Moral Dilemma

[INTJMom]

I might have to quit my job on Monday.
I had to do something yesterday that goes against my morals,
and I don't want to do it again.

 

[heart]

 

[INTJMom]

It's so weird how my brain works. At the time I was doing my job, I wasn't thinking about the long-term implications of what I was doing. It was only after I got home that it started bothering me.

I stayed up till after midnight doing research on the internet, then I was up at 6 am and all I did all day long was obsess about it. I called several wise people I know who would never compromise on a moral issue, so I could get some counsel and out of 5 people, no one was home, so I had to work out my thoughts and feelings by myself, which I guess was okay, but just when I think I've come to a conclusion, more questions start coming up.

What difference will it really make in the world if "I" make a stand. It's like spitting into the ocean. I don't know if I'm supposed to make a stand. Aaaargh! I just don't know! Yes. I am. I must. I won't be able to live with myself. If they don't change their policy, will I still be able to continue working there? I don't know.

I need to be willing to lose my job. I don't have that much invested yet, so I guess it's not that hard.

Who knows if I was not put there for such a time as this?

For my children and my grandchildren. I will do it.

 

[WobblyStilettos]

If I were you, I wouldn't quit the job, I'd try to change their policies from the inside out. But that's just, and I wouldn't be surprised if that is impossible in your situation I hope you can work it out!

 

[INTJMom]

Thanks for the encouragement.

I spent about 6 hours agonizing over it yesterday, and several hours today - researching, reading, etc. I have also spoken to a couple of people who are morally upright people who I respect, to ask them what they would do. I do feel compelled to propose to the board that they may want to change their stance. If they don't want to, I will do what I can for my boss, but I will have to resign at the earliest opportunity if it doesn't work out. I am not a greatly persuasive person. If they change their policy, it will definitely be a miracle.

So I am going to try to change their policy. I agree that it's worth a try, but because of the nature of the offense against my conscience, I can't stay there very long if they look like they're going to drag their feet over it. It's something I just have to follow my gut on. I don't have any way of knowing how it will go or how long I will be able to withstand it.

 

[Xander]

Rebel thinking for you here...

Don't quit, just work according to your principles even if it means going against their new initiative. Watch them try and fire you for being in the right.

There's a whole lot worse things than being fired.... and it's all they can do. Why walk away from those who are doing wrong when you can point it out, perhaps change it or just point and criticise... any ways up it gives them chance to reconsider.

 

[INTJMom]

There was an interesting turn of events today. My boss and I were only alone for about 5 or 10 minutes before someone showed up for an appointment we have been anticipating for a week. It wasn't enough time to fully discuss the subject and I didn't feel comfortable broaching it unless we could fully talk about it - too anxiety-creating, since I won't see her again until Thursday.

In that 5 minutes, while she was talking, she made a comment about ME taking over HER position! While it was still registering in my brain, she asked me if I had heard her. I responded that I was still thinking about what she had said.

Frankly, I hate her job. I wouldn't want it. Heck. I don't even want MY job! Too much plate-spinning for me!

So anyway, Xander... Your suggestion is something I have thought about. It all depends on how long I want to aid and abet the enemy.

It is my goal to get them to change their policy. I just don't know how open or closed they might be to my suggestion. That's one thing I need to find out. She told me today the board meets once a year in April and she wants me to be there. It's in another state. She says there are about a dozen men on the board.

Do I hang out long enough to make it that far? Do I cut and run? I don't know. I will have to inform her not to waste her grooming efforts on me.

In the US, being fired doesn't look that great on a resumé (CV?) I would rather resign. She won't fire me. She needs me too badly. She's leaving the snow country for warmer weather in just 5 weeks. She doesn't have time to train someone new and she certainly doesn't want to stay here for the winter.

The only possibility for replacement is the guy whose job it was before me. It's possible he might take the job back. In that case, he would really save me from a big headache.

 

[Salomé]

Listen to your conscience. Good luck!

 

[INTJMom]

My conscience. It is a fickle thing and changes its mind every 5 minutes, or so it seems. Aargh!
But thank you. You are right.
Certainly no one can go for long doing violence to their conscience.
I just want to make sure I see the whole picture.
I used to be very rash, but I learned that makes for poor outcomes sometimes.