Amargith
Hotel California
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2008
- Messages
- 14,717
- MBTI Type
- ENFP
- Enneagram
- 4dw
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/so
I don't identify with the indiscriminate flirting with anyone. Flirting, for me, is just the most natural way I know to show affection for people I like. It's a clear signal that I'm fond of you - friends, family get teased the most in this fashion. If you're being teased, it means you have reached the inner circle.
There's a line crossed into romantic flirting, mostly it means the teasing contains compliments about the person's physical appearance or quirky habits that I genuinely find fascinating enough to notice and make part of the conversation. When romantically interested, the intensity of the flirting is just a lot higher. There will be no mixed signals. With friends, it's more innocent, picking on them.
No, I don't enjoy playing with people if they're not enjoying it as well. It's got to be a give and take and the slightest bit of discomfort on their end will make me turn it off. For a type that is said to be in tune with what other people are feeling/their motivations, I think we would find it particularly abhorrent to play with a person's emotions if there is no romantic connection implied and the person may be vulnerable to making more of it than we are willing to offer. This is not attractive at all.
Sometimes there is just miscommunication because of the intensity we ENFPs have in common. We do give people we enjoy our complete attention. This may also be someone we've just met but are interested in getting to know them. This includes making sustained eye contact and listening intently to what they're saying. We find people fascinating but this does not imply a romantic connection.
I agree with almost everything, especially the bolded part. I'd add that I will use flirting as an icebreaker with a person who I find highly intriguing. And they have a shot at making it to my inner circle, very much so. But for the rest, I do agree with it all.
It *can* happen that after some time we find that we're not that compatible. However, I do still enjoy their company and will gladly spend time with them , the only thing that will be less is the intensity as I'm done taking who you are as a person apart and assimilating it.
Aphrodite, your friend's behavior is way past the flirting realm. It is manipulative and would be confusing to anyone. Flirting, for most of us, would imply a generally open, interested, warm approach to the world we live in. We are fascinated by people and love showing it in the way we know best. Your friend seems to have misused that way of being in an unethical manner. The problem seems to be more about questionable ethics and less about the general way of being.
+1