ENFP and INFJ Relationships

[highlander]

What do you think about relationships between ENFPs and INFJs? The focus of this is really on romantic relationships but it also makes sense to discuss your experience in situations where these two types interact in a significant way – such as friendship, at work, etc.

When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
- How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
- Why are they attracted to each other?
- How to they compliment each other?
- How well do they understand each other and why?
- What are they like together raising children?

When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
- What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
- What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?
- How can they take each other for granted?
- What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?

Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
- What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?
- What advice do you have for each of the two types?
- If you are an ENFP, what advice do you have for the INFJs?
- If you are an INFJ, what advice would you have for the ENFPs?

 

[kyuuei]

What do you think about relationships between ENFPs and INFJs?

I think it's a giant ball of emotion just waiting to explode. That J firmly shoves its boot into the situation.

If you are an ENFP, what advice do you have for the INFJs?

Learn to pull back a bit, and realize that ENFPs are a lot more flexible when they're grounded and feel like they have room for compassion from others. That burn-the-bridge end-all thing is terrifying for us. Like if we breathe wrong we'll never see you again. Boom, poof, that's all folks. It's awful. ENFPs will typically try to re-build a straw house even after a wolf has blown it down.. we're not ready to give up on others so quickly and shut them out.. and we see that in you, and there's nothing to make us think we're some special unique exception to that. We need a bit of grounding... we're not mind readers, we're extroverted.. yeah, you'll probably have to be the one to start communication lines. We'll try, sure, but ENFPs are in the clouds.. and if you're floating somewhere inbetween don't expect us to pull you to ground level.. we're just happy you're there while you are.. because one day we're going to do something too silly for you, or embarrassing for you without realizing, and it'll all be over just like that and we'll be crushed.. So yeah, we're not starting all that mess. If you start communication, and keep it open and fair and honest, we'll be far more likely to meet you halfway though.

 

[Alea_iacta_est]

IEE Ne and IEI Ni produce the "contrary" inter-type relation.

What this means is that they will both find the other pleasing and stimulating in regards to their energy level and attention-state, as the two temperaments are complementary and dualize each other (Ep + Ip = Dual). Thus, they definitively have a sort of charm to each other right at the start. However, due to the fact that they are in orthogonal quadras (opposing), they will tend to find themselves disagreeing a majority of the time, especially considering that each sociotype's lead element is the others' ignoring element, which can not only cause annoyance and frustration, but also outright contempt. Furthermore, Super-Id stimulation is unachieved, given that each type's Suggestive function (their ultimate desire out of the environment, people, and world around them) is the other type's Role function (their personal downfall or weakness), meaning that both types will not receive attention to either of their Super-Id blocks, which generally need to be stimulated due to the Super-Id block's manifestation as Purpose and Motivation in life.

Overall, these two types are at a disadvantage when initiating any kind of relationship. This isn't to say that these relationships can't work; this is merely to say that it is far less likely to produce a stimulating, healthy relationship with a Contrary partner than it is with a Dual or Activity partner. The probability is just simply lower.

 

[the state i am in]

awesome, awesome communication. just feels like complete expression, and like we are somehow constantly energizing each other creatively. it's easy to just get fascinated and inspired together, and to just have fun cartooning around endlessly.

like sometimes we'll have two different lines of communication open at the same time and have conversations thru each of them, and they'll both be progressing at breakneck speed, like trying to win 150cc rainbow road with no brakes. with this way of being able to verbalize EVERYTHING immediately, and it's funny trying to outdo each other with trick shots and teasing.

what i've noticed and tried to offer is that she and i need to really focus sometimes on overtly communicating. when we start guessing at where each other are at, we're really not very good. (makes sense functions wise). however, when we communicate on purpose, we are kind of the best. and we both instantly seem to recognize this deeper logic of the heart, and everything starts to get put into the right place again, like a mahjong/solitaire that dammit, you've already won. the deep awareness that enfps can bring and hold that relativity in place at times makes them so much more flexible than i imagined. there's still the e7 challenges, but hey, i have my own that are certainly there too. when there's truly a mutual desire to learn from each other, a real curiosity, and attention to ensuring a trusting relationship first and foremost, it seems pretty powerful.

despite the kind of developmental challenges that come from both having to own your shit individually and together, and not really having that de facto F/T balance to rely on in terms of division of labor, the shared sense of MISSION, and the deep fundamental life priorities, are really great. this kind of deeply shared art and ecology and human potential is just so ingrained in both of us and what we are made to give ourselves to. and that we do it in kind of opposite ways, with us concentrating things and them exploring and unlocking other energies, seems to at least offer the promise of an amazing team.

also, huge, epic, whole day/night conversations.

 

[the state i am in]

haven't gotten there yet, but kinda just starting out with designing flow of life together.

the promise feels intoxicating, but so far we do a pretty good job of balancing the buzz with a sense of deeper digestion. in terms of creative life purpose, there's this high five giant arch erection kind of thing to commemorate the direction. i feel like we're going to make magic eye collages.

one thing that seems important is maybe finding support and balance in terms of our larger design/decision/development phases. especially drawing in some extra T support and resourcefulness in the other spaces we need to not only create ideas for but follow thru and finish and consistently put into place day in and day out. she's so much more flexible than i could have ever imagined, bc i've been coming from this place assuming these basic truths about importance and power as these kind of abstract principles, and she's naturally so good at like wading thru that and just seeing the real people's real needs/paths as they are in actual situatedness threaded all the way thru the surface of the moment. it's just so responsive, and it makes some of the assumptions that i bring obviously unimportant, secondary, mostly irrelevant. at the same time, i do the opposite, and in a murky situation, i have this enduring echo-location sense that can pinpoint the first sound, and allow this sense of something unchanging to give a kind of steadiness and focus to the important differences/defining details of the moment.

i don't know if it often works like this, but the temptation and promise that has come along with it so far for us, this kind of self/life/ecology, three simultaneous phases of growth and thriving, is so strong. there's just this deep sense of whole-person attunement that's both focusing and freeing at the same time. that if both just fully feel our feelings, everything flows, and our quality of experience kind of gets to embody this like infinite living sea of creative expression and evolution. and for sx/sp, the so/sx buzzability is so intoxicatingly awesome, like playing with entire flocks of birds and schools of fish, when even with that, it's like we're still made to hear the tallest trees and sparsest bedrock outlines defining the chords.

