[ENFJ] ENFJ & INFP

[Jonathanthegreat]

Liking someone out of gratitude? OK.

Not sure if this was directed to me but I definitely never said liking someone out of gratitude.

 

[Udog]

Oh, my gosh, that is so true that I want to marry it and have little truth babies with it. It's very easy to make the mistake of collecting hobbies and skills in the hopes it will attract someone. I can admire someone's skills, but I'm going to fall for the person.

Between your truth babies and your babies of 24k gold, you will be the happiest mother ever. Brady Bunch ain't got nuthin' on you!

Nothing attracts attention like a good act though. With out attention who's going to look at the person?

There's truth to this, but acts eventually lose their unique luster. Unless you want a girl that marries you solely for your sewing skills, it's imperative to be interesting enough to maintain her attention.

 

[Glycerine]

There's truth to this, but acts eventually lose their unique luster. Unless you want a girl that marries you solely for your sewing skills, it's imperative to be interesting enough to maintain her attention.

Wise words.

 

[runvardh]

There's truth to this, but acts eventually lose their unique luster. Unless you want a girl that marries you solely for your sewing skills, it's imperative to be interesting enough to maintain her attention.

Apparently I follow the boring stereotype then.

 

[Udog]

Apparently I follow the boring stereotype then.

What stereotype is that?

 

[OrangeAppled]

The two female INFPs I treasure don't really seem like to INFPs on the forum so maybe that's the difference. They're feisty, assertive, and have got energy for days. I think they have healthy Te development...both of them have advanced degrees so they've probably had the Te beat into them.

There's a lot of INFPs here (incl. me) who like to remind people that we're not cuddly bunnies, and yes, we can do math . Despite the noise we make, few remember those comments, and instead they only notice the posts with in them. Sometimes the INFP stereotypes around here sound more like ISFXs, because those types seem more personable and warm than most INFPs.

Feisty and assertive sounds INFP to me . We're not wilting flowers; we have incredibly strong values that motivate us and make us take a stand and not back down.

 

[Udog]

Before replying, let me take a moment to once again comment and lament on the lack of ENFJs in my life. Everything I've typed comes from the patterns I've noticed across many threads on a few forums.

I've been reluctant to comment on the INFP/ENFJ dynamic because the thread felt a little sickly sweet to me and I didn't want to come in and foul it up, but I guess I'm over that now.

I'm here to learn. I'm glad you shared.

The emotional connectivity for me comes in the form that feelings don't have to be justified or rationalized they stand on their own merit.

Ooo... very interesting. I've never considered that .

The problem with this dynamic is we can completely coast on our respective feelings and the "feeling logic" can really get harebrained after awhile with no checks and balances. But I find that tends to happen generally with too many feelers.

Another good insight. My upbringing forced me to develop a T side, but it still requires active effort. I am not a creature of logic, but rather call upon it when I need it to get something done. So under extreme stress, it can be difficult to call upon it.

Of course, unless you have two undeveloped F types, I don't think it will get so bad that they delude each other and cause major damage. There ARE some healthy advantages to 'feeling logic' when used in appropriate doses.

I don't mean to offend but the INFP males I've felt parental towards. I'm not going to deny there are some gender roles mixed up in here, but when I have the same relationship with a (INFP) female with a (INFP) male it feels like we're "girlfriends." If their Fi manifests differently I may not be recognizing some INFP males in my environment but the ones I do recognize as INFP feel cuddly to me. Now to some ENFJ females that's really appealing and cozy. But I want a partner in crime, so to speak, and I'm not really sure if an INFP male can fit that bill. I'm not looking for someone I have romantic interests in to open up and coax out of their shell. Platonically, I don't mind, but not romantically. The coaxing and drawing out part is what makes it feel parental to me. That cuddliness works well between an ENFJ male and INFP female, but not so much is what I'm looking for.

I can certainly see how a parental aspect can develop. Of course, I have wonder if it's necessary. I imagine sometimes it can very well be, and other times not so much.

Fe is structured to put up locks so that a relationship progresses along a linear path. We get to know each other first, we reciprocate information, we don't poke and prod until we've reached a certain point, we know where we stand in relation to each other, then after a certain point is passed, then the intimate part comes. I was watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind a few weeks ago and there was that part when Clementine took the chicken leg from Joel's plate and ate it. I thought to myself that is so Fi! She totally skipped a step.

Yep! I've used my need for things to build up gradually to sort of emulate that Fe approach. I might skip a step when I'm really feeling it in the moment (hmm... chicken!), but while I'm waiting for that moment I slowly and gradually do things that will lead me towards it.

I don't think this is a bad thing because sometimes Fi can speed Fe up when Fe is being detrimentally structured. Likewise, Fe can structure Fi when it's getting too far in too fast. Also I think sometimes that Fi enjoys a vicarious living through Fe. I've always had a problem with Fi being the "deep" feeling and Fe that "shallow" feeling. Fe is expressive and I think sometimes Fi likes to roll around in it when it's good and get a rise out of it when it's bad. I think Fe admires the containment and inner peace that Fi can manifest externally. It can be calming.

Well said, and thank you for the perspective. I am definitely drawn to Fe, although it took some work on my part to understand that the breadth of warmth does not hinder its genuineness. Nor does it necessarily mean the same thing as when I show an equivalent warmth on the surface.

 

[PeaceBaby]

Feisty and assertive sounds INFP to me . We're not wilting flowers; we have incredibly strong values that motivate us and make us take a stand and not back down.

