[ENFJ] ENFJ & INFP

[OrangeAppled]

but I want 100% of him

Is this ever likely with an ENFJ? Or do you guys tend to spread yourselves thin?

 

[Thessaly]

Is this ever likely with an ENFJ? Or do you guys tend to spread yourselves thin?

I have actually wondered this too. Even when we do start seeing each other again, unless he gives up his extra-curriculars, with work alone I'd only see him maybe twice a week. I think the main problem he is having over the ex is the fact that he never sits down on his own to introspect. I really believe he doesn't understand why or how he feels over everything. Even now with the space I am giving him he still out and about 24/7

 

[Scott N Denver]

-My quirkiness, he really liked the odd things I'd say and was interested in. He found me very interesting and fun.
-My intellect, he did not shy away from admiring my intelligence, depth, and insightfullness
-My compassion, he thought I was the nicest person ever, too nice he'd say, more understanding and caring than others would have been of his lack of closure with the ex
-He thought I was a great listener, which is a rare rare thing in his experience
-My thoughtfulness, just little things I'd do like bring him coffee or write him a note. I think that stuff is really what got under his skin.

He said I had a calming effect on him and that he enjoyed just being with me.

I think my ENFJ friend told me each of those things at some point as well.
She also said many a time that "You are too smart for my own good", and probably said "You think too much, WAY too much".

 

[SpottingTrains]

-My eyes, not their color or shape, but the way I looked at him
-My quirkiness, he really liked the odd things I'd say and was interested in. He found me very interesting and fun.
-My intellect, he did not shy away from admiring my intelligence, depth, and insightfullness
-My compassion, he thought I was the nicest person ever, too nice he'd say, more understanding and caring than others would have been of his lack of closure with the ex
-He thought I was a great listener, which is a rare rare thing in his experience
-My thoughtfulness, just little things I'd do like bring him coffee or write him a note. I think that stuff is really what got under his skin.

I think I've said almost all of these things in the past week...

This is weird lol.

 

[Domino]

Is this ever likely with an ENFJ? Or do you guys tend to spread yourselves thin?

I don't think it's likely with any NFJ. The privacy screen is hard to breach, and I do try to make myself more transparent, not that it really works all that well. My INFJ father and I have levels of secrecy that frustrate us both.

I don't spread myself any thinner than the rest of the women in my life, as it has been my experience that women are way more likely to be spread thin. Well, then there's the ENTP friend of mine that everyone goes to fix things and he can't ever say no. He's possibly the busiest person I've ever met (besides my ENTJ friend). When I called him, he'd multi-task with me on the phone, even when I told him it was okay and that he could call me back anytime he got a free moment, whenever that is.

 

[Thessaly]

I think I've said almost all of these things in the past week...

This is weird lol.

I guess that's why we buy so much into this typing system lol. I miss my ENFJ already...damn it's almost worth putting up with his haunted-by-the-past self just to see him. This is gonna be a rough week

 

[ENFJ_Catholic]

Good luck, Thessaly. Hang in there!

 

[Thessaly]

I dunno if I want to anymore. I get the feeling that despite breaking up with his ex he is just waiting for the day for her to turn around and admit all her wrong doings and love him for better forever. Every time I get close to him he runs away. I think it's because he knows he's still in love with his ex and doesn't want to hurt me despite really liking me. He's a nice guy, he's just torn, and I believe that I will just become collateral damage to his expiring relationship.

 

[The Grand Chameleon]

I dunno if I want to anymore. I get the feeling that despite breaking up with his ex he is just waiting for the day for her to turn around and admit all her wrong doings and love him for better forever. Every time I get close to him he runs away. I think it's because he knows he's still in love with his ex and doesn't want to hurt me despite really liking me. He's a nice guy, he's just torn, and I believe that I will just become collateral damage to his expiring relationship.

