ygolo
My termites win
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2007
- Messages
- 6,731
Yes, is there a strong correlation between people who struggle with depression and those likely to socialize on message boards? I was not unaware of the prevalence of depression in the general population, but the ratios here seem awfully high.
I've never taken any anti-depressants. A while ago I researched depression to see what exactly would constitute clinical depression, because from talking to a friend's experience I was wondering about two periods in my past and whether or not I was just "down" or actually depressed.
One of the times was possibly due to a serious lack of socialization when I was 18 (sometimes I go 6 weeks without contacting friends and it's no big deal because I don't live alone, but the year I was 18 was outright unhealthy for a lack of social contact).
The time I think I was actually depressed was 14-16; I was dealing with some moderately serious personal issues, was certainly an insomniac (but I didn't tell anyone because when I told my mother, she didn't believe that it took me 5 hours a night to fall asleep and I'd wake up an hour before my alarm) and just had a really crappy few years. Plus the whole adolescent-brain-reorganization going on during this time makes me pretty certain I was depressed. I only wonder b/c I could fake being happy soo well around friends at school. I just stayed in my bedroom the whole time at home, though. Can you give off the impression that everything is fine when you're depressed, or is it impossible with true depression?
I think a lot of my middle-school and some high-school days were spent depressed. Even before that people used to comment that I was very withdrawn and didn't participate in things. That really made me feel like a freak. I just did what came naturally. In undergrad, and through out most of the years I was working, I would cycle between about half a year of depression, and half a year of being OK. Unfortunately, the 1/2 year became almost the whole year, this last time around, and I didn't want to go back to feeling like I did in middle-school.
I think it is possible to hide your depression. I did it by overachieving to some extent. But I think that was all just a way to prove my worth somehow (an impossible task, there is no proving self-worth, I wish there was). I used to think (and still do to large extent) that my intelligence was my only redeeming feature. In fact almost all my "success" to date has been due to "puzzle out" situations.
I'm hoping to find some good qualities of me that is not related to my mind in some way (I like to think that honesty is one, but I am not always honest).