 

[Thalassa]

Feisty and assertive sounds INFP to me . We're not wilting flowers; we have incredibly strong values that motivate us and make us take a stand and not back down.

:steam:

 

[Scott N Denver]

There's a lot of INFPs here (incl. me) who like to remind people that we're not cuddly bunnies, and yes, we can do math .

Obviously those "INFP's can't do math" people didn"t see my occasional off-topic blabbings! Personally, I've never been good at, or even really liked poetry, that oh so INFP topic. [Obviously other types are into poetry as well]

Ooh ooh, I could try to write poetry about math, I will call it "Ode to a non-linear partial differential equation"

"Oh Kortewig-Devries and Boussinesq equations, why did they not teach me about you in grad school? Your features are so special and exotic, and yet most people have never heard twixt nor twain of you. YOU are more fragrant than a summer's day..." Ok, I'll stop now.

So back to INFP's + ENFJ's. Fwiw, I'll bet that the ENFJ that I know would find my above poetry funny, but for how long I'd prefer not to find out.

 

[runvardh]

Math and poetry were things I was noted for in junior high...

 

[Thursday]

Math and poetry were things I was noted for in junior high...

and me in highschool
honors calculus for fun!
take that, inaccurate descriptions!

 

[runvardh]

and me in highschool
honors calculus for fun!
take that, inaccurate descriptions!

I taught myself grade 11 and grade 12 advanced math...

 

[Domino]

no if your avatar is you then you're hot but before it was a man hitting a volleyball and i thought it was you!

lol! Not unless I'm Hot '80's Val Kilmer looking mighty and sweaty. In which case, yay for me!

Glad to know I am not the only wreckage in here.

*LOL*

Am I standing in a fun house full of mirrors??

Good News: You can check your look from every angle.

Bad News: There are no exits.

Oh, my gosh, that is so true that I want to marry it and have little truth babies with it. It's very easy to make the mistake of collecting hobbies and skills in the hopes it will attract someone. I can admire someone's skills, but I'm going to fall for the person.

*ahahahahahhaha*!! I want to marry and have many truth babies with a female INTP!

 

[Udog]

Who honestly believes things like INFPs must be bad at math or lack a backbone? For example, I've read a couple of INFP profiles that say that INFPs can be very good with money if they choose to apply themselves. That sort of implies we have the ability, doesn't it? INFPs are also quite well known for our so called 'brick walls'.

I think the problem isn't that we lack a skillset with logic, but that we fail to use it in the situations that most warrant it, and are then happy to lean on Fi as our sole justification. (Of course, that is the nature of being Fi dom, isn't it?) We aren't soft creatures by any means, but when we show our spines for questionable reasons, I think it does more to perpetuate the INFP stereotype than to alleviate it.

In this regard, an ENFJ and INFP can have legitimate issues when both are highly stressed and struggle to access their "T" facilities. It would take work from both partners to overcome that. However, to simply say that either type is best suited with a "T" just means you are trading that problem in and introducing a new one.

Apparently I follow the boring stereotype then.

Sorry for the double reply, but I wanted to add that only way to become a stereotype is to willingly hold yourself back. The more you challenge yourself, the harder it becomes to categorize you.

 

[runvardh]

Sorry for the double reply, but I wanted to add that only way to become a stereotype is to willingly hold yourself back. The more you challenge yourself, the harder it becomes to categorize you.

I was being a dick. I figure I have some interesting things to talk about; but finding the ones to talk about that with, while trying not be excessively inpallitable to the public is difficult. Yes I have tried, everyone around me other than my roommate recoiled in my last attempt. I need actions first to generate interest in wanting to know more, otherwise I'm wasting my breath. Wasting my breath is a waste of social energy and my reserves of that energy has yet to get bigger. There is a big difference between a real challenge and a true excercise in futility.

 

[Udog]

I was being a dick. I figure I have some interesting things to talk about; but finding the ones to talk about that with, while trying not be excessively inpallitable to the public is difficult. Yes I have tried, everyone around me other than my roommate recoiled in my last attempt. I need actions first to generate interest in wanting to know more, otherwise I'm wasting my breath. Wasting my breath is a waste of social energy and my reserves of that energy has yet to get bigger. There is a big difference between a real challenge and a true excercise in futility.

First, if using your hobbies to get attention works for you, then do it, and do it without remorse! You just aren't seeing the results you desire because that's only 1 part of the equation.

I assure you I empathize. There's good news and bad news: The good news is that these are social skills. Social skills can be learned. You may never be Mr Socially Suave, but social skills can teach you how to aim what social energy you have in a much more effective and precise manner. They can relax you enough so that your "one-on-one" personality more closely resembles your "group" personality. The bad news is that learning these skills is difficult, and even quite stressful at times. My journey has been a long one, and I ain't even done yet!

And, I'll stop there. Sorry for the derail.

 

[runvardh]

See group = bad, I've tried talking in groups and no one hears shit. At least one on one the information has some chance of reaching the recipient.

 

[Thessaly]

I've never had someone appreciate me the way my hot & cold ENFJ does. I think the feeling is mutual. I swear we spend half our conversations recognizing all the good qualities we've found in one another. I think from now on I am only dating ENFJs. Every time I meet one of you I feel so inspired and special .

 

[TheEmeraldCanopy]

What things does the INFP see in the ENFJ and vice versa? What makes this pairing really work?