Forgive: Do you have it in your heart to forgive those wrongs done unto you in life?

[LightSun]

"Do you have it in your heart to forgive those wrongs done unto you in life? Forgiveness is not to accept. It holds the party accountable. It's just that you don't hold unto the past's misfortunes as a burning brick. You hurt and burn only yourself. What's more you have not moved on and reached healing."


"Most of us carry around anger, resentment, jealousy, or some other negative emotion directed to others. Unless dealt with, they will eventually start to broadly affect the quality of our lives and those around us. Forgiveness is the act of unchaining yourself from thoughts and feelings that bind you to an offense, imagined or real, committed against you. It is a commitment to a process of growth and change.

The first step is to recognize the value of forgiveness and the positive impact it can have in our lives. When we forgive, we release the control and power of the offending person and stop playing the victim.
We no longer define our lives by how we have been hurt and instead can define ourselves by how we have grown. Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.' Cherie Carter-Scott


"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." Lewis B. Smedes

 

[LightSun]

"Forgiveness, I believe is to be some aspect in healing. Forgiveness of self is what is paramount and far deeper in depth mixed with truism than a new age concept of forgive and you shall heal.
One must discover the true self finally coming to love the real you and then the healing may begin. But it is a life long process. i shall forgive because i shall have understanding that they have their own monsters thus I shall have compassion and go forward with my path in life.

For the more i understand myself, reveal of myself, am open minded, honest and compassionate the more forgiving i can become. What has happened is in the past. To heal one must let go of the pain. This easier said than done. In spite of all this; move forward, always with the Star of Destiny in your Path to lead you on your way, to what you are capable of. Keep trying; please the battle of life is not lost. Not until our last dying breathe. There can always loom chances on the horizon.

However, endlessly blaming your parents helps no one and keeps one stuck in the past. Ultimately, we must make and take responsibility for our own lives regardless of what happened.
To heal one must not dwell on the past. It is our only choice to move forward. Violence begets violence, somewhere the cycle must be broken, and it happens that it starts with me. Besides our parentage reflects the pains and demons that our parents must have endured. The cycle of violence stops with me now.

We are flesh and blood and a complex mixture of memories, brain chemicals, thoughts, emotions and actions. The body has its own memories and will never forget or truly forgive for its scarred. We may be trauma survivors and carry a scar. Now one may cover a wound. One can overcompensate but the original horror is branded into our soul. Coming to terms filled with understanding and finally embracing the hidden latent gifts within us all is more of a true path of the real self.

I wish no ill, or bad karma for the person. I am true of who I am and I am not an abuser. Thus even unto my attacker or attackers I wish them no bad karma. I just want them out of my life. That is the extent.
I do not, and i mean this with all the sincerity of my heart, have any ill-will or hatred in me. In my heart, it does hurt, but i move on and i wish them to find their happiness. I do not trust these persons. I keep my distance. I will of course practice politeness, but is the total extent of the relationship. As you say they will do some terrible things again, apparently they have their own demons, but it is their path to heal. A few will hold onto their anger and it shall choke them."

 

[Lexicon]

If by forgive, you mean internally make peace with things, accept the situation for what it was, and work to let go of negative emotions surrounding it, absolutely. Carrying the pain around only leads to bitterness. You remain a victim for life, that way.

If by forgive, you mean offer the person a chance for redemption? That's a case-by-case basis, for me.

 

[Sacrophagus]

If by forgive, you mean internally make peace with things, accept the situation for what it was, and work to let go of negative emotions surrounding it, absolutely. Carrying the pain around only leads to bitterness. You remain a victim for life, that way.

If by forgive, you mean offer the person a chance for redemption? That's a case-by-case basis, for me.

Basically, this.

Forgiveness is something that benefits the one who's hurting more than it benefits the assailant. To wallow in the misfortune of the past will never make you move forward. We forgive knowing that we each did the best we could at that time, and it is for our best to acknowledge the pain, let it heal, instead of allowing it to fuel thoughts of hatred and revenge.

In some cases, it is a really difficult task to do. We do arrive at that place of clear and pure perception once we are open to the idea of letting go. It becomes a lesson, instead of a painful experience.

 

[Luminous]

Ultimate example of the above: Eva Kor

 

[Lark]

Only God forgives.

 

[Stigmata]

Forgive: Do you have it in your heart to forgive those wrongs done unto you in life?

