[ISTJ] How does one go about wooing an ISTJ? (and other questions)

[d@v3]

Hey!! Good luck Tea! He WON'T forget. And he will appreciate what you have to say. Don't be nervous, you have nothing to fear, remember, no matter what he says, he will want to be your friend regardless.

 

[Costrin]

Alright, so I caught him in the hallway today and told him that I needed to talk to him in private soon.... so tomorrow will probably be the day I tell him. Um... do you think he'll remember that I needed to talk to him? If he forgets, should I still bring it up again? I'm really nervous and he seemed kind of unresponsive, even though earlier in the morning he was doing his whole "how are you" thing like normal. :c One of my friends said that he seemed tired in his third period and that's probably why he seemed unresponsive but I am still very worried... I don't want to bother him...

 

[Bubbles]

Alright, so I caught him in the hallway today and told him that I needed to talk to him in private soon.... so tomorrow will probably be the day I tell him. Um... do you think he'll remember that I needed to talk to him? If he forgets, should I still bring it up again? I'm really nervous and he seemed kind of unresponsive, even though earlier in the morning he was doing his whole "how are you" thing like normal. :c One of my friends said that he seemed tired in his third period and that's probably why he seemed unresponsive but I am still very worried... I don't want to bother him...

You'll do fine! I have complete faith in you, Tea. Group hug for support!

 

[swordpath]

I'm proud of Tea. You're doing good.

Let us know how things go and best of luck 2 u.

 

[Tea Party]

I am sad to tell you that I STILL have not gotten the chance to tell him...
He remembered on Friday, and even apologized that he could not talk to me the day before... I was so very touched that he remembered! C: He asked me what I wanted to talk about while we were both alone in the hallway, but classroom doors were open and stuff and it just didn't seem quite private enough, so I had to tell him that I needed to talk to him when no one else was around... I could tell from his face that he was probably wondering, "when is that THAT going to happen?" :U Gah, I probably should have just asked if we could go outside, but he was talking to me so I was not thinking very straight... xC
I guess I'm just going to wait for a few days until he asks me again when we are alone, and if he doesn't I may have to bring it up again myself... I tried writing a note but some of my guy friends told me that it probably wasn't a good idea. :c

Thanks SO MUCH to everyone for the emotional support and caring, it really means a lot to me. c: When I get to tell him I will make sure to tell you guys what happens!

 

[raz]

If an ISFJ cornered me to tell me how they felt about me, I'd be like....let's cuddle!

 

[Shadow]

I am sad to tell you that I STILL have not gotten the chance to tell him...
He remembered on Friday, and even apologized that he could not talk to me the day before... I was so very touched that he remembered! C: He asked me what I wanted to talk about while we were both alone in the hallway, but classroom doors were open and stuff and it just didn't seem quite private enough, so I had to tell him that I needed to talk to him when no one else was around... I could tell from his face that he was probably wondering, "when is that THAT going to happen?" :U Gah, I probably should have just asked if we could go outside, but he was talking to me so I was not thinking very straight... xC
I guess I'm just going to wait for a few days until he asks me again when we are alone, and if he doesn't I may have to bring it up again myself... I tried writing a note but some of my guy friends told me that it probably wasn't a good idea. :c

Thanks SO MUCH to everyone for the emotional support and caring, it really means a lot to me. c: When I get to tell him I will make sure to tell you guys what happens!

Aww, how frustrating! But good luck with carrying it through next time! Definitely try to tell him next time though. At least you spoke to him and he remembered you wanted to talk

 

[raz]

I bet he knows.

 

[d@v3]

I am sad to tell you that I STILL have not gotten the chance to tell him...
He remembered on Friday, and even apologized that he could not talk to me the day before... I was so very touched that he remembered! C: He asked me what I wanted to talk about while we were both alone in the hallway, but classroom doors were open and stuff and it just didn't seem quite private enough, so I had to tell him that I needed to talk to him when no one else was around... I could tell from his face that he was probably wondering, "when is that THAT going to happen?" :U Gah, I probably should have just asked if we could go outside, but he was talking to me so I was not thinking very straight... xC
I guess I'm just going to wait for a few days until he asks me again when we are alone, and if he doesn't I may have to bring it up again myself... I tried writing a note but some of my guy friends told me that it probably wasn't a good idea. :c

Thanks SO MUCH to everyone for the emotional support and caring, it really means a lot to me. c: When I get to tell him I will make sure to tell you guys what happens!

