[ENFJ] ENFJ & INFP

[TheEmeraldCanopy]

Makes sense. Thanks, runvardh.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Perhaps this is just an individual problem, but I feel like I bore ENFJs quite easily. (Any other INFPs feel this way?)

They seem so interested at first. I feel completely comfortable to be myself. And after I'm done telling them my life story (how did you get me to do that by the way? ). I feel like I have nothing more to say to them that they might find remotely interesting, and yet I want to keep talking to them, being close to them. I want to be around them, perhaps out of need to feel as accepted as they often make me feel.

It often times makes me wonder: really, what's in it for you guys? It seems you are so busy discovering the INFP, who is going to discover you? How can I make you feel as loved as you make me feel?

After the initial, "I'd like to get to know you" phase wears off, I feel so suddenly like I have to run after the ENFJ, or they will forever become a vanishing form on that rapidly fleeing train that is their life.


Perhaps this is me expecting too much. Perhaps it is a lack of maturity on my part? Any insight would be appreciated.

On a side note, I'm a 4w3 on the Enneagram (sx/so).

ENFJs seem like they enjoy unraveling the mysterious enigma that is the INFP. However, they are so exceptionally skilled at making us skittish animals calm and open, that we do spill our guts quickly, and then, yeah, they get bored and move on. Mission accomplished, after all.

What's even more frustrating is when you've realized they know so much about you, but you don't really know that much about them....

It can feel a little too much like the "playing hard to get" game with them. They start to lose interest, so you retreat back to the shell, and then they come running back. I don't really know why either, but I'm just agreeing with your observations.

The advantage we do have is that we are pretty layered and complex, so that's likely to hold their interest for awhile. On the other hand, I find myself losing interest when they refuse to let me see past their surface.

 

[SciVo]

Sorry that I'm a bit late to the party. I'm about halfway through the thread now.

They say INFP is hardest MBTI type for a male to be, followed quickly by INFJ and ISFP...

Well, that explains a lot.

I wonder what the female to male ratio amongst INFP's and ENFJ's is. I'm guessing like 2 or 3 or 4 to 1 in both cases. Anyone know???

2-to-1. IIRC, the traits are gender-balanced except for T/F. Men are 2-to-1 T-to-F and women are 2-to-1 F-to-T, or in other words, T is 2-to-1 male-to-female and F is 2-to-1 female-to-male.

I've found INFPs and ENFJs do go well together. It's a very balanced relationship, where the primary functions of E/I compliment each other. If you look at the primary functions, the ENFJ is: Fe/Ni/Se/Ti and the INFP is Fi/Ne/Si/Te. I think they see themselves and who they would like to be in each other, and that strengthens them both when they're together.

I'm actually Fi/Ne/Ni/Te. I wonder if maybe my atypical double-N there is why it's been so hard for me to find a good role model that I could really identify with, in addition to my being an extra-rare male of an already-rare type.

According to Apple, it is no miracle that people tell me(us) that they have been raped by their uncle or that they are having trouble in the sack or have a terminal/disease within the first meeting.

Here is my wound, healed. Show me yours. We can connect.

Oh. Again, that explains a lot. Now, back to reading the rest of the thread!

 

[SciVo]

I can certainly see how a parental aspect can develop. Of course, I have wonder if it's necessary. I imagine sometimes it can very well be, and other times not so much.

Oh yeah, I meant to mention that I've ruthlessly cut women out of my life for trying to (s)mother me. Even my actual mom doesn't try to order me around; in fact, we have a very good adult relationship. Yet, for whatever reason, some of my peers (or even younger!) refuse to accept that I could possibly be happy making my own decisions. Although I seem easy-going on the surface, I'd guard my autonomous individuality to the death, so my associations with those people are very brief.

 

[TheEmeraldCanopy]

So how might an INFP go about making this work?

 

[Thessaly]

Be patient and willing to take things slow. That's where I screwed up

 

[lost verses]

ENFJs seem like they enjoy unraveling the mysterious enigma that is the INFP. However, they are so exceptionally skilled at making us skittish animals calm and open, that we do spill our guts quickly, and then, yeah, they get bored and move on. Mission accomplished, after all.

What's even more frustrating is when you've realized they know so much about you, but you don't really know that much about them....

It can feel a little too much like the "playing hard to get" game with them. They start to lose interest, so you retreat back to the shell, and then they come running back. I don't really know why either, but I'm just agreeing with your observations.

The advantage we do have is that we are pretty layered and complex, so that's likely to hold their interest for awhile. On the other hand, I find myself losing interest when they refuse to let me see past their surface.

Yes. Same thing happened to me. Except they didn't come running back, lol. They cracked your walls and discovered all they wanted to, and then they got bored. Never again shall I fall into that trap...

...but damnit, I feel that since INFPs are naturally attracted to ENFJs, that it's bound to happen again, and I'll fall into the same trap. I guess I want to know what would make them (enfj males) not get bored/run away? Any ideas? So that I can at least be prepared this time lol

 

[TheEmeraldCanopy]

Yes. Same thing happened to me. Except they didn't come running back, lol. They cracked your walls and discovered all they wanted to, and then they got bored. Never again shall I fall into that trap...

