SilkRoad
Lay the coin on my tongue
- Joined
- May 26, 2009
- Messages
- 3,932
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 6w5
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/sx
I was rambling on about drama/dramatic people on one of the blogs and I thought it might be worth a thread. (Or not - let's see how it goes!)
Most of my closer friends are kind of like me - pretty low-key and low-drama, although aware of the difficulties of life and in some cases having had quite a lot of dramatic things happen, but not pursuing it, and trying to handle it in a low-key way.
However, I also have a few friends who seem to pursue it or generate it, and if things go quiet for a bit it's actually a bit of a bad sign because they're liable to explode in some predictably dramatic way at any moment.
I'm realising that I'm starting to find this not only draining but boring. It's like, here we go again. It's a lot more fun with the friends who keep it pretty low-key generally - while we're there for each other with the heavy stuff if needed, we honestly deal with most of our stuff on our own and it's not hugely dramatic. When I see them, we're mostly doing something interesting and fun together based on shared interests and compatible personalities. Whereas with the dramatic people, it's all about them (too much drama for them to be convincingly interested in anything I'm interested in) and after you've known them for a while and similar issues have arisen again and again, it feels like same old same old. I know that might make me sound cruel and dismissive. I try to be supportive but I've taken a bit of a step back, basically. I wouldn't actually say "same old same old". But I can't help feeling it inside, and it's made me jaded with the whole thing, and it's created distance.
I guess I've just always come at it from the "this is draining" perspective, so it was interesting to realise that I'm also getting bored by it. I mean, I think people may pursue drama because it's kind of been the norm in their life, or it's how they continue to feel alive, even if the "alive" is something painful (the brother of one of my most drama-prone friends has described her as a masochist.) But personally I find life interesting when there's a meeting of the minds, when you are emotionally compatible with someone, when you can have lively discussions about shared interests or discover new things through each other, when you can do fun things together. Not when there's always crashing waves of emotion and "she stabbed me in the back" and "my love life is like Romeo and Juliet" 24/7. I might as well acknowledge that I haven't had the kind of life where having drama feels like the norm. So it's harder for me to understand. And yeah. Boring.
It's probably going to be pointed out that I sound condescending...I'm sure I kind of do. But hey, I sometimes get condescended to by the dramatic people for not having had enough of a life. Far from the case, actually. It's not all about maximizing your pain and suffering.
Most of my closer friends are kind of like me - pretty low-key and low-drama, although aware of the difficulties of life and in some cases having had quite a lot of dramatic things happen, but not pursuing it, and trying to handle it in a low-key way.
However, I also have a few friends who seem to pursue it or generate it, and if things go quiet for a bit it's actually a bit of a bad sign because they're liable to explode in some predictably dramatic way at any moment.
I'm realising that I'm starting to find this not only draining but boring. It's like, here we go again. It's a lot more fun with the friends who keep it pretty low-key generally - while we're there for each other with the heavy stuff if needed, we honestly deal with most of our stuff on our own and it's not hugely dramatic. When I see them, we're mostly doing something interesting and fun together based on shared interests and compatible personalities. Whereas with the dramatic people, it's all about them (too much drama for them to be convincingly interested in anything I'm interested in) and after you've known them for a while and similar issues have arisen again and again, it feels like same old same old. I know that might make me sound cruel and dismissive. I try to be supportive but I've taken a bit of a step back, basically. I wouldn't actually say "same old same old". But I can't help feeling it inside, and it's made me jaded with the whole thing, and it's created distance.
I guess I've just always come at it from the "this is draining" perspective, so it was interesting to realise that I'm also getting bored by it. I mean, I think people may pursue drama because it's kind of been the norm in their life, or it's how they continue to feel alive, even if the "alive" is something painful (the brother of one of my most drama-prone friends has described her as a masochist.) But personally I find life interesting when there's a meeting of the minds, when you are emotionally compatible with someone, when you can have lively discussions about shared interests or discover new things through each other, when you can do fun things together. Not when there's always crashing waves of emotion and "she stabbed me in the back" and "my love life is like Romeo and Juliet" 24/7. I might as well acknowledge that I haven't had the kind of life where having drama feels like the norm. So it's harder for me to understand. And yeah. Boring.
It's probably going to be pointed out that I sound condescending...I'm sure I kind of do. But hey, I sometimes get condescended to by the dramatic people for not having had enough of a life. Far from the case, actually. It's not all about maximizing your pain and suffering.