[ENFP] Hate an ENFP? Tell us why!

[Lady_X]

An ENFP broke my heart into little pieces. That is why I will never love again

awwww

somethin about an intp/enfp dynamic i think.

 

[SillySapienne]

An ENFP broke my heart into little pieces. That is why I will never love again

Awww, if it's any consolation, we both hate and suck at breaking hearts.

We're built to be heart menders not breakers, so it goes against ENFP laws.

somethin about an intp/enfp dynamic i think.

Pretty much. :/

 

[Lasting_Pain]

It was my fault. I was never able to communicate properly with her. It was my first relationship.

 

[Lena]

B) The semi-complete handover of decision making to introverted Feeling.
This results in unreliability , and general flakiness.
One moment they are really excited about an idea (like going to the rock concert) and make plans and pay for tickets,
only to do a complete 180 later, on a whim ,because they "don't feel like it" .


I burst out reading this.Been there,done that!

 

[Lena]

You women are too nervous, never dress correctlty for the right occasion and always want sex when I just want to talk.

So true.I know how to dress correctly,but my rebellious side always wins,and I tend to put on something edgy.(When everyone else has a swimsuit on at our local pool,i show up in bright colour,skimpy bikinis.)

And yes,I do appreciate those bedroom activities a lot.

 

[Lady_X]

You women are too nervous, never dress correctlty for the right occasion and always want sex when I just want to talk.

So true.I know how to dress correctly,but my rebellious side always wins,and I tend to put on something edgy.(When everyone else has a swimsuit on at our local pool,i show up in bright colour,skimpy bikinis.)

And yes,I do appreciate those bedroom activities a lot.

we're all nuts...yay!

 

[garbage]

B) The semi-complete handover of decision making to introverted Feeling.
This results in unreliability , and general flakiness.
One moment they are really excited about an idea (like going to the rock concert) and make plans and pay for tickets,
only to do a complete 180 later, on a whim ,because they "don't feel like it" .


I burst out reading this.Been there,done that!

Yes, I can be flaky too But I nearly always try to keep up my obligations even if I don't feel like them, just so I don't hurt the people around me. And a continual pattern of that can't be good for me.

That's another thing, at least for me.. I'm too concerned for the well-being of other people, and I can't be mean to them or let them down. Then my hopes get dashed when they don't treat me the same way. Maybe I expect that much--too much--out of other people and then resent them when they let me down.

I can also be very inconsistent. Nowadays, I'm practically misanthropic at work whenever I can get away with it, but I'm very friendly and cordial everywhere else. Part of me cares what my coworkers' perception of me is, but then most of it doesn't give a damn.

Part of me also feels like the environment around me defines me way too much. I can't work in a horrible environment, which means that I'm pretty much never in the office.

ENFPs :steam:

 

[Bubbles]

An ENFP broke my heart into little pieces. That is why I will never love again

Aw, sorry you had to go through that. That sucks. But in my experience, if someone's going to break your heart, let it be an ENFP! It's funny, because being rejected by an ENFP was the most uplifting experience for me. I'm not joking, really. I got tired of my Fi making me nervous and blushy around someone I'd considered one of my closest and dearest friends, and finally I thought, gosh darn it, this is silly, I'm just going to tell him I like him. So I did. And would you believe it, he got this flattered little smile on his face, gave me a hug, and apologized like crazy for not liking me back--so I started laughing! We both apologized, then had this whole "Don't feel bad!" "Well, then you're not allowed to feel awkward!" thing, smiled, and moved on. I don't know a single soul who would've done that besides him, haha, and we're still close.

(doesn't think this helps with the hating ENFP thing, but needed to say this after reading that post to reassure anyone entrusting an ENFP with their heart)

 

[Serendipity]

I can keep to the subject if I really, REALLY pay attention. (which I believe goes for every human being, based on me ofc.)

I know it doesn't add upp with anything the last couple of pages but I quit reading at page 3. Sorry.

