Masks

[prplchknz]

does anyone else wear a different mask in certain situations?

Like for me I act very much like an ISFJ when entertaining people I don't know too real. Always making sure every one's comfortable offering drinks and food, whatever else they need. making sure everything is perfect.(not in a suffocating way btw, but more like I'm making sure everything is running smoothly. I think I do this as to take attention off of me and place it on someone else, and at the same time I'm not the creepy lump on the couch not doing anything. I really think this is a defense mechanism for myself. So anyone relate? I probably did a shitty job explaining for that I'm sorry.

 

[Night]

I guess it really depends on the situation.

I have a great ENFJ mask for most work-related necessities. ENTJ when I need coworkers to coalesce towards the completion of an important project. xNFJ when I'm with my wife.

My standard mode remains INTJ.

I vary my approach depending on the goals I wish to accomplish.

 

[prplchknz]

Yeah same here their are similar situations where I don't put on that mask, but more often I do. And even though I appear ISFJ I'm still INFP. So I'm never an ISFJ just appear to be to the outside world during those times. Which is what a mask is to disguise the surface to make it harder for someone to see below the surface.

 

[nolla]

Well, usually I try to keep my emotions as hidden as possible if there are people who I am not sure would accept them. People get so uncomfortable... I wouldn't call this an INTP mask, since I don't think I am that good at hiding my feelings in any case.

 

[prplchknz]

Well, usually I try to keep my emotions as hidden as possible if there are people who I am not sure would accept them. People get so uncomfortable... I wouldn't call this an INTP mask, since I don't think I am that good at hiding my feelings in any case.

I can hide my feelings, people will find out years later something upset me, I'll tell them and they'll be like really? I thought you were fine.

 

[Totenkindly]

I act like an INFJ in social settings where I don't know the people well.

I basically just do everything "by the book" etiquette-wise and give off all the right social cues that reassure people, and otherwise am constantly putting myself in people's shoes so that I can understand what they're doing, predict what they probably will think or do, and don't make a royal blunder of some sort.

I also find it easier to do "things" to help the gathering move ahead (focusing on food, or settings, or filling people's needs, whatever doesn't demand direct interaction) if I'm really unsure of myself; it lets me pull away from the interaction and uncertainty of navigating the conversation, while still contributing and showing my intent to be helpful and connect.

 

[kuranes]

Some new studies on consciousness have advanced theories about our "self" being nothing but a collection of "masks" and GUI's.

I've noticed that people arriving at parties often like to cover their "breaking the ice" concerns by "helping the host" out, even if everything re: getting ready for other guests has pretty much already been done. It's kind of funny, really, to watch them cluster near the kitchen, to chop the celery into smaller chunks or get extra napkins etc. Soon other new people join in this, practically elbowing the host out of the way in their zeal to "take charge/help". They make out that their conversation, while doing so, is just "by the way" and incidental. After a while, there is enough buzz on the conversation front built up that they eventually settle down and get to more mingling. The crowd gradually moves outward then, away from the kitchen, or table that the food is on, towards the living room or wherever.

 

[nolla]

I can hide my feelings, people will find out years later something upset me, I'll tell them and they'll be like really? I thought you were fine.

This happens to me too. I have always assumed that it is because they paid no attention or are generally not too good at reading people. When I am hiding, I can literally feel my emotions on my face and I am sure I could read them if I was them.

 

[Mole]

Ask Wolfy

The Japanese have two exquisite words for this - "tatemae", and "hon'ne".

The Japanese understand this so well because they wear such refined social masks.

But understanding social masks so well they naturally understand the opposite - one's true feelings.

Yes, "tatemae", is your social mask and, "hon'ne", is your true feelings.

But ask Wolfy to give us a deeper and more accurate understanding of, "hon'ne", and "tatemae".

It's wonderful, isn't it, to discover this concept in another language and another culture.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

^ nice post, thanks


I wear a mask when I don't feel safe around the person, when I can't connect. Most of my time is spent trying to get rid of that mask. Maybe I shouldn't try so hard.

 

[Synarch]

I wear a mask. I mean, look at my avatar.

 

[pippi]

Yup, I wear a mask in group settings or when I'm around people I don't know but have to talk to. It matches closely the ESTP personality type: outgoing, fast talking, get it done jock. It's sort of my shadow, but I'm able to tap into the good instead of the bad qualities of it.

I project dominant Te, suppress my Ni and ta da, the mask slips on. I can't think past the surface of things when I do it though, suppressing Ni handcuffs me. If I do it at a meeting I have to take notes or I don't remember what I said when I was masked. I exist only in the moment.

 

[Synarch]

Yup, I wear a mask in group settings or when I'm around people I don't know but have to talk to. It matches closely the ESTP personality type: outgoing, fast talking, get it done jock. It's sort of my shadow, but I'm able to tap into the good instead of the bad qualities of it.

I project dominant Te, suppress my Ni and ta da, the mask slips on. I can't think past the surface of things when I do it though, suppressing Ni handcuffs me. If I do it at a meeting I have to take notes or I don't remember what I said when I was masked. I exist only in the moment.

I got just a tad bit tingly when you mentioned handcuffs.

 

[Darjur]

Every single person who knows me, knows a different me. But does this even count as a mask? Because in esence, these are just random recollections of my self that come naturally.

 

[Synarch]

Every single person who knows me, knows a different me.

Which version are we getting here?

 

[Darjur]

Which version are we getting here?

I don't give them names or cues nor do I activelly think about them. The switch between the many Is is completely automatic.

 

[Synarch]

I don't give them names or cues nor do I activelly think about them. The switch between the many Is is completely automatic.

Maybe all human interaction is contextual. In other words, we probably should be different people to say our wives or children than we are at work, for example. This need not be necessarily unusual and may be the rule.

Keep the essence of who you are the same yet modulate the interface for the appropriate context in order to best reach the other in optimal relationship. Approach them with a receptive and familiar interface so that they have the psychic space to meet you in relationship.

 

[Mole]

I don't give them names or cues nor do I activelly think about them. The switch between the many Is is completely automatic.

It's called dissociation.

 

[Flush]

When I'm with people, I wear my mask of sanity.
When I get back home, I take it off.

 

[Synarch]

When I'm with people, I wear my mask of sanity.
When get back home, I take it off.

I got news for you. It's slipping.