[INTJ] INTJ Anger

[The_Liquid_Laser]

INTJ's may not get truly angry often, but they do get frustrated easily. People may confuse this with anger. (This goes double for ENTJ's.)

 

[songofcalamity]

For non-INTJs:
Have you ever encountered an angry INTJ before? What was it like?
I don't think I have ever encountered an angry INTJ, but only an extremely frustrated one. Weird, seeing a frutrasted INTJ is weird, because he tears when he is frustrated, which scares me terribly, seeing that I am very soft towards tears.
If not, are you curious about it? Would you dare anger an INTJ just to be able to see it?
No. I have briefly seen some parts of the inner workings in his brain, terribly amusing, must i say, but scary if you think of it in another way. Sly. sly. sly. and crossing paths with him means doomday, when he is in a dangerous mood, but when he is in a happy mood, his slyness comes off as amusing.
Are you intimidated or frightened by the idea of an INTJ being angry at you?
Yes

 

[sleuthiness]

I have a close friend who is INTJ and have never seen him express anything worse than frustration. Thank god that he can find stuff to occasionally laugh at aloud, though, because his laugh is contagious and makes my occasional day.

 

[DigitalMethod]

Frustrated, sometimes.
Angry, rarely.

I just have to keep my perfectionism under control. Other than that I rarely get angry.

 

[violaine]

For non-INTJs:

Have you ever encountered an angry INTJ before? What was it like?
I used to go out with an INTJ. He only got angry twice. Both times it was unexpected and icy and intense. Once via email. That was brutal. The other time we were out and he received some bad news. I happened to be looking at him with some concern. He was sooo pissed that I was looking at him like that. He said something really cutting and then just watched me squirm... eww. I've never experienced anything like it. We ended up having a huge, weird argument kind of at his insistence. He was funny with me for weeks afterwards. I think he didn't like losing control of himself in that way. I'm not sure that he felt bad though.

If not, are you curious about it? Would you dare anger an INTJ just to be able to see it?
No and No

Are you intimidated or frightened by the idea of an INTJ being angry at you?
I can hold my own, but I definitely do not like that kind of anger. I was a little intimidated at first with this person just because I didn't know the depth of it. And I hate fighting if it can be helped.

We're still sort of friends. Though he's still very polite, I'm well aware that he could demolish me and never even look back over his shoulder... makes me uneasy... He has a way about him that is very much do not mess with me. Though also really inoffensive and detached (hard to explain). I haven't brought up those past incidents cos he wouldn't laugh about it... hmm, maybe I should bring them up, hehe.

 

[Venom]

the mature INTJs i know never express anger...they just get frustrated.

the immature ones, explode with Fi. They end up sounding like an angry ESFP...think homer simpson strangling Bart.

 

[Sinister Scribe]

Have you ever been angered before? Why? What was it like?
I tend to be perpetually irritated, but rarely does it progress to full-fledged anger. On occasion I have been known to make use of the silent treatment and there have been one or two times where I have actually lashed out at people, resulting in physical injury of myself or the other party most times it has happened. In this particular situation, said other person had just slighted me one too many times.

How will INTJs show anger? How do you do it?
I don't know how other INTJs show anger (I only know one IRL and I've only seen him angry a couple of times), but I tend to control my reactions to intense emotions (whatever the emotion may be). When I'm angry, it's like a foul concoction that is simmering, but could explode at any moment if one more thing is added. It is an extremely fine line between the passive-aggressive anger and the point where either I'll find myself pinned on the floor or the person with whom I am angry will.

How long did it lasted? Did you regret it?
Since I tend to be overcritical of people and do not often give second chances, my anger with other people lasts quite a long time. I cannot truly say that I regret becoming angry, but had I the chance to re-do things, I would not have gotten so angry with other people. I have seen it ruin friendships of other people whom I know.

However, frustration is a completely different question. I frequently get frustrated, whether with myself as I am a perfectionist or with other people... or just the situations in which I find myself.

