[ENFJ] ENFJ & INFP

[Thessaly]

There hasn't been any largely noticeable trends for me gender wise. Females do deal with a higher hormonal charge on a regular basis and tend to be more detail and socially oriented than males so I believe that could contribute to what you're experiencing.

 

[runvardh]

well, actually you may be onto something. To be honest, I don't like being F-dom most of the time.

Eh, I may not like it, but I'm finding I can't really hate it since in a way it allowes me to know what's going on which is the first step in solving a problem I'm having.

I like F-doms. They get too much of a bad rap here. On a related note, I plan on making a thread sometime soon about how I think emotional & feeling men are awesome.

What I find has nothing to do with the bad rap we get here. Most F-doms I come in contact with that are around my age I tend to have trouble with. It's not that either of us are bad, it's just a rather pronounced divergence in values. Get too close and I end up offending them one way or another - my great-aunt being the acception so far.

It might have something to do with gender roles and such. Male F-doms and I don't feed into emotional drama quite as much while with other F-dom females that emotionality seems to intensify. The male F-doms appear more chill while female F-doms tend to be more expressive and uptight (myself included). This is how it's been w/ me anyways. Have you noticed a difference between the vibes between male F-doms vs. female F-doms?

I wonder if this is why I tend to find it easier to deal with the ones 45 and older.

 

[OrangeAppled]

It might have something to do with gender roles and such. Male F-doms and I don't feed into emotional drama quite as much while with other F-dom females that emotionality seems to intensify. The male F-doms appear more chill while female F-doms tend to be more expressive and uptight (myself included). This is how it's been w/ me anyways. Have you noticed a difference between the vibes between male F-doms vs. female F-doms?

Yes, I have noticed a difference, but I can enjoy both. The only F-dom women I struggle with are ESFJs. I know I've met ESFJ men, but I haven't dealt with them personally enough to say.

 

[*poke*]

I wasn't, usually if the ENFJ girls are really looking in on a subject they weigh in too...

True story. Apparantly I'm just late to the thread . Maybe I'm accidentally naturally fliratious, but INFPs seem to fall at my feet...my college mentor is an INFP who has done everything for me, as is my best female friend, three of my male friends that have pursued me in the past, and a current one that I may end up dating . I feel like there's something wrong with me for turning down what everyone views as a perfect match ("mirror-type") relationship. I'm typically attracted to really outgoing guys, and although I've found few male ENFJs to test this theory none of them seem to be looking for ENFJ females. .

 

[nynesneg]

I'm not really drawn to INFPs...

Too much like my mom, I need more visible passion.
Ex was ISFP.

Finding myself drawn to xNxJs.

Or just narcisstic?

 

[OrangeAppled]

I feel like there's something wrong with me for turning down what everyone views as a perfect match ("mirror-type") relationship. I'm typically attracted to really outgoing guys, and although I've found few male ENFJs to test this theory none of them seem to be looking for ENFJ females. .

It's a theoretically ideal match, and there's nothing "wrong" with having a different preference because it's simply your personal taste. Not to mention, an individual makes all the difference. I like ENFJs, but I don't want to date every one of them I meet....

 

[paradox fox]

If I tell someone tons and tons about myself, and the other person doesn't say much at all, it feels a little like stealing to me. I don't like it. Don't steal secrets, ENFJs! Otherwise you guys are great!

 

[nynesneg]

If I tell someone tons and tons about myself, and the other person doesn't say much at all, it feels a little like stealing to me. I don't like it. Don't steal secrets, ENFJs! Otherwise you guys are great!

We're just afraid of opening up and/or burdening other people.
Actually we long for someone to draw the secrets out of our soul... to take the effort to learn/understand what makes us tick.

I didn't even realize I do this much until someone pointed it out to me recently. I just assume people aren't interested in all the 'irrelevant information' that is my personal life unless they specifically say otherwise.

 

[TopherRed]

Happy to be an ENFJ. Lots of love.

 

[Phoenix_400]

We're just afraid of opening up and/or burdening other people.
Actually we long for someone to draw the secrets out of our soul... to take the effort to learn/understand what makes us tick.

I didn't even realize I do this much until someone pointed it out to me recently. I just assume people aren't interested in all the 'irrelevant information' that is my personal life unless they specifically say otherwise.

Please don't think I'm singling you out, cause I'm not. I've heard this from several other types.

I've noticed from Fe-types that they love finding out all that 'irrelevant information' about others, is it that hard to believe that others may wish to reciprocate?

Also, on the point of people taking the effort to learn/understand/draw you out (and this goes for all types), if you make people try too hard and keep yourself too guarded, eventually people are going to assume you just don't want them to know anything about you. There may be people who DO genuinely care, but give up because you've given the impression that you don't want them to be close to you. I've been guilty of that in the past and its something I've tried to be careful not to do since I realized the behavior.