...but damnit, I feel that since INFPs are naturally attracted to ENFJs, that it's bound to happen again, and I'll fall into the same trap. I guess I want to know what would make them (enfj males) not get bored/run away? Any ideas? So that I can at least be prepared this time lol

I wonder the same thing as you.

 

[SpottingTrains]

Don't make the ENFJ the center of your life.

Keep reaching for your dreams ( I know it sounds cheezy- suck it) and through that we will be enthralled to help you attain them. If all you focus on is pleasing the ENFJ and have no goals of your own he won't know how to help you.

 

[jtanSis1]

Also, ENFJ's should try to look deeply into INFP's because what ENFJ's are looking for is depth and you can't get any deeper. INFP's should be mysterious about their depth so an ENFJ has to peel the layers slowly, which is how you want it anyway. Also, give yourself a reminder to be spontanious with them every so often, it will suprise and intrigue them.

 

[lost verses]

Don't make the ENFJ the center of your life.

Keep reaching for your dreams ( I know it sounds cheezy- suck it) and through that we will be enthralled to help you attain them. If all you focus on is pleasing the ENFJ and have no goals of your own he won't know how to help you.

Hmm. So it seems the ENFJ would not be happy if the INFP wanted to love them unconditionally, and make them the most important. Therefore, the ENFJ does not really like the INFPs' natural state.

Then, does anyone know which type would value the INFP for their ability to love that much?

 

[Udog]

Hmm. So it seems the ENFJ would not be happy if the INFP wanted to love them unconditionally, and make them the most important. Therefore, the ENFJ does not really like the INFPs' natural state.

Then, does anyone know which type would value the INFP for their ability to love that much?

I think you are misunderstanding Trains' quote. (Or perhaps I am.)

I think he's saying he doesn't want to be the only important thing in someone's life. I think our capacity for unconditional love (which, btw, is very, very different than blind, idealized love) and ability to consider a partner very important are particular strengths of the INFx.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Also, ENFJ's should try to look deeply into INFP's because what ENFJ's are looking for is depth and you can't get any deeper. INFP's should be mysterious about their depth so an ENFJ has to peel the layers slowly, which is how you want it anyway. Also, give yourself a reminder to be spontanious with them every so often, it will suprise and intrigue them.

ENFJs, is this mystery thing necessary?

It is my goal to find someone who can understand me like no other, and I can understand them in the same way. I don't want to feel like I must keep teasing someone to keep them intrigued.... Granted, I am hard to get to know on a deep level, but it's possible to get there, and the worst thing I can experience is a rejection after I've allowed someone access to that part of me.

 

[lost verses]

I think you are misunderstanding Trains' quote. (Or perhaps I am.)

I think he's saying he doesn't want to be the only important thing in someone's life. I think our capacity for unconditional love (which, btw, is very, very different than blind, idealized love) and ability to consider a partner very important are particular strengths of the INFx.

No, I think it's obvious that the infp will have other important things. But the enfj seems to dislike the fact that the infp will put the significant other over anything else, because the enfj is not willing to do the same, and therefore feels like they are pressured to do the same. So they run.

So..anyone have any types they think would do the same as the infp?

 

[SpottingTrains]

I think you are misunderstanding Trains' quote. (Or perhaps I am.)

I think he's saying he doesn't want to be the only important thing in someone's life. I think our capacity for unconditional love (which, btw, is very, very different than blind, idealized love) and ability to consider a partner very important are particular strengths of the INFx.

Correct!

 

[Chunes]

No, I think it's obvious that the infp will have other important things. But the enfj seems to dislike the fact that the infp will put the significant other over anything else, because the enfj is not willing to do the same, and therefore feels like they are pressured to do the same. So they run.

So..anyone have any types they think would do the same as the infp?

ENFP, ISFJ, ISFP would be my guesses.

 

[SpottingTrains]

No, I think it's obvious that the infp will have other important things. But the enfj seems to dislike the fact that the infp will put the significant other over anything else, because the enfj is not willing to do the same, and therefore feels like they are pressured to do the same. So they run.

So..anyone have any types they think would do the same as the infp?

Not necessarily... I've seen way too many relationships that end up with one person just letting the life they lived crumble. After that you aren't left with the person you first fell for, but a misguided replica of them that has only one purpose.

There's difference between someone being the most important thing in your life compared to someone being the ONLY important thing in your life. That's all I was getting at. Maybe I should have been more explicit.

 

[SpottingTrains]

ENFJs, is this mystery thing necessary?

It is my goal to find someone who can understand me like no other, and I can understand them in the same way. I don't want to feel like I must keep teasing someone to keep them intrigued.... Granted, I am hard to get to know on a deep level, but it's possible to get there, and the worst thing I can experience is a rejection after I've allowed someone access to that part of me.

Not at all. That's not to say I don't like a little mystery, but I would much rather know a person inside-out than have them continually hurling veiled answers left and right.

 

[Udog]

No, I think it's obvious that the infp will have other important things. But the enfj seems to dislike the fact that the infp will put the significant other over anything else, because the enfj is not willing to do the same, and therefore feels like they are pressured to do the same. So they run.

What Trains said. It's a small step from making your partner the most important thing to the only important thing. ENFJs are surely well aware of and wary of this.

ENFP, ISFJ, ISFP would be my guesses.

Definitely not ENFP.

 

[Chunes]

Definitely not ENFP.

Or the INFP, for that matter.