Idealists - How do you deal with cynical people?

[cascadeco]

I don't mind unless there's a constant air of negativity around that person.
I want to hear their opinion, understand it and where it comes from, chatter about it. Ask about perspectives and so on.
I probably lack faith in people about as much as the cynics. But hell, we're all humane. Not good nor evil; imperfect.

From another point of view.. It's funny, but I got a comment of being a positive person again. Not really. I mostly see it so that others are excessivily negative. It wears me down listening to all that talk of nothing being possible and never changing and people being evil etc. And then reflecting it into something I've said. I wonder how they handle my constant "Okay. So you want that/want someone to stop doing something/want to achieve that? Great, let's make a plan! It's possible you know."
I'm aware that it's not following the rules of the conversation nor being what's expected, but it's my way of handling it.

Although I'm supposed to be an 'Idealist', I can be quite cynical at times, and could probably give some of the other temperaments a run for their money.

I'm more interested in WHY someone thinks the way they do about people and things.

Although like sade mentions, these days I'm not one who wants to hang around a cynical environment or cynical person for a super long time. It's just draining (not to mention unpleasant), esp. if the person is so far down that path that they just rant, and don't make any effort to change either the situation or their perspective on the situation.

I think the cynical person is typically very unhappy/in pain himself - hence, he projects that unhappiness/angst out to the world at large. So it's more interesting sometimes to find out what's going on with that person's life, to figure out why that person might be so cynical about the World. And with really cynical people, I've found it can actually be kinda easy to just let the words flow over you, and then flip the table on them and just redirect the whole conversation to other topics. If you're not deeply impacted/affected by what they say, and don't fall into the negativity with them, then they kind of lose their momentum. The rants only continue if you allow them to continue.

 

[kiddykat]

Sorry if I repeat. After second thoughts, I think whoever thinks that people are fundamentally evil, as a general whole.. makes me think of the environment they grew up in in their critical, child-rearing phase? (ages 0-5).

I think for some, such as serial-killers/mass-murderers, their inherent cruelty stems from perhaps extremely toxic environments that caused them to morbidly shape their reality in some odd way? Perhaps they had zero positive role-models? IDK..

I mean, after my dad passed away, I had to live with other families that were pretty abusive, temporarily.. I turned out okay. i think it's because by that time, I was old enough to *know.*My dad's love carried afar and helped strengthen me as a human being.. I am forever grateful.

I don't know what to make of the situation, but to perhaps be me? Maybe by influencing them, they can change for the better? That's why I think I'm a bit idealistic in that sense. I do agree- there are limits though, right?

 

[Nadir]

I see no reason to judge this person just because of their cynicism. "People are fundamentally bad" might not be 100% accurate, but you sure aren't going to convince me of its opposite either.

 

[Kangirl]

The way to deal with cynics is to lock them in a room with 6 or more puppies and kittens. Do not let them out for at least 3 hours.

When they do come out, they will be giddy with joy and good humour.

 

[JocktheMotie]

The way to deal with cynics is to lock them in a room with 6 or more puppies and kittens. Do not let them out for at least 3 hours.

When they do come out, they will be giddy with joy and good humour.

If you do that to me, I just wouldn't be as hungry as I was when I was locked in there.

Yum.

 

[Synapse]

A friend believes that people are fundamentally bad. How do you react?

Like badass, selfish or twisted bad.

What that implies to me is that the persons views have become fuzzy in such a way that their trust level toward any person is minimal in such a way that their primary assumption is that everyone is in some way bad and not to be trusted. Of course I'd be trying to find out or at least be curious what made the friend adopt such a belief system in the first place, what their personal history was like how their current personal life is like, is there any positive experiences or negative experiences that reinforce or dismiss the idea of people being bad for them. This can happen easy say if you get robbed, you are going to be more security conscious, if you get lots of bad experiences you are going to be more cynical and guarded, less trusting and assume the worst rather than the best of people.

 

[Kasper]

The way to deal with cynics is to lock them in a room with 6 or more puppies and kittens. Do not let them out for at least 3 hours.

When they do come out, they will be giddy with joy and good humour.

RIP poor 'lil puppy-kittens, your lives weren't in vain, you made a cynic giddy with joy

 

[Kangirl]

I did NOT mean for the cynic to dispose of the baby animals! They are meant to romp and play with them. Good lord!

And Jock, I know you'd never hurt a baby kitteh.

 

[01011010]

I'm not quite an idealist, but I would ask the friend, in what way are people fundamentally bad? Then from there I would probably end up steering the conversation towards the idea that we can easily define humans as fundamentally good or bad, and that the truth is that they are neither.

Yes.

Good and bad are so subjective to begin with.

 

[alcea rosea]

A friend believes that people are fundamentally bad. How do you react?

I try to ignore very cynical people. If I have to deal with them, I try to ignore most of what they say...