 

[soft]

I've never dated one, but I have been close friends with some male ENFJs. They do want to know all about you...but you'll find they may not reveal much about themselves. If they tell you anything very personal, that is a great sign of trust.

Don't be surprised if this person is charming and very attentive to other people (including other girls). As INFPs, we tend to reserve this for people who are special to us, but ENFJs lay it on thick with everyone. I'd say the signs that you really are special have more to do with how much they let you in, not in how much they flatter you.

gotta agree with this. i used to have a thing for an ENFJ (pretty sure that was her type) and it always seemed like she was always flirty with everyone but me. haha. but she had some issues showing affection and trusting others (not to say I don't).. but yeah, she definitely opened up to very few people.. i was so lucky to be one of them.

ENFJ's are great. I'm pretty sure I read that they are the ideal match for an INFP

 

[OrangeAppled]

Please don't think I'm singling you out, cause I'm not. I've heard this from several other types.

I've noticed from Fe-types that they love finding out all that 'irrelevant information' about others, is it that hard to believe that others may wish to reciprocate?

Also, on the point of people taking the effort to learn/understand/draw you out (and this goes for all types), if you make people try too hard and keep yourself too guarded, eventually people are going to assume you just don't want them to know anything about you. There may be people who DO genuinely care, but give up because you've given the impression that you don't want them to be close to you. I've been guilty of that in the past and its something I've tried to be careful not to do since I realized the behavior.

Good point....and when dealing with rather sensitive people, it may only take a few rebuffs for them to quit trying.

 

[Lauren]

I think that's you describing your own view on life more than the function of Fi.

The simplest description I've found to explain Fi is that its use is like cooking without a recipe. You know based on experience what ingredients to add, how much, and adjust as you go based on what you're getting and what you want. It is very subjective and you "just know" when you're on the right track.

I was surprised to learn how few people are governed by Fi, because I've used it my entire life. It was only recently that I discovered how foreign it is for people to trust their intuition and make decisions based on what they want. Every major life decision I've made was based on what made sense to me, for me, and "felt right." I even use it when deciding which route to take to work, and most efficient will only win if I am late.

I see Fi as inspiration.



An INFP can be very inspiring, as they concentrate on what's possible instead of dwelling on the current situation. Fi allows us to follow the freedom of our hearts' desires; Ne allows us to see the possibilities; and Si gives us the knowledge of experience. All of this will only work if we trust ourselves though, which takes a lot of courage, or encouragement.

Going back to the topic of the post: The ENFJ is very encourageing of the dreamy, inspired nature of the INFP. And the INFP in turn helps the ENFJ believe in themself and their vision of what they want to make happen, and helps them find a way to make it happen. It's a very supportive relationship, where each tirelessly supports the other.

I love this description of Fi--this is exactly the way I am in the world. I've often felt as well that there are very few Fi users. Some look at me strangely when I explain that my heart and intuition are my guide and I trust the truth I find there implicitly. I loved your thought about driving and using intuition. I recently took a long road trip alone and on the spur of the moment decided for or against certain roads, paths, or camping areas based entirely on my "sense" of the place....if it was a go, usually something interesting happened or I saw something incredibly beautiful. If I felt uneasy about taking a certain route, I wouldn't take it.

As to the ENFJ description: I love that as well and am thinking of a friend who is a fairly extroverted INFJ or INFP. We are very much like that with each other. We're very supportive of each other and never critical. We work very closely together and communication is nearly flawless in that we trust each other implicitly and explain what we mean if we think one or the other doesn't understand. I absolutely love that he loves clarity and seeks unity, understanding, and harmony as much as I do.

I would also agree that Fi wants to manifest itself in the world, or at least mine does. I try to make manifest my ideals by being true to them in my interactions with people.

 

[JoSunshine]

I recently started seeing someone who I think is an INFP. So far so I've never dated an INFP before. I really enjoy his sensitvity and kindness. I feel like we get each other in ways that other people don't. Things are still pretty new...just a couple months, but I am definitely enjoying the experience.

 

[*poke*]

We're just afraid of opening up and/or burdening other people.
Actually we long for someone to draw the secrets out of our soul... to take the effort to learn/understand what makes us tick.

I didn't even realize I do this much until someone pointed it out to me recently. I just assume people aren't interested in all the 'irrelevant information' that is my personal life unless they specifically say otherwise.

Absolutely. I guess I fall into the listening/helping role so often that I sometimes convince myself my own problems aren't welcome in the conversation. Maybe I'm just hypersensitive to it because I have high standards for the people I confide in (most of my friends are counselors of one kind or other), so now I take interrupting or something as a sigh of distraction or disinterest. shrug.

