[ENTP] ENTPs and debating with SOs

[marmandahalf]

Do you guys think it's healthy to seek out a SO with whom one constantly debates? Or is argumentation and one-upmanship better left for friends, with relationships being -fests?

I obviously want someone who loves my mind like I do, but it seems odd that someone could respect me intellectually and not want to debate. Like, "Awesome sword, but no, I don't want to fence." But then the types that ENTPs work best with tend to be very anti-conflict. So it's a bit of a catch-22.

What thinks you?

 

[iwakar]

Moderation is the key. I think mature ENTPs will learn to value a time for harmony, support, and even *gasp* compromise.

A mature INFJ will be less threatened by having their ideas challenged, will not panic that discord will dissolve into relationship failure, and thus compromise as well.

As for other match-ups with ENTPs, I'm sure it's something along similar lines.

 

[Stanton Moore]

Do you guys think it's healthy to seek out a SO with whom one constantly debates? Or is argumentation and one-upmanship better left for friends, with relationships being -fests?

I obviously want someone who loves my mind like I do, but it seems odd that someone could respect me intellectually and not want to debate. Like, "Awesome sword, but no, I don't want to fence." But then the types that ENTPs work best with tend to be very anti-conflict. So it's a bit of a catch-22.

What thinks you?

I think your penchant for debate could have dire consequences on a romantic relationship. There are exceptions, but I would try to limit that tendency until you're sure it will work...

 

[Aerithria]

If both people in the relationship enjoy debating, then unless it turns serious or becomes all the relationship is based on, I don't see why it'd be unhealthy. That type of intellectual banter is what tends to make me pay attention to a particular person in the first place. As long as there's genuine caring underlying it, I think it's a fun and interesting way to relate to your SO. Of course, so long as your SO understands that you're not attacking them or breeding conflict just for the hell of it.

For an example of what I'm talking about, consider the Dr. Cox/Jordan relationship from Scrubs.

 

[Virtual ghost]

Do you guys think it's healthy to seek out a SO with whom one constantly debates? Or is argumentation and one-upmanship better left for friends, with relationships being -fests?

I obviously want someone who loves my mind like I do, but it seems odd that someone could respect me intellectually and not want to debate. Like, "Awesome sword, but no, I don't want to fence." But then the types that ENTPs work best with tend to be very anti-conflict. So it's a bit of a catch-22.

What thinks you?

I am also like this. I simply don't see the point in pure harmony.
My favorite/natural style of communication is a debate so I have been accused plenty of times that I turn everything into conflict.

I trully don't see why "debating" relationship would not be a healthy relationship.


Bacause of this I think that ENTPs are probably my best bet when it comes to romance.

 

[thisGuy]

it is...thats like the only thing that motivates me for long term relationships...a smarty pants

but you do need to know when to stop...no, the word, i think, is concur

 

[marmandahalf]

Bacause of this I think that ENTPs are probably my best bet when it comes to romance.

Well, natch, we're the best...

In my experience, though, INTJ/ENTP can be in danger of being too cold and analytical. In my case, it almost turned into us interacting with the idea of "our relationship" rather than actually having one. Which is why my new pet theory is that there needs to be an F in there somewhere.

 

[iwakar]

Well, natch, we're the best...

In my experience, though, INTJ/ENTP can be in danger of being too cold and analytical. In my case, it almost turned into us interacting with the idea of "our relationship" rather than actually having one. Which is why my new pet theory is that there needs to be an F in there somewhere.

I've seen this echoed by INTJs and ENTPs on the forum that have tried this pairing out.

 

[Cady]

I think I'd want a SO who I could discuss with rather than debate. Debate for me usually happens when someone has already chosen a side, they're definitely fun but they lead to a lot more butting of heads and people getting too worked up about their side can strangle exploration of the thesis.

 

[Virtual ghost]

Well, natch, we're the best...

In my experience, though, INTJ/ENTP can be in danger of being too cold and analytical. In my case, it almost turned into us interacting with the idea of "our relationship" rather than actually having one. Which is why my new pet theory is that there needs to be an F in there somewhere.

