[ENTJ] How do ENTJs become likeable and less threatening to others?

[Rachelinpa]

How do ENTJs become likeable and less threatening to others?

Smile more, snark less.

 

[Valiant]

I guess this has been talked over through and through, ENTJ with sugarcoating can approach any type in how laid back they are, and easy going. At least for me, I'm seeing a window in my situation for alternate behavior; I know I can avoid burnout, for example, by really tuning in to the feelings of the moment and really being laid back. If I've set up the time for it and I know I can do it, I can let myself go and enjoy it. Should the prequisites for such opportunity go away, I would start acting in a determined manner.

There are many kinds of chores to do. Some of them can be done with apparent determination, others need pleasing someone. For example, making everyone enjoy in a social situation. I love it, it's fun - it's just that I would not get into a loop of always being the funny man and neglecting my duties.

I think an effective ENTJ can act situationally to meet the needs of the situation, so that the grand plan is rock hard, while the appearance of the ENTJ might not be.

Balanced ENTJ can actually seem and feel pleasant while they're doing their duties, for the benefit of everyone around them, and themselves, too.

I hear ya. If there are stuff that needs doing, and stuff not going the way they are supposed to... How do you let go and "enjoy" the moment ?
I think everyone can relax on a beach with a drink, except maybe people with some weird skin disease. Buy anyway!
Are you saying that you somehow can relax even though you'd rather be doing something about it, just to not be a pain in the ass for others?

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

I hear ya. If there are stuff that needs doing, and stuff not going the way they are supposed to... How do you let go and "enjoy" the moment ?

I don't.

I think everyone can relax on a beach with a drink, except maybe people with some weird skin disease. Buy anyway!
Are you saying that you somehow can relax even though you'd rather be doing something about it, just to not be a pain in the ass for others?

No, rather I can output an acceptable image, if the situation calls for it. If it doesn't call for it, I start doing something about it.

So in my world view, pleasant, carefree situations are windows in time, made such by organizing everything around them well enough, so you can let yourself go for those moments. The carefree time can be relatively long, or something you don't have at all, depending on what you have and what you need.

 

[Valiant]

Sounds reasonable.

 

[Lateralus]

So in my world view, pleasant, carefree situations are windows in time, made such by organizing everything around them well enough, so you can let yourself go for those moments. The carefree time can be relatively long, or something you don't have at all, depending on what you have and what you need.

+1

 

[Kess]

Be magnanimous, that's when ENTJs are at their best! My Dad is ENTJ, so I have an appreciation for their style (hehe, I also know how to duck and weave the controlling stuff quite well.) I love the strong and generous ones.



In everyday life and for the people you care about it's great when an ENTJ clues you in on their processes a little. Why they are making a certain decision. It demonstrates awareness of other people, not just results or realizing your own grand plan. Be a little more collaborative even if you feel it's beneath you, others appreciate it. Fight the urge to dominate absolutely everything. For some your presence in the room is often forceful enough. Those things will soften the way an ENTJ comes off to others...




Could do without everything having to escalate to full scale battle! Pick your battles if you can...

Great advice. Maybe I should have more INFJ friends with insight.

 

[substitute]

ENTJ at their best: the merciful, benevolent overlord. Generous in victory, humble in defeat; firm but reasonable, feared by enemies and loved by subjects - that's the kind of leader people will march into battles for

An overly controlling, bad tempered, insensitive prick will find his soldiers half-hearted at best.

So said the ENTJ I was very close to.

 

[substitute]

HAHA! Same here. I see a thoughtfully laid out counterpoint as extremely interesting. Not that you'll be changing my mind, but it does breed opportunity for learning something worthwhile.

And I enjoy displays of intellect, if the arguments have depth and validity, meaning I'm not having to listen to someone droning on about things that have no relevance.

