[NF] Never had this scary experience? (connecting)

[tibby]

never mind

 

[disregard]

So what is he thinking and feeling

 

[EcK]

Have you ever had a weird feel of "connection" with someone by just looking at them in the eyes? I've had a very weird experience with my ENFJ teacher. I don't know what the hell it is, but I just feel so exposed looking at him in the eyes. .

yeah, it's called stalking ur teacher. A thing girls do.

 

[tibby]

Oh jesus xD ...

 

[EcK]

Oh jesus xD ...

always glad to help lost souls milady

 

[antireconciler]

Have you ever had a weird feel of "connection" with someone by just looking at them in the eyes? I've had a very weird experience with my ENFJ teacher. I don't know what the hell it is, but I just feel so exposed looking at him in the eyes.

Only a fragment left? What a shame. Well, in any case, I would be curious to know if others have had an experience the subject reminds me of.

Very rarely, maybe only twice, I've looked an attractive girl in the eyes and they were looking me in the eyes too. I feel kind of a rush from it because it's very intense, but neither of our expressions change. It's just kind of like a wave washing over me. Intense enough, actually, that in both cases, I was the first to look away. But having looked away, I felt a bit like I had to get away. It's a very connective experience because in that moment you feel penetrated or pierced, like you're being seen straight through.

But, it's a highly pleasant experience. I would have it again any time, but instead of freezing, I would smile. The second time I remember the experience, it was with someone I didn't know I liked until later. This girl was actually very much like me, but I didn't comprehend that. I only thought she was strange and avoided her. But you know, avoidance is my first response to people I'm fond of. It's hard to distinguish avoidance from disinterest sometimes, but when you feel something powerfully connective like this, it has a way of persuading you about how you really feel.

It's a remarkable experience that says for both at once, "the two of us are alike." Has anyone here had the wave-wash-over-you-eye-contact experience? It's interesting to me.

 

[Nat]

But, it's a highly pleasant experience. I would have it again any time, but instead of freezing, I would smile. The second time I remember the experience, it was with someone I didn't know I liked until later. This girl was actually very much like me, but I didn't comprehend that. I only thought she was strange and avoided her. But you know, avoidance is my first response to people I'm fond of. It's hard to distinguish avoidance from disinterest sometimes, but when you feel something powerfully connective like this, it has a way of persuading you about how you really feel.

It's a remarkable experience that says for both at once, "the two of us are alike." Has anyone here had the wave-wash-over-you-eye-contact experience? It's interesting to me.

I'm interested to know how you found it pleasant?

I have had it happen with one person, who by the way is nothing like me - an ESTJ. I avoid him like the plague.

 

[Lady_X]

eck! you freaked her out and she deleted!! ahhh!!
umm...not in the same way no...but i have had instant unexplainable connections from making eye contact with someone before...but i wasn't scared...or freaked out about it...but yeah...i've felt it.

 

[antireconciler]

eck! you freaked her out and she deleted!! ahhh!!
umm...not in the same way no...but i have had instant unexplainable connections from making eye contact with someone before...but i wasn't scared...or freaked out about it...but yeah...i've felt it.

Hmm. Maybe it comes in degrees? I experienced it kind of like a lock. I felt captivated. "Don't look away!" ... but it's intense enough in a fraction of a second that I did so anyway. I was scared! It kind of shook me up although I pretended that nothing had happened. I was kind of embarrassing! Like I'd revealed myself.

I'm interested to know how you found it pleasant?

I have had it happen with one person, who by the way is nothing like me - an ESTJ. I avoid him like the plague.

Pleasant perhaps in retrospect. It's kind of in the same vein as the experiences related to starting a new relationship. Approaching a girl can be terrifying! ... but yet later even that feeling of terror makes you feel just so very alive. The whole experience takes on a glossy finish. (It's what keeps even us shyer types looking for relationships. )

There might be more to likeness than overt personality ... do you avoid this person because you would feel awkward before him or because you find him distasteful?

 

[Anja]

Trust your initial reaction.

