[NT] Making emotions go away

[Bilateral Entry]

I'm pretty boss at going cold if I need to, especially in front of others, when I'm upset, annoyed or stressed. It's not something I ever learned, it's my default. It's being warm and human when I feel upset/annoyed/stressed that's more difficult for me. I can do it now, of course, but that has not always been the case.

I would suggest you find an INTJ of your liking, and observe how such a person sees the world and thinks, and how they react to things when under stress/annoyed/upset. And how they deal with their feelings.

 

[greenfairy]

I'm pretty boss at going cold if I need to, especially in front of others, when I'm upset, annoyed or stressed. It's not something I ever learned, it's my default. It's being warm and human when I feel upset/annoyed/stressed that's more difficult for me. I can do it now, of course, but that has not always been the case.

I would suggest you find an INTJ of your liking, and observe how such a person sees the world and thinks, and how they react to things when under stress/annoyed/upset. And how they deal with their feelings.

I don't think the INTJ approach of being productive would work for me; the problem is that I'm unable to be productive when I'm sad. I just have no energy and feel weak and lack focus. Good suggestion though.

Yep you're wrong about that. I am a highly emotional being I just express it inside out as it were. Which makes me particularly susceptible to depression and mental loops as my frustration, anger what have you doesn't have an external outlet. My freakish ability to not get upset outwardly creeps my coworkers out as they cannot seem to find my resemblence to humanity... The other side of the competence swords is when others think of you as machine-like in your ability to perform and therefore cut you no slack whatsoever when you have less than a stellar day. I am frequently held to higher standards and accountability than my coworkers and actually that pisses me off no-end. I am a fair minded person and I think the standards I am held to should be the same as others so I can exceed them if I wish but am not compelled to. Anyway I digress.

My trick is always to withdraw when I feel the rage building, find an excuse to have a cup of tea, rail at the universe with my mind and come back fake and competent. I just file it in my 'get that shit done later' inbox and use distraction to do something else. It's not I don't have emotions it's that I have a method of detaching from them momentarily for the sake of convenience. My desire for completion of my rant is still there but I can delegate it to another time slot. But then again, sorting, delegating and pidgeon-holing is how I go about my day anyway. Although I'm constantly driven to completion, the simple act of mentally assigning a time slot to a task is a kind of completion in itself and satisfies in the moment.

You sound like the way I get when I forget to do my mental sort and delegate. When I've just got a 100 things on my to do list and none of them have been prioritised. I'm allergic to clutter, especially mental clutter and I do experience heightened anxiety and manic states when I've not done my mental house cleaning.

If I'm wrong about that then people trying to tell me I'm NF based on showing emotion in my posts seems to be invalid. Maybe it's an Fi-Fe thing?

That's a good point, the need to do mental cleaning so things don't feel overwhelming. I didn't think that had any effect on my emotions, but maybe it does. I'd like to know what your trick is.

The thing is I react to negative beliefs which seem true at the time, like "I'm not good at anything" or "I'm going to get fired" or "I'm unemployable", or the things I mentioned in my last post. That's really the only thing that makes me cry, and I have to be able to convince myself that those things aren't true in order to stop feeling like crying. I suppose NT's don't have that problem? When I actually find evidence and logic to prove that those things really aren't true, then I stop being upset. My negative emotions seem to not make sense on the surface, but they're really quite rational. I'm not sure what that would correspond to.

Sometimes distraction works, but only if it's something funny. But the underlying untrue belief doesn't really go away, and then it just resurfaces with the next trigger.

 

[highlander]

The thing is I react to negative beliefs which seem true at the time, like "I'm not good at anything" or "I'm going to get fired" or "I'm unemployable", or the things I mentioned in my last post. That's really the only thing that makes me cry, and I have to be able to convince myself that those things aren't true in order to stop feeling like crying. I suppose NT's don't have that problem? When I actually find evidence and logic to prove that those things really aren't true, then I stop being upset. My negative emotions seem to not make sense on the surface, but they're really quite rational. I'm not sure what that would correspond to.

Developing competence is extremely important to NTs. Everybody experiences self-doubts. NTs are not immune to these feelings and in fact, NTs are the most self-critical of all the types. When thoughts like the ones you mention arise, those thoughts aren't necessarily dismissed. If the self-criticism is excessive (which it often is), after a while you put things in perspective, just as you describe that you do yourself. Still, the thoughts don't entirely go away because if you felt that way, there has to be a reason. It is translated into something more specific that you can do something about. You can avoid the situation that makes you feel incompetent (maybe you are). You can get better at that thing or take steps to make sure the bad outcomes don't happen. You can work with someone else who compliments you and is good at stuff you are not. Those are the options.

