[INTP] INTPs & Friendship

[MacGuffin]

Are we talking about the friends INTPs kill and bury in the basement? Or just wound emotionally?

 

[Uytuun]

My oldest INTP friend simply tells me "Oh, I'm really glad you're here." when we're at the same venue, he also told me he considered me a good friend, but at the same time he remains very distant. There are also moments of Fe, pure kind-heartedness. I think he'd do a lot for me, but I don't ask for much (perhaps perpetuating the distance in that way, but it just isn't in my nature).

I think they appreciate

acceptance (support)
humour
intelligent conversations
sharing N-y experiences or P-y experiences
open-mindedness (or at least the NP brand)
boobs in their face

 

[jimrckhnd]

My oldest INTP friend simply tells me "Oh, I'm really glad you're here." when we're at the same venue, he also told me he considered me a good friend, but at the same time he remains very distant. There are also moments of Fe, pure kind-heartedness. I think he'd do a lot for me, but I don't ask for much (perhaps perpetuating the distance in that way, but it just isn't in my nature).

I think they appreciate

acceptance (support)
humour
intelligent conversations
sharing N-y experiences or P-y experiences
open-mindedness (or at least the NP brand)
boobs in their face

There is hope. As I grew older I realized letting people close to me know how much I cared about them was/is important. I just kind of set a mental reminder to touch base and say I appreciate them. I have the bad habit of vanishing from people's lives when I'm engaged in an other "project" or interest so I've been known to cheat and set a reminder on my schedule app. I'm not sure if I'm just faking it or that is an authentic way of showing affection. But it works.

RE: your comment that you think he'd probably do alot for you. I'd say the probabilities are good. Judging from my personal experience and what I have read on the subject (admittedly limited) INTPs are often capable and willing to go to great lengths for their friends at need. Additionally I’d say you might take him up on it once in awhile: I derived (still do come to think of it) much satisfaction from having the opportunity to make geastures that demonstrate my friendship. A friend just got a nice case of strep throat. I took the opportunity to whip up a couple of gallons of chicken soup and drive it over an hour in the hopes it would maker her feel better. It seemed to… and I know I felt better being able to do something for her when she felt so lousy.

 

[cosmicjourney]

RE: your comment that you think he'd probably do alot for you. I'd say the probabilities are good. Judging from my personal experience and what I have read on the subject (admittedly limited) INTPs are often capable and willing to go to great lengths for their friends at need.

Very true in my experience, my INTP friend once told me, "You need anything, anything at all, you come to me".

 

[Uytuun]

RE: your comment that you think he'd probably do alot for you. I'd say the probabilities are good. Judging from my personal experience and what I have read on the subject (admittedly limited) INTPs are often capable and willing to go to great lengths for their friends at need. Additionally I’d say you might take him up on it once in awhile: I derived (still do come to think of it) much satisfaction from having the opportunity to make geastures that demonstrate my friendship. A friend just got a nice case of strep throat. I took the opportunity to whip up a couple of gallons of chicken soup and drive it over an hour in the hopes it would maker her feel better. It seemed to… and I know I felt better being able to do something for her when she felt so lousy.

Hah, you reverse ESFJ. That's definitely a nice gesture. Yeah, he does a lot for our other friends as well. He's also definitely got a protective streak.

 

[jimrckhnd]

Hah, you reverse ESFJ. That's definitely a nice gesture. Yeah, he does a lot for our other friends as well. He's also definitely got a protective streak.

Heh... my secret is that under this cold, logic obsessed facade - I've got a soft heart. Just keep it between us okay?

Protective? Oh man... I have a protective streak a mile wide, esp. with my female friends. If I we were standing in a blizzard and they were dressed in a parka and I had on jogging shorts I'd offer them my gloves.

 

[uncommonentity]

When they email you asking where you are.

 

[Redbone]

I find that I'm able to discuss different things with different inner circle friends too.

This is important to me. I don't even consider hiding things from certain people--it's just that I know what I can smoothly discuss with one person will become a struggle to clearly explain with another one of my friends.

That said, I don't have a lot of friends. To me, friendship is a rare and special thing. Not given lightly or easily. Sense of humor, honesty, loyalty, independent, knowing when to speak and when to be quiet. Ease of communication...it's not such a struggle (even though 90% of the time, it's going to be hard). Sharing thoughts. Being able to discuss the good, the bad, the up and the unpleasant, the dark side of things in a very in-depth but straightforward way (if a person gets overwhelmed in the middle of one of these discussions, I'll never do it again).