I think you've hit money with this conclusion. Jumping into a rebound relationship lacks the genuineness we crave in romance. Best wishes to your future endeavors with him! Sounds like this could be a very healthy match for the both of you.

 

[Thessaly]

I totally confronted him today with those suspicions and he was not impressed at all lol. I think my wild imagination just filled in too many spacial gaps created by his uber busy life. Oh well...better I sabotage us than him. I can live with that a little better haha.

 

[SpottingTrains]

I would talk to him how you feel about being his rebound and everything that you're thinking about. He will find it much easier to relate to you and be honest if he knows whats going through your head.

From your post it sounds like you cornered him and lampooned him with barrage of accusations. I'm sure it didn't happen like that but I'm just saying that instead of confronting him try and open up to him. If he's anything like me he will appreciate the honesty and will be able to understand the human element behind you approaching him earlier.

He's also probably a little hurt right now from what you said earlier. It seems like he's trying his best to be there for you and this interaction you guys had may feel like a slap in the face to him.

Then again, I could be completely off base. These are just my suggestions from reading what information you've posted here.

Best of luck!

 

[Thessaly]

Yeah, I apologized and we have now decided to be friends or just keep in touch. He doesn't want me to forget about him, but he isn't capable of giving me what I need so I guess we're pretty much cutting the romance cord. I really don't know what to think of it all. We had such an amazing connection and we're perfect for one another. It seems too weird to just pass that up, but I guess timing really is everything. We'll see what happens...

In the meanwhile I must find me another ENFJ

 

[SpottingTrains]

Good luck!

 

[Silent Stars]

INFPs are Ninjas... It all makes sense now

lol, my INFP gf is a second degree black belt in karate and will be competing internationally next year. She's the cutest ninja ever.

ENFJs are the only type I've ever known who seem to naturally get me and accept me as I am, even encouraging me to do what others would see as odd or dreamy.

I totally love doing that. It surprises her quite a bit!

 

[Thessaly]

Okay ENFJs how do I woo one of you back into my arms? It's been a month since I last saw this guy and I need to work him back into my life. Suggestions?? Do I go the "friend" route? Act coy? "Accidentally" run into him looking fabulous????

 

[Thursday]

Okay ENFJs how do I woo one of you back into my arms? It's been a month since I last saw this guy and I need to work him back into my life. Suggestions?? Do I go the "friend" route? Act coy? "Accidentally" run into him looking fabulous?

Tell him straight out. It is his manner of speaking.

 

[Thessaly]

I dunno if I can do that being the shy fearful INFP that I am. Are there alternatives??? lol

 

[Thursday]

I dunno if I can do that being the shy fearful INFP that I am. Are there alternatives??? lol

Write it in a letter. Sexay. Intimate. Packs a powerful punch.

 

[TheEmeraldCanopy]

Perhaps this is just an individual problem, but I feel like I bore ENFJs quite easily. (Any other INFPs feel this way?)

They seem so interested at first. I feel completely comfortable to be myself. And after I'm done telling them my life story (how did you get me to do that by the way? ). I feel like I have nothing more to say to them that they might find remotely interesting, and yet I want to keep talking to them, being close to them. I want to be around them, perhaps out of need to feel as accepted as they often make me feel.

It often times makes me wonder: really, what's in it for you guys? It seems you are so busy discovering the INFP, who is going to discover you? How can I make you feel as loved as you make me feel?

After the initial, "I'd like to get to know you" phase wears off, I feel so suddenly like I have to run after the ENFJ, or they will forever become a vanishing form on that rapidly fleeing train that is their life.


Perhaps this is me expecting too much. Perhaps it is a lack of maturity on my part? Any insight would be appreciated.

On a side note, I'm a 4w3 on the Enneagram (sx/so).

 

[runvardh]

That's why you don't tell the whole story, just bits that whet their appetite then string'em along for a little till you feel right giving the next one. Also, never let them see full consistantsy so they're always having to wonder if there's more to you.