Is it me, or is it an EP thing?!?

[Serendipity]

I'm officially tired and feel somewhat embarrassed for creating this thread.

Don't know why.

For an extrovert, I have a tendency to be really about personal shit that matters deeply to me.

I feel exposed.

Nekkid, and not in the good way.

What better way to express yourself if not in the naked form? (sorry. I dunno, I got a cliché thought)

 

[Jaguar]

What, are you kidding me?
This thread is a welcome departure from the insanity that is posted on a daily basis.
I think you should listen to your inner voice and dance.
As long as you have passion for it, you will never go wrong.

 

[Fecal McAngry]

I'm officially tired and feel somewhat embarrassed for creating this thread.

Don't know why.

For an extrovert, I have a tendency to be really about personal shit that matters deeply to me.

I feel exposed.

Nekkid, and not in the good way.

It's okay. All you said is that you're human, which is a good thing...

 

[Synapse]

This phenomenon is your riddle of who you are now and when growing up. When certain emotions and desires in the experience of existence remain undiscovered a dissatisfaction crops up that creates a sense of disconnect from the world at large that loves rigor and logic to remain glued to the order of structure and security.

What I believe is happening is you are bored with the way the system functions hence subconsciously rebel against the institutions and people that forget the greatest minds that exist do not think in straight lines but in fact use imagination to create extraordinary feats in this world. Whether this is mathematical, physical, abstract, artistic, literary doesn't matter. We are born to create, whether its biological, physical, emotional, logical, spiritual, an equation, a painting the source is the same.

What concrete thinkers do is have limiting beliefs that traditional views are safe and structured and secure for them until tested safe. Thinking outside the box goes against their core beliefs and they hate it and want to shut off their emotional and creative side at all costs. Then imagine this happens to emotions and abstract thinkers but in reverse fashion, its hell for us. That the system operates counter intuitively to the way we expect. And this isn't an NP quality either. Imagination is the gift we are all born with as children and when we grow up critical and concrete thinking is conditioned into us that abstract reasoning and imagination are things to be removed from the psyche at all costs because its the adult thing to do...

Yet imagine the kind of emotional association each of us have with positive and negative experience and energies whether logical or emotional. The way this shapes our lives and the vibrations that these energies carry with what we do and who we meet is astonishing. When you get older you notice the patterns more often. Imagine then the effect of words and how much imagination is needed to imagine and associate with those words from books and pictures. The deepest strings tug at us and we are oblivious.

It is fear, at the root of your problem is resistance to the current ideology that tradition and rigor brings, stuck in a box.

And this you are feeding your subconscious and what the subconscious mind learns the conscious mind creates. And as the dialogue between the dream state and your real state happen to cross the reality is messy, unfocused, unclear. Plus the words we say and hear are interpreted differently so if you want something and say you want that your subconscious is going to interpret the basics and misinterpret what your want out of life and hence the loops happen.

Its tricky stuff, I'm learning how to recreate my world view right now and the resistance is intriguing.

 

[Gamine]

Lady, after reading your lists of all the things you want, I have no doubts that you are going to turn any situation into an opportunity to bring this goodness to others. Whether it's teaching/writing/creating/dancing/(insert any activity here), you have something special that will thrive no matter what you throw it into. And just in case you haven't noticed, you already have brought positive change wherever you have been. You have already made an impact. Everything is going to be alright

 

[Kalach]

It's hard to maintain an intrinsic confidence when you have external factors that "tell" you you are not good enough.

:sad:

Can't relate.

The ENFP connundrum: insisting vehemently on being free to chose for oneself, and when free, not choosing.

Jag, for once in his blowhard time here, observes correctly that passion is the key. And ENFPs with their insistence on free choice observe to everyone and their dogs that passion is chosen by oneself alone.

So, choose. A passion, for a project, to completion.

But it's a risk, isn't it, committing to one course of action over another.

And ENFPs... not known as risk takers, the sweethearts.


