I'm pretty open to people generally, although I tend to watch for little signs in their response that indicates how much we have in common, what sort of information I'd share with them, how akin we are and so on. People who don't know me well don't see my sense of humour or playful side nearly as much as the people I'm quite comfortable with. If people look ill at ease or are quieter, I am very comfortable being more extraverted. If I'm in a big group or if certain people are domineering, I tend to withdraw a bit. Most of this is unconsciously done.
It used to bother me worse when people didn't like me. I'm more likely now to evaluate factors about them and about even how much I care about their regard before feeling badly if they don't respond the way I expected to me. Mostly there's information that we're missing when people respond badly. I've also learned that if you openly express your opinions, more people will like you and more people will dislike you. The response is more polarized. I used to present a more blank canvas that people would project their own imagined perceptions of me onto, or else just think of me as kind of blandly nice. I don't know that I still give them enough to work with when I'm unsure of my surroundings, but I at least understand the problem now. Mostly it doesn't bother me if people whose regard isn't important to me dislike me.
I used to bend over backwards to accommodate while still fuming inside at times at people's lack of reciprocation. I did this because I found their unpredictable negative response to my boundaries or preferences was harder to process than my predictable inward response at having to overaccomodate. It wasn't that I was a doormat, but that I wanted to conserve my emotional energy for something that I valued. I'm working now on getting better at stating my preferences more, as I think it gives people a better idea of who I am, I'm not making decisions for them, resentment builds up less, it creates a much more equal dynamic that makes the relationship more sustainable, and it's only through being presented with the unexpected that you can get better at processing what to do faster, which overall will conserve a lot of energy and make me more flexible and well rounded as a person. Otherwise, I'm always trying to project exactly what to expect and how I will respond to it and if it is unexpectedly negative (as opposed to having expected a negative response), then it is distressing because it makes me doubt my navigational skills in perceiving the world correctly.
Overall, I'm not afraid of conflict, but probably do hold back parts of myself depending on the person, if I care how they respond or what they think of the thing that matters a lot to me, because it by extension feels like they are passing judgment on my taste or ability to discriminate and I don't want to feel hurt or angry at them. I am not great at convincing people something that has value to me is important or interesting, but it hurts me if I share it and they unwittingly tromp on that offering of vulnerability to them. I'm quite good at confronting or holding the line if it seems like it's going to be necessary for the health of the relationship or to be able to effectively continue in that particular environment, but I prefer to agree and usually would not highlight differences with other people unless there was a reason compelling enough to outweigh the discomfort of doing so.
I find hostility and rejection devastating with people I love, anxiety producing with people who have power or influence in my life, and frustrating if it skews others' opinions of me unfairly, but overall, I don't really feel like I can change myself for other people and I don't want to (other than the normal things that annoy them or are issues I need to address, etc).
Friends and acquaintances are important to me, although I am sporadic in connecting with them. Usually if they just remain at that level, it is because we don't have enough common ground, live too far apart, our lives are too busy, or they are not interested in the friendship going deeper. I'm pretty open with people, as long as I feel like they are asking for information for the right reasons. I don't really enjoy a lot of superficial friendships or large groups to manage. I generally like people slightly more extroverted than me, but who do not have to be in the spotlight all the time. I tend to follow other people's lead too much, rather than setting the course or suggesting things. I've realized over time that this too is a way of avoiding being shot down or feeling vulnerable if people reject my suggestion or proposal, because it feels like a rejection of me. Probably I need to get used to doing it more, till it feels like less of a big deal. I generally am fairly easy going though about what we do or where we go, so it's easy to fall into going with what they'd like, particular when they are often more extroverted. My default for going out for an evening or to a new proposal is no, so I appreciate people who can convince me to try new things or get me to do something because I usually am happy once I've committed to doing it. I just don't like trading something I know I'll like for something that could go either way, especially in times when I'm busy and don't have a lot of down time.
