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ENTPs: how old where you when you had your [first] major existential crisis?
I was around 19, living in Austin, pursuing a EE degree from UT. I was driving in the rain and the excursion ended in a horrible car accident; I couldn't even tell where I was bleeding from. While I was in the ambulance being transported to the hospital, I dreamed about things I'd never done; including my first kiss. I was living for my parents. I hated UT. I hated Austin. I hated EE.ENTPs: how old where you when you had your [first] major existential crisis?
[MENTION=15291]Mane[/MENTION] : I was a pretty emotional child. Not an F mind you, I don't think anybody who knows me would even suspect an ounce of Fi on me. Though I d be interested in eventual opposing feedbacks. At least I double and triple checked my confirmation bias but ofc the observer and the observed are but one thing so there s only so much I can do. I think my F is pretty developped for an entp(not to confuse with being fluffy) (ush [MENTION=5159]Lexicon[/MENTION] ). But so is my Ti and I dont base much decisions on Fe stuff. Well its obviously not as simple as that but I m not exactly planning to write my biography.for me: 17 - my first crush and rejection lead to pretty much the first moment i had to deal with the fact i had an emotional side...
should I assume you re going through another existential crisis?wow... hope you came out ok.
for me: 17 - my first crush and rejection lead to pretty much the first moment i had to deal with the fact i had an emotional side... at all really, which brought a lot of emo narcissism and disproportionate angst out of me, and then when i was 18, my father died, my sister and mother needed me, and for the firs time i was not the center of my world, the first time other people where more important to me then... well, me.
should I assume you re going through another existential crisis?
My preschool stories would probably make you cry.I dont know. When I entered preschool?
Check it out, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_crisis.What is an existential crisis anyway. It seems like a very vague and dramatic movie-esk way to say 'reality check'. (which is itself a kind of flowery way to talk about the ebbs and flows of particular sub currents in any complex system. Yes I have a quite, hum, specific vision of what simplicity is)
I did! It was one of the best things that God allowed to happen to me; after I came out of the emotional period of "why did this happen to me," I seized the day. [It was initially a traumatizing experience.]wow... hope you came out ok.
Touching story. I can relate to some of it.or me: 17 - my first crush and rejection lead to pretty much the first moment i had to deal with the fact i had an emotional side... at all really, which brought a lot of emo narcissism and disproportionate angst out of me, and then when i was 18, my father died, my sister and mother needed me, and for the first time i was not the center of my world, the first time other people where more important to me then... well, me.
No reason. asking.interesting. why?
you created the thread after all.
you made an awesome use of it.I did! It was one of the best things that God allowed to happen to me; after I came out of the emotional period of "why did this happen to me," I seized the day.
I did.Touching story. I can relate to some of it. I bet you came out of that stronger.
ENTPs: how old where you when you had your [first] major existential crisis?
wow... hope you came out ok.
for me: 17 - my first crush and rejection lead to pretty much the first moment i had to deal with the fact i had an emotional side... at all really, which brought a lot of emo narcissism and disproportionate angst out of me, and then when i was 18, my father died, my sister and mother needed me, and for the firs time i was not the center of my world, the first time other people where more important to me then... well, me.
As a kid (around 8 or 9) I remember I was sitting watching TV one Saturday morning and all of a sudden I got it into my head that "holy shit, in a few short years I won't be a kid anymore and life is just going to get harder and more complicated and here I am wasting away my childhood watching crap on TV." So I turned it off and went outside to play. I remember this moment really vividly because I was so manic about it. My future was flashing before my eyes and it was bleak...so bleak.
My BIG existential crisis (and subsequent depression) came two years ago when I was 20 and got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. For a while, because of the state of my body, the most I could do was to just lay in bed all day, sleeping and thinking. I thought about death and the nothingness after death a lot. I thought about how my disease has shortened my average life-span considerably. I thought about the futility of pursuing a career when I was just going to die young. But really I just thought about how meaningless life is. And I still think about it sometimes, but it no longer makes me depressed. Mainly because I've found something I really love to do, but also because life isn't about "finding meaning" - there's no meaning to find. The less I stop trying to look for the meaning, the happier I am - and really, what more can I do with my existence than to try and be happy despite how crappy everything (usually) is?
You're so brave. I'm sorry that you have this disease, but it seems this difficulty contributed to make the mature and humble woman you are.As a kid (around 8 or 9) I remember I was sitting watching TV one Saturday morning and all of a sudden I got it into my head that "holy shit, in a few short years I won't be a kid anymore and life is just going to get harder and more complicated and here I am wasting away my childhood watching crap on TV." So I turned it off and went outside to play. I remember this moment really vividly because I was so manic about it. My future was flashing before my eyes and it was bleak...so bleak.
My BIG existential crisis (and subsequent depression) came two years ago when I was 20 and got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. For a while, because of the state of my body, the most I could do was to just lay in bed all day, sleeping and thinking. I thought about death and the nothingness after death a lot. I thought about how my disease has shortened my average life-span considerably. I thought about the futility of pursuing a career and a family when I was just going to die young. But really I just thought about how meaningless life is. And I still think about it sometimes, but it no longer makes me depressed. Mainly because I've found something I really love to do, but also because life isn't about "finding meaning" - there's no meaning to find. The less I stop trying to look for the meaning, the happier I am - and really, what more can I do with my existence than to try and be happy despite how crappy everything (usually) is?
I've come to terms with the fact that when we die, that's it...and there's a bit of comfort in that. I don't fear death anymore because of that time in my life. I'd actually go so far as to say I'm a more well-rounded person for it. I value close friendships and showing people I care more than I ever have. I pay attention to those sorts of things more often. As long as I don't over-philosophize, I'm good...and I've mostly channeled that philosophizing energy into science and math, which makes me feel more fulfilled than I could express.
first of all - i am 27 so that stuff happened 9 years ago... any pain and grief left is dealt with in a way that isn't separable from my personality or who i am, your scars become part of your face and you forget that they are scars. since i am not experiencing it as pain and grief on any regular basis in a raw form regarding this, it doesn't provide much of a reason to feel for me right now.That's terrible. I feel for you.
What growth happened inside you having served your mother and sister?..What difference did that make?
Thx.you made an awesome use of it.
Spiritual.curious: are you generallyreligiousor was it a spiritual period/change following the event
No, you're not reading too much into it. You're close. I just don't feel comfortable talking about all of it now.(or am i reading too much into the wording)?
Funny. Did you admire your father?I did.
...then again there's the fact my ex-wife reminded me of my father, taking Freudian psychology into a really weird direction...
so... yes, a little fucked up, but stronger
very much.Funny. Did you admire your father?
No, you're not reading too much into it. You're close. I just don't feel comfortable talking about all of it now.