[SP] Friends With Cuddling Benefits?

[Nyx]

That's kind of sweet, actually.

It might not be the smartest choice considering all the potential implications, but I can see the value in it.

And speaking of which... why is it that women sometimes cuddle with each other or otherwise touch, but it's rare for men who aren't gay to do the same? Is it the whole sex drive thing? Homophobia?

I've wondered the same thing. I touch my close girl friends lovingly sometimes (a little too lovingly at times, like a peck on the lips...usually with my ENFP friend, not sexual though...I think ) I am usually inclined to think it's a bit of homophobia...or at least a fear of being seen as weird/gay.

 

[EcK]

my esfp friend always hugs me as a way to say hello.
It's sort of confusing.

 

[Argus]

my esfp friend always hugs me as a way to say hello.
It's sort of confusing.

Nearly every ESFP I know MUST be greeted with a hug.

Eh. Annoying.

 

[Salomé]

I also have seen that women who want to cuddle tend to be people I consider a bit more how shall I say, er, a bit more cognizant of her own needs versus the needs of others. Not that the cuddle type isn't interested in helping others, because she is, but she's a bit more interested in having her own intimacy needs met first. I think what I'm saying is the type of woman who wants to cuddle and will cuddle with platonic expectations (flirting at the most), is someone with low/lower Fe. She is not necessarily thinking of the other person and how he is feeling, but more about herself and how good it feels to be embraced.

I don't agree with this at all. I think it's just a measure of how warm and affectionate the person is. The warmest people I know are also the people most likely to put the comfort of others ahead of their own.

And speaking of which... why is it that women sometimes cuddle with each other or otherwise touch, but it's rare for men who aren't gay to do the same? Is it the whole sex drive thing? Homophobia?

Do you think there are many men out there craving man-on-man affection but afraid to express that desire unless they are thought gay?

Men are trained by biology and social conditioning to compete with each other. Women, to cooperate. You do not show affection to your competitors. As a rule.

Also, I just don't think most hetero males find it rewarding in the way that many women seem to.
Personally, I find any kind of constriction suffocating and panic-inducing. It actually makes me feel aggressive and stressed. (I won't even wear a seat-belt when driving).
For others, it seems to have the opposite effect.
The answer must lie in an individual's biochemistry.

 

[BerberElla]

I don't agree with this at all. I think it's just a measure of how warm and affectionate the person is. The warmest people I know are also the people most likely to put the comfort of others ahead of their own.



Do you think there are many men out there craving man-on-man affection but afraid to express that desire unless they are thought gay?

Men are trained by biology and social conditioning to compete with each other. Women, to cooperate. You do not show affection to your competitors. As a rule.

Also, I just don't think most hetero males find it rewarding in the way that many women seem to.
Personally, I find any kind of constriction suffocating and panic-inducing. It actually makes me feel aggressive and stressed. (I won't even wear a seat-belt when driving).
For others, it seems to have the opposite effect.
The answer must lie in an individual's biochemistry.

I think in some areas of the world though, this isn't the same. I have mentioned before on a different thread that in Morocco the men are much more touchy feely with each other than in the UK.

They hug, walk down the road holding hands or with their pinky fingers entwined, they also just lie there cuddling at times and it's not seen as homosexual to do so.

I think maybe the fact that it is highly innapropriate to show affection to women with no marriage or religious roles defined, means that they have no choice but to share that kind of affection with their male friends.

Maybe?

 

[Salomé]

I think in some areas of the world though, this isn't the same. I have mentioned before on a different thread that in Morocco the men are much more touchy feely with each other than in the UK.

They hug, walk down the road holding hands or with their pinky fingers entwined, they also just lie there cuddling at times and it's not seen as homosexual to do so.

I think maybe the fact that it is highly innapropriate to show affection to women with no marriage or religious roles defined, means that they have no choice but to share that kind of affection with their male friends.

Maybe?

That's interesting.

 

[Charmed Justice]

When men want to cuddle, it's cuz they are hoping sex will result, although if they are a nice guy, they'll accept the cuddle sans sex. Isn't this obvious?

But a few guys here are actually saying they cuddle with women they don't want sex with, and aren't all to attracted to--all STP men, if I recall correctly. It's odd, because STPs have the playboy/manwhore reputation. Maybe it's undeserved. Or maybe.....

 

[Bamboo]

I speak for myself, but some clarification here is needed.

I like sex. I'll have sex with most females, given the opportunity. <<<Honest.

I like being close to people, especially females. Considering I'm male, I might want to have sex with them, because, duh, I'm a guy. That's what my brain tells me to do - have sex. Often. But I can also cuddle with someone and (drumroll please) not have sex with them. It's not that complicated.

Why? Because it's not sexual, it's intimate. I suppose it's not all that macho or bad-ass to admit to enjoying intimacy, but hey, it's the internet, and it's true.

