[Fi] Fi way of bonding

[Chloe]

Do you also have thing for bonding that when you talk to someone you cant wait to "cut straight to the juicy part" and get deep very soon? And feel that your conversation really only has meaning if you eventually get to that part? it doesnt only have to be verbally, it can be mutual understanding without stating everything loud.

Which types respond the best to this ? Which te worst? Did you notice anything?

I think TPs can often respond bad to this? Like... simply dont understand the need for this?
I mean, less understand than Fi's...

I have INTP friend who I can get very deep with when we talk, in a way that I can feel him feeling me feeling him but he's atypical TP bc he's enneagram 4 or because of something else.

But with other TPs it often felt like... heh simply... mismatch.

 

[angell_m]

Do you also have thing for bonding that when you talk to someone you cant wait to "cut straight to the juicy part" and get deep very soon? And feel that your conversation really only has meaning if you eventually get to that part?

Yes.

 

[Halla74]

Do you also have thing for bonding that when you talk to someone you cant wait to "cut straight to the juicy part" and get deep very soon?

YES!

And feel that your conversation really only has meaning if you eventually get to that part? it doesnt only have to be verbally, it can be mutual understanding without stating everything loud.

Yep. Life's too short. Say what needs to be said, do what needs to be done, dance like nobody's watching, and live each day like it's your last. HUZZAH!

Which types respond the best to this ?

I'd say alot more than type plays into this.
Also, I can only speak from my experience, and the types of people (confirmed via at least an online test, if not more) I know directly are limited.

But...

ESTP 7w8 sx/so Me = Very, very social, and very into deep, sincere interpersonal relationships whenever possible. I am a go getter, and a hard hitter, and have armor thick enough to withstand most any blow, but life gets tiring when you have to have your damn shields up all the time, so what I feel is really nice about knowing people really well and at a close, personal level, is that once you establish you have a bond as such, from that point forward you can drop your shileds and just be yourself around them, and that is very relaxing, and nice.

ESFP best friend = Very social, very similar to me, but it takes him a bit longer to get to know people well, probably in part because he is such a performer, the guy is always entertaining the room of folks he is in the middle of, to the point where people are crying they are laughing so hard. If it's just him and a few close friends then he'll talk about whatever, he's very, very cool, just an animal of an entertainer.

ISFP best friends = I have two. One is very social, but will retreat when exhausted. The other is less social, but when he is he is off the chain. Both are good at close communications though, and talk about deep stuff no problem.

INTJ brother = Completely anti-social, Haa! :yim_rolling_on_the_ With me, he'll talk about anything, but he will get exhausted and disappear into the basement at some point.

INTP best friend = Absolutely drop dead funny as hell, twisted, dark sense of humor, and will talk about anything under the sun. I've know her since I was 14 (22 years ago! I'm getting old! Arrgh!) and I got really concerned for her one night because she was going to go out with a guy she just broke up with, a guy that actually hit her a few times. So, I handcuffed myself to her and threw the key away. I delayed her for hours and hours. She was so shocked, she couldn't believe I did that. She took it really well though. I went with her whenever she had to have a cigarrette. She said "What's going to happen when I have to go to the bathroom?" and I said "We'll find out, won't we?" And she cracked up because she knew I did not care about a damn thing other than not letting her go out with the psycho. Finally her brother found the keys I had thrown over the fence, and uncuffed her. She stared me down as she was about to go off and hang out with her jerkoff boyfriend, and I told her before she left "Please be careful. The only reason I handcuffed myself to you is because I love you and I don't want you to get hurt." All the frustration in her eyes sank away, and she grabbed me and gave me huuuuge hug, and then said "I'll be alright. You're a crazy little bastard, aren't you? And you know payback is a bitch, right? I love you too."

INFJ wifey and friends + INFP friends = Somehow I know alot of INFJs and INFPs. All of them are very sincere and will talk at the closest personal levels. They are great, great, great at this.

ESTJ Dad = Not very good at all talking about anything past stoic things, technical things, or history, but a funny guy nonetheless, and good hearted.

Which te worst?

I honestly don't know.

Did you notice anything?

I notice lots of things!

I think TPs can often respond bad to this? Like... simply dont understand the need for this?

Nope, I disagree, especially if they are 7w8 sx/so like me, or actually any Sx dominant Enneagram type. Sx doms crave close relations with people, not just sex.

I mean, less understand than Fi's...

It really depends on the person and your experiences with them...