 

[Kelly777]

I just ended a relationship with an enfp. We were friends for a year prior to dating. I was very attracted to him. We had great conversations and lots of adventures. He leaned on me emotionally a lot. But when I had some stress come up he didn't like that I wasn't being "positive". I think I spent too much time with him and there wasn't enough of a challenge. Also, he never thought before he spoke and hurt me/turned me off frequently. If I told him how I felt he took it as harsh criticism and became passive aggressive. He got bored and became interested in someone new. He told mutual acquaintances that he was breaking up with me. When I told him I was hearing things he denied it and ended up getting calls from his new interest while we were together and changed his facebook intro. He just stopped talking to me, saying he had a lot going on. I had to confront him at work. And he said he had been meaning to break up with me for some time but we just kept missing each other. I said fine. Went home and emailed him about how ridiculous I thought his behavior was, blocked him on facebook and proceeded to tell people that knew him some of the things he'd been doing that he should not have been doing. I ratted him out. Maybe I shouldn't have. But I felt like he walked on me because I'm nice. I thought he needed to learn a lesson. I've heard he is still upset that we aren't friends. I miss him but I'm relieved, really. How could he think I would still be friends with his sorry ass? I don't get it. I should say that he was probably an immature/unhealthy enfp and that I'm still upset over the whole thing.

 

[Norrsken]

When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships? My husband has made many of my dreams come true thanks to his very spontaneous personality. I used to think that I could be flexible enough to chase after my dreams, but I turned out to be very wrong and when I met him, there is magic between us.
- How compatible do you think these two types are in general? I'd say very compatible, provided that they are both healthy and well rounded individuals. They are both NFs, so they can spend hours with deep talks and they understand the value of respecting each others sensitivities.
- Why are they attracted to each other? They are alike (NF), but extremely different at the same time. They fill in parts of each other that they themselves wish they can attain naturally by themselves.
- How to they compliment each other? The ENFP makes things possible; the INFJ tells them when to calm the hell down and try to plan things out carefully before the ENFP runs out of money, time, or their own sanity when they end up somewhere without a cab ride home.
- How well do they understand each other and why? My husband and I understand just how emotional and sensitive we truly are deep down, even when we try our hardest to hide it. I've always been that girl who hides behind a mask and hold things on the inside, and my husband knows how to extract me out and to tell him how I really feel. With him, I always tell him this, "If you make that decision, what's going to happen tomorrow?" and then he thinks about it before making a sound decision.
- What are they like together raising children? We don't have children.

When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship? During the bad times, my husband can be outright cruel and I had spent many tears over him while we were dating. He wasn't big on commitment; I was for obvious reasons. He wanted adventures and enjoyed flirting with other people; I wanted stability and refused to even look at another man. I think his spontaneous nature, however charming it is sometimes, can hurt me deeply when he wants to use it for evil.
- What are some of the communication challenges they can have? When he tries to extract me from my shell, he does it in a way that it looks like he is looking for a fight and I get so offended about it. He then acts surprised when I react negatively and tells me to just tell him the truth. I always find myself in an even deeper hole when he says that and I just clam up. I've always lied to my parents when I didn't want to be emotionally vulnerable or exposed, and my husband wouldn't have any of that, so it scares me sometimes when it happens. It's not him... it's all me. This is my issue.

I hate when he jokes about everything. Sometimes I wish he can just tell me in all honesty how he really thinks or feel without creating a punchline at the end. Jokes are fun, but come on, after a while, JUST TELL ME WHAT IS HAPPENING.
- What are the biggest frustrations between these two types? When he wants to throw all caution in the wind and I just want to take things step by step. For example, if he wants a car, he'll want a fast race car that costs all of our savings... meanwhile, I will keep begging him to at least consider other options. Things like that.
- How can they take each other for granted? I am very independent. I have my own hobbies, interests, and like to stay inside my mind. And I guess, sometimes I do not express a lot of passion the way he wants it. He'll want us to cuddle a lot and I just can't after a long while. I wish I can be much more openly affectionate like he is. With him, he can also end up in his own head of endless opportunities, to the point where I just feel like a footnote in his pages. If that even makes any sense.
- What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types? The ENFP "cheats" and finds someone else, and the INFJ, absolutely devastated but won't admit it, will just door slam that chapter in their lives before moving on. It would be a very painful and messy breakup for sure.

Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have? Welp, see below!
- What things should each type do to facilitate better communication? ENFPs: Please give us time to open up, it is extremely scary for us to do. Don't think that just because we reside inside our heads that we don't care about you or don't love you anymore.

INFJs: Consider try and be more open with everything... emotions, hugs, cuddles, talks of love, the whole thing. ENFPs thrive on it.
- What advice do you have for each of the two types? ENFPs must learn that commitment isn't so scary and that it just means that a new chapter is opening in their lives that may potentially make them very happy. INFJs must learn that, even though it is okay to know things before jumping head first into the water, that life is passing you by and you should trust your ENFP partner when they say that its time to jump already!
- If you are an ENFP, what advice do you have for the INFJs? N/A
- If you are an INFJ, what advice would you have for the ENFPs? Timetables are your friend.