[ENFJ] ENFJ & INFP

[OrangeAppled]

INFP Fi... doesnt want to submit to the ENFJ Fe.
So it would be a great match if the INFP happened to have Fi values that fit the Fe of the ENFJ. Otherwise it would be a "showdown" as bad as Te vs Fi.

Funny you say Te, because the other much-hyped match for INFPs are NTJs .

I don't have a Fe clash with most ENFJs. I find Fe hardest with SFJs.
There's more of an "expected way" with SFJs.

The main issue brought up over & over again are something like:

- Does the ENFJ like me, or are they just being nice to me like they are with everyone? Will they continue to flirt like mad with everything that moves if we were to date?
- Why won't the ENFJ open up to me? Or, they started to open up, but then they pull away; why?
- The ENFJ is stuck on an ex (or several); will they ever get over it?

There should be a test to determine how mothering one is. I don't feel like i'm one of those... or at least not when it is uncalled for.

Most of the ENFJ women I've known don't even want children. Not that this is any kind of rule, but I don't see them as "motherly" types in the way an ESFJ might be stereotyped.

 

[runvardh]

Most of the ENFJ women I've known don't even want children. Not that this is any kind of rule, but I don't see them as "motherly" types in the way an ESFJ might be stereotyped.

Wanting children and instinctively mommying someone are two different things. My great-aunt never wanted children, but she mommied my dad and I quite a bit as we grew up.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Wanting children and instinctively mommying someone are two different things. My great-aunt never wanted children, but she mommied my dad and I quite a bit as we grew up.

Nice, but my point is, I don't see a "mommying" aspect to the ENFJ women I know.

 

[neptunesnet]

Im a man

You sure?

 

[Thessaly]

So... why the lack of ENFJ-INFP relationships?

The potential is too great and we scare one another away. I really think that's what it boils down too. ENFJs being the slightly more flighty ones.

 

[Glycerine]

INFP Fi... doesnt want to submit to the ENFJ Fe.
So it would be a great match if the INFP happened to have Fi values that fit the Fe of the ENFJ. Otherwise it would be a "showdown" as bad as Te vs Fi.

Isn't that the same way for Fe? Fe doesn't really want to submit to Fi either. If I think you're a nutcase Fi user, there is no way I'm going to comply with you either. Fi can be just as intense as Fe in that regard but in different respects. What Runvardh said hits the nail. Basically, it goes both ways. It's about a compatible outlook/values/beliefs. Saying that, I usually don't clash value-wise with Fi users.

 

[file cabinet]

my super brief and weird infp-enfj relationships go like this: some weird high school thing that was never going to work out but we're still friends 10 years later after she married, some other girl I met while I was blackout drunk then when I met her sober I wasn't attracted to her but our personalities clicked really well, and one other girl where there were some happiness drugs involved and it was kind of weird and complicated but we didn't have anything in common.

i tend to like to do certain things, if i can't find a enfj who isn't interested or wanting me to do the things i enjoy then it probably wouldn't work out. i don't feel like i necessarily mentally map as well to enfjs and i haven't met any who are at a similar stage as my own life so it remains to be seen if i'd end up with an enfj. i'm dating an infj right now and that seems to be working out ok (at least, until she moves to england). infjs seem easier for me to personally relate to (probably just due to circumstance).


i have a really good friend who i thought was an enfp for a really long time but is really an enfj. what's interesting is that he literally surrounds himself with infps. he has 4 infp friends (that i know of) and for whatever reason enjoys the infp folks for company. one down side is he can be socially domineering and has created some issues within the social circle i brought him into.

i had a former roommate who was an enfj and he was kicked out for being an alcoholic. he found that i was a calming presence but this ended up with me occasionally having my time monopolized when he needed to sit and speak it all out. he has a really sad history and needs help but he's so haunted by his past and how the present seems to interrupt his thoughts and make him extremely reactive.

overall, I like enfjs. although i don't feel like i've necessarily met one who fits into an ideal relationship, i imagine this is in part due to the limitation of my own social circle who are mostly introverts.

 

[Venom]

Isn't that the same way for Fe? Fe doesn't really want to submit to Fi either. If I think you're a nutcase Fi user, there is no way I'm going to comply with you either. Fi can be just as intense as Fe in that regard but in different respects. What Runvardh said hits the nail. Basically, it goes both ways. It's about a compatible outlook/values/beliefs. Saying that, I usually don't clash value-wise with Fi users.

yes. I agree. Generally I find that Fi insights are captain obvious statements, that I appreciate. But none the less captain obvious statements, "ya no shit sherlock its morally repugnant to do _________" (unconscionables). I relate it to the crying wolf story. The Fi user will state something that I agree with, "___ is wrong", but then we argue about whether it really applies to what we are talking about.

You sure?

yes

Funny you say Te, because the other much-hyped match for INFPs are NTJs .

I don't have a Fe clash with most ENFJs. I find Fe hardest with SFJs.
There's more of an "expected way" with SFJs.

