[ISTP] ISTP guy please explain?

[yupyupyup]

umm im kind of paranoid that he somehow in his lifetime would see this..so basically the initial question is gone.

 

[sLiPpY]

"I found out he lied about not smoking out of fear of offending me. I don't actually care, but is weird that he cared enough to lie to me about that. He's really bad at follow through, like he'll offer to give me something for my birthday but then make an excuse to get out of it."

That is NOT atypical ISTP behavior, something else is going on. Which isn't to say the core characteristics aren't ISTP.

You are correct it is weird that he lied about smoking. I'd suggest that the reasoning had more to do with the image he wanted to project vs. actually caring about you.

My advice is to quit while you're ahead. I suspect the gf will find herself experiencing unimaginable misery as time goes on.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Ok so, I met this guy a while ago and I just can't tell whether he's interested or not? More than a year ago we saw eachother in physics class and then he got my number..im guessing off of fb. and texted me and we've been texting ever since. We've barely interacted in person (we are both pretty shy) and since he graduated last spring I haven't seen much of him.

He has had a gf since before he met me, but still texts me pretty regularly (like every other night). I wouldn't say he's a 'player' or a 'bad' guy at all. We mostly talk about everyday things or he usually texts me to interpret one of his dreams. He is very guarded, but it seems important to him to appear very confident and happy. He almost brags about how content he is. I found out he lied about not smoking out of fear of offending me. I don't actually care, but is weird that he cared enough to lie to me about that. He's really bad at follow through, like he'll offer to give me something for my birthday but then make an excuse to get out of it. Him being so reluctant to ever meet makes me makes me thing he doesn't like me, but then why would he continually text me (since october 2008)?

He offered me guitar lessons and when we finally got around to having one we both didn't know how to act in person (because we're so used to texting) and things got awkward because i wasn't sure whether he was doing them because he wanted to or for the money anymore so i cancelled them. But now we're back to our usual texting. Whenever I bring up his gf he immediately makes an excuse to end the conversation. If our friendship was purely platonic wouldn't that not be an issue?

I feel more strongly for him than I ever have anyone, but I'm obviously not going to pursue him because of his gf. I just want to understand what's going through his head duing all of this??!! I have no idea??! Am I just a friend?

Well it's not purely platonic. From either side. Sounds like an "emotional affair". What's going through his head is most likely something like: "I'm not doing anything wrong because I'm not cheating on my gf because me and this chick aren't physical. Yet I get something from her that I can't get from my gf. But I like my gf so I'm not gonna end that. I'm gonna keep my gf and keep this girl on the side for what she gives me."

That's how I see it. He may not be a "bad" guy but he's selfish and not making smart decisions here. Do what you think is best for your own well being.

 

[Willfrey]

He has had a gf since before he met me, but still texts me pretty regularly (like every other night). I wouldn't say he's a 'player' or a 'bad' guy at all. We mostly talk about everyday things or he usually texts me to interpret one of his dreams. He is very guarded, but it seems important to him to appear very confident and happy. He almost brags about how content he is. I found out he lied about not smoking out of fear of offending me.

I agree with Slippy, this guy doesn't sound like an ISTP. Also... You sound infatuated. Cared enough to lie???? This guy is just sounds like he is keeping his options open. He has a girlfriend for christs sake, how would you feel if your boyfriend went over to some random girl he met in class to take guitar lessons one on one? I'd say he doesn't want to meet in person because he spends a lot of time with his girlfriend, though I'd imagine the moment she is out of town and he's on his own he'll be at your door like magic.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

His type is irrelevant. His type isn't going to make bad behavior excusable.

 

[sLiPpY]

"He is very guarded, but it seems important to him to appear very confident and happy. He almost brags about how content he is."

"we both didn't know how to act in person"

I wasn't going to say it... But women could save themselves a ton of pain and heartache, if they'd simply learn to read Narciscisms calling card at their door step.