So, whatever, right? In this case, practice is what makes perfect. Practicing choosing. A little project through to completion, not an on-going thing that can fall apart, but something with a beginning and an end. Then another project, something bigger, through to to completion. Then bigger... and so on. Practice the pleasure of completion. Start little. Start with something you like.

 

[Jaguar]

Can't relate.

Figures.

 

[SillySapienne]

"Practice the pleasure of completion."

That's not how I operate.

I practice the pleasure of the process.

I practice the pleasure of being present, in the moment.

I have failed and gained from said "failures".

I've held down a job for a full year now, which I'm proud of because this job is conducive to my personality, (I'm a caregiver for an 85 year old sweetie ^__^).

But, alas, it is not enough.

This entire thread was precipitated by a conversation I had with my INTJ boyfriend earlier regarding my not having written two papers for a bio class which I, very most likely, consequently failed.

Interestingly enough, I met him as I was attempting to write the first of the two papers, then I got hopelessly distracted by him, mind you, not his fault, just a fact.

I met him, an intriguingly unique person who's, in a matter of a month, swept me off my feet, set my heart on fire, and has had my mind running full throttle ever since.

I know things will settle down, and I will be able to regain focus on myself, but he seems so disappointed by my failing to write these papers.

My bad, I admit it.

I should and could have written them, but I didn't.

I say it's not the end of the world, and he says that's an excuse.

Perhaps it is.

But, I'll take my F, gladly, I still learned a lot in that class, looked at, and learned about, many beautiful flora and fauna indigenous to Southern California, and I met some phenomenal people in the class, including my professor, whom I bonded deeply with.

I think I let my professor down, too, though. :sad:

And, my mom.

The question is, did I let myself down?!!?

I honestly don't know!!!



My professor and I would talk for hours in and out of class.

I even told him if I ended up failing I wouldn't hold it against him, that I am just a fuck up like that.

There were two times during his office hours where we ended up talking about life, primarily his, and I honestly feel as though I sincerely helped him, just by listening to him, and empathizing. (fwiw, I think he's an INP)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I cannot stress this enough, helping and connecting with people is what inspires me the most.

Making someone smile, and feel less alone in the universe, well, nothing gets better than that, right?

 

[Phantonym]

I find if I live in the same place for more than 2-3 years I can't stand it, if I stay in the same job/position for more than 3 years I can't stand it. I need things to change and be new in order to feel inspired.

I don't know a J that understands it, or a P that doesn't know where I'm coming from.

I, for one, understand it. But it takes me about 4-5 years to get the "itch" to start making major changes to get out of the rut and feel inspired again.



SillySapienne, I can relate to most everything you've written in this thread. Unfortunately I haven't found answers for myself yet but I haven't given up either and the hope that some day I will is still there. Good luck with everything.

 

[SillySapienne]

Lady, after reading your lists of all the things you want, I have no doubts that you are going to turn any situation into an opportunity to bring this goodness to others. Whether it's teaching/writing/creating/dancing/(insert any activity here), you have something special that will thrive no matter what you throw it into. And just in case you haven't noticed, you already have brought positive change wherever you have been. You have already made an impact. Everything is going to be alright

A.) I fucking love you!

B.) Oddly enough, even when I am deeply down in the dumps, and, or confused, I get this feeling that everything is gonna be alright. That goodness will beget goodness, and chaos and order will continue to dance, etc.

C.) I fucking love you!

 

[Kalach]

"Practice the pleasure of completion."

That's not how I operate.

I practice the pleasure of the process.

Indeed, for you are ENFP.

But...

and this is just an observation...

of the many, many things people have said in this thread, I observe that you have affirmed many of them (and squawked at some), and...

apparently...

chosen none.


No journey is a journey if it has no destination, nor is any destination a destination if it is not reached by some path.

I practice the pleasure of being present, in the moment.

And after a while you practice the distress of being present but not knowing why.

So sure, fine, emphasize the journey. The journey is the larger part of what you do anyway. And since it is, you might sometimes wish to choose one journey over another, based on what you know and what you've learned and what you love...

