[ISFP] ISFP who lacks empathy?

[ayoitsStepho]

Well, honestly I don't express myself in actual life very well. But when I type, I'm able to get everything flowing and I can identify how I feel and what I'm thinking. See, I dont know about other ISFP's, but I know I'm not very quick with the come backs and such. I need to be able to think about what I need to say before I say it. I know when someone is crying, I'll try to console them and help them, but that doesn't mean I'm going to cry. If I feel really moved by the situation, then I will. But if someone else is upset, I'm just there to lend an ear and to comfort them and to make them laugh.
Honestly, I can identify with the 'shield'. I have no idea why I do this, but every time I get around memebers of the opposite sex, I tend to 'toughen up'. Like nothing you say cant hurt me and I'm tough. When in reality, I'm really the most vulnerable and I hurt easily.
Those are just somethings to take into account.

 

[BlackCat]

Odd but in an adorable way.

I only wanted some clarity on whether I was right in assuming that ISFPs can lack empathy/compassion/etc, yes.

Oh. Lol. Well have fun with her.

By the way- Fi vs Fe-

Fe: value judgment in an outer orientation
Fi: value judgment in an inner orientation

Fe="what we need"
Fi="what is important"

Fe: RELATE TO The experience
Fi: EVALUATE The experience

Fe: What's desired based on external standards
Fi: What's desired based on internal standards

 

[Jeffster]

There was another topic about the difference between empathy and sympathy. Like wolfy said, the NFs are the empathic ones, SFs tend to be the sympathetic ones. NFs say things like they have to "get in someone's head" or try to put themselves "in someone else's shoes." I'm right there with your girl - I don't understand people, and for the most part don't try to. I will learn about people for tactical reasons, as there are things I can learn to do or say that have some benefit to me, but I have no desire to reach some sort of "deeper understanding" of people. I don't see the point, really.

 

[poppy]

A lot of what you described, Grungemouse (as well as what Wolfy and Jeffster and others said) sounds like my ISFP friend. He's terrible at empathizing or even faking empathy, but he gets really fired up about certain issues and ideals (he's so Fi it's ridiculous).

So I'll just add a +1 to the "ISFPs aren't necessarily empathetic" vote.

 

[sunshinebrighter]

She keeps going on about how she "just doesn't understand people, nor feel like trying to sometimes", or how she finds it easier to feign concern online, because it's so much easier to type than speak; she calls them "shallow words". It seems like she almost brags about how uncaring and unromantic she is. Unimpressed INTP is unimpressed.

I totally understand her!... Well I can see my younger self in her. This may not be the case but it sounds like when she says she doesn't understand people it means people don't understand her. ISFPs are not the most welcomed or understood types in the world and no matter how much we try to "fit in" we fail. We fail so much that we stop trying. There has been SO MANY TIMES I empathized with someone and could not understood why they could not even try to empathize with me. Being an empathetic ISFP is tiring and it's not uncommon that we start becoming bitter.

I hear about how ISFPs are naturally empathetic people, and she sounds quite the contrary. I'm guessing that it is possible for an ISFP to behave this way, with a highly developed Fi but underdeveloped Se to gather information from people, resulting in a self-centred person. When we're talking, her input is always revolved around herself, rather than asking about me. She loves to talk about herself.

I dunno. This might sound odd, but perhaps she's telling me this as a form of verbal armour? As in, she's actually a soft and caring individual, but because she knows I'm not, she's BSing me in order to save face and avoid getting hurt?

She could be an ISTP, but I'm still confident that she's an ISFP.

Oh yeah it's an armor alright. Hope she grows out of it. She is taking her emotions out on people to figure them out.

 

[ayoitsStepho]

I totally understand her!... Well I can see my younger self in her. This may not be the case but it sounds like when she says she doesn't understand people it means people don't understand her. ISFPs are not the most welcomed or understood types in the world and no matter how much we try to "fit in" we fail. We fail so much that we stop trying. There has been SO MANY TIMES I empathized with someone and could not understood why they could not even try to empathize with me. Being an empathetic ISFP is tiring and it's not uncommon that we start becoming bitter.