 

[greenfairy]

Developing competence is extremely important to NTs. Everybody experiences self-doubts. NTs are not immune to these feelings and in fact, NTs are the most self-critical of all the types. When thoughts like the ones you mention arise, those thoughts aren't necessarily dismissed. If the self-criticism is excessive (which it often is), after a while you put things in perspective, just as you describe that you do yourself. Still, the thoughts don't entirely go away because if you felt that way, there has to be a reason. It is translated into something more specific that you can do something about. You can avoid the situation that makes you feel incompetent (maybe you are). You can get better at that thing or take steps to make sure the bad outcomes don't happen. You can work with someone else who compliments you and is good at stuff you are not. Those are the options.

True. Putting it in perspective is the key, and then taking steps to solve the problem. That's definitely the approach I take in the long run; so maybe I do the INTJ thing after all- I just occasionally need a short term solution.

 

[sprinkles]

[MENTION=15773]greenfairy[/MENTION]
Re: meditation:

If your mind is running away with anxiety when you meditate, then you might need to start with a more strict and focus-based method to equip your mind for it.

What do you do for mediation?

I ask because not everyone is prepared to plop down and clear their mind freely. Some people are just too busy up there and need to follow the more constructed methods at first. These things were designed with purpose, after all.

It takes training for some people because they trick themselves into believing that they can do whatever willy nilly and it will work, which is not always the case, and on the extremes it can even mess you up so that you don't even know what your goals or methods are, and rarely some people experience psychosis from messing with this stuff.

 

[INTP]

deal with the causes of your emotions

 

[WhoCares]

If I'm wrong about that then people trying to tell me I'm NF based on showing emotion in my posts seems to be invalid. Maybe it's an Fi-Fe thing?

Typology forums are probably the worst place for gaining any kind of objective opinion simply because people tend to project their type in their posts and perhaps wrongly assume that someone's more emotional prose is a projection of NF traits rather than NT traits. I find myself being more stereotypically INTJ here than I am elsewhere. My posts on unrelated forums probably sound a lot more NF than my posts here. Maybe you're immune to that effect and come across less NT to others.

That's a good point, the need to do mental cleaning so things don't feel overwhelming. I didn't think that had any effect on my emotions, but maybe it does. I'd like to know what your trick is.

The thing is I react to negative beliefs which seem true at the time, like "I'm not good at anything" or "I'm going to get fired" or "I'm unemployable", or the things I mentioned in my last post. That's really the only thing that makes me cry, and I have to be able to convince myself that those things aren't true in order to stop feeling like crying. I suppose NT's don't have that problem? When I actually find evidence and logic to prove that those things really aren't true, then I stop being upset. My negative emotions seem to not make sense on the surface, but they're really quite rational. I'm not sure what that would correspond to.

But the underlying untrue belief doesn't really go away, and then it just resurfaces with the next trigger.

NTs are not immune to self-doubt and insecurities. I have a very deep insecurity about competence at work particularly when it comes to people skills. Anyone who doesn't immediately think I'm fabulous can set off this deep seated fear in me. Meditation does help in this regard, it clears out the emotional clutter so the triggers have less pulling power when they come. I don't think anyone on the planet no matter how outwardly confident is free of insecurity and these types of triggers. I constantly feel on the knife edge at work, as if I might be fired at any moment even though I'm actually quite good at what I do. What plays with me is the fact I'm politically retarded and workplaces don't generally reward competence they reward charisma, something I don't have in abundance.

You sound perfectly normal but you also sound like you need to ground and centre yourself more often than you do in order to give those weak moments less sway in your life. Since you're a magic worker I'll recommend you to work with earth energy and if I may suggest that Dong Quai tea would be especially good for you right now. You can find Dong Quai (angelica sinensis in any chinese supermarket in the spice aisle. It's sold as a sliced root and if you steep this in water over low heat for 10mins you'll find it's extremely calming and helpful in settling anxiety. It has a bittersweet taste that you'll quickly develop a hankering for. Dong Quai in a magical context is a be here now herb that will help you to bring your energy back to your core and become more stable. Hope this helps.

 

[WhoCares]

If I'm wrong about that then people trying to tell me I'm NF based on showing emotion in my posts seems to be invalid. Maybe it's an Fi-Fe thing?