Oh. I wasn't quite thinking anything as benevolent or constructive as that. I was thinking more along the lines that if you can listen to somebody disagreeing with you in depth then you can learn a lot about the way they tick. If you can just accept that you're not going to change their minds (people very seldom change their minds) and just take it as an opportunity to learn how they tick, and don't take it personally, you can gather a lot of info about that person that you can use in future strategies. Makes it easier to persuade them of something in future, should the need arise

Knowledge is power, as they say. shut someone up and don't give them the chance to explain or inhibit them from speaking their mind, and you're turning down an opportunity for a lotta knowledge and therefore lessening your power. :machiavelli:

 

[WoodsWoman]

*sigh*
Glad I found this place - sure miss my personal ENTJ discussion partner.
... so ... just listening.

 

[mortabunt]

Whenever I meet an ENTJ, I have low expectations. I expect to be ignored until they have a tactical role that needs filling and they're out of decent tacticians. This kind of treatment almost made me betray the crew club.

 

[Jaguar]

Whenever I meet an ENTJ, I have low expectations.

Whenever I meet a bigot, I have low expectations.

 

[EcK]

It's a process.. that starts post mortem.

Eulogies you know.

 

[entropie]

 

[Valuable_Money]

Id tell you but I know one of them who is reading would use there newfound skills with people to take over the world.

 

[GrnEyz]

Oh. I wasn't quite thinking anything as benevolent or constructive as that. I was thinking more along the lines that if you can listen to somebody disagreeing with you in depth then you can learn a lot about the way they tick. If you can just accept that you're not going to change their minds (people very seldom change their minds) and just take it as an opportunity to learn how they tick, and don't take it personally, you can gather a lot of info about that person that you can use in future strategies. Makes it easier to persuade them of something in future, should the need arise

Knowledge is power, as they say. shut someone up and don't give them the chance to explain or inhibit them from speaking their mind, and you're turning down an opportunity for a lotta knowledge and therefore lessening your power. :machiavelli:

Years ago I learned a technique called "active listening and reflection." Basically, you listen closely to what the other person is saying (especially in a disagreement) and tell them they are feeling a certain way and rephrase what they just said.... something like "I realize you're concerned about the cost of repair... I appreciate that... I think it would be a good idea to talk with XYZ company." By doing this you have indicated hearing what they said, agreeing with them, and then offering an alternative.

 

[Shimmy]

Years ago I learned a technique called "active listening and reflection." Basically, you listen closely to what the other person is saying (especially in a disagreement) and tell them they are feeling a certain way and rephrase what they just said.... something like "I realize you're concerned about the cost of repair... I appreciate that... I think it would be a good idea to talk with XYZ company." By doing this you have indicated hearing what they said, agreeing with them, and then offering an alternative.

Awesome technique, I use that a lot when I try to convince people of something.

 

[mortabunt]

Whenever I meet a bigot, I have low expectations.

This was my ex crew coach, and he did exactly what I described. It lead to bad end season results. Not my doing, not that I did anything, since he practically removed me for the last two weeks :steamed.: It's not against ENTJ's personally, just against Coach Andy. Trying to get him to be anything less than a ruthless perfectionist was like :banghead:.

 

[Fidelia]

Generally, ENTJs can give off the impression that they are invincible and also are not overly open to other people's input. This can lead to resentment, so one of the things that could be done is showing vulnerability, even in small ways. Asking for advice (in an area where the person is competent), listening to someone's opinion completely before picking it apart or dismissing it, asking questions, allowing other people to have input into decision making, allowing people to see even some of your thought processes, taking time to acknowledge the people involved in a sincere way (not just as a tactic of effectively "processing" them with a perfunctory visit) etc.

 

[Jaguar]

This was my ex crew coach, and he did exactly what I described. It lead to bad end season results. Not my doing, not that I did anything, since he practically removed me for the last two weeks :steamed.: It's not against ENTJ's personally, just against Coach Andy. Trying to get him to be anything less than a ruthless perfectionist was like :banghead:.

So we've established your crew coach was a jagoff.
What does it have to do with ENTJ? Nothing.
Your crew coach could have been an INFP or an ESFP and still been a jagoff.
Anyone can be a jagoff.

 

[Kangirl]

Naw, ALL ENTJs are 'jagoffs'. Fact.