comes to finding a man with a good personality rather than good physical appearances. But I still have a thing for men with foreign accents/dialects.

Do you ever wear revealing clothing? What is your primary method for finding a man?

NO.

My primary method for finding a man is approaching him myself, mostly by writing a small note and handing it to him. (I can be a bit bold that way, though at the same time I feel awkward about it, because I actually want to BE approached.)

When choosing a guy, do you focus your energy on one guy at a time or do you test the waters and choose the best one?

I focus my energy on one guy at a time. Maybe that's why I've dealt with so much disappointment and heartbreak these past few years...?

 

[Amargith]

What do you look for in a man, both physically and in personality?

Compatibility. In particular in main values and outlook on life. Specifically, someone who I can be myself with and who can be themselves with me, warts and all. It's exhausting to constantly wear a mask and I'd rather not around the person I share my life with. Integrity is a non-negotiable though. The way you view and treat living beings and WHY - especially why - will determine if you even merit a second of thought wrt being my mate.

Specifically, I tend to be attracted to intelligence, confidence and independence. Physically, I have a thing for muscled shoulders, though I prefer them lean to bulky. I also am a fan of tall men, 6'1'' and up. Physically though, the timbre of your voice and your scent are probably going to impact me most. Overall, though the priority list is going to be integrity>intelligence,etc >>> voice> scent> visual.

How do you feel about traditional gender roles?

Depends. I can get into the mistress role minus the playing second violin-part, but you can keep the traditional 50's wife role

I don't mind the guy wanting to take the lead as my natural way of being is supportive. However, I have no real fondness of birthing babies, and staying home with them while cooking and cleaning for my man. Otoh, I'm all for supporting you in your ambitions and dreams - as long as you let me do my own thing - and flexing to adjust to your career. One suggestion: let's get a cleaning lady and a handy man though. I don't mind doing the cooking and the laundry as such, but if you start treating me as a servant and take it for granted that I do that stuff and demand I do it on your schedule, you're likely to find a pan flying at your head. My true passion lies in creativity, learning about everything around us (aka I never stop studying), and connecting with living beings (think animal and human shrink, etc) - not in keeping house.

What did you look for in boys-physically and in personality-when you were in high school/college?

Same as I described in question 1. It took me some time to fine-tune, for sure, especially the degree of integrity and how much I can work with a fixer-upper, but the essentials were there.

Do you ever wear revealing clothing? What is your primary method for finding a man?

I do - I used to wear cleavage to draw attention away from my hips, and in truth, it is still the most flattering look for my figure. I never really did it to concretely hunt for a man though, I just liked the aesthetic of it and the fact that men enjoyed that same aesthetic and showed me that they did. I personally find that the human body works like a canvas and sometimes like a piece of art onto itself if highlighted properly with clothes and accessories, or even only lighting and attitude, and I see no harm in displaying it as such.

My main method of attracting men was...well, being approachable to the ones I felt interested in. A smile, eye-contact, and preferably eventually an interesting conversation to verify my hunch that this guy had something I liked and to see where it would go after that. But then I do this automatically with all new people I meet - I observe them and figure out which ones I 'click' with, aka have a connection with and then proceed to get to know them. I don't...date either (I'm a Euro), I just befriend and things happen when they happen - naturally.

When choosing a guy, do you focus your energy on one guy at a time or do you test the waters and choose the best one?

Ive been courted by several guys at once, but usually I wasn't aware of this happening till it was too late (I was still young when this happened). I tend to naturally come off as 'flirty' due to the way I get to know people (see above), so it depends on how you perceive that kind of behaviour I guess. I tend to become a hell of a lot more intense in my focus and interest once a guy actually captures my attention in that way. It becomes about him and me, and no one else exists, so yes, to me it is one guy at a time. However, I also enjoy a good game of prodding each other in a flirty way when you both know it is just to be silly - and this can be used as an exploratory to see if you want to make the step to that sole focus.

 

[skylights]

In personality I look for compassion, conscientiousness, inquisitiveness, trustworthiness, and dedication. Physically I look for good hygiene and some complex combination of attributes that make him "attractive" to me. Often it involves blue eyes, brownish-blondish hair, a slender build, and some "metrosexuality", though I've certainly deviated. My aesthetic is kind of stuck in the 90s with boy bands. Extra points for a single earring and all that.

Regarding gender roles, I seek a relationship where I am free to define how I would like to interact, and feel that others should be free to define that for themselves as well. Personally I do like dressing up and playing the part of a traditional "lady", and I like my partner being a "gentleman". But I also desire equal status and power in our interactions and decisions, and I do not want to feel trapped in any one role.