Actively holding grudges is just toxic, and is counter-productive towards mending the hurt from the original offense. I have the capacity to forgive, in that I don't carry any animosity towards the person, yet at times can recognize that I have to cut said person out of my life as their presence and intentions are overall harmful to my well-being.

 

[Lark]

Forgive: Do you have it in your heart to forgive those wrongs done unto you in life?

Actively holding grudges is just toxic, and is counter-productive towards mending the hurt from the original offense. I have the capacity to forgive, in that I don't carry any animosity towards the person, yet at times can recognize that I have to cut said person out of my life as their presence and intentions are overall harmful to my well-being.

When I read stuff like this, and please, please do not take this personally as its a general observation and in no way meant to be personal, and I just wonder about the gravity of the offence being discussed.

Most things are easy to forgive because they are not that serious, the harm inflicted or the intent to inflict harm is not proper, proper evil. In most instances.

Although, once or twice, in life I've encountered the other sort. Any divine retribution that could be visited on those involved would be prayers answered is all I'm saying.

 

[ceecee]

Forgive: Do you have it in your heart to forgive those wrongs done unto you in life?

Actively holding grudges is just toxic, and is counter-productive towards mending the hurt from the original offense. I have the capacity to forgive, in that I don't carry any animosity towards the person, yet at times can recognize that I have to cut said person out of my life as their presence and intentions are overall harmful to my well-being.

This. They become a non-person, I move on and that's it. No grudge, no bitterness at all.

I'm not praying for anyone Lark, don't even point that in my direction.

 

[Firebird 8118]

I find it very hard, if not impossible, to forgive someone if the way they hurt me or my loved ones was significant... it usually takes me at least a couple of years to get over, but I can never forget the pain.

 

[Lark]

This. They become a non-person, I move on and that's it. No grudge, no bitterness at all.

I'm not praying for anyone Lark, don't even point that in my direction.

I dont understand, I wasnt recommending that you pray for anyone. I'm seriously interested in how you took that reading out of anything I wrote.

In fact pretty much the opposite, there's some people who it takes something more than human to consider forgiving their crimes. I mean that.

 

[anticlimatic]

I bear animus to no one. If someone challenges me in a meaningful way, I fight them to the best of my ability and either lose or triumph. If I lose, I cede with respect knowing I had done my best and was simply the inferior party in the conflict.

 

[anticlimatic]

This. They become a non-person, I move on and that's it. No grudge, no bitterness at all.

I'm not sure repressing feelings and pretending the person doesn't exist is the most healthy approach. You don't think there is bitterness or a grudge because you pressure cook it and project it onto innocent others, all to preserve an ego fantasy of control.

 

[Patches]

This. They become a non-person, I move on and that's it. No grudge, no bitterness at all.

I wish I was better at this. This is how I try to be. I am excellent at cutting people out of my life and disconnecting from them. However, the grudges, animosity and bitterness stick with me for a long time. Long after I've ceased contact with them.

As I get older, I find that I'm improving in this regard. Smaller more petty issues used to stick with me for much longer than they reasonably should have. I'm finding it easier to let those things roll off my shoulders now. But deeper betrayals... When I have really truly given someone my trust, or opened up to them (as I rarely do)... It's just not so easy to let it slide. People I know I will never cross paths with again still weigh on me far more than I should let them. Forgiveness does not come easily to me.

It's a work in progress.

 

[Luminous]

I find it very hard, if not impossible, to forgive someone if the way they hurt me or my loved ones was significant... it usually takes me at least a couple of years to get over, but I can never forget the pain.

I have a difficult time forgiving some people. I think I'm getting better at it. But there has been some hurt that was difficult to let go of... it's mostly been let go now, though.

 

[Frosty]

Im fairly forgiving- or I try to be at least. I try to forgive AND forget- because I feel like if you dont forget then you really havent forgiven- because you DO still have something from the previous engagement that you are carryin around and allowing to fester.

That said, if someone is repeatedly doing something nasty to me or others- well- I need to set limits. Im not super good at this though and tend to give people too many chances.

 

[Lady Lazarus]

I'm trying.

 

[Metis]

The whole concept never made sense to me. It just sounds like a game people play with words.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Depends. I think forgiveness can be a benefit for the person who does the forgiving, although I tend to fall on the side of it not being morally obligatory.

 

[Forever]

Without forgiveness, how could one move on?