Hmm...stuff I can't stand...loose lipped folks, dishonesty, flightiness, clingy, whiny, steady stream of small talk, avoiding issues or topics because it's "upsetting", taking things too personally, stiff, controlling, false...

And it feels strange to separate traits out like this. I mean, everyone can display the above traits at any time. It comes down to individuals in the end. The people that I consider friends are well...just awesome people. Not sure what else to say.

 

[gandalf]

"What traits do INTPs look for close friends?"

Intuitivity and any common personal interest that connects us. These two together will do.

"Which traits can INTPs NOT STAND in people?"

I am not good at determining whether someone is joking or not. I can joke and I can talk more seriously but I need to know which one it is I am involved in. If for any reason I can't tell the nature of the talk for sure, I will feel very uncomfortable and become distant.

"What are the traits specifically in ENFPs that INTPs admire/relate/ are attracted to?"

Actually, I am not sure whether this is more an INTJ trait or a combination of INTP and INTJ (I am 50% J and 50% P) but I shall tell it anyway...

I can basically talk and think about anything, be it any imaginable matter or feelings, just anything. I just constantly keep analysing my environment and my company for clues on acceptability of topics and their depth. If I get no hints, I assume a very safe "I don't want to hurt or scare anyone" -state.

Based on my what I have learnt when talking with the couple of ENFPs I know, ENFPs seem to talk a lot about themselves and they also sound very open to me. Those things automatically make me assume that it's ok to talk about basically anything and therefore, I surely do. It's truly amazing how an ENFP can make an introvert like me open up and not feel uncomfortble for that.

"What are the traits specifically in ENFPs that INTPs are annoyed by or dislike?"

Sometimes, they talk to much and make my retreat into my shell.

 

[Asterion]

CosmicJourney, that is quite amazing, but I don't think MBTI will help it much. What INTPness has said is spot on though and you're definitely close, you don't need to be anything other than you, it doesn't matter what an INTP would want you to be, you just need to be the best you possible. In these relationships, any faults in either person involved will clog up the gears, resulting in this need to take time apart from each other to sort them out. It happens in every relationship, especially in the earlier stages, the faults need to be ironed out, which can take effort from both parties. As long as he puts in the effort to change and doesn't waste yours, the relationship will thrive (and possibly run into the same problem later, but you'll know how to deal with it, and it will be fixed quicker). If there's no effort being made, or one sided effort, breakup is the answer. I have a friend who has had to do this twice already because he is the only one putting in time and effort, it hurts everyone and confuses some, but only briefly. Another friend is going through this right now, they're taking time apart, though I am suspicious of whether his girlfriend is trying or even wants to be with him anymore.

This is just what I gather from observing relationships and listening from others, lol, not experience.

 

[storybrook]

I find my close INTP friends aren't afraid to relax and act weird around me.

 

[copperfish17]

Female INTP here.

How does one know if he/she is considered to be a close friend of an INTP?

Well, I don’t have that many close friends in the first place. I can’t speak for all INTPs, but I would assume most INTPs are the same way as well.

The one unmistakable way to know if you're considered to be a close friend of an INTP... is to take note of how much time the INTP is willing to spend with you. Other than that, I'm not sure if there's a recurring pattern among INTPs. Seriously though, most INTPs are too lazy to make time for people they don't like/care about.

How does one know if he/she is in the INTP's inner circle?

If the INTP approaches you often/willingly spends much of his/her free time with you... that's definitely a good sign. Other than that, it will probably vary a lot between individuals. I personally like writing to my closest friends (NOT instant messaging - email, handwritten letters etc.).

What do INTPs do/say for/to their close friends that they wouldn't do/say for acquaintances?

I can say/write very sweet things to friends whom I treasure. For the most part, I don't say things I don't mean - especially if I consider the other person a close friend. (So for example if I tell someone "You're a great friend," then that means I DO BELIEVE that person is a great friend.) I never lie to my closest friends. However, I feel little to zero remorse for lying to acquaintances (so as to avoid their company etc.). Also, I would NEVER hug people I don't feel emotionally close to.