Well, dont overlook the fact that "too cold" is something very relative.
But I am am aware that this could a problem if you have a two NTs.
So ENTP that is showing some ENFP traits is on what I was aiming on in my claim. Since it would be desirable that someone in that relationship actually feels something.
But you will still have E/I P/J difference to make things more interesting.

 

[Cady]

Well, dont overlook the fact that "too cold" is something very relative.
But I am am aware that this could a problem if you have a two NTs.
So ENTP that is showing some ENFP traits is on what I was aiming on in my claim. Since it would be desirable that someone in that relationship actually feels something.
But you will still have E/I P/J difference to make things more interesting.

I think J's worry me almost as much as F's....SFJ's though...**shudders**

 

[Virtual ghost]

I think J's worry me almost as much as F's....SFJ's though...**shudders**

Why Js ?


Just curious.

 

[jenocyde]

I try not to have those types of discussions with my SO. Or at least I wouldn't "bring it" the way I do with my friends. I don't want any potential bad energy to cross over into the home life. I really tone it down. Plus if he's made it far enough to be my SO, we wouldn't have that much time for talking anyway... just sayin'.

 

[Cady]

Why Js ?


Just curious.

You guys are so rigid sometimes! I think the core of the issue may be EJ's because they're constantly trying to get me to do things on their schedule, keep things "tidy" and "organized". I understand the value of a visible organization structure sometimes but for my own life I'd prefer to stick to the apparent chaos only I can understand.

IJ's seem more tolerant of how individual's function so long as they get results but it can come across as appeasing. There are IJ's I've worked with who outwardly seem to tolerate me but I'll get the feeling that they think I'm an oddity or not grounded enough in reality, and don't really value my insight as much because of that.

 

[BlahBlahNounBlah]

There are IJ's I've worked with who outwardly seem to tolerate me but I'll get the feeling that they think I'm an oddity or not grounded enough in reality.

Are you talking about INTJs specifically?


The INTJs I know are much too odd to label me odd, and they know it. I like them. Don't know how a relationship could work though ... I feel more sibling/friendly with them than romantic.

 

[BlahBlahNounBlah]

Do you guys think it's healthy to seek out a SO with whom one constantly debates? Or is argumentation and one-upmanship better left for friends, with relationships being -fests?

I obviously want someone who loves my mind like I do, but it seems odd that someone could respect me intellectually and not want to debate. Like, "Awesome sword, but no, I don't want to fence." But then the types that ENTPs work best with tend to be very anti-conflict. So it's a bit of a catch-22.

What thinks you?

I don't like arguing with SOs!

If it's once-in-a-while, and it's not personal, it's fun. I want the option to debate, but I don't want it as a theme of the relationship.

 

[Cady]

Are you talking about INTJs specifically?


The INTJs I know are much too odd to label me odd, and they know it. I like them. Don't know how a relationship could work though ... I feel more sibling/friendly with them than romantic.

INTJ's and ISTJ's specifically. I don't think I know any INFJ's (where are you guys???) or ISFJ's.

I agree that most INTJ's are pretty odd themselves, maybe my problem is that most INTJ's I know are through work relationships? I think my Pness stresses them out

 

[Virtual ghost]

Are you talking about INTJs specifically?


The INTJs I know are much too odd to label me odd, and they know it. I like them. Don't know how a relationship could work though ... I feel more sibling/friendly with them than romantic.

This is exactly why I asked.

This combination is probably somewhat challenging but with right people it can be done.

 

[BlahBlahNounBlah]

... maybe my problem is that most INTJ's I know are through work relationships? I think my Pness stresses them out

(trying not to make Pness joke)


I could see that. If I had to work with the INTJs I know, they'd always be mad at me :steam: for taking too long to do some stuff and jumping the gun with other stuff.

Best to keep INTJ+ENTP casual.

 

[jenocyde]

I could see that. If I had to work with the INTJs I know, they'd always be mad at me :steam: for taking too long to do some stuff and jumping the gun with other stuff.

Best to keep INTJ+ENTP casual.

Not so sure about that... I recently figured out the type of an ex bf and he's INTJ and we got along fabulously. But he was very very peculiar and particular, like most INTJs are...
the stories I could tell!