Typology forums are probably the worst place for gaining any kind of objective opinion simply because people tend to project their type in their posts and perhaps wrongly assume that someone's more emotional prose is a projection of NF traits rather than NT traits. I find myself being more stereotypically INTJ here than I am elsewhere. My posts on unrelated forums probably sound a lot more NF than my posts here. Maybe you're immune to that effect and come across less NT to others.

That's a good point, the need to do mental cleaning so things don't feel overwhelming. I didn't think that had any effect on my emotions, but maybe it does. I'd like to know what your trick is.

The thing is I react to negative beliefs which seem true at the time, like "I'm not good at anything" or "I'm going to get fired" or "I'm unemployable", or the things I mentioned in my last post. That's really the only thing that makes me cry, and I have to be able to convince myself that those things aren't true in order to stop feeling like crying. I suppose NT's don't have that problem? When I actually find evidence and logic to prove that those things really aren't true, then I stop being upset. My negative emotions seem to not make sense on the surface, but they're really quite rational. I'm not sure what that would correspond to.

But the underlying untrue belief doesn't really go away, and then it just resurfaces with the next trigger.

NTs are not immune to self-doubt and insecurities. I have a very deep insecurity about competence at work particularly when it comes to people skills. Anyone who doesn't immediately think I'm fabulous can set off this deep seated fear in me. Meditation does help in this regard, it clears out the emotional clutter so the triggers have less pulling power when they come. I don't think anyone on the planet no matter how outwardly confident is free of insecurity and these types of triggers. I constantly feel on the knife edge at work, as if I might be fired at any moment even though I'm actually quite good at what I do. What plays with me is the fact I'm politically retarded and workplaces don't generally reward competence they reward charisma, something I don't have in abundance.

You sound perfectly normal but you also sound like you need to ground and centre yourself more often than you do in order to give those weak moments less sway in your life. Since you're a magic worker I'll recommend you to work with earth energy and if I may suggest that Dong Quai tea would be especially good for you right now. You can find Dong Quai (angelica sinensis) in any chinese supermarket in the spice aisle. It's sold as a sliced root and if you steep this in water over low heat for 10mins you'll find it's extremely calming and helpful in settling anxiety. It has a bittersweet taste that you'll quickly develop a hankering for. Dong Quai in a magical context is a be here now herb that will help you to bring your energy back to your core and become more stable. Hope this helps.

 

[greenfairy]

[MENTION=15773]greenfairy[/MENTION]
Re: meditation:

If your mind is running away with anxiety when you meditate, then you might need to start with a more strict and focus-based method to equip your mind for it.

What do you do for mediation?

I ask because not everyone is prepared to plop down and clear their mind freely. Some people are just too busy up there and need to follow the more constructed methods at first. These things were designed with purpose, after all.

It takes training for some people because they trick themselves into believing that they can do whatever willy nilly and it will work, which is not always the case, and on the extremes it can even mess you up so that you don't even know what your goals or methods are, and rarely some people experience psychosis from messing with this stuff.

Yeah I just do the clearing my mind thing, but sometimes I listen to music and go to my happy place. Ill look into more structures things, but you know what- I just discovered something. I don't eat factory farmed meat very often, but I think it's bad for me. Last Saturday at work I was super stressed and my stomach hurt, but I had eaten some chicken at someone's house earlier, and I think that had something to do with it. I'm going to give it up entirely and see how it goes. I think if people eat animals who have lived stressful panicked lives, then all that goes into their bodies and affects them, especially if they're energy sensitive. And exercising helps a lot. I used to think I shouldn't exercise if I was really tired because it would be bad for my heart or something, but I think it's ok and that was just an irrational fear. So I'm going to do it as often as possible.

deal with the causes of your emotions

True. It's a bit of a complex process though, because the causes aren't always obvious.

 

[greenfairy]

Typology forums are probably the worst place for gaining any kind of objective opinion simply because people tend to project their type in their posts and perhaps wrongly assume that someone's more emotional prose is a projection of NF traits rather than NT traits. I find myself being more stereotypically INTJ here than I am elsewhere. My posts on unrelated forums probably sound a lot more NF than my posts here. Maybe you're immune to that effect and come across less NT to others.

Oh yes, I know this well. Typology forums are educational, but you have to deal with mountains of garbage in order to find the little bits of truth.