 

[mlittrell]

i make fun of their cynicism. it lightens them up a bit. or i do an over dramatic cynicism and they see how stupid it is. depends on the person.

 

[Halla74]

A friend believes that people are fundamentally bad. How do you react?

Tell you friend that means he/she is also fundamentally bad. So there. Rock on with your bad self.

 

[Lady_X]

Tell you friend that means he/she is also fundamentally bad. So there. Rock on with your bad self.

haha!! that's how ya do it kids!

 

[tommydystonic]

I am a fluctuating bias towards both cynicism and seeing the light in all people. Though i believe the whole neutral thing.

 

[Halla74]

All human beings are capable of doing great good, or doing great evil. We are creatures of free will. We are the products of our genetics + our formative environment operating in the life of our current experiences. To cast all humans into the "all good" or "all bad" category is juvenile bullshit, IMHO.

Thinking as above causes needless pessimistic baggage to poisons one's constitution and wastes brain capacity from accomplishing bigger and better things, like helping old ladies with their groceries, finding great new music, or doing whatever necessary to give the cute girl that's about to get on a bus a flower with your phone number wrapped around it. I'm living my life, not walking around with a poopy little attitude sulking about how mean and bad all the people around me are. Whatever.

 

[proteanmix]

Wow, so I guess I'll check in as a cynical person.

I aspire to be realistic (not pessimistic) about the range of behavior people are capable of. I'm not one who particularly wants to have on rose-colored glasses about people, but wants see them for who and what they are.

And I just looked cynical up and it suggests a disbelief in the sincerity of human motives. Yeah, I do that a lot. In fact I just got this email from Career Track about the different types of "people:"

• The Know-It-Alls: They're arrogant and usually have an opinion on every issue. When they're wrong, they get defensive.
• The Passives: These people never offer ideas or let you know where they stand.
• The Dictators: They bully and intimidate. They're constantly demanding and brutally critical.
• The Gripers: Is anything ever right with them? They prefer complaining to finding solutions.
• The "Yes" People: They agree to any commitment, yet rarely deliver. You can't trust them to follow through.
• The "No" People: They are quick to point out why something won't work. Worse, they're inflexible.

I guess what I call being cynical (I can't think of a more neutral word for it) is having a conscious awareness of the more negative aspects of a person's behavior and incorporating that element into my assessments about that person. You see this type of behavior from people on a daily basis and being ready for how to recognize and deal with it is my approach. I mean I can picture a few of my coworkers doing some shady shady shit, based on how their mind runs and what they've done. I'd be stupid to ignore that, I think.

I'm not saying it should overtake you and morph into some horrible misanthrope or a perpetual Debbie Downer or Bob Bummer cause that really isn't any fun. Nope, not at all.

 

[ceecee]

I aspire to be realistic (not pessimistic) about the range of behavior people are capable of. I'm not one who particularly wants to have on rose-colored glasses about people, but wants see them for who and what they are.

I see myself fitting this description more than being cynical. I have difficulty with the concept of trusting/believing/feeling people are good right from the get-go until they cause me to believe otherwise. That's foolish. Lay it out there in front of me, mane. If you're an asshole then show me. If you're not I want to see that too.

 

[Moiety]

I just tell them "You're right. Best start watching your back next time we hang out."

 

[Tiltyred]

That's something I would definitely leave the other person alone about. If you can't handle their outlook, leave them be. Telling them they're wrong won't help anything. If they could trust talk, they would not be where they are now.

Really the only thing you can do to change the opinion that people are bad is not to be bad.

And I think if you get caught up in forcing the person to change his/her mind via talk rather than the slow way, via experience and letting the person come to see this on his own, you will get dropped before you will have a chance to have an effect.

So polish your halo and practice your patience and be good, really good, good enough so they can see it.

Or walk off.

 

[Antreus]

Fundamentally bad is pretty ambiguous if you ask me. Economists relate many things based on individuals decisions that are rooted in self-interest. But people don't always do things in their self interest, are rather gregarious, and do follow herd mentality.

The world does suffer. I guess it depends on how you deal with cynics. I think it is healthy to incorporate what is ideal with what is reality and set a course from there. The goal being to alleviate or end suffering. I think most of our problems are man made, thus they can be fixed by man.

Saying all people are fundamentally bad, which is subjective entirely, I don't see as a good argument. What is bad depends on where in society you stand at any given point, as is what is good. What is bad for me and my circle may not carry the same light in another.

Saying all people are bad, it seems he is protecting himself far too much from the external world thus limiting his perspective a bit I think. If that is your only outlook on life it will reciprocate to you in kind. Seeing the world as ugly in bad tends to have it reflect that much heavily on your reasoning and perceptions.

All things are perpetual and in motion, hard to say one thing is the same no matter what.