Bold: Taking this away from typology for a moment, that isn't terribly surprising. (And often is one of the most aggravating things about relationships that don't line up well.) No one likes being vulnerable and showing that one care(s/d) is being vulnerable. It is possible this didn't affect her at all. It is equally possible that this was very wounding to her. Sans speaking to her directly (and of course getting an accurate response), one cannot draw an accurate conclusion as to how she views things. The part that sucks is that we so rarely get satisfying closure on relationships. A good skill to learn (but so difficult to implement) is to find closure as best as you can on your own. Not the most immediately satisfying advice.
That's right. Right now I'm really fine, but still don't know exactly how to handle the situation.
I'm thinking about talking to her again in two weeks or so to provide definite closure, on the other hand chances are that it won't bring me anything except slipslop from her.
But I somehow would like to know whether she's thinking "What a pity! I liked him" or "I'm glad I got rid of this guy", even if it in fact doesn't matter.
Still curious whether her sister adresses the topic though.
And I think about throwing myself out there on every girl that might be a "target". I know that this is nothing but overcompensation, but I'm under the impression of being in something like a Ne-Fe loop.
Is this a thing? Never heard about something like an auxiliary-inferior loop, at least not in my age.
Red: I just have to point out that feeling the need to ask for advice in regarding someone else's volatility/unpredictability speaks to me that the odds of you "doing better" in some magical fashion are near nil. If we were making a graph your hyperbolic line would be crashing to zero pretty quickly. It doesn't matter what type is in that blank.
Volatile is just never a good descriptor that is conducive to a positive relationship.
Can you explain this to me somehow? I think I don't get it.
This thread came into existence because my experience in the last two years is zero and I hadn't dealt with ENFP-ness before.
Despite the fact that it didn't work out, I think now I understand many things a little better. So I probably would formulate it different now.
Blue: I am really glad to see this part here.
I love it when I see people doing things that make them uncomfortable because those are the moments that are going to give you the best chance for personal growth.
Another good thing I see in this is that you feel ready for this kind of step with someone, and you are acknowledging that. There is something to a person's vibe/aura when they do (or do not) want a relationship.
Yes, that is something I was very afraid of. But now I see many things different (thank god).
But maybe this aura is what made her run away, I don't know.
At the bolded blue (I am sorry if I am seemingly nitpicking your word choice here) I advise some caution to not idealize this girl in a manner in which you are placing a girl such as her above your reach. I guess I just point this out because I don't want you to link positive thoughts such as cool/beautiful with volatile/unpredictable.
You're right here, and I don't! I made this mistake often enough a few years ago and now I know how stupid that was.
Back then I switched between placing those girls far above me and hating them. Very, very unhealthy.
But now I'm mature enough to see that she's cool and so on and why I liked her, but at the same time know that she's not out of my reach.
Actually our time (as short as it was) and her initial interest show me that she's in fact nowhere above me.
Meanwhile I think this didn't break because of my goofiness, but because of her situation in life (aka doesn't want to commit) and her fears to hurt me or get hurt herself.
I see this as another trap, and one that I experienced for far too long.
I well understand the allure of such a challenge (with such a prize!) as I was reigning champion of such pursuits for a long time. Just be cautious with how you approach this, I think, is my best advice.
There is a difference between getting someone who is naturally reserved to unfold like an origami swan, and someone who, for whatever reason, has no desire to open up.
I guess what I am meaning here is that intimacy shouldn't be a project. It should be a natural process. (Wherein each person can be a little ahead or behind each other, but usually within arms reach.
Not twelve flights up behind steel spiked doors.)
That's an interesting point of view and this is something I have to learn.
Just noticed I'm guilty of approaching relationships like projects. (Even if this was far worse a few years ago.)
I am glad to see this as well.
You come off as very thoughtful and I think that will be a great asset in your future relationship(s).
Thank you! I'm starting to see my strengths overriding my weaknesses/insecurities, which is nice.
And thank you for this response in general, I really appreciate it!
