I know I've already posted, but...

[VILLANELLE]

I wrote a lot of this throughout the day on my phone.. I just had to get it out, sorry to clog up the forum.

I don't think I'm a good person. I'm really questioning my MBTI, I don't know who my true self is. I'm not lost, or anything like that; we're all cosmic things in this world or whatever.

I'm pretty quiet (shy), I like being around people. I'm not good around kids, and I'm actually kind of awkward around them and people, but I try to fit in. I always feel like an outsider, like I'm weirder than most, but I know I'm more ordinary at the end of the day. I've been told I'm charming and this is true because I tend to get things to go my way. Like a good luck, go by the skin of my teeth kind of thing.

I kind of just want to get through things and get to the next thing. I'm not against living in the present moment, in fact i am in my head a lot. I'm mentally checked out, one foot is in the present, the other is somewhere else.

I like general ideas and stuff but I don't know about theories, I'm very specific and I like facts but I'm a big speculator about things. I always draw my own conclusions to problems.

I'm very security-based (this is the enneagram talking) and I always confirm and re-check plans, much to others misunderstanding and annoyance. I just want things to go like they are supposed to. If plans change on the way, that's fine by me. I feel like I'm just going through the motions, through my days, through life. That was how I treated my high school years, but I didn't like anyone and nobody liked me, I just wanted to get out of hell. I never had any plan except get out, get through the day and take it to the next.

I'm a very emotional/overdramatic person, I've always liked performing and attention, singing a song or doing some trick or something. I'm not the most outgoing person but I have a weird sense of humor and my comic timing isn't great, but I have my moments. Whenever I've tried to stand out, I've been ostracized, and when I've tried to fit in, it's the same treatment. But i don't really care about that anymore, I'm just doing things for myself. I'm less agreeable than I look, I'm very stubborn in my tastes and whatnot, although I can come around, if I don't want to do something, you can't push me. I won't budge. I do things on my own time and when I feel like it. These days I'm feeling a bit more motivated and I'm trying to not worry about life too much, I guess.

I'm more analytical than I want to let on, I have a vast emotional memory that I hate, but I don't remember everything, it's just random moments. Like if I'm hurt, or general memories, or the "what ifs" type of thing. I don't drink very much, not until I was able legally; I am very nervous about substances. I do like that warm feeling alcohol gives you, though, that buzz. That's all I need. Alcohol opens me up more, to a degree, but it's also a depressant so it's like feeling good and bad at the same time.

I have a vast array of interests. I'm ever-changing in my interests, I pick new things up almost weekly. Sometimes I envision new obsessions but don't pick them up, it's just a thought. But I drop interests the second I'm done, I completely cut it out and disassociate it from myself. Sometimes I revisit interests/subjects, but it's not the same to me and the desire isn't there to engage in it again.

I'm a sentimental person, to a degree. I like being acknowledged and when people remember things I've told them or if they know I might like something. But I have no issue with cutting ties with people and moving on, particularly family. I'm not in the place to do that right now, but I could easily leave and start anew somewhere. And I've always wanted to, for god knows how long. You can make your family. I'm a pretty reserved/distant person when it comes to communication, but it's only because I don't want to intrude and I pick up on vibes and undertones and all of that stuff, I've always been sensitive to it. It's like my whole life I've just spent it walking on eggshells. I'm more comfortable when I'm alone.

I have a lot of energy I feel I have to get rid of. Sometimes I just turn my music up really loud, sometimes I have to move around, sometimes I think myself into exhaustion. I used to watch a lot of television but now I don't anymore because I get tired from that and I have to turn my brain off. I like to get away from a lot of noise and stuff, but I like being around the action and I like knowing what's going on.

I'm a very talkative person but I downplay what I know because I don't want to weird people out.

 

[Mayflower]

I really want to give you a precise answer, but I'll need the night to gather my thoughts. If any consolation, I feel the Fi burning off you.

 

[VILLANELLE]

I really want to give you a precise answer, but I'll need the night to gather my thoughts. If any consolation, I feel the Fi burning off you.

I feel that too. It's probably dumb but it's like my Fi is mostly used up during the day when I'm doing tasks or something? I'm definitely very introspective...

 

[Mayflower]

XNFP, but we knew that already. I'd say ENFP. Extroverts can me introspective, but it's all about what is focuses on. INFP (Fi) focuses more on worth. What one values, convictions, an internal image or standard of "what should be" and so on. Ne to it is more of a tool, seeing the connections and possibilities toward that (i.e. personal growth). ENFP is more lax with Fi, being aux. It's all about that Dom Ne, Focusing on the connections and possibilities provided by the world first and foremost. Fi aux is more of a guide that helps limits the pursuit of all these options (the one's that you value).

 

[VILLANELLE]

XNFP, but we knew that already. I'd say ENFP. Extroverts can me introspective, but it's all about what is focuses on. INFP (Fi) focuses more on worth. What one values, convictions, an internal image or standard of "what should be" and so on. Ne to it is more of a tool, seeing the connections and possibilities toward that (i.e. personal growth). ENFP is more lax with Fi, being aux. It's all about that Dom Ne, Focusing on the connections and possibilities provided by the world first and foremost. Fi aux is more of a guide that helps limits the pursuit of all these options (the one's that you value).

I feel like that fits, I agree. I'm more about personal growth these days, I guess, although I hold my values and stuff close to my heart? I don't really know. I just feel like I'm changing and opening up more, which is a good thing. I don't know how to describe that besides, while I'm usually pretty pessimistic, I'm trying to be optimistic about a lot of things. And take my time and stuff and not worry about what others are doing. I fucking loathe being compared to others, like, I'm not good enough on my own? I tear myself down enough by myself as it is, honestly.