 

[Lady_X]

Aw, sorry you had to go through that. That sucks. But in my experience, if someone's going to break your heart, let it be an ENFP! It's funny, because being rejected by an ENFP was the most uplifting experience for me. I'm not joking, really. I got tired of my Fi making me nervous and blushy around someone I'd considered one of my closest and dearest friends, and finally I thought, gosh darn it, this is silly, I'm just going to tell him I like him. So I did. And would you believe it, he got this flattered little smile on his face, gave me a hug, and apologized like crazy for not liking me back--so I started laughing! We both apologized, then had this whole "Don't feel bad!" "Well, then you're not allowed to feel awkward!" thing, smiled, and moved on. I don't know a single soul who would've done that besides him, haha, and we're still close.

(doesn't think this helps with the hating ENFP thing, but needed to say this after reading that post to reassure anyone entrusting an ENFP with their heart)

aww...i think i love you for that.

 

[Lasting_Pain]

Aw, sorry you had to go through that. That sucks. But in my experience, if someone's going to break your heart, let it be an ENFP! It's funny, because being rejected by an ENFP was the most uplifting experience for me. I'm not joking, really. I got tired of my Fi making me nervous and blushy around someone I'd considered one of my closest and dearest friends, and finally I thought, gosh darn it, this is silly, I'm just going to tell him I like him. So I did. And would you believe it, he got this flattered little smile on his face, gave me a hug, and apologized like crazy for not liking me back--so I started laughing! We both apologized, then had this whole "Don't feel bad!" "Well, then you're not allowed to feel awkward!" thing, smiled, and moved on. I don't know a single soul who would've done that besides him, haha, and we're still close.

(doesn't think this helps with the hating ENFP thing, but needed to say this after reading that post to reassure anyone entrusting an ENFP with their heart)

I wish my relationship had an ending similar to that. Nothing mutual about my break up or even get-together for that matter.

 

[Amargith]

lasting pain

Break-ups are never easy, for no one. And yes, we too can fumble them up and break someone's heart severely, though often unintended ( at least I hope).

 

[Rachelinpa]

Interesting because my IRL enfp mentions being overwhelmed by her thoughts. In between such episodes there will be what I secretly call 'Painkillers Mode' for her - rushing off doing a thousand things, indulging in endless partying and socializing as if more to deaden the pain of living than to face it or whatever issues squarely... I know the extroverts need this socializing to get their energy. But I have seen the eyes and think I read correctly. And that gets me worried, this continual postponing of what needs to be confronted.

Painkillers Mode. Interesting. I was just thinking about this the other day and wondered if I was being unhealthy running about and doing a millions trillion things to deaden the pain I was feeling. I think ordinarily this would be bad for a lot of people who need to set out time to reflect, but maybe not for ENFPs. See the thing is, in ANY quiet dead moment (like right now, for example -- I'm at work), I'm thinking about whatever is overwhelming me. Frankly, I need a break from me. I don't know about other ENFPs, but I am always processing! It doesn't matter if I'm trying to distract myself, it doesn't just go away. There is no off switch, so if I can quiet the (ever-present, all-consuming) feeling or emotion that is present anyway, I think I'm probably experiencing it at the level that normal (non ENFPs) do. Hahaha. Not sure if that makes sense. But, I think you can rest assured that the issue is always being confronted.

 

[Bubbles]

aww...i think i love you for that.

Believe me, I love you ENFPs MORE because of it.

I wish my relationship had an ending similar to that. Nothing mutual about my break up or even get-together for that matter.

Aw, Lasting Pain, I'm sorry, I really am. But I fully believe you'll find someone who'll know how to handle your heart without it breaking. Break-ups and rejections are tough (not all go like that ONE did me for me), but they make the good relationships all that much better when they come along. You deserve someone who won't hurt you.

