[ISTP] ISTPs and their feelings...

[sLiPpY]

That must be it... Mid-Atlantic U.S.

 

[KarliJoanne]

I can say one thing, I get along well with ISFPS when we are chillin and having a good time. But in intense situations I can't understand them at all. They seem to get more emotional, and ignore their logic when the pressure is on.

Yeah in intense situations ISFPs emotions do get the best of them (which is why we hate conflict so much). And ISTPs tend not to understand. Which is hard for the ISFP to understand because of all times to have strong emotions, an intense situation seems like the most understandable.

Good thing is, both types prefer to take some time alone to think and clear their heads. If I have to have a conflict with somebody, I think an ISTP is the best one. And if anything bad happens, an ISTP is the best person to have with you too.

I think ISTPs do have have a lot of deep emotions, but maybe just need to be reminded once in awhile that its okay and it doesn't make them a drama queen And they don't necessarily have to talk about their feelings either, just process them as they come so they don't subconsciously build up.

 

[jixmixfix]

Yeah in intense situations ISFPs emotions do get the best of them (which is why we hate conflict so much). And ISTPs tend not to understand. Which is hard for the ISFP to understand because of all times to have strong emotions, an intense situation seems like the most understandable.

Good thing is, both types prefer to take some time alone to think and clear their heads. If I have to have a conflict with somebody, I think an ISTP is the best one. And if anything bad happens, an ISTP is the best person to have with you too.

I think ISTPs do have have a lot of deep emotions, but maybe just need to be reminded once in awhile that its okay and it doesn't make them a drama queen And they don't necessarily have to talk about their feelings either, just process them as they come so they don't subconsciously build up.

Yeah thing is I do tend to understand peoples emotions, I have High Fi and Ti so I can understand why they are feeling a certain way but i have problems goin out of my way to make them feel good. (Bad Fe).

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I'm canadian...maybe those are American terms where are you from?

So does this mean you're more a fan of Canadian bacon??? I couldn't help it...

 

[jixmixfix]

So does this mean you're more a fan of Canadian bacon??? I couldn't help it...

hahah it's ok ..well most the bacon I eat seems to be from American companies since canada culture is nearly extinct/ non-existent.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

So, generally I'm not aware of any feelings except for a nice even flow bliss.
But when an ISTP does experience an emotion it's typically intense? Bursting into tears doesn't seem to be an uncommon occurance for an ISTP male.

But it's a very rare situation where someone else is a witness to it.

This is very interesting to me. Do you find that this help at all?

 

[Heinel]

just process them as they come so they don't subconsciously build up.

It looks like Fs tend to bring this up a lot. Do Fs tend to build up emotions?

I actually think strong Ts are less susceptible, if not immune from this. Probably due to the fact that we don't control emotions, and hence don't really develop the ability to suppress it.

This is very interesting to me. Do you find that this help at all?

That reminds me, I did burst into tears when I had to argue with my ISFJ Mom, it won me the argument. Though I didn't consciously do it, it just happened.

 

[sLiPpY]

That reminds me, I did burst into tears when I had to argue with my ISFJ Mom, it won me the argument. Though I didn't consciously do it, it just happened.

Seems like a good spot to respond to MDP2525's inquiry as to finding it helpful?

I suppose it's like a pressure relief valve on a hot water heater. :steam:

Does it help? I'm not sure, don't really dwell on it. Like Heinel says it just happens like the swell of a tide.

Last year I went to visit an ISTP friend of ten years, they'd moved away and hadn't seen him in five months.

We met up at a resturant for lunch when I got to town. Looked up and thought...omfg eh's going to cry. No dude! No! Not in the resturant!

Then I thought oh, crap I feel the well! Quick stomp it down! If I even remotely look as if I'm about to loose it, eh' will too.

So for the first five minutes after eh' sat down to eat, I was careful to pace the conversation until he recovered the facilities.

Least for me, seems I go from even flow to occassional surprising emotional intensity. It's like a flat line with unforeseen peaks.

 

[StephMC]

It looks like Fs tend to bring this up a lot. Do Fs tend to build up emotions?

I actually think strong Ts are less susceptible, if not immune from this. Probably due to the fact that we don't control emotions, and hence don't really develop the ability to suppress it.

I definitely think Fs are more susceptible to build up feelings. However, I do think some T's will try to suppress/control what few strong emotions they do have, simply because they are foreign to them. As I said, most times I can discount feelings I deem invalid and be done with them. But there are those busy times in my life that instead of working them out in my head and weighing their worth, I simply ignore them because I don't want to waste my time. Those are the times I think we just burst into tears like Slippy said.