First of all, this is too cute. I'm sorry that it's so frustrating, but it really is cute. Anyway, I agree with what Raz was saying "let's cuddle" LOL! You now have him wondering what is going on. There is no reason to wait a few days or anything like that I don't think, but perhaps the girls on here have a different take on that. I know I personally don't like waiting games.

He is probably thinking there is something extremely bad that you have to tell him or something very good you have to tell him. Especially given that you told him you needed to talk to him in private. DON'T write a note. Why? Because you have already told him that you were going to TALK to him. So you kind of dug your own grave.

I'm GUESSING that he already knows what you have to say. But he won't tell you that because he might be wrong. So it is still up to you to bring it up again as he more than likely will NOT bring it up. We are just as shy as you are dear and you indicated that you would be the one to talk to him about it, not the other way around. Do not worry though, whatever he says, he will still want to be your friend and keep your friendship unscathed. He will not make fun of you, in fact, he will probably really appreciate your efforts to keep things private. Good luck and smile!

 

[Giggly]

Oh dear, how nerve wrecking. :S

Tea Party, could you talk to him outside of school?

 

[Eagle]

First of all, this is too cute. I'm sorry that it's so frustrating, but it really is cute. Anyway, I agree with what Raz was saying "let's cuddle" LOL! You now have him wondering what is going on. There is no reason to wait a few days or anything like that I don't think, but perhaps the girls on here have a different take on that. I know I personally don't like waiting games.

If he has any guess at the real reason why you wanted to talk he'll remember and remind you (typically).

He is probably thinking there is something extremely bad that you have to tell him or something very good you have to tell him. Especially given that you told him you needed to talk to him in private. DON'T write a note. Why? Because you have already told him that you were going to TALK to him. So you kind of dug your own grave.

I'm GUESSING that he already knows what you have to say. But he won't tell you that because he might be wrong. So it is still up to you to bring it up again as he more than likely will NOT bring it up. We are just as shy as you are dear and you indicated that you would be the one to talk to him about it, not the other way around. Do not worry though, whatever he says, he will still want to be your friend and keep your friendship unscathed. He will not make fun of you, in fact, he will probably really appreciate your efforts to keep things private. Good luck and smile!

He might bring it up. I say about 50% chance. He probably already does have an inclination for your reasons of talking with him. He definitely won't say anything one way or another till you confirm or deny those suspicions.

I agree d@ve.

Also, yes it rather cute. I feel really bad for you (it's still cute though).

 

[Bubbles]

I am sad to tell you that I STILL have not gotten the chance to tell him...
He remembered on Friday, and even apologized that he could not talk to me the day before... I was so very touched that he remembered! C: He asked me what I wanted to talk about while we were both alone in the hallway, but classroom doors were open and stuff and it just didn't seem quite private enough, so I had to tell him that I needed to talk to him when no one else was around... I could tell from his face that he was probably wondering, "when is that THAT going to happen?" :U Gah, I probably should have just asked if we could go outside, but he was talking to me so I was not thinking very straight... xC
I guess I'm just going to wait for a few days until he asks me again when we are alone, and if he doesn't I may have to bring it up again myself... I tried writing a note but some of my guy friends told me that it probably wasn't a good idea. :c

Thanks SO MUCH to everyone for the emotional support and caring, it really means a lot to me. c: When I get to tell him I will make sure to tell you guys what happens!

Aw, I've had this problem before. Don't worry. You WILL get your chance. (I don't know how old you are, but...does he drive? When I was in a similar scenario to the one you're in, I got my chance after my guy had driven everyone to hang out and then drove everyone home. I was the last one to be dropped off, and neither of us felt like ending the night just yet, so we talked. And I told him.) Anyway, no one can be around oodles of people forever, so you'll get your opportunity.

And like d@v3 said, he both a) probably has at least considered that you like him, and b) he's still hanging out with you, right? This is a gooood sign! If he didn't at least like you as a friend, he'd be shunning you right now. But we've all established that you're good friends, so...yeah, that might've been obvious. Sorry.

Oh, and guys never find notes. I've tried that. They get lost somehow or another...most frustrating.

Anyway, we're all rooting for you--this is too gosh darn cute--and we hope all goes well!

 

[FallaciaSonata]

Everyone here has established great views and advice. I'm not sure I can add much to it. Being an ISTJ myself, I agree with all of it. I sort of understand what's happening in terms of age --- I'm going to be 18 come June.

