Humility, confidence, low self-esteem, and arrogance

[Mole]

...never lie to yourself. know what you can know and cannot know...

I am told there are things you know, and things you don't know, and things you know you don't know, and finally things you don't know you don't know.

And the most delightful are things you don't know you don't know because they always come as a surprise.

And surprisingly there is a part of your brain that is devoted to knowing what comes next.

This is a very persistent part of our brain because our survival depends on it. And it is very difficult to turn off

It is very difficult to turn off because when we turn it off, we feel an almost overwhelming fear.

And we feel this fear, quite understandably, because our survival is threatened. And our survival instinct is even more powerful than our sexual instinct.

So we immediately and instinctively feel fear and the flight or fight response is activated.

And when we feel this fear of the unknown, our mind immediately makes up or imagines some explanation, whether it is true or not.

So we cling desperately to what we imagine we know.

But if we have the courage to be afraid, after a while our fear subsides and everything comes as a surprise.

The Ancients knew this and expressed it in the book, "The Cloud of Unknowing", by Anonymous.

And they knew that the reward for unknowing was surprise. The whole world comes as a surprise after surprise after surprise.

And life becomes a surprise party.

Who would know?

 

[INTJMom]

Pardon me for my inability to think or answer like an INTP.
I will be giving you INTJ answers.
Hopefully you will find it nonetheless useful.

What is confidence? What separates it from arrogance?

Confidence and arrogance are very closely related, I think. I have struggled it the past with being confident, and not being arrogant. I think confidence is the sense that you're pretty secure that you know what you're doing/taking about. Arrogance comes in when you are closed off to other opinions. You want to aim to have a teachable spirit. If you are not teachable, you are too arrogant for your own good.

What is humility? What separates it from low self-esteem?

Humility is wrapped up in the consideration of other people. Someone who is humble isn't arrogant or pushy. They defer to the wishes or desires of others because they don't feel like they have to control or dominate all the time. They treat other people they way they would like to be treated. Humility lets the other person go first sometimes. It's complex and I don't feel as though I have fully described it, but there's a start.

Low self-esteem can look like humility on the surface, in that they may behave the same way, but low self esteem comes more from a position of powerlessness. It acts like a doormat because it doesn't have enough respect for itself to do any differently. Low self esteem says, "I'm not important; you go first." Contrasted with humility that says, "You're important to me; you go first."

How does one cultivate confidence and humility while curbing arrogance and problems with low self-esteem?

Learn the truth about yourself, i.e. nobody really cares what you think and you're not that important.

Every human in this world is carrying around hurts from the past.
I have found that the more I have healed from those wounds of the past,
the more I have developed those more desirable traits you are asking about.
It happens all together at the same time.

The wounds make us irritable and defensive.
Healing allows us to be free to love other people.

The only way I know how to do this is through a relationship with God.

 

[LostInNerSpace]

What is confidence? What separates it from arrogance?

What is humility? What seperates it from low self-esteem?

How does one cultivate confidence and humility while curbing arrogance and problems with low self-esteem?

Confidence is about setting and achieving goals. By setting and achieving goals you prove to yourself that you can actually do whatever it is you want to do.

Arrogance is a product of low self-esteem. Arrogant people are ruled by their egos.

A humble person is one who is in control of their ego and is able to maintain a sense of perspective.

A person with low self-esteem does not value them-self highly. My anthropoligical theory is that people on the bottom rung of society are fighting for their survival. This survival mode makes them selfish. They take, take, take as much as possible because their survival depends on it. People higher up the food chain--better educated and earning more--stand to gain by cooperating with others to help society as a whole move forward. These are humble people. Humble people need a balance between humilty and ego because there are always egotistical people out to steal their lunch. Humble people have to watch out egotistical individuals. You need sharp teeth to bite back if and when it becomes necessary. It's always possible to go too far (bush, putin), just as it's possible to not go far enough.

 

[Moiety]

What is confidence? What separates it from arrogance?

What is humility? What seperates it from low self-esteem?

How does one cultivate confidence and humility while curbing arrogance and problems with low self-esteem?

Confidence and arrogance are in the eye of the beholder. They are both about knowing/thinking you are good and letting others know that.

Humility is knowing/thinking you are good, and not let others know.
Low self esteem is knowing/thinking you are bad, and either letting/not letting others know.