Is it me, or is it an EP thing?!?

[Robert165]

hey, you're not going to be young and pretty forever!
i mean, what do you want to do
marry some rich guy and live off him?
i'd think/hope you want your own life.......

 

[SillySapienne]

hey, you're not going to be young and pretty forever!
i mean, what do you want to do
marry some rich guy and live off him?
i'd think/hope you want your own life.......

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?

I'll have you know that if I wanted to whore myself off, I could've done that years ago, and could still do that now.

 

[Serendipity]

I will tell you about a conversation I had with my Dad.
My Dad asked me the very same question I asked you.
He said he could die tomorrow, with no regrets. Happy.
I told him I envied him, because I could not do the same.

There is a divine discontent that lives within some of us.
No matter what we do, we still want to do more.
To envision things that other people cannot is a blessing and a curse.
It demands more of us as human beings.
We cannot settle. We are restless.

But does that make you a failure, or fallen angel?
My dear, I don't think you will hit your stride for several years.
But in the meantime I want you to focus on a word.

Passion.

When you know what you are passionate about, things will begin to make sense to you.
It will push you, and you will have no choice but to do something about it.
Until then, do not be so hard on yourself.

Even fallen angels can rebuild their wings, and fly once again.

Every now and then I come to a point where I exclaim that I can die a happy man. And then a few days later "I can't go like this! So much more that I need to do!". Heh.

But I'd still die happy, knowing that I have done as good as I could've in all situations.

I hope you won't become a ghost! I don't ever want anyone to become a ghost, lingering with the belief that they still haven't managed to do life as they wished. Not that I believe in ghosts but you know what I mean right?
That's just a sad and tragic thing. And Just imagining what it must feel like. :cold:

Don't make fun of me, but I watched Avatar the other night, and I felt shaken, like I wasn't following the right path.

Like I've been neglecting my Fi-ometer.

I just need to feel *right*.

And, I guess, right now, I don't feel *right*.

Am I lost?!!?

I don't know, but I think I have lost sight of my truest self, and what I'm meant to be doing.

I'm still processing a lot of pain, and overcoming a victim complex.

(I was severely abused by my asshole, (deceased) father).

But, I can't let the ugliness he expelled upon me to take over me, and hold me down, down, down.

I can't let him win.

I'm a good person, just a little aimless at the moment.

I just want some poetry, love and some good conversation.

I dunno.

I'm an underachieving perfectionist.

Sorry, this thread is so self-indulgent.

Please, anybody, gripe away, too.

T'will help me to feel a bit less pathetic.

I like it. It helps me to put the me back into a track that I almost had forgotten in all my gloomy-ness. I should really stop being such a worry-wart and get going with the way I want to do it again. Thanks, I guess!

hey, you're not going to be young and pretty forever!
i mean, what do you want to do
marry some rich guy and live off him?
i'd think/hope you want your own life.......

Ok, dude.. Honestly. Young and pretty?
I'm always going to be beautiful, and as young as my heart desires.

 

[Robert165]

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?

I'll have you know that if I wanted to whore myself off, I could've done that years ago, and could still do that now.

i'm not trying to be mean or judgemental

 

[SillySapienne]

I can relate. I was 17, without purpose, without worry, persuing art, writing, and any other stupid idea that came to my head. I thought, oh I'll be a hat maker this week. Or next week, maybe I could draw.

I think the major driver that made me choose rigid, solid plans for life was the fact that I was the oldest, and thus relied on the most amongst my siblings and parents. Even now, I want to fall back into a life the way you live it, and watch it from within my little box.

You remind me of my eldest sister, here.



It ain't easy for you first borns.

I'm the baby of the bunch, aka, the brat!

Meanwhile, get other people to do the things you don't like doing, like organising your bills and doing your tax. The responsible thing to do is to make sure it happens, there's no rule that says you have to do them!

I currently have my cognitively challenged, FOB, Korean mother doing all my important-real-life-drudgery stuff for me.

Does that make me an asshole, a parasite, an idiot, or all three!??!

Hell babe...Are you quoting my biography?

There is a divine discontent that lives within some of us.
No matter what we do, we still want to do more.
To envision things that other people cannot is a blessing and a curse.
It demands more of us as human beings.
We cannot settle. We are restless.

But does that make you a failure, or fallen angel?
My dear, I don't think you will hit your stride for several years.
But in the meantime I want you to focus on a word.

Passion.

When you know what you are passionate about, things will begin to make sense to you.
It will push you, and you will have no choice but to do something about it.
Until then, do not be so hard on yourself.

Even fallen angels can rebuild their wings, and fly once again.

Holy hell, man.

Phenomenal post.

Need to digest and process these insights, they're recurring themes in my life, that I insolently perhaps choose to forget?!!?

My passion is so dispersed.

