I've always been really good with one on one conversations. I feel comfortable. I like getting to know people. I really enjoy talking to them. On the other hand, when I'm part of a group - more than 3 people - I tend to clam up. There is this fast paced bantering going back and forth that often happens and I lose track of what they are talking about. I don't hear the jokes. Part of it is getting bored. If I can't influence the direction of the conversation, I have a hard time staying with it. I'm pretty good at catching the body language between people and getting a sense as to how they are feeling. Often there is a lot of background noise though and that doesn't help because I sometimes have a hard time hearing what people are saying (I have always had this problem). If I'm in a group and am actively contributing ideas and asking questions, etc. (i.e. at work) and we are talking about something interesting, and we are in a meeting room without the background noise, I have no problem. It's more with social situations. So, if I'm at a party, I will talk to people one on one. I'll make the rounds but I'll stay out of those group discussions and if my one on one discussion turns into a group, I'll generally find myself going somewhere else at the first possible opportunity.
I've wondered if this is type related at all. Anyone else experience this?
That sounds very much like me, actually. I actually hear everything going on and catch the jokes, but I don't feel like I have a place. In a casual gathering, I actually often play the quirky/funny one, so when I've attended gatherings where I'm with someone funnier/faster than me, I have to figure out a new role. IN a serious group, I'm the one who likes to come out with something from left field that stuns everyone and then they take the conversation in a new direction; I like to reorient/reframe discussions to help people see them in a new light.
In a group of people I consider friends and know well, I can handle a dynamic of more than 2-3 people without needing a conscious role. Or if it's people who are very similar in personality to me (a bunch of Ne pinger types) where we are bouncing off each other like ping-pong balls in a bingo box.
Typically I do what you do -- either I stay with the group and clam up, because I can't figure out my role and how to fill a niche, or I give up and kind of disappear and either be by myself (or get on my cell phone) or I find someone I can talk to one-on-one out of the way.
I relate to virtually everything you said, except professional meetings can cause the same problem. I've even adjusted my career so I work primarily one-on-one. I think it is a strongly introverted issue because that means you take in too much information initially and have to have introverted time to process. I observe a great many details one-on-one, and when in a group it feels like the world is a kaleidoscope.
I know! It's beautiful!!!
Anyway, there is where my Ne-type nature comes out. I mean, as I've said, it has to be people where I have a "place" in the conversation rather than being scared of offending someone or stepping on toes -- and I have to feel like I actually know something about the topic, I've been criticized by management at work for not engaging as much in group discussion where I've been unsure about the information -- but if it's the right group, I actually get stimulated by all the ideas and seeing how they play off either other. It's obvious in that context it's less about understanding all the details and more seeing all the multiple pathways that radiate off something someone said, and my brain is firing off down each path simultaneously.
For professional meetings, I do agree with [MENTION=7280]Lark[/MENTION] where the leader of the meeting is not making sure the meeting is useful -- either letting 1-2 voices dominate and not making space for alternate views to be heard, not having a clear agenda, letting everyone be swamped by mounds of detail without any clarity as to what it's to be used for, etc. I do poorly in environments like those; I see them as SUCH a mess that I simply shut up and just wait for the debacle to be over, as I am not in charge and have no way to effect any change.