When I was in high school, I was not very into boys or relationships... I had a crush or two at most. When in college, it was much the same as it is now. A good heart, diligence, attractiveness. My growth has been mainly in moving from idealizing crushes to tentative dating to more serious dating into maintaining a real long-term relationship... stages which are progressively more difficult and multifaceted, but also increasingly more meaningful and fulfilling.

I don't do much "revealing" clothing as in club wear or anything. I wear somewhat low-cut shirts or dresses for the dual purpose of feeling choked by high necklines and being sensually attractive, but overall I try to stay "classy" with my clothing - I don't like to feel inappropriate. Appearance also has never been a primary tactic of mine in terms of attraction... honestly I really fall off the self-care boat sometimes when life gets hectic, and potential partners are going to have to be ready for that! Most of my romantic engagement has arisen out of interaction in shared contexts, like going to school together or working together. I usually develop romantic feelings on the basis of an intellectual connection and mutual attraction occurs primarily on those grounds.

I very much focus my energy on one person at a time.

 

[Sinmara]

What do I look for in a guy...because obviously, everyone here is straight.

 

[OrangeAppled]

What do you look for in a man, both physically and in personality?
Looks-wise - a refined look & individual vibe. Some style, but not over the top. As for actual features/build, I have pretty common taste. But I'm more about vibe. I like when someone seems distinct more than cookie cutter attractive, which boils down to vibe for me.

As for personality, either someone warm & personable or the more enigmatic, intellectual kind.

More specifically (from a previous post):
- someone I can respect, genuine, kind, lots of integrity, moral, generous, unselfish, spiritual, honest
- a shared faith/worldview, common/compatible goals, values & lifestyles
- intelligent, empathetic, insightful, personal, strong backbone, not needy, not suffocating, affectionate
- some common tastes & interests, mainly in culture/the arts/intellectual/spiritual things
- wants, creates & nurtures intensity & closeness, passionate, adventurous spirit, interesting, perhaps creative in some way
- likes novelty & isn't uptight about some indulgences or doesn't make everything a moral issue (but still reasonably consistent with their morals)
-gets me out of my head & is willing to join me there sometimes too
- witty, smart humor, charming, complimenting, silly & goofy, weirdness even, engaging, wryness.
-Can do: playful banter, friendly debate, silly and serious analytical discussions. Puts up with & even enjoys my Bukowski rants, Grand Speeches(â„¢), doomsday navel gazing, and Hamletian soliloquies. Follows imaginative tangents, maybe creates their own.
- Is okay with me being very quiet most of the time; doesn't take it personally. Overlooks my bouts of melancholy & moodiness; doesn't take that personally either, scorn me for it, nor think I need "fixing".
- appreciates aesthetics, sensuality, intimacy (emotional, mental & physical)
- create our own little world, the "partner in crime", us against the world
- more organized & directive than me, but not controlling or rigid; better with practical logistics
- more outgoing/sociable than me might be good too, or we might end up hermits
- the appreciation is mutual; they feel I have something to give them too & they value it.
- A slight, mutually felt, obsessive quality is usually welcomed.

How do you feel about traditional gender roles?
They're not the devil to me. I don't care to be confined to a role though, even if I don't find feminine roles that oppressive to my nature. I would be unhappy & bad at the suburban housewife SAHM gig mainly because of the monotony & attention to detail required. But I am not an aggressive, decisive personality either. I'm creative & somewhat directionless with my dreamy nature. I think I would do well with someone more structured who can "makes it happen" & remind me what time & day it is.

I prefer more of a dynamic where you flex & adapt to one another & life as necessary. More like a collaborative effort to keep it beautiful. I like to let someone be who they are & I want to be me, and maybe it fits a role sometimes & maybe it doesn't in other ways. I feel like there are times when you have to shoulder more burden, sometimes pick the other person up & carry them through, and there's no room for tit-for-tat "this is my job & that's yours". I think communication & flexibility is more important than a strict structure for a relationship. To me, it's about mutual love, support & respect tailored to what the other person needs as an individual, not what a role dictates.

What did you look for in boys-physically and in personality-when you were in high school/college?
Physically, I was much pickier & tended to evaluate people's looks purely aesthetically instead of more emotionally (as you can see, I've flip-flopped & now have specifics for personality, not looks). I liked tall, lean, straight blond or light brown & wavy hair, large & expressive eyes (especially light eyes). I had a much more specific "type". Back then, they didn't call them hipsters, but I would've liked styles akin to that or just regular, clean cut guys. I always thought surfers/swimmers had the hottest bodies. I disliked jocks & bad boys & was never into "the funny guy" either or any kind of show-off. I always liked "good guy" personalities and also more intellectual, arty types. I basically wanted someone cute who liked ME & had common interests & tastes in music, books, etc. I was never boy crazy except when I was 12 & obsessed with Gavin Rossdale . I did not date as at teen; I had a few enduring, secret crushes & that is all.

