[ENFJ] ENFj's relationships!

[SpottingTrains]

wow, no wonder I am single.

What do you mean?

 

[OrangeAppled]

I think ENFJ males & INFP females can be a good pairing. From my experience, ENFJs make great friends & I could see myself in a romantic relationship with one.

I'm lazy, so I'm copying a post of mine from INFPgc discussing the possible pros of INFP + ENFJ (in response to a thread on INFPs having NO match ).

I will suggest one possible pairing (of MANY, I am sure).

ENFJs can be good match for us. I find this to be true of the ones I know.
Some things I have noted:

- ENFJs are not the typical extroverts. They generally like their people time to be in small groups or one-on-one, and they don't bulldoze over you. However, their extroversion is just right to pull the INFP into the real world.

- The INFP's introversion is admirable to them....ENFJs are some of the few extroverts I know who admire the intricate world & imagination of an introverted intuitive. Most of them I know go around saying they are shy, wanting to be regarded as an introvert too.

- The INFP offers the ENFJ the deep, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual connection they crave. Our complexity works in our favor with them.
I notice ENFJs have a lot of surface relationships, but they highly value having a few deep connections & they only open up to a few special people. They want a kindred spirit, as do INFPs.

- They are very encouraging & nurturing, just what an INFP needs to grow as a person & open up to someone (not criticism).

- The INFPs overwhelming positive response to a little bit of praise & support makes the ENFJ happy. They need to be needed, and need to feel they "inspire" someone to meet their potential.

- The both need to feel potential for growth, being idealists. Neither will be happy in a stagnant relationship, so they will both be willing to work to improve the relationship & maintain harmony.

- Being an NF, ENFJs are also not the typical Js. They can like spontaneity and be less uptight about neatness & time schedules. However, they do have more structure in their life. Part of that structure is keeping their relationships "organized", which is good, because an INFP can withdraw into their own little world & forget about human contact. The ENFJ won't let it happen.

- The INFPs values are less influenced by society, and they may anchor the ENFJ who may blow with the wind more in their effort to be liked.

- Both being NFs works for communication. There may be conflict with FeNi and NeFi (ie. Fi may be horrified by Fe's seemingly fake social face, and Fe may find Fi socially inept at times.), but I think it has potential to be complementary & provides enough difference to keep things interesting.

 

[The Third Rider]

What do you mean?

Well I am just referring to all the dirty laundry that people pull out when talking about ENFJs and their past relationships.

 

[SpottingTrains]

Very nice post Orange : D

 

[runvardh]

Well I am just referring to all the dirty laundry that people pull out when talking about ENFJs and their past relationships.

Eh, I'd rather not associate a type with the dirty laundry, just the person. My grandmother is at the point where I really can't tell if she's S or N, but she's always happier when the family is together, was open enough to defy parents when she married my grandfather, and manages to keep a home while still deeply engaged in all her interests. I could handle someone with that kind of potential.

 

[CopyPaste]

I will suggest one possible pairing (of MANY, I am sure).

ENFJs can be good match for us. I find this to be true of the ones I know.
Some things I have noted:

- ENFJs are not the typical extroverts. They generally like their people time to be in small groups or one-on-one, and they don't bulldoze over you. However, their extroversion is just right to pull the INFP into the real world.

- The INFP's introversion is admirable to them....ENFJs are some of the few extroverts I know who admire the intricate world & imagination of an introverted intuitive. Most of them I know go around saying they are shy, wanting to be regarded as an introvert too.

- The INFP offers the ENFJ the deep, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual connection they crave. Our complexity works in our favor with them.
I notice ENFJs have a lot of surface relationships, but they highly value having a few deep connections & they only open up to a few special people. They want a kindred spirit, as do INFPs.

- They are very encouraging & nurturing, just what an INFP needs to grow as a person & open up to someone (not criticism).

- The INFPs overwhelming positive response to a little bit of praise & support makes the ENFJ happy. They need to be needed, and need to feel they "inspire" someone to meet their potential.

- The both need to feel potential for growth, being idealists. Neither will be happy in a stagnant relationship, so they will both be willing to work to improve the relationship & maintain harmony.

