Entry number two

[Anonymous]

Still playing around with this system.

And studying for my statistics exam tomorrow. Well, I should be studying for it, I mean. Bleh. The concept of statistics is mildly interesting for me, but the instructor is pretty crappy. I guess it's rather sensorish of me, but I have trouble finding interest in things which are purely symbolic, like math or language (although language is psychological, so I am a bit interested in that).

Also, I figured out how to block the annoying smilies. This is much, much less distracting. Now the only ones which are showing on my screen aren't moving around.

I should probably go back to studying. But I'm going to read instead.

 

[Anonymous]

Why does this guy keep inviting us all to get together? He needs to realize a few things.

1) Playing video games late into the night stopped being something fun to do in 2nd year of high school.

2) I am an introvert. You are all extraverts. You all like things like partying and dating girls as dumb as you are. We have nothing in common. Stop. Fucking. Inviting me.

Of course, I keep saying yes, I suppose. It'd just be difficult saying "no, I don't want to" since we see each other every now and then on campus. But it'd all be solved if this kid just figured it out that I don't fit in with their little group.

 

[Anonymous]

^^^Wasn't too bad. Alcohol really helps with that stuff.

Ok, so something I've learned in the past half year or so. Usually, men can't express emotions directly. Or they can, but it breaks social norms, it would seem. I don't have this problem irl, I don't know anyone who I would feel comfortable expressing emotions to, so I've learned it online.

I suppose it started with my first blog on INTPc. In that blog, whenever I felt like shit, I'd write down exactly what I felt. It took quite a few times of writing something down, waking up, and immediately regretting what I wrote (depression tends to pass with sleep for me) to figure out that this is not acceptable.

So far, I've seen that it seems to be ok to speak about that stuff with friends, but in public (or the online equivalent), it seems to be better to maintain the facade of being masculine and sucking it up. I don't really like this, because expressing stuff in writing is one of the ways that I work my problems out, so I'm still trying to work out ways in which to circumvent it without breaking social norms.

I suppose I pay attention to norms like this, even if they're dumb, because I tend to value myself partially depending on how society views me. So if I end up breaking the above norm, I may be perceived as childish and weak, and thus, I end up devaluing myself.

 

[disregard]

Well, I'm glad you are blogging here then, because I highly doubt people at MBTIc (assuming that people at INTPc shunned your honest expression) would be anything other than welcoming and interested in the things you choose to open up about.

 

[Anonymous]

No one shunned my expression at INTPc, I did that myself, actually. This was a conclusion I came to from my own reflection and the values which I have noticed irl as well as online.

 

[Anonymous]

Fucking insomnia.

*Waiting for pill to kick in*

 

[Anonymous]

Fucking drowsiness.

*Waiting for pill to wear off*

 

[Anonymous]

http://songza.com/z/e88lxi

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/4249/img1445yi3.jpg

 

[Anonymous]

This is the worst type of insomnia that I get. Not getting to sleep at all. I don't know why I get it occasionally, but I do, and I have it now. Took a sleeping pill, but that didn't help. The worst thing is that I'm very, very tired. I have no clue how I'm going to function tomorrow.

 

[bluebell]

That sucks. Hope you got some sleep eventually.

 

[Anonymous]

Yay for disgruntled ex-employees staking out our house. And there's not a single golf club or baseball bat in here, either. I had to console myself with two candlesticks. He's gone now though, so I didn't get to show off my ninja-like candlestick skills.

 

[Anonymous]

I've never really thought about my family much. They're there, but I've never really cared too much about them. I've always felt bad about their troubles, but the real troubles were usually mediated through my parents. Well, that changed tonight. I was personally dealing with something that I can't even really describe it seemed so potent, and the worst thing was that there isn't one damn thing that I can do about it. Not a single thing. I want to help, I want to try and make a difference, make it better, but my hands are completely tied with something like this.

So I'll just say this: To all those who support this war, fuck you.