The main issue brought up over & over again are something like:

- Does the ENFJ like me, or are they just being nice to me like they are with everyone? Will they continue to flirt like mad with everything that moves if we were to date?
- Why won't the ENFJ open up to me? Or, they started to open up, but then they pull away; why?
- The ENFJ is stuck on an ex (or several); will they ever get over it?

yes....but not every ENFJ is a Jesus CEO ENFJ, or that crazy soap opera cliche!

some are a lot more subdued and lower energy. I can definitely be a flirt. I can also be very silly. However, a lot of the time, I just "blend in" and you would never peg me as that "jesus CEO" or "soap opera cliche" ENFJ. We aren't all enneagram 3w2 and 2w3!!!

I would describe the ENFJ absent of enneagram stuff as:
--the task driven NF
--the choleric NF
--the phlegmatic ENTJ
--the loyalty judge + silver lining perciever

Besides all of that, I think the "flirt", "attachment" and "outward image control" are enneagram things...maybe you just need a different enneagram ENFJ?

 

[Glycerine]

yes. I agree. Generally I find that Fi insights are captain obvious statements, that I appreciate. But none the less captain obvious statements, "ya no shit sherlock its morally repugnant to do _________" (unconscionables). I relate it to the crying wolf story. The Fi user will state something that I agree with, "___ is wrong", but then we argue about whether it really applies to what we are talking about.

So pretty much the clash happens because Fe is much more context-based/situation-based while Fi is more universal? In some ways, I think Fe is much more flexible than Fi. It's a scary thing when you start talking about religion/politics with some Fi users. They don't mean to but I feel like I'm getting their beliefs rammed down my throat. Maybe it's the Fi-Te combination? I bet it is the same for them also with some Fe users.

 

[runvardh]

Isn't that the same way for Fe? Fe doesn't really want to submit to Fi either. If I think you're a nutcase Fi user, there is no way I'm going to comply with you either. Fi can be just as intense as Fe in that regard but in different respects. What Runvardh said hits the nail. Basically, it goes both ways. It's about a compatible outlook/values/beliefs. Saying that, I usually don't clash value-wise with Fi users.

I find I clash with most F-doms - the e and the i don't seem to matter... ^_^;;

 

[OrangeAppled]

yes....but not every ENFJ is a Jesus CEO ENFJ, or that crazy soap opera cliche!

some are a lot more subdued and lower energy. I can definitely be a flirt. I can also be very silly. However, a lot of the time, I just "blend in" and you would never peg me as that "jesus CEO" or "soap opera cliche" ENFJ. We aren't all enneagram 3w2 and 2w3!!!

I would describe the ENFJ absent of enneagram stuff as:
--the task driven NF
--the choleric NF
--the phlegmatic ENTJ
--the loyalty judge + silver lining perciever

Besides all of that, I think the "flirt", "attachment" and "outward image control" are enneagram things...maybe you just need a different enneagram ENFJ?

Most of the ENFJs I refer to are not the "Jesus CEO" types , although I have known one who fits that.

I'm pretty sure the 2 ENFJs I am closest to and refer to the most are 3w4s; one may even be 4w3. They both have a dreamer/moody side. Both say they are shy even though they talk to people everywhere they go.

INFPs are still comparatively much less flirty/friendly/lower energy, so from my perspective it can be hard to tell where I stand with these ENFJs. I think I know, but then I see them treat someone else similarly.

 

[Glycerine]

I find I clash with most F-doms - the e and the i don't seem to matter... ^_^;;

well, actually you may be onto something. To be honest, I don't like being F-dom most of the time.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I like F-doms. They get too much of a bad rap here. On a related note, I plan on making a thread sometime soon about how I think emotional & feeling men are awesome.

 

[Glycerine]

That may be part of it.

 

[Thessaly]

I like F-doms. They get too much of a bad rap here. On a related note, I plan on making a thread sometime soon about how I think emotional & feeling men are awesome.

Please do. Emotion is incredibly alluring if channeled intelligently.

 

[Scott N Denver]

I like F-doms. They get too much of a bad rap here. On a related note, I plan on making a thread sometime soon about how I think emotional & feeling men are awesome.

Ooh ooh ooh, yes this would be good to hear more about

 

[Glycerine]

Ironically I get along better w/ F-dom males than females.

 

[Thessaly]

Have you come to a conclusion why?

 

[Glycerine]

It might have something to do with gender roles and such. Male F-doms and I don't feed into emotional drama quite as much while with other F-dom females that emotionality seems to intensify. The male F-doms appear more chill while female F-doms tend to be more expressive and uptight (myself included). This is how it's been w/ me anyways. Have you noticed a difference between the vibes between male F-doms vs. female F-doms?

 

[OrangeAppled]

Please do. Emotion is incredibly alluring if channeled intelligently.

Ooh ooh ooh, yes this would be good to hear more about

Done. It's in the relationship section. Now go support it!