Do you ever wear revealing clothing?
I like fashion & experimenting with different looks & tend to approach my body more like a canvas than something to be displayed as man bait. I am uncomfortable with obvious cleavage even though I have small boobs & no one cares anyway. I am more likely to wear very fitted clothes or short skirts than anything very revealing, and I try and balance any display of skin with covering other areas (ie. a sliver of midriff is with a long, high-waist skirt). I find really revealing stuff vulgar most of the time, but I'm also comfortable with my body & like to experiment with different proportions & silhouettes.

What is your primary method for finding a man?
Venturing into public...? I don't go out of my way much. I've met all my exes through friends, when I was invited to a social thing. I've met guys at concerts, set up through family/friends, and the internet. Those have never worked out yet.
Needless to say, I go long stretches without dating.

When choosing a guy, do you focus your energy on one guy at a time or do you test the waters and choose the best one?
I am always chosen. If I like someone, I will reciprocate & focus my energy; if not, then I let them know I am not interested. I never initiate. I am very shy & introverted & not particularly confident; my ego requires that someone come to me.

Oh, to be honest...I forgot about my brief stint of online dating. I had two dates in a day once & would often be messaging/talking to 4-5 men at a time. It was way too chaotic. Never again. It was some weird Ne binge that never allowed me to make up my mind because ultimately I knew NONE of them were right. I have never been promiscuous, so this was just talking to/going out on a date with people. I learned a lot though, mainly about who I am, what I need/like, etc. I guess that's what I was doing, given that I didn't date in HS or much in college.

 

[Firebird 8118]

Well - now I feel rather inadequate here, seeing how detailed most of the other responses are. Maybe I'm still too naive...?

 

[cafe]

I like stocky guys with brown hair as a rule. I have a thing for nerds and bad jokes.

Traditional gender roles aren't evil in and of themselves, but I don't like being held to them.

My taste in guys' physical appearance varied quite a bit when I was in my teens and early twenties. As far as personality, that varied, too. Then I dated a guy for eight months and learned some preferences. I don't like controlling guys or guys that are threatened by my intelligence (don't laugh) or opinions. I like emotionally stability and a sense of humor.

I wear figure-flattering clothing. I save the tight jeans and low-cut tops for date night with my husband. Generally, though, I make an effort to dress in such away as to not draw attention to my body. I believe it is inconsiderate to do so. However, that is a conviction I apply to myself. I am completely against any kind of slut-shaming. I was raised in a conservative religious environment so I really did not attempt to find a man. When I was interested in someone, I generally tried to be around them and talk to them.

I didn't metaphorically cast my nets out to see what I brought in. I never actively looked for a guy. If I thought I might like someone, I tried to get to know them better.

I think I've now been with my husband for longer than I was single, so I don't have much of an idea about a lot of this stuff anymore. I'm better at being in a relationship than getting into one.

 

[Rasofy]

Well - now I feel rather inadequate here, seeing how detailed most of the other responses are. Maybe I'm still too naive...?

It's a matter of practice. The girls have spent years answering the same question reworded in dozens of different ways.

 

[OrangeAppled]

^ Yes. I looked up a previous post of mine to just copy + paste a huge chunk. But some of the questions were more original, hence my bothering to answer the topic again.

 

[statuesquechica]

So this is an intriguing topic, though I do wonder if the original poster is looking for an NF girlfriend and asked these questions under the guise of "research."

As an INFJ, I find I really have no physical characteristics that are more favorable than others. I am all about the mind, the intellect, the quality of the person and their convictions. I want someone with passion for ideas and debate, someone I can learn from and teach them as well. Someone who doesn't want to keep up with the Jones' because they are too unique and confident in themselves to be bothered with such materialistic matters. Their political beliefs and convictions are far more important than any physical characteristics, or income bracket. I have never had a physical "type" and my past relationships would demonstrate that, though I do seem attracted to INTPs and ENTPs because of their ideas, humor and energy (in very different ways).

I don't follow traditional gender roles, but I do believe each person in a relationship should contribute in some way to the running of the household, (domestic equality).

I do wear figure-flattering clothes and show some cleavage (gasp!) when going out, if appropriate. I actually like to show off my figure but in a classy, sensual way and not overtly sexual. In other circumstances, I am going to dress more casual and not call attention to myself.

