feeling Fi

[greenfairy]

I've been feeling very Fi(-Te) today. Like I'll never have a perfect life, nothing will ever be perfect, I'm always doing something wrong, everything is only temporary and doesn't really mean anything and then we die, no one will ever see the real me, etc. There's still this nagging belief in my unconscious mind that I don't exist and nothing I experience is real or valuable if there aren't a bunch of cool people to witness it. I wish I could get rid of that belief, because thinking about it I know it's not true.

I'm in the place I've been a million times where I feel like I need to make a positive change, but I don't know what or how, and the things I've been doing seem to keep giving me the same results. So I need to figure out how to change things without negatively judging myself. And I need to know how to effectively introspect without resorting to narcissism, distraction, obsession about things that don't matter like typology, or analysis paralysis. I feel like I don't really know what I want, and everything I think I like is just an idea of what I think would make me look cool.

But when I just get outside and do things, even just looking at trees and shopping for food, I feel peaceful. So I don't know if that's what I'm supposed to do and just living life, or if it is a distraction from introspection.

E-9 thing?

This month's full moon is what some people are calling a supermoon, and so I think it along with some other astrological phenomena have been making me a little loopy for the past month or so. (That and trying to not hate myself for getting attached to a guy who wasn't attached to me, and getting over it.) I've been trying to just go with the flow and not be a perfectionist control freak. That's what the moon is teaching me, to just be and not worry or criticize. I'm supposed to write a ritual for my coven; I had thought it would be easy, and I had a sort of idea for the theme of June full moon, but I'm just not feeling it. I feel like anything I do would just be shallow and going through the motions, and not tapping into any real magic.

Meh. Argh. Angst.

 

[JAVO]

Nothing will ever be perfect, but it can still be fun and enjoyable.

What you wrote describes me very well. I don't go through phases like this much now, but I used to go through short ones (1-3 days) often. I'm not sure if these phases were because I needed a break from introspection, or because I was really Ne-dominant, yet repressing it. Engaging Se and Si activities seemed to help too. When I get like this now, I know that it's time to get out in nature more. I at least go for a long hike, and sometimes a weekend backpacking trip.

Identifying some specific positive changes which you can actually accomplish will likely help too. Just the feeling of making some progress helps. You already know this, but remember that aerobic exercise is somewhat of a quick fix too--get those endorphins flowing.

 

[greenfairy]

I was just about to write that I went to my aerial dance class and I feel sooo much better! Exercise definitely helps. The book about inferior functions I have specifically mentions inferior Si types finding physical activity more helpful than other types; so this supports our XNTP theories for ourselves. I think Fe and Si kind of switch around and can't make up their minds where they want to be, as our extroversion and introversion play out.

I'm glad you can relate. The thought was starting to creep into my mind again that perhaps I should question my type again, but I had also made up my mind that this was a pointless exercise in distraction from the real world.

I'm not 100% sure what the problem is or what I should change, but I've arbitrarily picked something which is out of balance and decided to try going to the other extreme with it (while still striving for the mean as Aristotle recommends). (Rather than being too introspective,) I'm going to pretend problems don't exist and just get outside and do something if I feel less than happy and enthusiastic. Exceptions will be made at the new and full moons, and then a concerted effort will be made to meditate. This is the plan.

 

[greenfairy]

And because the best way to distract yourself from your troubles is to make a joke about it...
[video=youtube;xD-Huwlg2kY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xD-Huwlg2kY[/video]

 

[JAVO]

^