 

[sLiPpY]

I agree with Slippy, this guy doesn't sound like an ISTP. Also... You sound infatuated. Cared enough to lie???? This guy is just sounds like he is keeping his options open. He has a girlfriend for christs sake, how would you feel if your boyfriend went over to some random girl he met in class to take guitar lessons one on one? I'd say he doesn't want to meet in person because he spends a lot of time with his girlfriend, though I'd imagine the moment she is out of town and he's own his own he'll be at your door like magic.

Willfrey, reading through... yeah!

 

[Poki]

I personally dont generally attempt to categorize friends, platonic, or things like that. Its something new for me. I dont really have set rules on that kind of stuff.

In regards to the platonic thing, he may just feel uncomfortable talking about these things with you whether its platonic or not or he may just want to escape from that aspect of his life for awhile and you may be the escape. Here is the best example I can give. I spend alot of time with my son and when I am away I dont really talk about him much. Doesnt mean anything other then he is such an integeral part of my life that its nice to not be consumed with it all the time. Just let him bring up his GF when he needs to. As long as he isnt trying to hide it IMO things are fine.

Being a shy person I really do need a more comfortable atmosphere where things arent so much direct one-on-one at first until I can figure out what it is that will pull us together, not romantically, more just figuring out where that connection is and where it is that we enjoy each others company. The guitar thing may not be that setting right now, it seems like texting is one way you connect, try to find other ways in which you 2 can connect.

I have done this, find someone where I think their could be a further connection and then see where it goes from there. Something about you caught his eye and he is probably trying to figure out where exactly that connection is and in what ways he can map you into his life. I never actually knew what the word platonic was until someone signed my yearbook "purely platonic" and I had to look it up.

Uumlau had mentioned that feelings just are, if you try to limit them you will miss out on alot of shared experiences because you are attempting to limit a relationship based on a category. I will limit myself in certain ways, but platonic is not one of the things I have ever defined or try to limit. Not really even romantic has been defined, really its more along the lines of seuxal and the desire to take it to that level. Romantic is even fine with me as long as that setting doesnt cause any problems which for me would be a desire to take it past the romantic setting. I am confusing that way. If you can be in a romantic settings with people before you even define them as a girlfriend, why does platonic mean that these settings have to be excluded. Its actually entertaining to bring in romantic settings as it makes some uncomfortable because they have a predefined map of where these things will lead. The people I am actually the most comfortable doing this with are the ones who become uncomfortable because I know it wont go anywhere Of course I have been told that I tend to flirt and play with those lines *ponders*

One other thing is that my wife had mentioned that may fit is that people can label things and that labels steers them in certain directions. As a person that doesnt generally label things I have more of a sliding scale and their are things above where people would label platonic and below where people label girlfriend. If you dont then there are experiences that you may miss out on that you enjoy.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[mcmartinez84]

Willfrey and MDP2525 hit the nail on the head ass far as I can tell.

Dude's a douche bag. If he really wanted to see you, he would have done it already. Instead he randomly texts you and avoids important topics...like the fact that he has a girlfriend.

Do yourself a favor and rename him in your phone to Asshole. :rolli:

 

[sLiPpY]

Looks like the dudes been booted from the ISTP collective. j/k

enjoyed reading everyone's post, kind of helps self-confirm

 

[Poki]

Looks like the dudes been booted from the ISTP collective. j/k

enjoyed reading everyone's post, kind of helps self-confirm

This is why I feel like an introverted ESTP

 

[Randomnity]

He is being very careful to avoid giving you a "nonplatonic" impression because he sees (or even just suspects) your attachment. He seems to me like he's interested in you as a friend and wants to keep his gf but doesn't want to give you the wrong impression. Alternatively, he could be interested in playing around behind his gf's back, which he still seems to want to keep.

Hard to tell without actually seeing you interact, though. We only have a brief description coming from one side.

