Jealousy and Envy

[Lady_X]

well dwiggie...my memory is shit...i don't know what was going on before the age of at least 5 and i don't remember a whole lot after that...i was basically in my own lil world most the time...haha
so...anyway...i can understand the discomfort with such definite terms such as never or always...believe me really...so.. i'll just say i don't have a memory of the feeling...alright babe.

 

[Dwigie]

well dwiggie...my memory is shit...i don't know what was going on before the age of at least 5 and i don't remember a whole lot after that...i was basically in my own lil world most the time...haha
so...anyway...i can understand the discomfort with such definite terms such as never or always...believe me really...so.. i'll just say i don't have a memory of the feeling...alright babe.

Works for me...*backs off slowly*

 

[Mole]

C'est L'amour

Jealousy is proof of love.

While I was flirting with Bettina, Susan leaned across, almost as though she couldn't help herself, and made a comment designed to diminish me in the eyes of Bettina.

At that very moment, I knew Susan loved me.

Unfortunately Susan also has a boyfriend with a wife and two children. And I didn't want to involve myself in the maelstrom of her private life.

This is a pity as Susan is a pretty blonde, a fine athlete and highly intelligent - a catch, let's face it, in anyone's books.

But she was helpless in the face of her jealousy.

And at that moment, she couldn't help but reveal her love.

C'est l'amour.

 

[SolitaryWalker]

`
For as long as I can remember I have always been intrigued by both of these human qualities.

That being stated, I would love for you guys to share your thoughts, feelings and experiences with jealousy and envy.

So, please state your type, and your sex and the scenarios in which you find/found yourself feeling either jealous or envious.

And please be as honest as possible in your responses.

Thanks much!!!

Jealousy and envy are synonymous, you only needed to state one of the two. The other is superfluous.

 

[Giggly]

Jealousy is proof of love.

Precisely.

And for this reason, experiencing a little jealousy myself or from another person does not bother me. In fact, I think it's kinda sweet.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

One of the only sticking points with me and my GF of longest standing was that I never got jealous. She thought it meant I didn't care, and I thought it meant I trusted her love. It's a strange thing.

 

[SillySapienne]

Jealousy and envy are synonymous, you only needed to state one of the two. The other is superfluous.

Nope, one can feel jealous without feeling envious.



JEALOUSY definition | Dictionary.com

ENVY definition | Dictionary.com

 

[Mempy]

Is that a distinction between admiration and envy? It's healthy to have people to look up to and aspire to become like. From what I understand of it, full-blown envy is not wanting others to possess attributes you don't personally have but would like to have. I think it is that "if I can't have it no one can" mentality. This is sad though, because if you really value something it would be sad for it to not exist any where at all.

edit: One issue with envy is the way self concept develops in light of it. For a person to only know him/herself in relationship to whomever they feel superior to is unfortunate. In those cases discovering someone "superior" threatens that very sense of self. There is a way to know oneself without it relying on the context of others. There is intrinsic beauty on various levels that doesn't require superiority to something else in order to have meaning and value. For example, the graceful line of a cheekbone can be beautiful for its mathematical proportion regardless of what any other cheekbone has ever looked like. This way of thinking can be applied to more abstract attributes of thought, intentions, creativity, etc. as well.


I wonder if that is the strength of Fi? It is the cognitive process that knows oneself in a personal and meaningful way.

I've never really given thought to the difference between envy and jealousy. I kind of use them interchangeably. But as others have mentioned, this seems like a fair distincton: Jealousy is "a state of fear, suspicion or envy over one's possessions," whereas envy is a state of grudging admiration for someone else's possessions or attributes. I like that Toonia said that with EXTREME envy, a person adopts the "if I can't have it, no one can" mentality.

I also liked her talk about comparing oneself to others. I like the bolded part especially. That's a hard state to get to. Where does your value come from? Logically, we all know it shouldn't come from how you stack up against others, because "there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself" (I think that was from Desiderada, or whateva it's called). But if it doesn't come from there, where does it come from? Do you draw some sort of value from your humanness? How do you get to a state where you value yourself overall despite how you compare to others?

I agree fully.

To admire people and qualities that you yourself do not possess is a positive thing, I believe it comes from a positive place and it facilitates positive things, like personal growth.