This entire thread was precipitated by a conversation I had with my INTJ boyfriend earlier regarding my not having written two papers for a bio class which I, very most likely, consequently failed.

Interestingly enough, I met him as I was attempting to write the first of the two papers, then I got hopelessly distracted by him, mind you, not his fault, just a fact.

I met him, an intriguingly unique person who's, in a matter of a month, swept me off my feet, set my heart on fire, and has had my mind running full throttle ever since.

Ahem.

You want your guy saying to himself, my, she loves me so much she'll sacrifice other successes, she'll even let me stand in the way of things she has chosen! Man, I am a great one! AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF HER DEEP LOOOOOVVVE! We should marry. And I'll look after her every need, because she LOOOOVES me so.

And always will.

?

 

[SillySapienne]

Indeed, for you are ENFP.

But...

and this is just an observation...

of the many, many things people have said in this thread, I observe that you have affirmed many of them (and squawked at some), and...

apparently...

chosen none.


No journey is a journey if it has no destination, nor is any destination a destination if it is not reached by some path.




And after a while you practice the distress of being present but not knowing why.

So sure, fine, emphasize the journey. The journey is the larger part of what you do anyway. And since it is, you might sometimes wish to choose one journey over another, based on what you know and what you've learned and what you love...

This is some serious food for thought, thank you, Kalach, I will have to take time to digest this.

Ahem.

You want your guy saying to himself, my, she loves me so much she'll sacrifice other successes, she'll even let me stand in the way of things she has chosen! Man, I am a great one! AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF HER DEEP LOOOOOVVVE! We should marry. And I'll look after her every need, because she LOOOOVES me so.

And always will.

?

I'm not saying I failed to do these papers because of him.

I'm a bit lost, right now.

K?

I'm not intending to simply live my life sustained upon love sweet love.

But, with love, *we do sacrifice*

You just need to find a balance, sheesh!!!

My head hurts, and you, like him, have successfully made me feel like shit.

thanks!

 

[SillySapienne]

Also, I'm sorry, Kalach, that I indeed do not know what I want to do with my life.

For fucksake, shame on me!!!

I'm sorry I am uncertain with how things are, and uncertain of my future.

I'm sorry I have no set plan, to date.

I'm sorry I've failed many classes in my life time.

I'm sorry for all my mistakes.

I'm sorry, okay?!?!

 

[Kalach]

A note, snottiness aside:

(how to put this?)

Barring major accidents, people tend go where they're going, all shouting and moaning and interpreting and hoping aside, and they find out where they were going later. When they do start finding out about it, they get to be able to choose where they'll go next. All the wrong turns and mix ups and humiliations and mistakes start to have made sense, as do the joys. This seems like a good thing.


For the purposes of this rosy picture I shall ignore wars, famines, malicious predation, and debt. It can't rain all the time.





Ooo, also, I'll wheel out a speech I gave an ENFP buddy once, about sensitivity. Told him, you're sensitive, right? And he looked at me like I'd called him a girl. It's not a liability, I said. Yelled, really. It's not a liability. It's a skill.

 

[SillySapienne]

^ I get what you're saying but it's hard to read it when you're so far away, up in the twelfth dimension, looking down on me.

 

[kyuuei]

There are many times where I think to myself. "This was a stupid, illogical thing. Why did I do this?" after the fact. But things are different in the moment than they are in retrospect. If they weren't, no one would ever make mistakes.

It is worrying that you have no interest in the destination.. because what motivates you but the destination, after all? Isn't that why you keep falling off the path.. because the journey looks interesting, but with no destination to drive the motivation home, it'll quickly lose it's appeal. It's like infatuation vs. love. One dies and becomes nothing, while the other gets stronger as the path goes on. The great thing about destinations is that once you arrive, it never has to be the end. It can still, in and of itself, be a journey to the next destination. Like a checkpoint.

Because in the end, the only time you're going to stop and come to a halt is when your life runs out.