I have INTP friend who I can get very deep with when we talk, in a way that I can feel him feeling me feeling him but he's atypical TP bc he's enneagram 4 or because of something else.

Most likely a Sx dom!

But with other TPs it often felt like... heh simply... mismatch.

We're technical problem solvers, true, and we can appear aloof at times, but that doesn't mean we don't care or are insincere, we're just taking alot of stuff in and matching it all together and trying to make sense of everything and do stuff.

 

[Hopelandic]

The Fi way of bonding...

... Sex? (at least mind sex). *crickets* wut? it's not just me, right?

Any time I engage with a person... I'm waiting for them to show me something they haven't/don't show anyone else. As much as I run from it, I live for connection.

I find enneagram instinctual variants might play a role in this. I'm avoidant... so it follows I'm a pretty strong SP, but after that I'm (very paradoxically) a strong SX. For those types with similarity to mine (SX being a key here) I seem to be more fulfilled in the relationship.

Uh, in regards to psychological types.. in my experience i'd say, entps', infjs', esfps', infps.... and believe it or not, intjs'.

To add; I haven't ever really had the intimacy I've wanted... and a lot of the reason for this is that I am not willing to be emotionally open.

 

[INTP]

Do you also have thing for bonding that when you talk to someone you cant wait to "cut straight to the juicy part" and get deep very soon? And feel that your conversation really only has meaning if you eventually get to that part? it doesnt only have to be verbally, it can be mutual understanding without stating everything loud.

i cant wait others to cut to the juicy part, and i really enjoy when i know someone so well that we dont need to say everything to understand each others.

its funny that my infp friend always forgets to say the obvious when telling about something, but i instantly know what he is talking about, at least most the times. he might suddenly say something like that teacher was fun, to something totally unrelated to school or any teachers, but i instantly know what teacher he was talking about and why. its like i can read where the thing got to his mind, like someone said something totally unrelated to school or teachers, but the way someone said something was the same way the teacher said it and that reminded him about this teacher and that he did the same thing in more funny way. kinda hard to explain, but it feels like our Ne and Si are in synch because we know each others so well and have known each other for about 11 years.

 

[Coriolis]

Do you also have thing for bonding that when you talk to someone you cant wait to "cut straight to the juicy part" and get deep very soon? And feel that your conversation really only has meaning if you eventually get to that part? it doesnt only have to be verbally, it can be mutual understanding without stating everything loud.

Which types respond the best to this ? Which te worst? Did you notice anything?

Yes, with a couple caveats. (1) I have to establish some trust in the person first before I am willing to share this way. This can happen quite quickly with a stranger, if the circumstances are right and they give the right cues, but usually it takes more time. (2) Though not everything needs to be spelled out, the foundation is in the verbal exchange. We can read between the lines, but it is usually the lines of our spoken thought rather than other ways of conveying meaning.

I rarely if ever have such conversations with S types, a significant exception being my ISTJ father, who has simply lived long enough to have broadened his horizons on many topics. I know two other ISTJs with whom I can have in-depth conversations about history, or technical topics, but the type of depth is different. I often have such conversations with an ENTJ friend. We will stay up to all hours conversing about all manner of thing in a completely uninhibited, no-holds-barred way. There is nothing like it. It is like mental flying. I have had similar, though less frequent/regular conversations with other E/INTJs, INFPs, INFJs, and an ENFP relative. The INTPs I know, oddly, seem to prefer keeping things on a more superficial word-banter/logic puzzle level, without getting to the really deep stuff. Perhaps we just haven't met each other's criteria for mutual trust yet.

 

[sculpting]

yes.

It can go really badly.

I term it "Incineration by Fi". Who deosnt want me to solar flare them with emotive expression?

 

[Chloe]

Halla - haha, you dont really count.. you're like super something the way you handled your INTP friend is epic.

I didnt mean that TP types dont have a need for intimacy. I meant more that ways of getting there are different. Fi has specific way of "penetrating" into other person. I guess Fe goes slower?
and perhaps it is linked to sx... didnt think about that.

The INTPs I know, oddly, seem to prefer keeping things on a more superficial word-banter/logic puzzle level, without getting to the really deep stuff.

This is what I meant, I found NTPs to be bored by Fi talk. I mean it's logical, I am bored with Ti talk too, sometimes. I didnt say they dont want intimacy

 

[stringstheory]

Do you also have thing for bonding that when you talk to someone you cant wait to "cut straight to the juicy part" and get deep very soon?

