INFtha14
:)
- Joined
- Dec 9, 2008
- Messages
- 1,844
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 6w7
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/sx
I want to be happy at this time of year but I always get little bouts of melancholy.
I miss my dad. I miss my last grandfather who passed away october 2nd 2011.
It's christmas time. It's been six years. It seems to get harder to sit by the tree.
It's my own personal tradition every year but I feel saddened too.
When I feel like this I don't want to go to work. I don't want to do anything. I just want to be alone. Such a deep sadness. Really hate feeling this way. Makes my stomach feel sick. Though could be because I have a cold.
I try to laugh and smile. And I do but I get sad too. Then I get that feeling of just not being able to smile. it sucks. What happened to me? I decorate the tree and I know it will end up in needing to be hugged by someone or just to cry. I miss my dad... I miss my grandfather/grandparents. Perhaps I miss my childhood.
Miss who I felt I was when I was carefree. Wouldn't trade it but it really hurts at times. I so easily want to drown myself in candy and junk food/in tears. I try to be strong but I can only be so strong. I feel the abscence of his presence during holidays. Funny thing about losing a loved one(s) and holidays. Headache inducing.
It just makes me anxious feeling this way. And tired. Emotionally drained.
Wanting to run but knowing that's not the answer. I try to watch christmas movies to cheer myself up but still only is a temporary band aid. I guess I just got accept it and allow the pain to happen. Not fun. Always been hard to do with such a heavy intense matter.
Well. Anyway. I do want to wish everyone Happy Holidays truly. Have a good one and new year. - Dots.
P.S I may post some music in my next blog as I notice that provides alittle relief. But really I'm hiding from the pain. But music gives me joy, something to smile at. Never fails <3.
I miss my dad. I miss my last grandfather who passed away october 2nd 2011.
It's christmas time. It's been six years. It seems to get harder to sit by the tree.
It's my own personal tradition every year but I feel saddened too.
When I feel like this I don't want to go to work. I don't want to do anything. I just want to be alone. Such a deep sadness. Really hate feeling this way. Makes my stomach feel sick. Though could be because I have a cold.
I try to laugh and smile. And I do but I get sad too. Then I get that feeling of just not being able to smile. it sucks. What happened to me? I decorate the tree and I know it will end up in needing to be hugged by someone or just to cry. I miss my dad... I miss my grandfather/grandparents. Perhaps I miss my childhood.
Miss who I felt I was when I was carefree. Wouldn't trade it but it really hurts at times. I so easily want to drown myself in candy and junk food/in tears. I try to be strong but I can only be so strong. I feel the abscence of his presence during holidays. Funny thing about losing a loved one(s) and holidays. Headache inducing.
It just makes me anxious feeling this way. And tired. Emotionally drained.
Wanting to run but knowing that's not the answer. I try to watch christmas movies to cheer myself up but still only is a temporary band aid. I guess I just got accept it and allow the pain to happen. Not fun. Always been hard to do with such a heavy intense matter.
Well. Anyway. I do want to wish everyone Happy Holidays truly. Have a good one and new year. - Dots.
P.S I may post some music in my next blog as I notice that provides alittle relief. But really I'm hiding from the pain. But music gives me joy, something to smile at. Never fails <3.