 

[*poke*]

Please don't think I'm singling you out, cause I'm not. I've heard this from several other types.

I've noticed from Fe-types that they love finding out all that 'irrelevant information' about others, is it that hard to believe that others may wish to reciprocate?

Also, on the point of people taking the effort to learn/understand/draw you out (and this goes for all types), if you make people try too hard and keep yourself too guarded, eventually people are going to assume you just don't want them to know anything about you. There may be people who DO genuinely care, but give up because you've given the impression that you don't want them to be close to you. I've been guilty of that in the past and its something I've tried to be careful not to do since I realized the behavior.

Phoenix, I tend to regard myself as an open book, and will chatter about my feelings to almost anyone I think is interested. You have a good point that there's probably some dissonance with being genuinely interested in others and not thinking others are genuinely interested in you, but I have to disagree that we're making others try too hard. I think I "fall into" meaningful conversations quite easily actually, and with people I know to varying degrees...pretty frequently others think they have a deeper relationship with me than I think I do with them, because I have meaningful conversations so often that it's just second nature to me, whereas I guess it's pretty rare for them. I wouldn't say that that's because I don't open up, because I do quite easily, but because the kind of abstract ideas and insights I'm just used to talking about, others find rare and profound .

 

[nynesneg]

Phoenix, I tend to regard myself as an open book, and will chatter about my feelings to almost anything I think is interested. You have a good point that there's probably some dissonance with being genuinely interested in others and not thinking others are genuinely interested in you, but I have to disagree that we're making others try too hard. I think I "fall into" meaningful conversations quite easily actually, and with people I know to varying degrees...pretty frequently others think they have a deeper relationship with me than I think I do with them, because I have meaningful conversations so often that it's just second nature to me, whereas I guess it's pretty rare for them. I wouldn't say that that's because I don't open up, because I do quite easily, but because the kind of abstract ideas and insights I'm just used to talking about, others find rare and profound .

YES!!! Thank you darlin.

Exactly.

For the most part I'll tell my friends whatever they want to hear if they ask. I just don't naturally volunteer extra personal information - it doesn't even cross my mind to half the time. Does the person at the grocery store, or your boss at work want to hear about your late night thoughts? I doubt it.

AND when I do say bits and pieces of my inner world of abstract thoughts, 90% of my friends don't get it. /shrug.


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I have noticed over the last 7 months these forums pull me down, and make me think too much (Ni+Fi). IRL my friends would say I'm healthy, passionate, and sincere... here is an outlet for inner thoughts and concepts I can't share with my external world.

 

[*poke*]

YES!!! Thank you darlin.

For the most part I'll tell my friends whatever they want to hear if they ask. I just don't naturally volunteer extra personal information - it doesn't even cross my mind to half the time. Does the person at the grocery store, or your boss at work want to hear about your late night thoughts? I doubt it.

Absolutely. I guess I'm used to my own style of reaching out to people and really getting them to identify and understand what it is that they're feeling, that I interpret anything less from others as a sign of disinterest.

A recent conversation between myself and an INFP friend who was clearly distracted (what else is new ), went something like this:

INFP: So what's new in your life?
ENFJ: You know, just busy as usual, some things.
INFP: What happened with that paper in the class you told me about?
ENFJ: Eh, it was fun writing it, I did okay in the end.
INFP: Good. <moves on>

Did I say much? No. Because was I prompted to? No. I expect that if she was really interested, the conversation could quite easily have gone something like this:

INFP: "So what's new in your life?
ENFJ: You know, just busy as usual, some things.
INFP: *listens patiently and expectantly for me to naturally elaborate on whatever has been most pressing*
ENFJ: *waits to see if you really want to know how I feel or if there's something specific you're interested in*
INFP: *smiles encouragingly and tilts her head to the side*
ENFJ: I've just felt pretty stressed with trying to decide between....

It depends on the context. It's not that I wasn't ready to talk about my feelings that I constantly think about and sometimes verbally arrange out loud for just such situations , it's just that I didn't feel the situation warranted it. I think for anyone who is both feelings-oriented AND others-oriented, it's natural to assume others will want to use their time with you to talk about something that takes a bit of time and effort for them to explore. As such, the people I really confide in are those who find themselves in similar roles, INFPs/ENFJs/sometimes ENFPs, and the INTx friend that I trained to do so . The ones who will take the time to sit ME down and be genuinely interested in the "why" and "how" that I usually offer to others, and who will delight equally in what we discover together .

I tend not to be friends with people who would rather talk about the weather than something intimate or shared.

 

[Thessaly]

I have found me a new ENFJ and he's hot as fucking hell and we have the best sex ever. Screw you old ENFJ! SCREW YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!

 

[Thessaly]

That wasn't very mature -was it?