If you're wrong to be freaked out, in time the situation will make itself more clear.

 

[Nat]

There might be more to likeness than overt personality ... do you avoid this person because you would feel awkward before him or because you find him distasteful?

I would never avoid someone simply because I didn't like them... I avoid him because I start feeling stressed/on edge and I'm pretty sure it shows.

 

[Chris_in_Orbit]

The eye thing rarely happens; only twice for me.
One was with a female and one with a male. Two totally different reactions on my part.

With the girl I would stare back for a long time. I didn't understand the connection and I think I may have come off a little intimidating. We ended up being pretty good friends and I was usually never the brash sarcastic guy that I usually am around her... I mean she had me opening doors for her and stuff...yeah...it was weird. Felt like I always needed to be on my best behavior, never understood why.

The guy was different. He was staring at me and when I made eye contact I lost my breath and looked away really quickly. Pretty embarassing. I had to avoid the guy cuz I felt pretty vulnerable. That NEVER happens to me. I think he was an ESFP, definitely an extravert.

Hm, still don't know why either of these things happened... Chemistry i guess.

 

[Phantonym]

Hmm. Maybe it comes in degrees? I experienced it kind of like a lock. I felt captivated. "Don't look away!" ... but it's intense enough in a fraction of a second that I did so anyway. I was scared! It kind of shook me up although I pretended that nothing had happened. I was kind of embarrassing! Like I'd revealed myself.

I've had this experience myself a couple of times. The last time was with a guy that I thought had been eyeing me out for months. Never looked him back though. Yeah, I'm a prude So, I decided to test him with my "piercing gaze" as he walked past me. Definitely had this "captivating lock". I kept reminding myself not to look away to find out what he would do. I kept my cool but HE flinched a bit. Oh sweet revenge. But he still stared right back at me as he walked past me. I wasn't scared or anything. Quite frankly, I felt victorious! And a bit disappointed at the time because I thought it would be more intense. What is weird though, I was listening to music from my i-Pod at the time and "Alive" by P.O.D. came on a few seconds after the "gaze". Oh boy, now that was a real rush - "I feel so alive/For the very first time" - a part in the lyrics. A kind of delay or something.

I know he's an INTP for sure. Just wondering, if he felt the same "embarrassment" as you did. We've both been pretending that nothing happened ever since. Well, I've been pretending Maybe he's just been his usual self and kind of freaked out by some delusional weirdo. Oh, but it's been tearing me up inside for ages now.

 

[EcK]

I've had this experience myself a couple of times. The last time was with a guy that I thought had been eyeing me out for months. Never looked him back though. Yeah, I'm a prude So, I decided to test him with my "piercing gaze" as he walked past me. Definitely had this "captivating lock". I kept reminding myself not to look away to find out what he would do. I kept my cool but HE flinched a bit. Oh sweet revenge. But he still stared right back at me as he walked past me. I wasn't scared or anything. Quite frankly, I felt victorious! And a bit disappointed at the time because I thought it would be more intense. What is weird though, I was listening to music from my i-Pod at the time and "Alive" by P.O.D. came on a few seconds after the "gaze". Oh boy, now that was a real rush - "I feel so alive/For the very first time" - a part in the lyrics. A kind of delay or something.

I know he's an INTP for sure. Just wondering, if he felt the same "embarrassment" as you did. We've both been pretending that nothing happened ever since. Well, I've been pretending Maybe he's just been his usual self and kind of freaked out by some delusional weirdo. Oh, but it's been tearing me up inside for ages now.

Intps are wierd
entps are waay cooler

 

[antireconciler]

I've had this experience myself a couple of times. The last time was with a guy that I thought had been eyeing me out for months. Never looked him back though. Yeah, I'm a prude So, I decided to test him with my "piercing gaze" as he walked past me. Definitely had this "captivating lock". I kept reminding myself not to look away to find out what he would do. I kept my cool but HE flinched a bit. Oh sweet revenge. But he still stared right back at me as he walked past me. I wasn't scared or anything. Quite frankly, I felt victorious! And a bit disappointed at the time because I thought it would be more intense. What is weird though, I was listening to music from my i-Pod at the time and "Alive" by P.O.D. came on a few seconds after the "gaze". Oh boy, now that was a real rush - "I feel so alive/For the very first time" - a part in the lyrics. A kind of delay or something.