And I suppose that's happened a handful of times in the past 5 years or so. Actually there was one time where there were no feelings building up.. that I know of. But that involved a kitten that my dad pretty much told me I murdered by taking to the shelter. That's an exaggeration, but oh well. I just burst into a blubbering mess of tears in the middle of a busy restaurant. It was awful. Kinda humerous looking back though, because I remember trying to stop and have a normal conversation, and regain my composure, but it was just not happening. My dad and sister were frozen stiff, staring at me like they were suddenly believers in all things make-believe. Thankfully I went back and saved the kitten and I'd like to believe it lived happily ever after. Don't tell me otherwise, or I may have to kill you.

Although every other time I've burst into tears usually involves at least a little alcohol and a subject I avoid talking about. So moral of the story, if you want to see an ISTP cry like a little bitch: tell them that they were responsible for killing a baby animal in the middle of a crowded restauarant, or try talking to them about "feely" topics they deem undesirable while they are inebriated. Although I don't think that will get them to talk about it. Just cry about it. So... that's kinda counterproductive....

 

[Poki]

I definitely think Fs are more susceptible to build up feelings. However, I do think some T's will try to suppress/control what few strong emotions they do have, simply because they are foreign to them. As I said, most times I can discount feelings I deem invalid and be done with them. But there are those busy times in my life that instead of working them out in my head and weighing their worth, I simply ignore them because I don't want to waste my time. Those are the times I think we just burst into tears like Slippy said.

And I suppose that's happened a handful of times in the past 5 years or so. Actually there was one time where there were no feelings building up.. that I know of. But that involved a kitten that my dad pretty much told me I murdered by taking to the shelter. That's an exaggeration, but oh well. I just burst into a blubbering mess of tears in the middle of a busy restaurant. It was awful. Kinda humerous looking back though, because I remember trying to stop and have a normal conversation, and regain my composure, but it was just not happening. My dad and sister were frozen stiff, staring at me like they were suddenly believers in all things make-believe. Thankfully I went back and saved the kitten and I'd like to believe it lived happily ever after. Don't tell me otherwise, or I may have to kill you.

Although every other time I've burst into tears usually involves at least a little alcohol and a subject I avoid talking about. So moral of the story, if you want to see an ISTP cry like a little bitch: tell them that they were responsible for killing a baby animal in the middle of a crowded restauarant, or try talking to them about "feely" topics they deem undesirable while they are inebriated. Although I don't think that will get them to talk about it. Just cry about it. So... that's kinda counterproductive....

I handle stressful situations like this. I simply dont think about the stress or the situation more than what is needed right now. If I finish everything great, if not I tried. Its not really a supression, but an ignore or avoidance of mental thoughts that would take me into those feelings to get done what needs to get done. I dont focus on everything, just whats on my plate right now, which is what I am working on right now, not everything that needs to get done. The future doesnt exist, the past doesnt exist, just what I am doing right now. As I finish this I will take on something else, or may juggle 2 or 3 things at once, but my mind doesnt leave those things and avoid being overwhelmed.

When I am in this mode things get done, get done fast and I am going 90MPH. I dont feel the adrenaline rush, but I like being in the moment like this. I avoid the expansion of thought beyond right now to avoid breaking into tears or becoming emotional.

edit: I guess to tie it into another thread I like chaos.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Now that you mention it. I do see the pressure valve scenario. I also relate to the drunken cry too. I had both at the same time last year and it sucked! My father passed away last November (we were estranged for 15 years until the last 2 months of his life) there was a lot of mixed emotions. (The last time I saw him was 2 days before he passed and we argued). I went out that same night with friends the day I found out. Only one of the friends I went out with that night knew what happened that day. Something I was adamant about her keeping secret to anyone else.

I remember sitting in the car of an acquaintance. I didn't know this person that well at all but I was drunk and he was talking about him going to church or something. (my dad was a Pentecostal preacher). I just lost it. Broke down and told him everything. I mean...I must have scared the shit out of him. I was a blubbering mess and I held nothing back. I remember hazily thinking that he must think I was crazy. The next day, I felt humiliated. He never mentioned anything about that night (something I was grateful for) and I think I only saw him once or twice after that conversation.

But yeah. reminds me...I think there was another thread about SP's disclosing information. This is a good example. Only one of my close friends knew about my father even passing away and she didn't even know any of the details, really. This almost perfect stranger got to hear my every worry/fear/thought about things and life and all kinds of stuff. Now that I mention it. Maybe I should exercise more disclosure with my friends than strangers. Eh. Maybe not. Ugh...what a tangent...anyway...back to bacon...lol

 

[sLiPpY]

Steak bits wit' bacon' n' ranch

 

[Twixt]

First line of defense when something that looks remotely like 'Feelings' comes up is: writing.

I agree pretty much with what everyone else here said.

There are some people I take to really quickly, and others that take me a while before I can confide in them... sometimes even when I -want- to.