I am an ENFP and I find it rather easy to befriend all types-- although obviously there are always exceptions. At times, I may take for granted my ability to really get to know someone well (ie. a friend sharing intimate details) and it doesn't always register at the time what a big deal it was for them to do so. I don't want to make the mistake of doing this again.

Can’t speak for all INTPs, but with me, you won’t have to worry about this; I seldom share intimate details with people, even with my closest friends. There is only ONE person (my best friend, an INTJ FYI) I share my deepest thoughts with, and that's it. The stuff that really matter to me, unless I share them with my INTJ friend *and that friend only*, I WILL take with me to my grave. I feel no mindless compulsion to reveal intimate details about myself - I will never fully understand people (especially girls/women) who do this. I don't wish to be understood by anyone but those I care about the most. That's one or two people maximum.

What traits do INTPs look for close friends?

Level-headedness. Common interests. Trustability. Open-mindedness.

Which traits can INTPs NOT STAND in people?

Dishonesty. Obnoxiousness. Pretentiousness.

What are the traits specifically in ENFPs that INTPs admire/relate/ are attracted to?

I like ENFPs' bright disposition - certainly very attractive. I also appreciate how many of them genuinely accept people for who they are. Fun people to be around, generally speaking. They're also good at making people feel better, speaking from experience.

What are the traits specifically in ENFPs that INTPs are annoyed by or dislike?

Overdone enthusiasm can get annoying. Hyperactivity is fun in small doses, but too much just makes me want to run for the hills. Silence is precious to me.

 

[alakazam]

Disclaimer: I only know two ENFPs, only one of which well. Also, I'm an INTx and exhibit only half of the general intP traits.

How does one know if he/she is considered to be a close friend of an INTP? How does one know if he/she is in the INTP's inner circle? What do INTPs do/say for/to their close friends that they wouldn't do/say for acquaintances?

Look at the things they tell you about love interests, people they like, worries they have. Then look at how many of their friends know. If that number is small, you're in the inner circle.

Generally, if the list is small, it's not because they just haven't told anyone yet: it's because we're not going to tell many people.

What traits do INTPs look for close friends?

Perfection. Sorry. This list is too long.

Which traits can INTPs NOT STAND in people?

When they breathe. Sorry. This list is also too long.

What are the traits specifically in ENFPs that INTPs are annoyed by or dislike?

The first thing that comes to mind is indecisiveness. INTPs are known for being indecisive, but at least we can come to some sort of conclusion. The ENFPs I've known have tended to be unable to form an opinion of their own, possibly for fear it'll hurt someone's feelings - though the simple act of being unable to do so is annoying.

For instance, if you take them on some new experience then ask them if they liked it, you'll typically be met with "I'm not sure. I mean, I might have, but that could also just be because I thought it was new and thought I might like it. But I'm not sure I thought I'd like it because I didn't know if it'd be fun or not, so that can't be it. Maybe I'm trying to tell myself that I liked it because I'd feel bad for not liking it. Yada yada yada." This is especially irritating when I actually do care whether or not they liked it (and I wasn't just being socially polite).

Every ENFP I've seen has seemed to also feel they can just wish a better world into place and wish that everybody could just get along and things could be perfect, and seem to be unable to grasp reality.

Also, your tendency to believe anything, no matter how outlandish (such as "The Secret") is very, very irrational (and therefore annoying).

What are the traits specifically in ENFPs that INTPs admire/relate/ are attracted to?

I'm finding it hard to come up with specifics right now. The negative specifics are generally easier to remember (for me) than positive ones.

I know that we actually share an interest in typology: something which cannot be said of most people. We generally have a common interest in theories like this or other things involving understanding people - for different reasons of course, but it's still there.



I've found that ENFPs can be very, very awkward. They can often act like they like you, insist they don't, then spend weeks doubting whether or not they really do... Which makes things awkward.

And, when you were close enough friends to actually be comfortable hugging them (a rare occurrence for me), this makes that too awkward. Then it gets really awkward when they want a hug and I can't give it to them because of the awkwardness. Then I feel bad because I'm making them feel bad.

 

[alakazam]

Female INTP here.

HOW do I find you in public???

(sorry. don't mean to hijack the thread...)

 

[alakazam]

uber-sensitive to the point that I can't even speak my mind - I have to walk on eggshells.

^^^^ THIS