I'm on fire one second, feeling so alive, then I'm nothing but a heap of ashes.

Ashes to ashes, everything crashes.

FACK BALLZ!!!

What am I *really* passionate about, need to rethink this.

People.

I'm passionate about people.

And, love.

And, connecting.

And I want to help others fulfill their potential, ironically. :/

 

[kelric]

Why can't I focus on ONE THING, why must I constantly get side-tracked and distracted!?!?!?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO BE WHEN I "GROW UP"

And, I'm not ashamed to admit it.

But, I think... somehow, someway, I need to become more responsible.

But how?!?!?

I just want to be happy, pursue things I love, and, in a small way, make the world a better place.

Some people, SS, are just as responsible as they need to be (I consider myself among this group -- seriously, no derogatory implications intended here). Especially when it comes to deciding on a focus in school/career, some people just aren't permanently comfortable in any one niche, and what one person considers "responsible", another can legitimately consider "stifling".

Take me... I'm a twin. My twin sister knew, at something like the age of 15, what she wanted to do in college and after that, professionally. To the best of my knowledge, she never had any doubt -- over 20 years later, she does exactly that, excels under pretty much any standard you could name, and likes it. I wasn't sure at all... thought I knew, changed my mind on more or less a whim after a semester of college. Stuck with that until I finished college, and waffled what to study in graduate school. Did that for seven years and changed my mind to something else. Now, I'm debating on making a (minor) change again. I suspect that I'll never find "my thing".

That's not all bad, though. I wouldn't call myself traditionally responsible (especially in comparison to my sister), but I do just fine. There's a limit to how carefree you can be and not adversely affect others, of course, but it doesn't sound like you (or I) are anywhere near that line. Variety has its advantages too, even if they're not always quantifiable.

Anyway, you're not alone in that, and it can certainly work out okay -- so while it's definitely something to think about, a lack of certainty isn't the end of the world .

 

[SillySapienne]

Some people, SS, are just as responsible as they need to be (I consider myself among this group -- seriously, no derogatory implications intended here). Especially when it comes to deciding on a focus in school/career, some people just aren't permanently comfortable in any one niche, and what one person considers "responsible", another can legitimately consider "stifling".

Take me... I'm a twin. My twin sister knew, at something like the age of 15, what she wanted to do in college and after that, professionally. To the best of my knowledge, she never had any doubt -- over 20 years later, she does exactly that, excels under pretty much any standard you could name, and likes it. I wasn't sure at all... thought I knew, changed my mind on more or less a whim after a semester of college. Stuck with that until I finished college, and waffled what to study in graduate school. Did that for seven years and changed my mind to something else. Now, I'm debating on making a (minor) change again. I suspect that I'll never find "my thing".

That's not all bad, though. I wouldn't call myself traditionally responsible (especially in comparison to my sister), but I do just fine. There's a limit to how carefree you can be and not adversely affect others, of course, but it doesn't sound like you (or I) are anywhere near that line. Variety has its advantages too, even if they're not always quantifiable.

Anyway, you're not alone in that, and it can certainly work out okay -- so while it's definitely something to think about, a lack of certainty isn't the end of the world .

Yeah, I've never truly known what I wanted to be or do with my life.

Still learning, deciding, being, so to speak.

Great post, Kelric, very uplifting!!!

 

[SillySapienne]

I'm always going to be beautiful, and as young as my heart desires.

^100

I've never really questioned my core, which is beautiful, I just constantly question my actions, which can be, well, questionable, at times.

 

[Wonkavision]

`
I'm 27, and, in many ways, refuse to "grow up".

And by "grow up" I mean, settle down into an occupation, an academic field, or, I dunno, do such stifling things as my taxes. :/

I'm a perpetual child, and I CAN'T STAND doing things that I do not LOVE!!!!

At this point, I have accumulated over 140 credits but have yet to get my B.A.

I need to feel INSPIRED in order to really do anything, seriously, I do.

Yeah, and I am indolent, too.

le sigh...

Why can't I focus on ONE THING, why must I constantly get side-tracked and distracted!?!?!?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO BE WHEN I "GROW UP"

And, I'm not ashamed to admit it.

But, I think... somehow, someway, I need to become more responsible.

But how?!?!?

I just want to be happy, pursue things I love, and, in a small way, make the world a better place.

I want to continue to explore and learn and absorb new things, and live life to the fullest, but alas, that dreaded reality-factor comes in.

Having to pay bills and shit.

It's all about the path, right?

The journey, the process...

But, am I aimless?!?!?

Doomed to go nowhere?!!?

I do not have a set destination.

I just know what feels right, when it feels right.

Who can relate?!?!

Can you relate??!?

I think I may need help.

Do I need help!??!

Any responses would be greatly appreciated.

With love and respect,

-SS

I relate to ALL of this, even down to the 140+ credits but no degree.