 

[Thalassa]

You know what, SS? I have been really burnt out on school lately. I am in my fourth year of college, and I thought I wanted to be a teacher, and now I just don't know what the hell I'm going to do. I sincerely don't. I have all of this passion, too, and I'm smart - I've got a 3.9 cumulative GPA!!!

But what the hell am I going to do with my life? I feel like I'm too old to even be asking that question. The idea of going to grad school now repulses me. Why would I go? What would I do there? And academia is so pretentious...

I thought I was going to do really badly this past semester. Writing my final four papers was like pulling teeth. I couldn't believe how badly I procrastinated, and how difficult for it was for me to do something that I usually love: writing!

Ugh. I feel you so much, and there's nothing worse than someone who has their life all figured out making you feel like a child.

Sometimes I wish someone would just take care of me. Ha ha. I'm embarrassed to even say that because I've spent so much of my life being headstrong and independent. I know I wouldn't actually be happy that way, I'm too intellectual, I have too much drive within me - but it has occured to me.

Because. I. Don't. Know. What. To. Do.

 

[SillySapienne]

There are many times where I think to myself. "This was a stupid, illogical thing. Why did I do this?" after the fact. But things are different in the moment than they are in retrospect. If they weren't, no one would ever make mistakes.

It is worrying that you have no interest in the destination.. because what motivates you but the destination, after all? Isn't that why you keep falling off the path.. because the journey looks interesting, but with no destination to drive the motivation home, it'll quickly lose it's appeal. It's like infatuation vs. love. One dies and becomes nothing, while the other gets stronger as the path goes on. The great thing about destinations is that once you arrive, it never has to be the end. It can still, in and of itself, be a journey to the next destination. Like a checkpoint.

Because in the end, the only time you're going to stop and come to a halt is when your life runs out.

A whole lot of truth and wisdom, here, thank you!!!

You know what, SS? I have been really burnt out on school lately. I am in my fourth year of college, and I thought I wanted to be a teacher, and now I just don't know what the hell I'm going to do. I sincerely don't. I have all of this passion, too, and I'm smart - I've got a 3.9 cumulative GPA!!!

But what the hell am I going to do with my life? I feel like I'm too old to even be asking that question. The idea of going to grad school now repulses me. Why would I go? What would I do there? And academia is so pretentious...

I thought I was going to do really badly this past semester. Writing my final four papers was like pulling teeth. I couldn't believe how badly I procrastinated, and how difficult for it was for me to do something that I usually love: writing!

Ugh. I feel you so much, and there's nothing worse than someone who has their life all figured out making you feel like a child.

Sometimes I wish someone would just take care of me. Ha ha. I'm embarrassed to even say that because I've spent so much of my life being headstrong and independent. I know I wouldn't actually be happy that way, I'm too intellectual, I have too much drive within me - but it has occured to me.
Because. I. Don't. Know. What. To. Do.

A lot of empathy, here.

I feel you, sister.

 

[Kalach]

^ I get what you're saying but it's hard to read it when you're so far away, up in the twelfth dimension, looking down on me.

See, now, if I were talking to an ESFP, I'd make some Se joke right about now, something about the avatar picture. But can't do that because it doesn't speak to either Si or Ne.

What would an ISTJ say? Something concrete? Something that let you start telling stories? An inferior Ne insight into what the Si details of the stories may be. Something that would let you start processing past experience, like you want to do, and tell stories. Bio exams, new lovers, old pains...


Right?




It's not looking down. It's looking N.

 

[SillySapienne]

Ooo, also, I'll wheel out a speech I gave an ENFP buddy once, about sensitivity. Told him, you're sensitive, right? And he looked at me like I'd called him a girl. It's not a liability, I said. Yelled, really. It's not a liability. It's a skill.

Being sensitive can be a liability, yes.

It is both a beautiful blessing and a horrible curse, of course, it could only take a sensitive person to realize this.

There is a cost for caring.

A price for empathizing.

fyi