[MBTI General] Help Understanding my ESFX Cousin

[Varelse]

So, it looks like my cousin-ESFX, as mentioned in the title-will be going to a college near me in the fall. Probably coming up to our house on many weekends, if so.

I have no idea how to deal with her, help her to understand that I need some space, etc. Thus, I was wondering if any of the ESFJs and such could give me some advice.

 

[sundowning]

Talk about computer programming and magic cards - you'll get enough space, don't worry.

 

[Varelse]

I didn't want to just scare her away. Just wanted to be able to interact with her without either one of us getting too frustrated.

Thanks for the suggestion, though.

 

[Totenkindly]

Hmmm, discussing computer programming WOULD work, I'm sure.

If she is ESFP, you probably don't have a lot to worry about. Going to college = lots of new stimulation and adventure = she will find enough to occupy her time even if you are not around.

ESFJ can be harder, it really depends on maturity level. I don't know if there is a "sneaky" way to keep her away from you. Some ESFJs, you just have to be up front and negotiate your time rather than doing the typical INTP thing and trying to flex with her... because, unless she has good boundaries herself, she will simply take you as far as you are willing to flex and you'll probably get very resentful and things will explode at some point.

I think the clear sense of boundaries ("I can spend [this time] with you this weekend, but really need the rest of the time to myself") would be very helpful to ESFJs, even if they are disappointed with what you're offering. They like to know what to expect.

 

[Varelse]

I'm thinking she's more of an ESFP, but I'm not sure. Part of it is that she'd stay at our house for the occasional weekend, and she doesn't think that there's much to do in our area...but she does want to visit us.

Thanks for the advice, though. I'll have to try it if things go that way.

 

[KMCE]

I'm thinking she's more of an ESFP, but I'm not sure. Part of it is that she'd stay at our house for the occasional weekend, and she doesn't think that there's much to do in our area...but she does want to visit us.

It sounds like she has to stay indoor with you because there's nothing else to do in your area. Must be bad news for ya.

ESFP are touchy-feely, and may take offense to your aloofness. So, I think if you (INTP) need space for yourself (studying reading whatever), the first thing you need to do is to make her like you.

First I would suggest greeting her with a hug. As an NT you may not be comfortable with that, but this is the easiest way to tell a ESFP that you like her.

Second chit chat with her a bit, and lightly touch her arm when you both laugh at some joke. ESFP like touching more than anything else.

Then settle her with a TV or a bunch of magazines or some movie DVDs. She may want your company but you can suggest that you need to prepare for exam or do some homework and then excuse yourself to your room.

But I think she will need your company sooner or latter. I think you may invite some of your friends to your house when she's there. They probably like the company of a ESFP.

That's all I can think of at the moment... ESFP are not that hard to 'deal with' really. It doesn't take much for them to like people.

 

[Varelse]

Thanks. Will try.

 

[girlnamedbless]

I think the best way is to be up front with her.. because personally, I would MUCH rather know if someone needs some time to themself. Because a lot of the times I feel offended if one of my friends tires to "let me off easy" by being vague and acting weird.. meaning, I would much rather have a person tell me "hey, I kinda want some time to myself right now" than acting distant.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

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[JAVO]

So, it looks like my cousin-ESFX, as mentioned in the title-will be going to a college near me in the fall. Probably coming up to our house on many weekends, if so.

I have no idea how to deal with her, help her to understand that I need some space, etc. Thus, I was wondering if any of the ESFJs and such could give me some advice.

My wife is an ESFP. I think you've received some great advice so far. You will be exhausted by her visits. Try to get to bed early if you can. (Plus then you can have some introvert time alone.)

Ummm.... she might think your pointy ears are a little strange, and any references to space-time will totally freak her out. This could make for an interesting bail out scenario if you just can't take any more of her visits.

 

[Varelse]

My wife is an ESFP. I think you've received some great advice so far. You will be exhausted by her visits. Try to get to bed early if you can. (Plus then you can have some introvert time alone.)

Ummm.... she might think your pointy ears are a little strange, and any references to space-time will totally freak her out. This could make for an interesting bail out scenario if you just can't take any more of her visits.

Ahh, thanks. And thanks to everyone else for the advice.

I was actually going to send her a card-but we're out of stamps.

 

[meanlittlechimp]

So, it looks like my cousin-ESFX, as mentioned in the title-will be going to a college near me in the fall. Probably coming up to our house on many weekends, if so.

I have no idea how to deal with her, help her to understand that I need some space, etc. Thus, I was wondering if any of the ESFJs and such could give me some advice.

If your cousin is an ESFP - just be straight out, she'll get over it. If it's an ESFJ, be careful - they can get real touchy. They are the easiest of types to offend. But obviously, it depends on how close they feel to you that matters. If they think of you as someone close, you better come up with something good.

I'm very abrasive and upfront and that is the ONLY type that lying is the first thing to enter my mind. So basically you have to do a bunch of little lies the entire time, or simply accept offending your cousin early and getting it over with.

 

[Natrushka]

This has been helpful. I have a relative who I've always thought was an ESFP, but based on what I'm reading here I think she might be an ESFJ - touchy, easily offended, etc. I think I need to change my tactics.