All I can say is....when it comes to dating, I don't play around. It's very serious business. I suppose that's part of the whole loyalty/commitment thing that's ingrained in my brain. The best advice I can give is to be straightforward.

Personally, I am absolutely horrible at picking up on "hints", and I definitely cannot read minds. Especially the minds of women. If a girl was interested in me, my ideal way of learning this would be for her to just say so. Point-blank. No hint-dropping, no goofy stuff.

Good luck. ; )

 

[Eagle]

this is too gosh darn cute

It is cute.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

I'm currently wooing an ISTJ. At least I think so. It hasn't been on purpose.

 

[swordpath]

^lol

 

[raz]

I'm currently wooing an ISTJ. At least I think so. It hasn't been on purpose.

I don't doubt it. I seem to bump into INFJs that make me admire them.

 

[Tea Party]

Aaah, well, I hope this doesn't really disappoint everyone. :c

He DID continue to remind me, almost every day for a week. Somewhere in the middle of this he started dating the ENFP again. (Although one of my friends who has third period with him says he overheard him talking about her, and said that he went to her house/she went to his house sometime over the weekend and it was really "awkward," or something. He is not 100% sure about her, but he's still dating her. Again. I'm not trying to be hopeful, I am sincerely confused: why would an ISTJ do this?) When he reminded me after he started dating her again I had no idea what to do, I wasn't sure if I should tell him anymore because he was officially taken, so I just sort of froze and didn't say anything and he said, "okay... maybe later, then?" and I was like, "yeah." x_x

The next day he caught me and said, "heyyy, so we never had that talk," and I said in a voice that was most likely inaudible that I wasn't sure if I should tell him anymore. "You could write it down for me in a note," he said, and I asked if he was sure. And then he sort of didn't really look at me and said, "Well, I could probably GUESS... but it wouldn't be the same as you telling me." (To this, several of my female friends told me I should have asked him to guess, but it freaked me out so much that there was no way I could have been so quick on my feet verbally.) So I meeped and said okay. :U

I wrote him a short and apologetic note and tried my best to be as to-the-point as I could. It was basically just "I love you" and some explaining why I've acted the way I have, obviously I wasn't telling him to dump his girlfriend for me or anything. I gave it to him at the end of the day and he smiled and thanked me. I was horribly nervous.

The next day he greeted me like normal and was very friendly, and I was quite disappointed in myself for wincing and not really being able to look at him. And as he was leaving he looked over at me from the door and was like, "Oh. And I read your note....... yeah," making this weird face that I had never seen him make before that was sort of like a smile, but... not really? :/ I just looked at him with what I'm sure was truly pitiful face, and didn't say anything. And he walked out.

So that's the story. I am really glad that he still greeted me like normal, I hope we can still be friends. It would be so awful to loose him completely. :C I'm sorry if you guys feel like I have wasted your time! I do feel better, in a way, now that I have told him, (which I suppose is why he wanted me to tell him?) although it still hurts a lot. At the moment I am trying my best not to think about it too much, but I knew I had to post the results here. Knowing me, I will probably continue to still be in love with him for a while yet... and once I get over it I am sorely tempted to go back into my whole "I never want to be in love" mindset again, only this time ten times stronger. :c My ISTJ is very dear to me but I'm afraid he hasn't been very good for my poor little brain, especially considering that I am already somewhat prone to depression. :/ Romantic love is just not a good idea for someone like me.

 

[Costrin]

So ya... I suck at this whole comforting thing, but you have my sympathies.

You should maybe consider distancing yourself from him, to give yourself time to get over him. It'd probably we wise to err on the side side of caution here as to how his relationship with the ENFP will go. Plus, he's an ISTJ, he'll likely be with her for quite a while at the very least.

I'm sorry if you guys feel like I have wasted your time!

No, of course not.

and once I get over it I am sorely tempted to go back into my whole "I never want to be in love" mindset again, only this time ten times stronger[...]. Romantic love is just not a good idea for someone like me.

Perhaps I'm overly optimistic, but I don't think that's true. You'll find someone. From what you posted on the forum I can tell you're a good person. There's someone in the world who will love you. You just gotta keep your eye open for him.


Ya.... so I don't really know what to say to help you, but at least I tried. It's the thought that counts anyway, right?

 

[Tea Party]

Ya.... so I don't really know what to say to help you, but at least I tried. It's the thought that counts anyway, right?

Of course. C: You are more of a help than you think.