NTs are not immune to self-doubt and insecurities. I have a very deep insecurity about competence at work particularly when it comes to people skills. Anyone who doesn't immediately think I'm fabulous can set off this deep seated fear in me. Meditation does help in this regard, it clears out the emotional clutter so the triggers have less pulling power when they come. I don't think anyone on the planet no matter how outwardly confident is free of insecurity and these types of triggers. I constantly feel on the knife edge at work, as if I might be fired at any moment even though I'm actually quite good at what I do. What plays with me is the fact I'm politically retarded and workplaces don't generally reward competence they reward charisma, something I don't have in abundance.

You sound perfectly normal

I'm glad it's not just me being paranoid.

Since you're a magic worker I'll recommend you to work with earth energy and if I may suggest that Dong Quai tea would be especially good for you right now. You can find Dong Quai (angelica sinensis in any chinese supermarket in the spice aisle. It's sold as a sliced root and if you steep this in water over low heat for 10mins you'll find it's extremely calming and helpful in settling anxiety. It has a bittersweet taste that you'll quickly develop a hankering for. Dong Quai in a magical context is a be here now herb that will help you to bring your energy back to your core and become more stable. Hope this helps.

Yeah I'm a really strong air element, so more earth is a good thing. I was just thinking last night how it's getting too cold to spend much time outside, and how I didn't take advantage of the warm weather as much as I wanted to. Such is life. I can still go outside and hug trees though.

I didn't know that about Dong Quai! That's very helpful. I have some, but I've just been using it for female reproductive issues.

 

[sprinkles]

Yeah I just do the clearing my mind thing, but sometimes I listen to music and go to my happy place. Ill look into more structures things, but you know what- I just discovered something. I don't eat factory farmed meat very often, but I think it's bad for me. Last Saturday at work I was super stressed and my stomach hurt, but I had eaten some chicken at someone's house earlier, and I think that had something to do with it. I'm going to give it up entirely and see how it goes. I think if people eat animals who have lived stressful panicked lives, then all that goes into their bodies and affects them, especially if they're energy sensitive. And exercising helps a lot. I used to think I shouldn't exercise if I was really tired because it would be bad for my heart or something, but I think it's ok and that was just an irrational fear. So I'm going to do it as often as possible.

Yeah I think there's something to your meat theory believe it or not. I tend to feel the worst after eating chicken or ground beef too much. I'm not keen on it but some times I have to because that's what there is.

I think fish and lean beef cuts in moderation are better. Chicken goes through a lot of crap before it gets to you, and ground beef introduces hazards such as bacteria due to the machine processing and microscopic bits of bone and bad flesh getting in there. This is the reason why its relatively safe to eat an unground cut of beef raw, but you should never eat hamburger raw. [mad cow not withstanding - you can't kill that with cooking to begin with so if you get it, you get it]

Processed stuff is kinda bad in general, IMO, except for grains to a certain extent - whole grains are good but lately they come a bit TOO 'whole' and have stuff like phytic acid. Grains should actually be soaked a little, or fermented, as with sour dough bread for example. This keeps the good stuff and gets rid of the bad stuff in the husk that naturally protects the grain seed.

 

[greenfairy]

Yeah I think there's something to your meat theory believe it or not. I tend to feel the worst after eating chicken or ground beef too much. I'm not keen on it but some times I have to because that's what there is.

I think fish and lean beef cuts in moderation are better. Chicken goes through a lot of crap before it gets to you, and ground beef introduces hazards such as bacteria due to the machine processing and microscopic bits of bone and bad flesh getting in there. This is the reason why its relatively safe to eat an unground cut of beef raw, but you should never eat hamburger raw. [mad cow not withstanding - you can't kill that with cooking to begin with so if you get it, you get it]

Processed stuff is kinda bad in general, IMO, except for grains to a certain extent - whole grains are good but lately they come a bit TOO 'whole' and have stuff like phytic acid. Grains should actually be soaked a little, or fermented, as with sour dough bread for example. This keeps the good stuff and gets rid of the bad stuff in the husk that naturally protects the grain seed.

Could not agree more.

 

[INTP]

True. It's a bit of a complex process though, because the causes aren't always obvious.

yea, well thats where i use internal logic about subjective experiences and think how those relate to intuitions and feelings about/from the external world. but maybe an INFJ would need to find some other way with Ni/Se(than my more "factual" subjective experiences Si and see how their intuitions relate to whats factual outside), but still use Ti/Fe

 

[RaptorWizard]

Emotions give our lives meaning as without them we would have no happiness to share. Happiness is not perfect until it is shared so it follows that we must embrace our emotions in their full and complete manifestations!