 

[Metamorphosis]

For INTJs:
Have you ever been angered before? Why? What was it like?
Yes. Many times when I was young. Whenever I'm just annoyed, I'll tend to withdraw in the brooding mode, lol. But whenever I'm genuinely angry, I feel like nothing I'm doing is working and I'm totally out of control (not stupid enough to say, kill someone, though). It's basically ESFP mode. The last time I recall actually getting this angry was a very long time ago, and resulted in me stabbing someone (no major damage done). Now I realize that very few things are worth getting that upset over.

How long did it lasted? Did you regret it?

It's like impossible for me to stay angry for more than one day, even if I try to.

 

[animenagai]

WOW this is interesting stuff. i wonder if you guys truly have never experienced it or just didn't realize it. if you guys really never get angry, i can see this as a great social tool.

 

[Sinister Scribe]

INTJs have the ability to get angry... I think it just takes more to push us over the edge into reacting than it would for most other types. However, angry INTJs (whether real or fictional) are very scary people to be around. It is a fine line between being frustrated or irritated and being truly angry... but you really don't want to force an NTJ to cross that line. I would think that INTJs would be especially tricky, as we tend to hide our emotions with reasonable success.

 

[INTJMom]

I never felt anger and I do not know how I would be when under that state. People are also curious as to how will I deal with that kind of emotion.
Please take note that anger and being irritated are two different things.

For INTJs:
Have you ever been angered before? Why? What was it like?
How will INTJs show anger? How do you do it?
How long did it lasted? Did you regret it?

I have just finished reading through this thread, and I am really finding it hard to believe
that there are so many people here who say they have never been angry.
I grew up in an angry home.
Having been exposed to so much anger, I thought that's how everybody was.
I thought that was the normal way to communicate your feelings.
In my early adult years, I was angry practically 24/7!
Any slight provocation would set me into a yelling tirade.
I am a "four"; they are especially fond of showing their feelings.
I can't count the number of times I have made a jerk out of myself in public by blowing up at someone in anger!
I never hit anyone, but I am short and female, so perhaps it's only because I didn't think I would win.
(Though I did bounce a couple of fights when I was a bartender.)

As far as how long it lasted... a yelling spree might last for 5 - 10 minutes depending on the opposition.
They say the chemicals created in your body when you're angry take at least 30 minutes to dissipate.
I have seen this bear out to be true over the years.

I still remember the very first time I ever heard a soft-spoken woman speak.
I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing.
I had never heard such a thing in all my life.
I remember wanting to be like her.
I was about 28 years of age.

I hardly ever express outright anger any more and I hardly ever get angry any more.
I have learned to be patient, to not take life so seriously and to laugh at myself.
When I do express my anger in a loud and demonstrative way, I deeply regret it.
Expressing anger in a violent way doesn't do any good.

There is such anger as righteous indignation which can and should be expressed in constructive ways,
but most expressed anger is destructive.

 

[Virtual ghost]

I can be very awkward socialy because of my lack of anger. That is because social norm says that I should be pissed of, but I am not.
So people feel very uncomfortable in this kind of situations because they don't know what to do and how to act.


It looks to me that people find this trait quite scary.

 

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

There have only been a handful of times in my entire life that I remember being angry. I can probably count them on one hand, and remember them very well. It takes a LOT to get me to that point.

I've been in the 'controlled rage' state more often than actually yelling, and when I have done it my sister says its scary. She says I get this cold, cold look in my eyes and my voice drops to a deadly, controlled and slowww tone as if I'm saying 'I'm only going to say this once, ignore it at your own peril'. In these moments, inside I am nearly trembling but outwardly I'm not flinching an inch. I've seen people physically blanche when I've been like that and slowly walk away from me like I might bite them at any second hehe.

Its not funny in the moment, and I don't do it intentionally really, but I know from experience that those times when I HAVE completely lost my temper have not been pretty. I had total meltdowns, screaming, crying, kicking the wall, sobbing on the floor. It was like all the emotion that I never feel kind of exploded in me all at once, and there wasn't anything to be done but wait for it to end. I guarantee you, those moments scared me more than they did the people witnessing it. Thats why I try so hard to control it I think.

 

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

As for what it was like, it was like every annoyance in the entire world came together to a focus point...kinda like burning ants with a magnifying glass...and I blew up. ... Sometimes I blow up with the anger, sometimes I get quiet, speak slowly, and use big words. lol

Thats a good way to describe it for me too. I'm glad it doesn't happen often.

