Hi everyone,
a few weeks ago, I met a cute ENFP girl I really like and until yesterday everything went fine.
Since I am an INTP and I have trouble understanding other people (and in particular women), I have some questions to you ENFPs (and everyone who has some experience with ENFPs) and hope you can help me.
My situation is the following:
She is the sister of a female coworker/friend and I first met her at our study prom.
At the same weekend I helped them with the move into a new appartment because I promised it to my coworker (they both now live together with a common friend).
Thereafter she texted me to thank me for my help and eventually we met to watch a movie.
It was great and it didn't bother me that she didn't follow my move to kiss her, as she said because she "doesn't do this on the first meeting".
After that we had another meeting where we kissed, and a few days later we had a cinema date after which we kissed, too.
So when she invited me to "bake apple pie", I thought she would mean some other activity, too.
Instead, she totally rejected my moves (after cuddling pretty long and a little flirting) and it ended with a pretty weird conversation.
When she suddenly asked me about my intentions I foolishly started pussyfooting; I still don't know why I wasn't prepared for this.
After that, there were statements from her like: "I am volatile", "I don't want to hurt you", "Sometimes I think I don't have feelings at all",
"I don't want to be too nice, so I don't send the wrong signals" (my personal favourite, WTF?), "I don't want to ruin it",
"I don't want to do something and regret it later", "I want to take things slowly" and all the like, but she also mentioned that she likes me a lot, too.
I mean, right know I'm pretty pissed, since I would do everything for her... I always picked her up, helped her with stuff and paid everything.
The only time I requested her to do me a favor (to pick me up from the station after a weekend trip) she didn't do it, because she "had to console a friend" who got dumped.
In general she spends time with a lot of guys. She said this is due to her being more comfortable around guys and I really don't want to make a problem of it.
But she also mentioned that she had the reputation of exploiting guys and slowly I begin to understand why.
Somehow I get the impression that I get nothing back. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy spending time with her, but... I don't know. It just reminds me of the "hooked" episode of HIMYM.
Now I really don't know what to do. It has never been easy for me with women because of my INTP nature (overanalyzing) and she is the first one I am comfortable with
for quite a long time.
I really have a crush on her and could imagine a relationship with her (something that seemed far far away before I met her), but I also wonder whether both of us are ready for it.
Should I have gone all-in? How do you ENFPs like to be "asked out"? Are you straightforward or do you like to make a game out of it?
What's the matter with these contradictory signals?
Did I screw it up with my answer instead of being more direct?
How do you express romantic/sexual interest?
Thanks in advance,
EG
a few weeks ago, I met a cute ENFP girl I really like and until yesterday everything went fine.
Since I am an INTP and I have trouble understanding other people (and in particular women), I have some questions to you ENFPs (and everyone who has some experience with ENFPs) and hope you can help me.
My situation is the following:
She is the sister of a female coworker/friend and I first met her at our study prom.
At the same weekend I helped them with the move into a new appartment because I promised it to my coworker (they both now live together with a common friend).
Thereafter she texted me to thank me for my help and eventually we met to watch a movie.
It was great and it didn't bother me that she didn't follow my move to kiss her, as she said because she "doesn't do this on the first meeting".
After that we had another meeting where we kissed, and a few days later we had a cinema date after which we kissed, too.
So when she invited me to "bake apple pie", I thought she would mean some other activity, too.
Instead, she totally rejected my moves (after cuddling pretty long and a little flirting) and it ended with a pretty weird conversation.
When she suddenly asked me about my intentions I foolishly started pussyfooting; I still don't know why I wasn't prepared for this.
After that, there were statements from her like: "I am volatile", "I don't want to hurt you", "Sometimes I think I don't have feelings at all",
"I don't want to be too nice, so I don't send the wrong signals" (my personal favourite, WTF?), "I don't want to ruin it",
"I don't want to do something and regret it later", "I want to take things slowly" and all the like, but she also mentioned that she likes me a lot, too.
I mean, right know I'm pretty pissed, since I would do everything for her... I always picked her up, helped her with stuff and paid everything.
The only time I requested her to do me a favor (to pick me up from the station after a weekend trip) she didn't do it, because she "had to console a friend" who got dumped.
In general she spends time with a lot of guys. She said this is due to her being more comfortable around guys and I really don't want to make a problem of it.
But she also mentioned that she had the reputation of exploiting guys and slowly I begin to understand why.
Somehow I get the impression that I get nothing back. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy spending time with her, but... I don't know. It just reminds me of the "hooked" episode of HIMYM.
Now I really don't know what to do. It has never been easy for me with women because of my INTP nature (overanalyzing) and she is the first one I am comfortable with
for quite a long time.
I really have a crush on her and could imagine a relationship with her (something that seemed far far away before I met her), but I also wonder whether both of us are ready for it.
Should I have gone all-in? How do you ENFPs like to be "asked out"? Are you straightforward or do you like to make a game out of it?
What's the matter with these contradictory signals?
Did I screw it up with my answer instead of being more direct?
How do you express romantic/sexual interest?
Thanks in advance,
EG