^ Yes, this is also my experience. I can open up to, say, ESFPs a bit faster (mature ones, of course. definitely not the ones who are still too young and whee!party for me to tell serious things to). Than compared to, say, an INFJ. Although i can tell the relationship with the INFJ is probably gonna be 'deeper' as in we talk about more weighty things more often. Its like although i can tell you're someone i can/would trust, i just cannot trust you YET. But given time and patience, it'll usually work out. For the ESxP-like people, i'll feel more comfortable around them initially (you know their ability to put people at ease). However, i may not discuss such so-called 'serious' things with them as regularly as with INFxs. For example.

Agree with the rest of this too:

...And it's interesting that you say not face to face... because I usually prefer being face to face. But if it's about feelings... I become very unlike myself and prefer people not looking at me directly, too. I've had ex's that would corner me about something involving feelings and put their hands on my shoulders and try to look me in the eye... I recoil from this. I completely freeze up and want nothing better than to dart out the door. But later when we're about to go to sleep and the lights are out... I don't mind opening up a little more. If it wasn't really weird, I wouldn't mind like... sitting on the couch side by side and not looking at each other while talking. I guess because I have no control of my facial expressions and eyes when I talk about these things, and that makes me feel very vulnerable.

Anyways, if I'm comfortable enough with someone, and the conversation steers to more personal, serious subject matter, I don't mind being a bit candid with them.... but only about things I've had a lot of time to think about and have sorted out in my brain. Like... anything from pet peeves or trouble I'm having with someone to my parent's divorce. A few years ago, I would have avoided talking about my parent's divorce, and there's no way ANYONE would have gotten much out of me (not even my ENFP sister whom I'm close with). But now I can talk about it quite matter-of-factly. So I'd even say I need time with the person AND the topic. All I needed was to write things down, like people said.

 

[weakshadeofblue]

Reading this sheds SO much light on my husband (an ISTP)!!
Being an INFJ myself, I'm always completely BAFFLED by things like, "How can you see that so simply? Do you not -care- about anything? Why aren't you empathetic?"

This "duh" factor is finally registering with me - it's just HOW he IS.

This is amazing!

He never really shows intense emotions (I tend to bring them out of him :blushing. And so, would it be accurate that maybe he isn't really in tune with some of his more complex ones?

For example. I remember a couple months ago, we had a conversation and he was -insisting- that I really reach out and try to be friends with his (former) friend's girlfriend.
"WHY do you want me to do this so badly?" I asked.
"Because I think it would be good for you!" He insisted.
"It's not because you think it would make your friendship better with [so and so]?"
"No! It would be good for you!"
"So... you want me to try and become close friends with a person that I do NOT get along with... for my own personal -enrichment-?"
"Kind of."

[pause...] then I said:
"You realize that even if she and I become BFFs with matching necklaces that fit together and are completely inseparable, having sleepovers and singing Motown into our hairbrushes, [his friend] still does not care about you, me, or any of his former friends right? It won't change anything."

...then he burst into tears and said something along the lines of, "I guess I was really hoping this would fix my friendship with so-and-so, I didn't realize it, though."

 

[sLiPpY]

weakshadeofblue

Cracks me up to think many ISTP's are percieved to be like old school Clint Eastwood/Charles Bronson types. Reading some of these threads, the commonality of bursting into tears as awareness of emotion/feelings move into the forefront.



Definately not a cry baby, but damn...

 

[Heinel]

weakshadeofblue

Cracks me up to think many ISTP's are percieved to be like old school Clint Eastwood/Charles Bronson types. Reading some of these threads, the commonality of bursting into tears as awareness of emotion/feelings move into the forefront.



Definately not a cry baby, but damn...

Haha yeah, and it's quite funny too since in most "empathetic situations" where people tend to shed tears we act all jolly-no-care and then in other calmer situations we suddenly burst into tears. I bet it baffles others.

 

[weakshadeofblue]

It is kind of weird, because I'm all like, "OMG, Walter Cronkite died! That is so sad! He was so sweet!"
And he's like, "Hm."

Then - this happens at unpredictable intervals and I'm convinced he can't possibly be so simple emotionally as he seems... is that true?

 

[sLiPpY]

ISTP emotions = sleeping, eating, drinking, sex, score! and cake!

 

[StephMC]

^ Those are pretty much all we need to stay happy too.

 

[Poki]

Haha yeah, and it's quite funny too since in most "empathetic situations" where people tend to shed tears we act all jolly-no-care and then in other calmer situations we suddenly burst into tears. I bet it baffles others.

Yes its kinda sad the things we care about and what we dont. Hit a sore spot and I will tear up, but I couldnt tell you the last time I actually full out cried. Hit that spot a second time and you will probably get nothing.