OMG yes.

And feel that your conversation really only has meaning if you eventually get to that part? it doesnt only have to be verbally, it can be mutual understanding without stating everything loud.

it's not so much that, it's just that I do not feel like people get a very good sense of "who i am" when we don't get to that part. it's something towards which i strive and the best way i bond with others.

Which types respond the best to this ? Which te worst? Did you notice anything?

honestly, while xNTJs don't "understand" it, in the sense that they relate to it, i think they respond best to it IMO; they respect it, and since respect is something i find they deeply admire, they respond best to it.

 

[gromit]

and perhaps it is linked to sx... didnt think about that.

I would almost say this. I've had intense, immediate relationships with probably Fe, Fi, and Te 'users', and who knows, possibly Ti... I am fairly confident on the other three though. It has certainly been a mutual interest, not just me pushing the interpersonal intimacy. And by 'interest' I don't just mean romantic, it has been with people of both genders.

There was an interesting post that 21% did about sx/sp awhile back... let me see if I can find it. HERE IT IS.

 

[BlackCat]

Sounds like sx yeah. Not much to do with Fi, I do this with all of the sx first people I make friends with.

 

[Affably Evil]

Do you also have thing for bonding that when you talk to someone you cant wait to "cut straight to the juicy part" and get deep very soon? And feel that your conversation really only has meaning if you eventually get to that part?

I have an ENFP friend and when I feel her trying to do this (personal probing) I immediately start to withdraw — she insists that whenever she tells me a secret that I ought to offer one in response, because that's how you're supposed to "bond." However, trying to manipulate me into personally opening up like that is the quickest way to get shut down. I'll tell you my secrets when I trust you to keep them; until then, the doors of the treasury are barred.

On the other hand, I love considering and speaking deeply on any topic, especially if it lets me access Ni/Ti. Ramifications and implications of anything can be so engrossing. I can spend hours talking about different interpretations of films or how different fiction novels could plausibly connect ideologically. Then if I'm comfortable perhaps I'll relate more of myself in the conversation — though it also must be relevant.

Though I'm not sure it's a Fi element at work when people do this.

 

[Lady_X]

what does a non sx fi person look like?

 

[Seymour]

I think PeaceBaby is an type 9 so INFP. (I'm sure she'll thank me for volunteering her here!)

 

[Lady_X]

haha! well i thankya...interesting...not enough data tho...i need to really fully and completely understand this....what is fi...what is sx...what is one without the other...who the hell am i anyway...i'm so confused my head is spinning.

 

[Lady_X]

i'm just kidding. i don't really care.

 

[Chloe]

i'm just kidding. i don't really care.

you're in a funny mood today, Lady X?

 

[Chloe]

I have an ENFP friend and when I feel her trying to do this (personal probing) I immediately start to withdraw — she insists that whenever she tells me a secret that I ought to offer one in response, because that's how you're supposed to "bond." However, trying to manipulate me into personally opening up like that is the quickest way to get shut down. I'll tell you my secrets when I trust you to keep them; until then, the doors of the treasury are barred.

Haha, yes, thats classic ENFP thing: share part of you to get other person share his secrets. But it's inocent manipulation, more like bonding, but yes, I admit, I [used to] do it as manipulation too, more uncosciously, or automatically.

On the other hand, I love considering and speaking deeply on any topic, especially if it lets me access Ni/Ti. Ramifications and implications of anything can be so engrossing. I can spend hours talking about different interpretations of films or how different fiction novels could plausibly connect ideologically. Then if I'm comfortable perhaps I'll relate more of myself in the conversation — though it also must be relevant.

This is what I was talking about too. I cant Ti for very long.

I would almost say this. I've had intense, immediate relationships with probably Fe, Fi, and Te 'users', and who knows, possibly Ti... I am fairly confident on the other three though. It has certainly been a mutual interest, not just me pushing the interpersonal intimacy. And by 'interest' I don't just mean romantic, it has been with people of both genders.

Yes, I think it's a bit of both actually, more sx thing, but also the way Fi-Fi can bond is different than when you have strong Ti on the other side, and not sx. I guess.

 

[Lady_X]

oh i'm just bored chloe i feel the obnoxiousness starting... sorry...

 

[Chloe]

what does a non sx fi person look like?

maybe like Robin Williams?

though I actually think he's ESFJ. :yim_rolling_on_the_