[ISTP] ISTPs and eye contact (or lack thereof)

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

ISTPs,

do you have issues with eye contact?

In my experience, I tend to look down or to the side if spoken to. People occasionally mistake this for indifference but I do this because I find it easier to focus on and process what is being said. That doesn't mean I'm incapable of eye contact like an autistic--I can be very intense and focused on others' eyes, especially if I am engaged in a really interesting discussion or speaking to one of my "inner circle" (i.e. people I give a shit about).

I've also noticed that when I look people in the eyes, I sometimes have an intimidating effect on them (this is usually unintended, but sometimes it can work to my advantage if someone is hassling me). People will say I look pissed off/angry when I am not. One guy even once told me that he was certain I looked like I was about to kick his ass. This came especially as a surprise to me, because I am a pretty peaceful person--perhaps this is partly why I have been able to avoid any major fights throughout my life.

I think I may do this as a way of preemptively "disarming" myself so as to put others at ease around me.

Anyway, I think part of the reason I avoid eye contact is, along with the first reason I gave, that people too often misread me based on my eyes.

Any thoughts from other ISTPs (or people who know ISTPs)?

I might also add that people have often criticized me for not blinking enough.

 

[Dragonfly]

ISTPs,

do you have issues with eye contact?

In my experience, I tend to look down or to the side if spoken to. People occasionally mistake this for indifference but I do this because I find it easier to focus on and process what is being said. That doesn't mean I'm incapable of eye contact like an autistic--I can be very intense and focused on others' eyes, especially if I am engaged in a really interesting discussion or speaking to one of my "inner circle" (i.e. people I give a shit about).

I've also noticed that when I look people in the eyes, I sometimes have an intimidating effect on them (this is usually unintended, but sometimes it can work to my advantage if someone is hassling me). People will say I look pissed off/angry when I am not. One guy even once told me that he was certain I looked like I was about to kick his ass. This came especially as a surprise to me, because I am a pretty peaceful person--perhaps this is partly why I have been able to avoid any major fights throughout my life.

I think I may do this as a way of preemptively "disarming" myself so as to put others at ease around me.

Anyway, I think part of the reason I avoid eye contact is, along with the first reason I gave, that people too often misread me based on my eyes.

Any thoughts from other ISTPs (or people who know ISTPs)?

I might also add that people have often criticized me for not blinking enough.

I can relate to this, i think i do it just because of my Ti, alike to my INTP friend who does the same thing, but i will quite often be focused on something else while talking with the person, e.g. scrolling facebook or 9gag while having a perfectly focused conversation conversation.

Also, i have been told it is weird that i don't blink often, definately not as much as other people. Also strange, there have been times where i get so focused that i forget to breath, literally.

 

[Dannik]

I tend to make too much eye contact, and i find it makes some people uncomfortable,
sometimes I try to move my eyes around to other places... but i think making eye-contact is amazing and comfortable.

In Middle-School i was made-fun-of because i blinked very-hard and very-often,
but i think it was just stress.

 

[infinite]

ISTPs,

do you have issues with eye contact?

No. I have issue with talking instead. I prefer nonverbal stuff...

Well... If I'm spoken to, I will usually look at the person no problem but sometimes I am simply not bothered. Though it's not an eye contact issue, it's an issue of generally disregarding the other person. No eye contact and no talking either. It's probably rude but oh well. I only do this with some strangers though.

I can be very intense and focused on others' eyes, especially if I am engaged in a really interesting discussion

Same I guess I can stand talking too then.

or speaking to one of my "inner circle" (i.e. people I give a shit about).

I don't have an inner circle in this sense. I can pay full intense attention even to a complete stranger when I'm in the mood. Then at other times I'm not bothered as I said above.

I've also noticed that when I look people in the eyes, I sometimes have an intimidating effect on them (this is usually unintended, but sometimes it can work to my advantage if someone is hassling me). People will say I look pissed off/angry when I am not. One guy even once told me that he was certain I looked like I was about to kick his ass. This came especially as a surprise to me, because I am a pretty peaceful person--perhaps this is partly why I have been able to avoid any major fights throughout my life.

I'm not really ever told that I look pissed off when I'm not.. however I DO look pissed off when I actually am I will express it readily I'm not as peaceful as you. Gotta be an enneagram thing.

I also don't think that I would see you as looking pissed off or intimidating. Probably you'd just look very expressionless based on what I imagine you with the no blinking and all that

I might also add that people have often criticized me for not blinking enough.

I don't have an issue with blinking.

I can relate to this, i think i do it just because of my Ti, alike to my INTP friend who does the same thing, but i will quite often be focused on something else while talking with the person, e.g. scrolling facebook or 9gag while having a perfectly focused conversation conversation.

I don't see how this is Ti-related. If I perfectly focus on the other person, I will not focus on whatever else.

Also strange, there have been times where i get so focused that i forget to breath, literally.

Did you actually start suffocating? Or how did you notice that one

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

I'm not really ever told that I look pissed off when I'm not.. however I DO look pissed off when I actually am I will express it readily I'm not as peaceful as you. Gotta be an enneagram thing.

I think this is a Fe thing as well, perhaps?

I used to be much less peaceful, more confrontational. I've learned to tone it down but my aggressive side still pokes its head out from time to time.

I also don't think that I would see you as looking pissed off or intimidating. Probably you'd just look very expressionless based on what I imagine you with the no blinking and all that

I didn't mean to imply that I always look pissed off/angry. What I mean is that people often think I am angry or sad when I am in fact quite content. I don't smile much.