Every serious relationship I ever had started with a conversation that showed humor, intelligence and uniqueness...say something insightful, thought provoking, or even strange and I am hooked! I want to get beyond the chit chat and small talk and really talk about DEEEEEP things, which isn't always easy in a loud bar or quiet, used bookstore.

Generally, I focus all of my energies on one person though there have been times where multiple people have been interested, but I found the experience far too taxing or confusing. I find the process is too superficial if I am not focused on just one person,

 

[hjgbujhghg]

What do you look for in a man, both physically and in personality? - physically - I love long hair and/or full beards. (long hair is must have, but I can get over a shaved face) , original style and a confidant behavior.
personality- creativity, originality, independent opinions, good intellect, artistic hobby, or at least he could be a fan of art and good music, decisiveness, empathy, understanding, good social skills, good sense of humor an ability to be a leader (though I always fall for dominant types it usually brings many troubles, beacouse I am pretty dominant either and it brings many conflicts, but I like when the relationship is passionate)

How do you feel about traditional gender roles? Very negatively

What did you look for in boys-physically and in personality-when you were in high school/college? - I am at college...And I noticed a huge issue. I always fall for the biggest attention whoring extrovert..they just know what to say when they flirt

Do you ever wear revealing clothing? What is your primary method for finding a man?
Yeah sure I've worn...it's not my most favorite type of clothing, but I like to wear it. Well usually I meet them when I am somewhere out with my friends

When choosing a guy, do you focus your energy on one guy at a time or do you test the waters and choose the best one?
I usually test the waters and see what I can find...I like to keep my doors open, but once I decide to be in a relationship I am faithful.

 

[obzen210]

Well - now I feel rather inadequate here, seeing how detailed most of the other responses are. Maybe I'm still too naive...?

You don't have to feel that way, I appreciate your response as much as all the rest



Thank you to everyone who responded in this thread!

 

[SwimmerGal97]

What do you look for in a man, both physically and in personality?

A balance between a good humour and the ability to be serious, adventurous, someone i click with (I'm not the greatest conversationalist because I can't always articulate my thoughts into spoken sentences fast enough so a lot of the time i'm like 'yeah' and 'you know what I mean' (the guy I currently like (should I say the very innapropraite guy I should be staying away from) is like this. We can talk and most of it will just be us looking at eachother and knowing. I guess my conversations are more shared feelings and emotions than exchanges of words? Not to say I'm not capable of that, it's just how open, funny, witty etc I am seems related to how I connect with them. Physically I'm not to fussy, I often fall for a guy because of his personality (a bad personality makes a hot guy ugly but a good personality can turn a 6/10 into an 8/10). The only physical trait I need is he must be at least the same height, preferably taller than me.

How do you feel about traditional gender roles?

Completely disregard them. Are you talking about courtship (guy approaching girl) or relationships (as in women being mothers and homemakers and men going out to work)? For the first point, it doesn't bother me. I will approach a guy, I will flirt but I might be more reserved about asking him out (more out of worry of rejection than not thinking women should ask men out). For the second point...ugh. I hate that outlook. There is nothing wrong with women WANTING to stay at home and raise their kids but by no means is that what they SHOULD be doing.

What did you look for in boys-physically and in personality-when you were in high school/college?

Well I am in high school so see the first question

Do you ever wear revealing clothing? What is your primary method for finding a man?

I prefer figure fitting as opposed to revealing (we have a formal dress code for our sixth form which is like businesswear so instead of a miniskirt abd tight top, I might go for a tight but knee length skirt and a looser blouse, maybe unbuttoned low enough to hint but not reveal).

When choosing a guy, do you focus your energy on one guy at a time or do you test the waters and choose the best one?

I usually focus on one at a time (I might appreciate other guys but I'll only have feelings for one at a time)

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

What do you look for in a man, both physically and in personality?
How do you feel about traditional gender roles?
What did you look for in boys-physically and in personality-when you were in high school/college?
Do you ever wear revealing clothing? What is your primary method for finding a man?
When choosing a guy, do you focus your energy on one guy at a time or do you test the waters and choose the best one?

I don't look myself. I figure when The One sees me he will know, and it is his job to make it obvious. I can take it from there though, like if he is shy.

I don't care about gender roles but I am into exchange of power (right now) and I like to play psychological games, push the limits, and stuff like that.


I wear what I feel like wearing and hope that it isn't too slutty. If it is, I try to tone it down. I have a certain look I am comfortable in and which fits me, so I stick to basically my same outfits; and I like having a few pairs of shoes to wear for everything. I like to keep it simple.




I like intelligent and funny men. Usually they are younger than me, the ones I'm attracted to. But The One will be The One, whomever they are.

 

[magpie]

I don't like being approached.