I don't invest a ton of effort in seeking approval from them, but I probably don't say all I could in the interests of peace. I think people can sometimes sense that though and it may come off as judginess or shyness when it is neither. I probably initiate or host about 1/2 to 1/3 of the time. Really it depends on the person and where we know each other from and the dynamic. I'm pretty hospitable though and our family has a constant stream of company and visitors. I feel pretty comfortable socializing and communicating in a group of friends, although it depends on the dynamics between everyone and on how well I know the different people in the group. I have no problem thinking of conversation. It's more whether my way of interacting suits them. I'm not so good in groups that require juggling varying dynamics or a large group conversation or an activity that I don't value. I'm good at managing groups of people in a school setting with kids. I think I find it harder with peers and so usually stick with smallish, like minded groups, even if each smallish group may be quite different from one another. But I know my role within it. I have a hard time really letting loose till I don't have to monitor myself and what my job is etc.
The people in my inner circle are very important to me. I want to connect with them in every way possible and preferably be in daily connect. I tend to panic a bit if the pattern of communication (even if less frequent than daily) suddenly changes without explanation. There are few questions from them that I wouldn't answer if asked. I want to be known and understood by them and know them in return. I have very few people in this category. If they do not want the same degree of closeness, or if they withhold information that they would share with other people they know less, or if they change suddenly, I find it hard not to feel deeply rejected, so much so that I find it hard to even talk about with them. At the same time, I think I'm pretty low maintenance and am very nurturing and accommodating if the people around me tell me what they need from me. I would prefer for them to be straight up about their needs and I find it hard not to hover if they won't tell me what's going on with them when they act uncharacteristically, even though I'm not a clingy person. I don't do well with ambiguity - I like knowing the terms of our relationship, the other person's expectations or wishes, etc. I find it very distressing to be in conflict with them. Sometimes I find it hard to be honest with them if I think I will disappoint them or if they will respond in a way that I will feel hurt by, so my first instinct sometimes is to withhold information. In later years though, I've been experimenting with really being vulnerable and stating my needs, the things that hurt me, resolving conflict, etc but when it works, it builds such a sense of closeness and trust. I trust that process, however uncomfortable, more than I used to, but still recognize that with some people there are limitations or factors that they are unconsciously pushed around by that make it hard to be totally naked emotionally with each other. I find it easier to open up to people who will not respond in a very emotional way but who are committed to hearing me and being a part of solving whatever is going on. To be in my inner circle, most people have to know how to listen in a way that doesn't scramble my own emotional signals, as I often have a hard time determining the degree to which I myself feel something or what I need. I really need someone to be able to make room for my emotions, and in doing so, I actually take up much less space with them than when they or I try to suppress them or rationalize them away. People who do that for me are the most valued people in my life.
I am much more physically touchy with people in my inner circle. I like to be close (even outside of it being a romantic connection). With friends and acquaintances, it really would depend on the person and how they approached me, whether I would allow them into my space beyond what normal social interaction requires. I might cry in front of people in my inner circle, which I wouldn't voluntarily do in front of others. I probably would call them on their stuff and also state my preferences more with the people in my inner circle. With the others, I'd just accommodate or avoid them as needed if I didn't think the potential conflict was worth it. I would be very verbally appreciative and specific about what I value or like in the people in my inner circle and would also regularly express love towards them. I might talk more openly about some things to my friends and acquaintances because the stakes are not as high as they are in my very inner circle relationships, but generally I'd prefer to be open with the people I'm closest to. I take more chances socially with the inner circle people and might display a surprising snarky or racy sense of humour and more playfulness. I like having pet names or jokes or sayings with those people - stuff that distinguishes them for the history they have with me and for their importance to me. I would prefer to share the same basic beliefs or important values with the people in my inner circle, although it doesn't always work that way. The more we have in common, the easier I find it is to share who I really am without fear of what their private opinions about it are.