I spent a great deal of my time trying to 'fit in'. I felt so out of the loop all the time. Like I just wasn't important. When ever I'd talk, no one listens and such. So I've really come to a point in my life where I no longer care about fitting in. I'm my own person and I'll walk down that street by myself with my head held high and my flippin high heels on, strutting it.
But I don't talk at all anymore. I know I'm not understood AT ALL. Especially at home where everyone actually ignores me.
So yes, I stop carring sometimes-more so at home. But if its other people, i TRY to understand and like others have said, sometimes I'm all for the cause, and sometimes I'm not.

 

[warm8]

If it's going to get all cuddles and rainbows over here then I'm moving to ISTP land.

dude, ISFP land is so much cooler:

compared to ISTP land:

 

[Thalassa]

dude, ISFP land is so much cooler:

compared to ISTP land:

+1 ISFP land looks awesome, I'd totally visit

 

[ayoitsStepho]

I'm sticking with ISFP land...except I don't care for those punk/emo unicorns humping eachother

 

[wolfy]

You know this is beautiful. Stop teasing. Here are some other pics that bring tears to my eyes...

 

[ayoitsStepho]

That is my nightmare

 

[warm8]

I'm sticking with ISFP land...except I don't care for those punk/emo unicorns humping each other

what's wrong with cigarette-smoking, heroin-shooting, lustful, adorable unicorns? I think something that innocent yet erratic is a pretty good symbol of an ISFP

 

[Thalassa]

what's wrong with cigarette-smoking, heroin-shooting, lustful, adorable unicorns? I think something that innocent yet erratic is a pretty good symbol of an ISFP

Yes, in fact it's supremely evocative of the ISFP nearest and dearest to my heart.

 

[ayoitsStepho]

what's wrong with cigarette-smoking, heroin-shooting, lustful, adorable unicorns? I think something that innocent yet erratic is a pretty good symbol of an ISFP

Oh, I'm pretty sure that depics us well. I just cracked up seeing two unicorns xD
Oh, but go on

 

[Walking Tourist]

This conversation makes me wonder if I really am an isfp.
I am too empathic for my own good. When someone else is happy, I'm happy. When someone else cries, I cry. I absorb other people's emotions as if I were an emotional sponge. I can't watch violence, especially on the news, because it is physically painful for me. I have to turn it off or get someone to tell me when I can open my eyes. Still, I can hear and the sounds are painful, too.
I am torn between wanting to take away the other person's pain and wanting to solve the problem at once.

 

[Giggly]

This conversation makes me wonder if I really am an isfp.
I am too empathic for my own good. When someone else is happy, I'm happy. When someone else cries, I cry. I absorb other people's emotions as if I were an emotional sponge. I can't watch violence, especially on the news, because it is physically painful for me. I have to turn it off or get someone to tell me when I can open my eyes. Still, I can hear and the sounds are painful, too.
I am torn between wanting to take away the other person's pain and wanting to solve the problem at once.

Yes, I am like you, Walking Tourist. I think you are ISFP.

That said, I think there are ISFP's who act like they don't care about anything as a defense shield after they have been hurt in their lives or maybe because they feel like society dictates that they need to be emotionally tougher. I'm not sure if that turns them into ISTPs or not.

 

[Jeffster]

You know this is beautiful. Stop teasing. Here are some other pics that bring tears to my eyes...

Yeah, I'm with wolfy. I think this might be more a male/female thing than F/T.

That said, I think there are ISFP's who act like they don't care about anything as a defense shield after they have been hurt in their lives or maybe because they feel like society dictates that they need to be emotionally tougher. I'm not sure if that turns them into ISTPs or not.

There's a difference between caring and understanding. I care about lots of people that I don't understand.

 

[wolfy]

It is interesting how male and female ISFP express themselves differently. More so than INFP male and female. That is probably because an ISFP's values are linked to their concrete experience in life. Not because they are being defensive and so forth.

 

[Quinlan]

It is interesting how male and female ISFP express themselves differently. More so than INFP male and female. That is probably because an ISFP's values are linked to their concrete experience in life. Not because they are being defensive and so forth.

Any examples?

 

[wolfy]

Any examples?

Not really, I've just noticed an overall tendency on this forum. Starting from Sarah. How about you?