Keep in mind though that there is a difference between embracing emotions and becoming slaves to our passions which must be at will tamed and controlled in order to cause the progressive development of man and his search for meaning in this infinite existence.

 

[greenfairy]

yea, well thats where i use internal logic about subjective experiences and think how those relate to intuitions and feelings about/from the external world. but maybe an INFJ would need to find some other way with Ni/Se(than my more "factual" subjective experiences Si and see how their intuitions relate to whats factual outside), but still use Ti/Fe

Nah what you're saying seems like how I do it; it just takes a little while, because there are so many layers (if I'm really emotional about something, it's an issue from way back). Maybe you're fortunate enough to have fewer issues than I.

Emotions give our lives meaning as without them we would have no happiness to share. Happiness is not perfect until it is shared so it follows that we must embrace our emotions in their full and complete manifestations!

Keep in mind though that there is a difference between embracing emotions and becoming slaves to our passions which must be at will tamed and controlled in order to cause the progressive development of man and his search for meaning in this infinite existence.

True.

 

[Coriolis]

As to tert Ti in the OP: When I am upset or stressed I always ask myself what the underlying thoughts and beliefs are, such as "The boss is annoyed with me" or "I'm going to make a mistake sooner or later" or "I won't have time to get everything done" and then ask myself whether those things are true. Almost every time I'm unconsciously believing things which aren't necessarily true or are exaggerated, and I tell myself that, and then tell myself what is true, and that helps me calm down. I overthink things, but yet that's the way I solve my problems most of the time. I call it giving myself a reality check. Sometimes it helps me solve really complex issues, like being scared of physical intimacy for unidentifiable reasons; I figured out a lot of things about that by being superanalytical, such as I had the underlying belief that if I let someone's energy into myself that it would stay there and they would take some of mine and then we wouldn't be ourselves anymore. Which is kinda crazy, and if I recognize that I can give myself a reality check and find out what the truth is, and then react in a different way.

I ask myself the same question, but usually determine that my concerns are largely true. The boss is annoyed with me, or I realize I have just made a mistake, or I really won't have time to get everything done. My response is to plan: what will I say to the boss tomorrow, or do I even care that he is annoyed? How can I correct and learn from my mistake? How can I prioritize my list so if I run out of time, at least the most important things get done (or enlist help to complete the others)? Once I have a plan for addressing the concern, the emotion usually dissipates.

 

[greenfairy]

I ask myself the same question, but usually determine that my concerns are largely true. The boss is annoyed with me, or I realize I have just made a mistake, or I really won't have time to get everything done. My response is to plan: what will I say to the boss tomorrow, or do I even care that he is annoyed? How can I correct and learn from my mistake? How can I prioritize my list so if I run out of time, at least the most important things get done (or enlist help to complete the others)? Once I have a plan for addressing the concern, the emotion usually dissipates.

Ah, so you must not have a lot of negative judgment about yourself. Sometimes paranoia will say "and if these things are true, then this worse thing is true, etc...which means I'm a failure, which means I am bad/worthless."

 

[violet_crown]

I wondered what the experience of NT's is in particular with regard to dealing with emotions at inopportune times, and how you do it.

I tend to think of things in terms of propriety. If I'm feeling something but don't have time to deal with it, I simply shelve it for examination later. Being effective is what's most important to me, and everything else tends to be viewed through that prism.

Ultimately, though, there's no legitimate way to escape emotions. You either deal with it head on, or it'll creep in and effect you in ways that you can't control.

What's worked for me is creating a private space for myself where I can be as raw as I want to be, and process what I'm going through without any sort of outside interference. Having people in my life who I can talk to when I'm going through something has also been particularly valuable.

 

[Istbkleta]

competence at work particularly when it comes to people skills.

Do you have role models for this - an image of such a person who has this competence?

Maybe from movies or books or RL.

Can you describe who they are as a person / what they stand for / what they do?

 

[WhoCares]

Do you have role models for this - an image of such a person who has this competence?

Maybe from movies or books or RL.

Can you describe who they are as a person / what they stand for / what they do?

No. Quite simply because I have no real inclination to do so. I have no fascination for people, for just about anything else on the planet yes. People? Not so much. I'm happy to live with my fear because it rarely actually realises. As an INT I reserve the right to live almost entirely in my head divorced from the world around me and unbothered by other people's need to have me behave and act in certain ways.