At least you put the caveat on there in parentheses. INTJs are perfectly capable of giving emotional support. And, when they do, it is a beautiful gesture. It will be less words and more action, though. And, listening and trying to come up with solutions for you, if he cares about you.
Have you spent enough time with him to know this about him for certain?
Tell him. He wouldn't ask if he didn't want to know. He probably realizes it is a question that may get an emotional answer. Hubby doesn't ask such questions to drag a person's heart out there to pick it apart. When he asks, it is a pre-meditated gesture to let the person know he cares.
Lie and he'll lose respect for you. My INTJ can ferret out the truth quickly and with precision. If anyone lies to him, he'll try to hone in on their motive (and he's good at that). Depending on the motive and how much time and emotional energy he's already invested in the relationship, he'll either start interrogating or walk away.
For hubby, the more concise I can be, the better he feels. Well, unless we're playing around and trying to evade each other for some reason. Then, he's in his element as we interrogate and cross-examine each other. Still haven't found the dang Christmas present, even though he's flaunting the fact that he's "hidden it in plain sight." Evil man.
Kinda sounds to me like you're clamming up as much as you're accusing him of doing. Do you
want him to bring out the interrogation equipment?
So, do it. Write out a set of clear, straight-forward questions ("real" ones intermingled with playful ones keeps the mood lighter and more palatable for you both, probably), and start asking them. From what I'm seeing, you peoples are a pretty playful breed, so come at him with some humor. What's he gonna do? Take away your birthday?
Because he cares about you. He wants to learn about you. He wants to know what makes you tick. If something is bothering you, he wants you to know he's there to listen (and probably give solutions; and that's caring about you, too). He wants to bring out his magnifying lens and see if you sizzle in the sun.
It is for this reason that I said all of what I did earlier. If you're going to come at him about not being emotionally open to you, he's going to close up. I'd do the same thing. Don't over-complicate things before their time. If you're friends now, don't treat him any different than you would any of your other friends.
One of you is going to have to give in and take down your mask sometime or this isn't going to work, even as a friendship. It took me a year and a half of dating hubby before I said "I love you" to him. He didn't say it to me until after we were already married for several months. I express things in words much more than he does, but still not as much as I express love with actions. He hardly ever says it in words, but his actions speak volumes every day. I knew/know he loved me without his ever having to say it.
Read him. Watch him.
You be there for
him as his friend. If you like him, show him. It really is that simple.
What action or words are you wanting from him in order for you to know when he "gives you his soul?"
So, play the role of friend. If there's been no talk of dating only each other, what is keeping you from dating others? If you're reserving yourself for him, perhaps you're more committed than you're letting yourself believe. Is he dating others? Have you asked?
Maybe it is time to start. He's human. If you're afraid to approach him, then you're giving him a lot of power in your life....probably without his having the foggiest notion you're doing it. If you're not giving him feedback, what is he supposed to do?
Both hubby and I are the same way. Better make it sincere, specific, and rare in order for it to count as one of those compliments that keeps me afloat. Otherwise, it's only so much fluff.
Bolded: Are you throwing a flower petal in front of a buffalo here? INTJs don't read minds, even though they like to make you think they can.
Next time you see each other (and maybe you should arrange this), go somewhere quiet and relaxing together. Then, just sit there and exist in one spot together for a while. No pressure to talk serious or go deep into discussions. If he asks a question, answer it as honestly and kindly as you can without fretting over whether it'll blow up the relationship. If it does, it does. So be it. Wouldn't you rather it happen now than after you've made a commitment to each other?
There's wisdom in those words. Remember how long it took me to tell hubby I loved him? Remember how long it took him to say it back? I still
say it more often than he does, but he expresses it way more often in
actions than I do. Read the actions. Listen to the gestures. He's "speaking" loud enough for US to hear him, girl!
Exactly! I envy you INTJs and your ability to say it so briefly and elegantly. Here I am with another big post. Sorry, gang. This'll be my last huge one on this thread.
). I am open to a possible future with him. I'm not holding by breathe. As time goes on, I think of it less & less, but the feeling is still there as soon as he calls. When we are in the same space, it's so memorable. I think about him for week straight or more non-stop.