 

[Dragonfly]

I don't see how this is Ti-related. If I perfectly focus on the other person, I will not focus on whatever else.

Did you actually start suffocating? Or how did you notice that one

About the Ti: I just thought it might be, as INTP's also are Ti doms, i just thought there might be a relation.

About the brathing: I noticed it over time, as i would suddenly get the urge to take a very deep breath, and i always wondered why that was. I didn't actually notice i would stop breathing, for several minutes at a time, until one of my friends pointed it out to me.

 

[Such Irony]

Not ISTP but as an INTP I share dominant Ti. I've been told periodically throughout my life that I have issues with eye contact. Usually not enough but sometimes I'll overcompensate and end up overdoing it. How do you know how much is right without looking like you're constantly staring at the person?

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

How do you know how much is right without looking like you're constantly staring at the person?

yeah, exactly.

 

[Roach]

Most of the time I avoid using eye contact with speaking and I don't really know what people think of that. This is more common with people I am not too interested in, people I don't really know or when they are authority figures. (usually females)

It's different for girls that I am interested in though. A lot of them ask me what I'm looking at or why I am looking at them in a certain way so it might be possible that I could be creeping them out (in a good or bad way? ). Personally I wouldn't even consider it staring maybe I just have this deadly look when I do make eye contact. They usually don't seem to run away so I must be doing something correct? If I remember correctly two girls even told me that I was looking at them like I wanted to eat them lol.

I used to be incredibly bad at talking with people as well but in the last 3 years or so I have become a lot more confident. Now I sometimes even have trouble keeping my mouth shut as long as it's not in a group of more than 4/5 people.

 

[á´…eparted]

I'm the inverse of you guys and I am generally don't make much direct eye contact. I don't like doing it. I can do it if I make myself and I won't flinch, but I don't enjoy it. I have to know the person, or have a reason for looking before I do so. If I am emotional (bad) then I flat out won't look at the person at all.

I've never been told I have issue with eye contact though (except when I am upset, then people will say "look at me"). I am calculated with it, and am very careful not to be rude.

 

[infinite]

I think this is a Fe thing as well, perhaps?

Maybe. I don't repress my Fe at those times that much, I guess. Not that it means that it's a good refined use of Fe.

I used to be much less peaceful, more confrontational. I've learned to tone it down but my aggressive side still pokes its head out from time to time.

How did you learn to tone it down? I only have an ON/OFF switch myself. I'm not even sure if I want to tone down more. But anyway still interested so do let me know what you did

I didn't mean to imply that I always look pissed off/angry. What I mean is that people often think I am angry or sad when I am in fact quite content. I don't smile much.

Must be a guy thing*. In certain situations I can smile a lot without noticing. But yea, other than those situations, I don't do it. But it's not an issue overall, I don't really get told much that I'm angry/sad when I'm not.

*: Apologies if you're a girl

About the Ti: I just thought it might be, as INTP's also are Ti doms, i just thought there might be a relation.

About the eye contact? It must involve more factors IMO.

About the brathing: I noticed it over time, as i would suddenly get the urge to take a very deep breath, and i always wondered why that was. I didn't actually notice i would stop breathing, for several minutes at a time, until one of my friends pointed it out to me.

Several minutes? I highly doubt that. A few extra seconds maybe but minutes? Nah.. Your body would need the oxygen much sooner than that. Your friends don't necessarily have the tools to detect every single breath correctly.

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

How did you learn to tone it down? I only have an ON/OFF switch myself. I'm not even sure if I want to tone down more. But anyway still interested so do let me know what you did

It's really just a matter of stopping, taking a look at how I am behaving, taking some deep breaths and thinking about the consequences. Easier said than done, I know. A few minutes of slow, deep breathing meditation works wonders.

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

How did you learn to tone it down? I only have an ON/OFF switch myself. I'm not even sure if I want to tone down more. But anyway still interested so do let me know what you did

It's really just a matter of stopping, taking a look at how I am behaving, taking some deep breaths and thinking about the consequences. Easier said than done, I know. A few minutes of slow, deep breathing meditation works wonders.

 

[infinite]

It's really just a matter of stopping, taking a look at how I am behaving, taking some deep breaths and thinking about the consequences. Easier said than done, I know. A few minutes of slow, deep breathing meditation works wonders.

What kind of consequences do you think of?

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

What kind of consequences do you think of?

getting fired, going to jail, people thinking I'm a brute, etc.

 

[infinite]

getting fired, going to jail, people thinking I'm a brute, etc.

The first two are things everyone would be capable of thinking of except really impulsive psychopaths lol

As for the last one, that concern doesn't motivate me enough. I find such Fe-related worries rather limiting really. I sometimes would like to do this Fe stuff but if I try I just end up feeling un-rewarded for it. So why limit myself for no real reason?

 

[Azure Flame]

When you look into my eyes you will feel fire and earthquakes. INFJs love it. Everyone else is pretty much freaked out.

So I generally don't make eye contact with people because they can't handle it. A lot of people interpret this as arrogance, sometimes even meekness.

I feel like the X-man Cyclops was inspired off of my personality. I legitimately feel safe from persecution when I hide behind sunglasses. My energy is contained and I'm not judged.

But I'm an ESTP 8w7, not an ISTP.

 

[Azure Flame]

wrong thread

 

[Azure Flame]

wrong thread

 

[Azure Flame]

wrong thread