Your wording concerns me. I would advise backing away, at least until your emotions are in check, this seems like it will be an unhealthy situation soon if it isn't already.

 

[Rainne]

Maybe he just wants to be your friend.

 

[Poki]

He is being very careful to avoid giving you a "nonplatonic" impression because he sees (or even just suspects) your attachment. He seems to me like he's interested in you as a friend and wants to keep his gf but doesn't want to give you the wrong impression. Alternatively, he could be interested in playing around behind his gf's back, which he still seems to want to keep.

Hard to tell without actually seeing you interact, though. We only have a brief description coming from one side.

Your wording concerns me. I would advise backing away, at least until your emotions are in check, this seems like it will be an unhealthy situation soon if it isn't already.

To the OP, Only time can tell if he is wanting to play around behind his girlfriends back. At this point it may be hard to cut ties though. This is where you have to really figure out if you can trust him. I do this by looking back at all the opportunities that arose that he could have pushed things but didnt between the 2 of you. This is one way in which I figure out intention, by looking at what didnt happen that could have. If you dont allow those possibilities its hard to know yourself what intentions are. Opening yourself up for those possibilities has its chances and downfalls though.

 

[yupyupyup]

I really appreciate everyone's feedback Well concerning whether he's an istp i definitely am sure because he's very good with mechanical stuff and has this detached mysterious vibe and is kind of reserved unless he has a witty comment to make. I guess i could just be a friend, but what throws me off is when he makes comments like "I had a dream of you in my shower".. or "we're compatible" and then right after he'll say he has to go to bed. We don't openly flirt at all, but once in a while he'll make these comments...

Anyways thanks for your input, i've tried letting go before, too bad ill be seeing him at college next semester.

 

[Poki]

I really appreciate everyone's feedback Well concerning whether he's an istp i definitely am sure because he's very good with mechanical stuff and has this detached mysterious vibe and is kind of reserved unless he has a witty comment to make. I guess i could just be a friend, but what throws me off is when he makes comments like "I had a dream of you in my shower".. or "we're compatible" and then right after he'll say he has to go to bed. We don't openly flirt at all, but once in a while he'll make these comments...

Anyways thanks for your input, i've tried letting go before, too bad ill be seeing him at college next semester.

"I had a dream of you in my shower"...This would cause me to really pay attention to certain things and how far he takes things that relate to this area. When things like this arise, I will choose to ignore. It is a good indicator of how he feels though and he may be trying to figure out why as well. Thats why I say the whole intention thing does matters. In this case I would suggest "I would advise backing away, at least until your emotions are in check, this seems like it will be an unhealthy situation soon if it isn't already." as well if either one of you has any doubts of being able to distance yourself or keep the other at bay.

"we're compatible"...This doesnt bother me at all.

 

[sLiPpY]

I really appreciate everyone's feedback Well concerning whether he's an istp i definitely am sure because he's very good with mechanical stuff and has this detached mysterious vibe and is kind of reserved unless he has a witty comment to make. I guess i could just be a friend, but what throws me off is when he makes comments like "I had a dream of you in my shower".. or "we're compatible" and then right after he'll say he has to go to bed. We don't openly flirt at all, but once in a while he'll make these comments...

Anyways thanks for your input, i've tried letting go before, too bad ill be seeing him at college next semester.

Reading your description I don't doubt an ISTP, but definately not atypical ISTP behavior as everyone pointed out.

Out of curiousity have you observed an eye gaze that looked anything remotely like these? The Reptilian Stare

 

[yupyupyup]

lol..well he does seem to stare.. are you suggesting he's a psychopath?

 

[Poki]

lol..well he does seem to stare.. are you suggesting he's a psychopath?

All ISTPs are psychopaths:yim_rolling_on_the_ Sorry, just laughing at what you just said and how it applies in a blanket form.

edit: Why is it that I can feel a beaming glare coming on from twisting your words around?

 

[yupyupyup]

Haha I don't get offended easily