Painkillers Mode. Interesting. I was just thinking about this the other day and wondered if I was being unhealthy running about and doing a millions trillion things to deaden the pain I was feeling. I think ordinarily this would be bad for a lot of people who need to set out time to reflect, but maybe not for ENFPs. See the thing is, in ANY quiet dead moment (like right now, for example -- I'm at work), I'm thinking about whatever is overwhelming me. Frankly, I need a break from me. I don't know about other ENFPs, but I am always processing! It doesn't matter if I'm trying to distract myself, it doesn't just go away. There is no off switch, so if I can quiet the (ever-present, all-consuming) feeling or emotion that is present anyway, I think I'm probably experiencing it at the level that normal (non ENFPs) do. Hahaha. Not sure if that makes sense. But, I think you can rest assured that the issue is always being confronted.

That's really interesting. My ENFP friend does something very similar--spends all his time socializing and busying himself until, once he gets his alone time, he's not as overwhelmed and can relax. He channels out his problems and frustrations through pushing them off. It actually clears his head a lot, haha. (Which is something that would totally work the opposite for me if I ever tried to utilize it)

 

[StephMC]

Okay, so I don't hate an ENFP, but I certainly stress about them. I've had an off-and-on relationship with an ENFP guy before, and also have an ENFP sister. I can't live with out you guys, but jeez are you confusing to work with... So I'm here for some clarification.

My sis and I get along great and are bundles of fun when we go out. But recently, she offered me to let her stay at her apartment for my last 2 months in school. Ugh... bad idea. I'm not really afraid of conflict, but I will avoid it at ALL costs when it comes to her. She's like a ticking time bomb. No matter the situation, no matter how -I- feel hurt or put out by her... somehow, someway, -I'm- the one that has wronged -her-. So, I gave up confronting her about things a while ago because it was just so exhausting ...we never seemed to get anywhere unless we beat the topic for hours, days, weeks, or months! I'm sure that just made it worse, but man... I just don't have the emotional energy. Recently I tried to start confronting her about little things (in hopes that maybe she would start handling them better), but she immediately takes a defensive stance, no matter how I try to start out.

Anyways, all these little things started building up. Firstly, her apartment looks like a disaster area. But I thought me cleaning up and cooking was fair enough for letting me stay with her. Although one time really bothered b/c she woke me up saying we needed to clean... but it ended up me slaving over the apartment for two hours while she followed me around and vented about work, her ex, and the paper she was working on (I asked her if she would get the dishes and her response was: "I did them last time"). I would also run errands for her because she always claimed to be busy. All the while, she would constantly remind me it was her apartment (This was slowly scraping away at my SP weak spot: Not having freedom and room to breathe) with comments like "It's my apartment, Steph." Or my all time favorite was in front of her date: "(Laughingly) Yeah, Steph says she never imposes on anyone, but HELLO...."

So after 2 weeks of this, I started feeling more like an intruder and her own personal assistant than a roommate. The last straw was when one night I was trying to sleep on the couch downstairs (it's a loft... thus no doors) and I was -exhausted- from not sleeping very much the previous night. She stayed up till 2 am talking on the phone at the top of her lungs. I waited a good half hour before I said anything, and calmly go: "Hey, Rach? Can you talk a little bit more quietly?"
Rach: "Put a pillow over your ears."
Me: "I tried. I have two."
Rach: "Then put 3, what do you expect me to do? Make me go outside? Steph, this is my apartment."

Granted she was drunk, but my little SP side that was feeling suffocated just snapped. Again, regardless that it was probably not her intention, I felt like she was dangling the whole "this is my apartment and I'm -graciously- let you stay here" over my head to limit whatever rights I had. I still didn't say anything, but the next morning while she was at work I packed up all my stuff in the car and went to go stay at a friends. Once I got my frustration in check, I simply left a note saying something like "Rach, sorry I can't stay here, I'm just a little overwhelmed with things right now and feeling vulnerable. I'll come pick up my cat tomorrow."

When she got it, she texted me:
"You have done some pretty F-ed up things to me this last year or two and every time I just treat it with grace, but the fact that you didn't respect me enough to have the balls to talk to me and write a note and move out while I'm at work after I gave up my privacy to help you and you are only worried about yourself and your need to have no accountability. I can't even have a relationship with you bc you basically just spat on it."