Envy, on the other hand, comes from a negative place and it fosters negative things, like bitterness and contempt.

[Edit] I'd say that envy's prerequisite is admiration, meaning that they go hand-in-hand. Example: I'm in a store shopping for clothes and see several girls and women who are thinner and more stylish-looking than I am. I've been trying to lose weight for a long time now and have made modest progress, but still I'm not where I want to be. There's a pang of admiration, but it's a little uncomfortable because of the distance I see between where I am now weight-wise and where I want to be, and these women are reminding me of it. Secondly, they're more stylish, maybe have more money, probably a more varied wardrobe than I - all things I want. I feel envy - unpleasantness. But it's not extreme and passes quickly. I still know I'm a valuable person, regardless of how well I stack up. But I admire and envy these women regardless.

[Edit] I don't think there's a huge line between admiration and envy. Perhaps you could say that admiration is secure, whereas envy can range from slightly less secure to very, very insecure.

 

[SillySapienne]

Jealousy is proof of love.

Um, no, by no means is jealousy proof of love.

There are those who feel jealousy regarding their lovers for whom they do not love.

 

[ajblaise]

Nope, one can feel jealous without feeling envious.



JEALOUSY definition | Dictionary.com

ENVY definition | Dictionary.com

Yeah, envy means you desire something someone else has. Jealousy is more about resentment, apprehension, guarding your rivals....

To most people however, the terms are synonymous.

 

[SolitaryWalker]

Nope, one can feel jealous without feeling envious.



JEALOUSY definition | Dictionary.com

ENVY definition | Dictionary.com

Tell me what the difference between the two is.

 

[entropie]

Tell me what the difference between the two is.

Jealousy is to talk about something you dont have. Envy is to kill for something you dont have.

 

[Mempy]

Yeah, jealousy isn't proof of love. It's proof of wanting someone's time, attention and company coupled with the fear that, plausibly, your SO could fall for, and eventually exclusively give those things to, someone else.

Romantic jealousy is a lot more prevalent than friend jealousy because you can and should have more than one friend, but traditionally you should only have one significant other (and often there is only room for one SO in a person's life, if they're seriously committed and in love), meaning that when your SO acquires a romantic interest for someone else, there's a good chance you're, well... out.

 

[entropie]

Yeah, jealousy isn't proof of love. It's proof of wanting someone's time, attention and company coupled with the fear that, plausibly, your SO could fall for, and eventually exclusively give those things to, someone else.

Romantic jealousy is a lot more prevalent than friend jealousy because you can and should have more than one friend, but traditionally you should only have one significant other (and often there is only room for one SO in a person's life, if they're seriously committed and in love), meaning that when your SO acquires a romantic interest for someone else, there's a good chance you're, well... out.

"There is only room for only SO in our life ?" If you think so, you have never been in love

 

[Mempy]

I meant to say that it makes sense that there would be room for only one SO in your life at a time, if you really love that person. But I'm not really sure what you think I meant, or how my perceived meaning implies I've never been in love.

 

[entropie]

I meant to say that it makes sense that there would be room for only one SO in your life at a time, if you really love that person. But I'm not really sure what you think I meant, or how my perceived meaning implies I've never been in love.

If you are in love there is no "if"

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

"There is only room for only SO in our life ?" If you think so, you have never been in love

I don't understand this at all. If you're in love, then there should only be room for one. "Significant other" has no meaning if you're playing the field. If you're not attached, I can see having feelings for more than one person. But "SO" indicates a commitment.

 

[entropie]

I don't understand this at all. If you're in love, then there should only be room for one. "Significant other" has no meaning if you're playing the field. If you're not attached, I can see having feelings for more than one person. But "SO" indicates a commitment.

Ah ok, SO means significant other. I guessed it meant someone..

 

[entropie]

I am sorry, you do go on now. 7:56 am here. Old man goes to bed

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

I was just thinking of the definition. Without consulting a dictionary :shines fingernails: I would think:

jealousy - wanting what a person has and wanting to deprive them of that thing
envy - wanting what a person has without regard to whether or not you seek to deprive them

So, if I'm jealous of your status, I want it for myself, but if I'm envious, I just want it; the issue of whether I want them to lose it or keep it doesn't come up.