Being married and having kids has given me a sense of purpose, but,to a large degree, I still have those core issues you speak of.

I don't know if it applies to other EPs, but I certainly feel your pain, my ENFP Sista.

 

[Thalassa]

I'm a make-believe grown up.

 

[SillySapienne]

I relate to ALL of this, even down to the 140+ credits but no degree.

Being married and having kids has given me a sense of purpose, but,to a large degree, I still have those core issues you speak of.

I don't know if it applies to other EPs, but I certainly feel your pain, my ENFP Sista.

Wonka, I shall never forget the first time we "met" on Vent.

You're special!!!



And, um...

*looks left*

*looks right*

I really, really, really, really, really want to be a mother.

To raise a beautiful creature, to nurture him or her, watch him/her grow, and bask in the wonder of his/her life.

There is a struggle between wanting to give myself to people I love, and wanting to maintain an independent self, nameen!?!?

 

[SillySapienne]

It's hard to maintain an intrinsic confidence when you have external factors that "tell" you you are not good enough.

:sad:

 

[Lady_X]

oh silly girl...i know exactly how ya feel and i think it's important to just not compare ourself to others as much or try to live up to some implied standard. we were never meant to all be alike or have the same gifts...and i agree that passionate people should search for their passion...once you find it and make it work for you it'll all make sense.

my advice would be to try to explore any careers of interest by working or volunteering within the field so that you might be able to narrow your options down a bit....perhaps discover that one of your "maybe" ideas is the perfect fit.

good luck to ya babe.

 

[SillySapienne]

I think I need to stop trying to find it, and just let it come, make sense?!!?

It's in there, inside of me.

And, somehow, someway, through some catalyst it will come out and blossom, methinks... mehopes...

 

[SillySapienne]

Or maybe I do need to pursue it.

Who knew following your heart could be so damn difficult!!!!

 

[Fecal McAngry]

My passion is so dispersed.

I'm on fire one second, feeling so alive, then I'm nothing but a heap of ashes.

Ashes to ashes, everything crashes.

FACK BALLZ!!!

What am I *really* passionate about, need to rethink this.

People.

I'm passionate about people.

And, love.

And, connecting.

And I want to help others fulfill their potential, ironically. :/

Have you ever considered medicine? I've had some health issues over the past few years and I've been struck by how many doctors are arrogant, dismissive fucktards---and by how invaluable are the few who actually listen, are compassionate, empathetic, open, play the role of patient-advocate rather than authoritarian autocrat, etc.

I suspect ENFPs are underrepresented in the non-psych disciplines, and while I wouldn't necessarily choose an ENFP over an ISTP when it comes to orthopedic surgery, there are many other disciplines in which they'd be a breath of fresh air...

 

[SillySapienne]

Have you ever considered medicine? I've had some health issues over the past few years and I've been struck by how many doctors are arrogant, dismissive fucktards---and by how invaluable are the few who actually listen, are compassionate, empathetic, open, play the role of patient-advocate rather than authoritarian autocrat, etc.

I suspect ENFPs are underrepresented in the non-psych disciplines, and while I wouldn't necessarily choose an ENFP over an ISTP when it comes to orthopedic surgery, there are many other disciplines in which they'd be a breath of fresh air...

I was a bio major for two years.

My father was a radiologist, he wanted me to be an OB/GYN fertility specialist.

I can't disect animals.

And the mere thought of vivisecting one terrifies me.

So, no.

I enjoy anatomy, and biology, but I especially enjoy evolutionary psychology and ethology!!!

I went to massage therapy school for over a year, six or seven years back.

I never finished my practical, though I acquired 250+ hours.

Being a dance teacher appeals to me, and always has, for some reason.

Aside from reading, thinking and philosophizing as a teenager, dance has truly saved my life.



I taught dance for Special Olympics for a summer in high school, that was a fantastic experience.

And, choreography...

Oh, how I love

 

[Jaguar]

And, choreography...

Oh, how I love

Passion.

 

[SillySapienne]

Interestingly enough, I constantly think about revisiting my high school to get back in touch with my dance teacher, Ms. Lavin.

Bonnie, who never shaved her legs or armpits.

She was a unique ISFP, a truly lovely creature.

We collaborated well.

I think about her often.

I just got my alumni magazine, and she is still teaching at my school.

I'm scared to go back, though, for some reason.

Too many memories.

High school was... a difficult time for me.

Perhaps that should be a baby step goal for me, enroll in dance classes and go say hello to Bonnie, perhaps I can even potentially guest choreograph a piece for the dance company.

 

[SillySapienne]

I'm officially tired and feel somewhat embarrassed for creating this thread.

Don't know why.

For an extrovert, I have a tendency to be really about personal shit that matters deeply to me.

I feel exposed.

Nekkid, and not in the good way.