Sigh... Again, somehow it got turned around on me. She sent me several other angry texts, including texts about how she was going to leave my cat on the porch and if I didn't pick her up tonight she was going to get rid of her and that she was going to disconnect me from her phone service. I was floored. I knew responding back angrily would get me no where, so I only responded once:
Me: " I didn't sleep last night because I was so distraught about all this. I couldn't stay a minute longer feeling like an intruder."
Rach: "You put that upon yourself."

I really just don't know how to communicate with her. I know ENFPs are offended and hurt by very different things than ISTPs, and I knew she would get upset with me for leaving without saying anything, but I did NOT imagine she would get THAT upset about me moving out of her apartment and giving back "her privacy." I really don't know if I can be around her anymore if she can't discuss things with me in a rational way instead of always treating it like a personal attack. Oy... someone... help....I'm so exhausted with this

 

[professor goodstain]

They think Bill Murray is ENFP. He's ENFJ.

 

[jenocyde]

Steph, I also have an ENFP in my life that exhausts me to no end. Good luck and try not to let her get under your skin. In my experience, they keep picking at you until they get an emotional reaction - it seems like the less evolved ones truly crave that emotional outburst. They don't feel alive without it. The definition of a drama queen...

 

[StephMC]

Thanks jenocyde I'm definitely tryin to keep that perspective... by the way, some of my most favorite people are ENTPs... hahah y'all are oodles of fun!

 

[jenocyde]

Thanks Steph, wish everyone saw us that way!! I love ISTPs too. Crazy weird geniuses, you are!

I know it's hard because she's your sister, but moving out and setting boundaries are the only way to get a firm grasp on reality. If you want to keep the peace: maybe in a few days you could write her a letter, one that makes it clear that you love her deeply, but you are afraid that you just have conflicting personalities. Make it clear that you are not putting the blame on her, but you are also not going to take the burden of fault either. Be friendly and nice, but keep it neutral. Remind her how wonderful she was to extend her home to you. Keep saying that.

She'll show that letter to anyone and everyone who crosses her path. She'll live for the drama and for being the center of attention for that moment. When the ego and excitement die down, she'll contact you and will most likely want to meet face to face, so she can see your emotional expressions. And even if she doesn't respond to you, you can rest well knowing that you at least tried.

One thing I've learned is to never let a less evolved ENFP do anything for you. They live for praise and will become very very upset if you don't remind them of how great they are with each waking breath. They live for that praise and that's probably why she was so passive-aggressively mean to you. Best of luck!!

 

[Immaculate Cloud]

A: Okay, so I don't hate an ENFP, but I certainly stress She's like a ticking time bomb. No matter the situation, no matter how -I- feel hurt or put out by her... somehow, someway, -I'm- the one that has wronged -her-. So, I gave up confronting her about things a while ago because it was just so exhausting ...

but she immediately takes a defensive stance, no matter how I try to start out.

clean... but it ended up me slaving over the apartment for two hours while she followed me around and vented about work, her ex, and the paper she was working on (I asked her if she would get the dishes and her response was: "I did them last time").

So after 2 weeks of this, I started feeling more like an intruder and her own personal assistant than a roommate.

Granted she was drunk, but my little SP side that was feeling suffocated just snapped.

Sigh... Again, somehow it got turned around on me.

be around her anymore if she can't discuss things with me in a rational way instead of always treating it like a personal attack. Oy... someone... help....I'm so exhausted with this

Hang in there!


Turning the tables on you and putting all the blame on you! Lived that too...

Be careful - she feels that she is ENTITLED to your cooking, your ironing and being a captive audience for her rants as well as 'respect', etc...How healthy is that?

I can't tell whether it is type-related or whether it is just that some people grow up being spoilt whereas others learn to take care of their own thing, dunno!

Another thing - avoid telling it to your COMMON friends. I would bet that SHE would end up appearing like a saint and that it was you who had a problem!