- Being an NF, ENFJs are also not the typical Js. They can like spontaneity and be less uptight about neatness & time schedules. However, they do have more structure in their life. Part of that structure is keeping their relationships "organized", which is good, because an INFP can withdraw into their own little world & forget about human contact. The ENFJ won't let it happen.

- The INFPs values are less influenced by society, and they may anchor the ENFJ who may blow with the wind more in their effort to be liked.

- Both being NFs works for communication. There may be conflict with FeNi and NeFi (ie. Fi may be horrified by Fe's seemingly fake social face, and Fe may find Fi socially inept at times.), but I think it has potential to be complementary & provides enough difference to keep things interesting.

Sounds nice, even considering I'm a male INFP. How many ENFJs can vouch for the validity of these descriptions?

 

[SpottingTrains]

Sounds nice, even considering I'm a male INFP. How many ENFJs can vouch for the validity of these descriptions?

I can honestly say 100% for the entire thing.

 

[BlackCat]

Those descriptions sound good, I can definitely see an ENFJ-INFP pairing work out. It would all depend on the individuals though. As I said before I don't think it would work for me.

This match seems to be pretty rare, I don't ever really hear of anything from INFP-ENFJ couples. Anyone know of anything?

 

[SpottingTrains]

Those descriptions sound good, I can definitely see an ENFJ-INFP pairing work out.

Slowly coming over to the dark side

 

[Udog]

In my general observations:

ENFJ women seem to be drawn towards XXTP types.
ENFJ men seem to be drawn towards other NFs.

I don't have much knowledge about how well these matchups work long term, though.

 

[The Third Rider]

In my general observations:

ENFJ women seem to be drawn towards XXTP types.
ENFJ men seem to be drawn towards other NFs.

I don't have much knowledge about how well these matchups work long term, though.

Yeah I am drawn more to NF women.

 

[SpottingTrains]

NF definitely but I could see an INTP or an ISFP...maybe.

 

[Udog]

I wonder if it's a dominance thing? ENFJ can possibly considered to be the most 'typically' dominant of the NF types. If there is an NF in a position of social power, it's probably ENFJ.

For the males, being the dominant NF is fine, so they are drawn to the softer, more intimate NF type connection.

For the females, though, their dominant personality can cause issues with the other NFs. They don't necessarily need to be out dominated, but they need someone that's more masculine than they are in a typical way. The xxTPs work out well because they fill this role, but don't create the type of minutia power struggle you could see in a xxTJ type relationship.

Blah blah blah... thinking out loud. Very possible I'm full of it.

 

[SpottingTrains]

I wonder if it's a dominance thing? ENFJ can possibly considered to be the most 'typically' dominant of the NF types. If there is an NF in a position of social power, it's probably ENFJ.

For the males, being the dominant NF is fine, so they are drawn to the softer, more intimate NF type connection.

For the females, though, their dominant personality can cause issues with the other NFs. They don't necessarily need to be out dominated, but they need someone that's more masculine than they are in a typical way. The xxTPs work out well because they fill this role, but don't create the type of minutia power struggle you could see in a xxTJ type relationship.

Blah blah blah... thinking out loud. Very possible I'm full of it.

It all made sense to me

 

[Domino]

I really like and relate to your explanation, Udog. I find that I'm considered rather intense (even when totally quiet) and vaguely insane though well-meaning. INFP guys aren't hard to break (they're tough mentally), but I think my Fe-primary makes them feel like they're being roasted alive! Having said that, I think ENFJs and INFPs can be very happy together. (And I must admit to having had more than a few INFP boy crushes too...)

My ISFP friend who called me last night, I was telling him about meeting someone's girlfriend and managing to freak the woman out TWICE, and he said "Girl. I love you, but I can see that."

I was trying so hard to be on my best behavior and be friendly, only it came off more like that scene in "Beauty and the Beast" where Belle's trying to teach him table manners and he smiles this huge scary smile. lol Lady Jaye told me this, patting me and laughing sympathetically when I put my head in my hands in total defeat.

*embarrassed grimace*

 

[Scott N Denver]

"INFP guys aren't hard to break (they're tough mentally)"

I'm confused, that sounds contradictory...