 

[INTJMom]

Now when I get angry, I turn all my emotions off and hold them inside.
But that's bad because that can cause depression.
So I try to get in touch with my feelings when I am alone.

With my family, I might get defensive and raise my voice.
But I'm trying not to get defensive.
It's very unbecoming.

 

[violaine]

There have only been a handful of times in my entire life that I remember being angry. I can probably count them on one hand, and remember them very well. It takes a LOT to get me to that point.

I've been in the 'controlled rage' state more often than actually yelling, and when I have done it my sister says its scary. She says I get this cold, cold look in my eyes and my voice drops to a deadly, controlled and slowww tone as if I'm saying 'I'm only going to say this once, ignore it at your own peril'. In these moments, inside I am nearly trembling but outwardly I'm not flinching an inch. I've seen people physically blanche when I've been like that and slowly walk away from me like I might bite them at any second hehe.

Its not funny in the moment, and I don't do it intentionally really, but I know from experience that those times when I HAVE completely lost my temper have not been pretty. I had total meltdowns, screaming, crying, kicking the wall, sobbing on the floor. It was like all the emotion that I never feel kind of exploded in me all at once, and there wasn't anything to be done but wait for it to end. I guarantee you, those moments scared me more than they did the people witnessing it. Thats why I try so hard to control it I think.

^Oooh I've seen this, it is something to behold. Hehe, I have a fairly even tempered INTJ friend whose catch phrase is "Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like it when I'm angry." (ala David Banner/The Incredible Hulk). It is true! LOL.

 

[Into It]

One time I got angry too.

 

[Dwigie]

There have only been a handful of times in my entire life that I remember being angry. I can probably count them on one hand, and remember them very well. It takes a LOT to get me to that point.

I've been in the 'controlled rage' state more often than actually yelling, and when I have done it my sister says its scary. She says I get this cold, cold look in my eyes and my voice drops to a deadly, controlled and slowww tone as if I'm saying 'I'm only going to say this once, ignore it at your own peril'. In these moments, inside I am nearly trembling but outwardly I'm not flinching an inch. I've seen people physically blanche when I've been like that and slowly walk away from me like I might bite them at any second hehe.

Its not funny in the moment, and I don't do it intentionally really, but I know from experience that those times when I HAVE completely lost my temper have not been pretty. I had total meltdowns, screaming, crying, kicking the wall, sobbing on the floor. It was like all the emotion that I never feel kind of exploded in me all at once, and there wasn't anything to be done but wait for it to end. I guarantee you, those moments scared me more than they did the people witnessing it. Thats why I try so hard to control it I think.

The fact it's so unusual is probably why it's even scarier to them. They must think they screwed up BIG time. I had a brother like that, when I got him angry I'd feel scared for an entire week!, never mess with the calm people they're the scariest ones.

 

[CandieBoo]

Anger?

For INTJs:
Have you ever been angered before? Why? What was it like?
Yes, but rarely do I get angry. I got mad when someone threw me in a puddle, put me in a head lock and bit my head which created one giant bump. I guess my head is pretty hard since there was no visable broken skin. So I grabbed my keys from my purse and punched him in the mouth while holding them ... result: his tooth pierced through his upper lip and went into shock. To be honest, I was the one that was shocked since I got bit by a "human"... Strange things tend to come my way.
How will INTJs show anger? How do you do it?
Well, other than that one time... I don't think I really show anger. It's always deep frustration. But to deal with it, I start thinking of elaborate plans of ridding my obstacles.
How long did it lasted? Did you regret it?
My anger don't usually last for more than 1 day. Although I am still angry about being bit by a human. It's more that I'm angry at the fact that there are actually people like that on earth. Depressing.

 

[SurlyAdam]

I rarely get angry, at least not outwardly. It could also be that I just don't express it the way most do or would expect. It just seems irrational and such a useless waste of energy to have an outburst. I will eventually get angry if someone keeps pushing, and then I'll really let go. But it takes a lot. I'm usually pretty calm. If I see a problem, I'd rather look for a solution than express my displeasures at length.

I think people get confused if you don't get angry over something others would. I've even had people accuse me of being angry and say something like, "I know you, Adam. This is you being angry."