Good post and I agree. I feel strongly that when it comes to abuse and rape that there should be no preconceived notions about demographics but each instance look at the individual specifics. Only talk demographics when looking at data after the fact and remain open to the assumption it is in constant potential change.
I think society underestimates female violence and should look at evidence free of assumptions.
Yes, I think we could address the issue of female and male violence in a way that doesn't discount or minimize victims of either gender. I think our culture values violence and force. Little boys and girls learn that force and violence is a way to assert independence and power. So we need to change the entire culture before we can truly bring DV numbers down to zero. The man who beats on his wife likely does so out of some feeling of powerlessness. The woman beating on her man or fighting back against her husband is likewise doing so out of a feeling of powerlessness. So they use the one way we teach our culture how to be powerful and independent. Even in our language we idolize physically nonviolent persons as "sharks" or "wolves" for being successful in areas like business, politics, etc. We use words like "warrior" or "fighter". Our love of such terms reveals a fixation on violence and war.
This election has also put me in mind of the masculinity issues in U.S. culture. There is a NY Times article about "decorative masculinity" that requires props like guns and porn stars etc. If men were in a position to feel more genuine internal strength I don't think Trump would hold as much appeal. He possesses that false masculine strength. There is a bullying culture that also compromises masculinity.
Good point. When people feel powerless, they find ways to live out power fantasies in whatever way they can. For men, they idolize a sort of cartoonish Arnold Schwarzeneggar version of masculinity. Some women seem to have their own versions of that power fantasy but I'm not really qualified to say what that looks like.
I think there are ways society disempoweres men and some of that could be gender relations and some this bullying culture.
In my opinion, our problem is we tend to look at women as rewards. Damsels to be rescued. Sexual objects. This informs a lot of socially conservative thinking and policy making, although I think sometimes that bias influences even progressive feminism. Not saying all feminists want to infantilize women, I'm thinking it's more the radfems and TERFs who I tend to see thinking that way.
We tend to look at men as doers or utilities. Success objects. This encourages a bootstraps mindset and they are less inclined to seek help and support for any sort of emotional or physical issues. It's a really hard instinct to overcome as a man. I personally like the feeling of sacrificing some of my own well being to protect my wife and child, and it's very difficult to show weakness, even when I am conscious of this instinct and realize it's silly. It's ironic, we empower men more to be doers and achievers, yet this empowerment is an illusion often, and comes with a downside.
I think humans' biggest curse is that we're largely instinctual animals, but we have enough self-awareness to realize we're creatures of instinct and biological impulses. But it's not always easy to override the hardware, even when we have newer software telling us better.