I dunno WTF you guys are talking about saying the guy "has nothing to gain from it." Uh...aside from feeling good? Having a girl in your arms is having a girl in your arms. Trust me, it's nice.

 

[Trepidation]

Well, I know that non-commital intimacy is much easier for me to deal with when I'm not worried about a relationship. Maybe some men get frustrated by this intimacy because they're looking for more, but their 'partner' isn't willing to give it to them at the time.

 

[SilkRoad]

This just wouldn't work for me - I mean, anything more than a warm hug or a kiss on the cheek from/to an opposite-sex friend.

I just think it could be asking for trouble on either side and it is quite likely that someone will end up with hurt feelings, or in a situation they don't want to be in. From my perspective, some people in this thread are coming across rather selfish about this (ie. "I need warm physical contact even if there are no romantic intentions, and if guys misinterpret that, that's their fault.")

If a guy friend started cuddling with me (beyond the aforementioned hug, brief arm around the shoulders or pat on the back if we're sitting together, or kiss on the cheek - the latter usually in the context of saying hi or bye) I would probably be very freaked out and would tend to think he was making a move on me. (I guess I might not be freaked out if I'd been hoping he would make a move!). And I wouldn't initiate that kind of cuddling except with someone I was in a relationship with.

Sorry if that sounds uptight, but I think this "cuddling benefits" idea has more downsides than upsides.

 

[Charmed Justice]

Sorry if that sounds uptight, but I think this "cuddling benefits" idea has more downsides than upsides.

But what if you're friends with a guy who really does just want to cuddle? Would you trust him if he told you that?

 

[wolfy]

But what if you're friends with a guy who really does just want to cuddle? Would you trust him if he told you that?

"We can just lie together naked. It'll be fun...we don't need to do anything..."

 

[Charmed Justice]

"We can just lie together naked. It'll be fun...we don't need to do anything..."

 

[wolfy]

Makes a move. I don't know, can a guy really just have a cuddle...!?

 

[Charmed Justice]

**Dodges move.** I thought you just wanted to be naked cuddle friends! Ugh..men.

See, I have a tendency to believe what people tell me, and there are guys here that are saying that they can just cuddle. If so, that's hella sweet, and I've never met these types of people. Kudos and cheers to them damnit. Also, it's not fair!!**end rant**

I mean, it makes sense to me to a degree. People do need physical intimacy outside of sex. I just couldn't go about it in that way. I'd end up pregnant.

 

[SilkRoad]

But what if you're friends with a guy who really does just want to cuddle? Would you trust him if he told you that?

Man, this would really depend on the situation/variables…but overall, I think it would be weird Sorry, it’s just the thought of having this “I wish to cuddle, but with no sexual implications” conversation, and then proceeding to the cuddling

Honestly, I think any such scenario would be weird enough for me that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the cuddling anyway! Don’t get me wrong, I love physical contact but I think I have resigned myself to restricting a lot of it to situations where there isn’t much room for ambiguity about my relationship with the other person.

 

[Moiety]

Okay, to those who think "just cuddling" is not a big deal:

a) would you cuddle with a friend you thought was downright ugly?

b) would you cuddle with a friend if you were in a relationship?

c) would you cuddle with a friend in front of your partner?

 

[Poki]

Okay, to those who think "just cuddling" is not a big deal:

a) would you cuddle with a friend you thought was downright ugly?

b) would you cuddle with a friend if you were in a relationship?

c) would you cuddle with a friend in front of your partner?

Maybe I am simplifying cuddling to much. I can cuddle with my 5 year old son. I simply put my arm around him as we lay on the couch. The difference is all in your head.

Picture that your laying in front of the couch and a friend of the opposite sex comes up and lays in front of you. You put your arm around her and watch TV together. That is cuddling, nothing more nothings less. So are you saying that anytime someone of the opposite sex lays next to you you think that something has to happen?

 

[Amargith]

Okay, to those who think "just cuddling" is not a big deal:

a) would you cuddle with a friend you thought was downright ugly?

b) would you cuddle with a friend if you were in a relationship?

c) would you cuddle with a friend in front of your partner?

done, done and done.


Poki: that's indeed what I understand when talking about cuddling as well.

 

[Charmed Justice]

^Really? Ok. In that case, I cuddle all the time. I mean, I ride on my really tall guy friend's backs still. Sometimes I'll sit on one of their knees.

When I think of cuddling though..cuddle buddying...I'm thinking of spooning. I'm thinking of being under the covers with them, in a full embrace, with jammies on, stroking their hair. Or nestled into the nooks of their body to feel their warmth and their body against mine. That's how I define cuddling. If the later is what is meant by cuddling; then no, I'd never do that outside of my relationship unless we were opening it. And I wouldn't do that with "just a friend" either for my previously mentioned reasons.