I know he's an INTP for sure. Just wondering, if he felt the same "embarrassment" as you did. We've both been pretending that nothing happened ever since. Well, I've been pretending Maybe he's just been his usual self and kind of freaked out by some delusional weirdo. Oh, but it's been tearing me up inside for ages now.

I was going to say last time that I think there is very much an element of competition to it, like you experienced. I mean, it's hard to get the experience off the ground if you aren't competing with that person somehow, don't you think?

Sky is BLUE! you may very well have shown him his place, that he should experience subsequent encounters with you as submissivite, while you, on the other hand, could play hard to get if you wanted because you took the upper hand. I've been caught up in exactly these dynamics more than once with someone.

I would say, though, emphatically, that competing with would/could-be mates is a long path to happiness!! You know, it's prideful. Why not smile? Why not create a freer air between you two? Why not approach others on a level of equality? You may have won much less than you might think.

 

[Amargith]

Done 'em, love 'em and actively seek 'em out

 

[Nihilen]

"Alive" by P.O.D. came on a few seconds after the "gaze". Oh boy, now that was a real rush - "I feel so alive/For the very first time" - a part in the lyrics.

Christian rock, yay : \

 

[Phantonym]

I was going to say last time that I think there is very much an element of competition to it, like you experienced. I mean, it's hard to get the experience off the ground if you aren't competing with that person somehow, don't you think?

Sky is BLUE! you may very well have shown him his place, that he should experience subsequent encounters with you as submissivite, while you, on the other hand, could play hard to get if you wanted because you took the upper hand. I've been caught up in exactly these dynamics more than once with someone.

I would say, though, emphatically, that competing with would/could-be mates is a long path to happiness!! You know, it's prideful. Why not smile? Why not create a freer air between you two? Why not approach others on a level of equality? You may have won much less than you might think.

I am actually aware of the competition element. My feelings for this guy are just too mixed that I'm constantly doing things I don't even like. I'm not being myself around him. It is as if I'm trying to prove him something. It is frustrating. But I guess unrequited love is that way. A battle I guess I'm just afraid to be rejected and also that something might evolve from this. Hello commitment-phobic And I don't think I won anything significant from this gazing competition. I just wanted to pass the ball to him. But he took it and ran away with it

 

[antireconciler]

My feelings for this guy are just too mixed that I'm constantly doing things I don't even like. I'm not being myself around him. It is as if I'm trying to prove him something. It is frustrating. But I guess unrequited love is that way. A battle I guess I'm just afraid to be rejected and also that something might evolve from this. Hello commitment-phobic And I don't think I won anything significant from this gazing competition. I just wanted to pass the ball to him. But he took it and ran away with it

I'm so much the same. I think what it amounts to is that, you know, love is something perhaps uncontrollable, so I can become afraid of being dominated by it. If you reflect on the feeling of that, it feels a lot the same as the prospect of death. Hey, I don't want to die! Yet, also, I want to love, so there's a kind of dilemma. In the short term, it seems like the only way to both get closer to someone and yet not be dominated by something so uncontrollable and untamed as love, is to get closer, and yet retain control of the distance between myself and this other person. The ONLY way this is possible is through, in some sense, however strong or mild, dominating the object of love, the other person. Otherwise, I could not control the distance between us, but would be subjected to the will of the other.

That maybe seems implausible prima facie, but that's all things like showing off or putting on a show or trying to prove yourself really are. They appear to ourselves as an innocuous wish to not be rejected, but at the same time, they are methods for control, however subtle.

Hey, I'm not immune to it, but maybe if we see what things mean, we can have more control over our fates instead of feeling controlled by it like puppets. That's what I hope for at least.