"but I think my Fe-primary makes them feel like they're being roasted alive!"
I don't know you personally, but in my past dealing with Fe-doms, yes there definitely are those moments. And yet, in most of my experience, those moments were actually extremely rare. But god help you when they rolled around... uch: uch: uch: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad:

 

[Domino]

Welcome to the board, Scott And thank you for joining in!

You caught a typo - I meant to say they were hard to break. My bad! *sheepish*

 

[Scott N Denver]

In my experience, it seems that INFP are more intense than ENFJ's. Hmm, let me think about this some more. ENFJ's tend to very much adapt themselves to the collective social situation, but seem to really notch up the intensity one -on-one. Especially when they really want to understand someone and "get" who they are as a person. I think INFP's tend to seem very soft and deep in their thoughts while in a group, but get them one on one and you see the depth of their intensity. However, that intensity is usually inward turned as opposed to beaming into someone else's face. ENFJ intensity far more seems to beam out at others. Personally, I can have an extremely intense presence, but thats probably due to my military, martial arts, and meditative yoga backgrounds. Hmm, yes maybe ENFJ's due have more intense presences one-on-one than do INFP's in a in-your-face and in-your-head sorta way...

Personally, I think ENFJ's are totally awesome, I often have moments where I wish I could be one, I've had extremely transformative experiences in dealing with them, and I tend to always envy their social prowice [sp] and adeptness. A lot of me wishes I could end up marrying an ENFJ someday, but as a male INFP there's definitely factors making that harder/less likely.

 

[Kungpowish]

In my experience, it seems that INFP are more intense than ENFJ's. Hmm, let me think about this some more. ENFJ's tend to very much adapt themselves to the collective social situation, but seem to really notch up the intensity one -on-one. Especially when they really want to understand someone and "get" who they are as a person. I think INFP's tend to seem very soft and deep in their thoughts while in a group, but get them one on one and you see the depth of their intensity. However, that intensity is usually inward turned as opposed to beaming into someone else's face. ENFJ intensity far more seems to beam out at others. Personally, I can have an extremely intense presence, but thats probably due to my military, martial arts, and meditative yoga backgrounds. Hmm, yes maybe ENFJ's due have more intense presences one-on-one than do INFP's in a in-your-face and in-your-head sorta way...

Personally, I think ENFJ's are totally awesome, I often have moments where I wish I could be one, I've had extremely transformative experiences in dealing with them, and I tend to always envy their social prowice [sp] and adeptness. A lot of me wishes I could end up marrying an ENFJ someday, but as a male INFP there's definitely factors making that harder/less likely.

I think people feel intense around us, or at least have a good time, but we are not always that intense ourselves. We have a lot of intensity in us but we only let it out when it's appropriate. That can be in one on one situations but sometimes people need a softer touch. The point I'm trying to make is, we are what people need us to be, if we can also be intense so much the better, but we really just want people to like us.

 

[OrangeAppled]

In my experience, it seems that INFP are more intense than ENFJ's. Hmm, let me think about this some more. ENFJ's tend to very much adapt themselves to the collective social situation, but seem to really notch up the intensity one -on-one. Especially when they really want to understand someone and "get" who they are as a person. I think INFP's tend to seem very soft and deep in their thoughts while in a group, but get them one on one and you see the depth of their intensity. However, that intensity is usually inward turned as opposed to beaming into someone else's face. ENFJ intensity far more seems to beam out at others. Personally, I can have an extremely intense presence, but thats probably due to my military, martial arts, and meditative yoga backgrounds. Hmm, yes maybe ENFJ's due have more intense presences one-on-one than do INFP's in a in-your-face and in-your-head sorta way...

Personally, I think ENFJ's are totally awesome, I often have moments where I wish I could be one, I've had extremely transformative experiences in dealing with them, and I tend to always envy their social prowice [sp] and adeptness. A lot of me wishes I could end up marrying an ENFJ someday, but as a male INFP there's definitely factors making that harder/less likely.

My experience too.

I will add that with the particular ENFJ males I know, they seem amused by my Fi & it's bluntness. They think it is funny that I am "mean" (lack of Fe), which is cool as other people may feel I'm abrasive. I suppose I haven't had too much Fe & Fi clashing with them because they just have a great sense of humor.