[NF] Do you guys cry a lot?

[skylights]

The last time I can remember vocally crying was when I subluxed my left knee badly a couple of years ago. I am sure that if you felt your bones detaching you would cry out in pain as well. So I don't feel bad about that.

While I feel like crying quite often, and have a lot of reasons to drift into despair, I resist the urge to weep my heart out like some emo freak or teenage girl puking for the first time. Further, when I hear another guy cry or say he did, I automatically think what a loser he is, that he must be gay and have no sack. So I don't want to be like that...I mean, who wants to become the very thing they despise? There is nothing at all wrong with being a passionate person, in fact I think it's a positive, but it sucks when there's a storm brewing inside you half the time and can't channel any of it...

I agree with what people have said about emotional release. But not everybody has this luxury.

I respect guys when they cry about something serious.

Whereas I don't respect people who feel like it's their right to shame anyone for showing vulnerability and expressing pain.

Be the change you wish to see, you know?

 

[brainheart]

Define a lot.

But probably yes.

I wish I cried more than I do, though. I feel like I stifle it a lot.

 

[Kullervo]

I respect guys when they cry about something serious.

Whereas I don't respect people who feel like it's their right to shame anyone for showing vulnerability and expressing pain.

Be the change you wish to see, you know?

Then you don't like most women.

I am sorry for making this a gender issue but I find that women get seriously put off by men who cry, you are the first who has said otherwise. Every woman I've met has been disconcerted and turned off by it, and you get all the warnings about not to show any vulnerability around women when dating. And then, even if I did meet somebody who wasn't like that, I would be tortured about being less of a man for being expressive in that way. My identity is complex.

You wouldn't know, but I also live in a household with very confident, macho type men (my father and brother). My mum is also very averse to emotional men. They would laugh, mock me and say I was making a fuss about nothing, none of them believe depression is real and think it's just my "excuse" for being lazy. To be fair to them, I am pretty lazy, and I also wish I was more like them. It's hard to be motivated when you feel like shit. Anyway I digress. What I'm trying to say is that it's not easy for many guys...I seem to be a lone voice on here. Pisses me off

 

[skylights]

Then you don't like most women.

I am sorry for making this a gender issue but I find that women get seriously put off by men who cry, you are the first who has said otherwise. Every woman I've met has been disconcerted and turned off by it, and you get all the warnings about not to show any vulnerability around women when dating. And then, even if I did meet somebody who wasn't like that, I would be tortured about being less of a man for being expressive in that way. My identity is complex.

You wouldn't know, but I also live in a household with very confident, macho type men (my father and brother). My mum is also very averse to emotional men. They would laugh, mock me and say I was making a fuss about nothing, none of them believe depression is real and think it's just my "excuse" for being lazy. To be fair to them, I am pretty lazy, and I also wish I was more like them. It's hard to be motivated when you feel like shit. Anyway I digress. What I'm trying to say is that it's not easy for many guys...I seem to be a lone voice on here. Pisses me off

Mm, I like most women I meet. And most men. But I would not respect them for their harsh judgment.

I do believe it, and I'm sorry that you face it. I'm actually sort of not surprised your family is like that, given how you seem at war with your identity in some ways. I do think there is a lot of pressure on men to be unemotional and to not show vulnerability or weakness, both from men and from women. I think there is fear sometimes on women's parts that if a man is a frequent crier, then he is not going to be strong enough to handle whatever life throws at him. Obviously that's an unfair assumption... But then, women aren't even expected to be strong much of the time, especially if they cry, so shitty gender stereotypes abound in general. That said, I have seen the men closest to me - dad, brother, and boyfriend - cry before, and I know my mom has, too. I suspect that women are more open to it when they are in close relationships and they know it is over a "serious" issue. In any case, I just think, if you can find a way to do what feels right and to not give a crap about what people say, it paves the way for everyone else. It's not your responsibility or anything... But it'd be cool if you could figure out how to do it.

 

[Froody Blue Gem]

When in my normal state, I don't usually cry. If I do, I try not to in public and I don't like crying in front of people. It's like torture when people ask what's wrong, it only makes it worse. I know they are doing it out of genuine concern. I will talk to them if they are close to me but in any other case, I hate it. Well, if something triggers something in me, I go through phases when I cry when I'm alone.

And it can go on for hours. I want it to stop but I know it's the only way to get out what I've been bottling up for the longest time and I've been too constipated to tell anybody. Then I go through other phases where I barely cry at all. It's kind of a weird on and off little middle ground thing. It could be one of the many things that signifies I'm not the healthiest individual in the world.

 

[cacaia]

Then you don't like most women.

I am sorry for making this a gender issue but I find that women get seriously put off by men who cry, you are the first who has said otherwise. Every woman I've met has been disconcerted and turned off by it, and you get all the warnings about not to show any vulnerability around women when dating. And then, even if I did meet somebody who wasn't like that, I would be tortured about being less of a man for being expressive in that way. My identity is complex.

You wouldn't know, but I also live in a household with very confident, macho type men (my father and brother). My mum is also very averse to emotional men. They would laugh, mock me and say I was making a fuss about nothing, none of them believe depression is real and think it's just my "excuse" for being lazy. To be fair to them, I am pretty lazy, and I also wish I was more like them. It's hard to be motivated when you feel like shit. Anyway I digress. What I'm trying to say is that it's not easy for many guys...I seem to be a lone voice on here. Pisses me off

Whoa, hold your horses, there. I am a woman and I completely agree with Skylight. TBH, I don't get why anyone would go for the macho type. All they are doing is stifling their pain, and it will erupt in ugly ways. Disgusting ways.
I prefer a man who is genuine and will cry when he needs to cry. That is one of the things I love about my hubby- he cries a lot, even while watching City Lights.

But I cry more, hehe. the latest? Mary freaking Poppins (the 2018 version).

 

[Population: 1]

No.

 

[Zhaylin]

I very rarely cry (female, INFP, here). I would just set myself up for bullying, ridicule, or apathy if I did so, openly, as a kid. The exception being angry tears. If I'm REALLY mad about something, I can't NOT cry.
It makes me REALLY uncomfortable when my husband, or anyone else, weeps. I'll hug and/or comfort them and "logically" I understand that it's just NEEDED sometimes... but it makes me feel helpless and lacking.

 

[1487610420]

i cry erryday

 

[mgbradsh]

I very rarely cry (female, INFP, here). I would just set myself up for bullying, ridicule, or apathy if I did so, openly, as a kid. The exception being angry tears. If I'm REALLY mad about something, I can't NOT cry.
It makes me REALLY uncomfortable when my husband, or anyone else, weeps. I'll hug and/or comfort them and "logically" I understand that it's just NEEDED sometimes... but it makes me feel helpless and lacking.

Same.

Especially the awkwardness around other people crying.

 

[Coriolis]

I very rarely cry (female, INFP, here). I would just set myself up for bullying, ridicule, or apathy if I did so, openly, as a kid. The exception being angry tears. If I'm REALLY mad about something, I can't NOT cry.
It makes me REALLY uncomfortable when my husband, or anyone else, weeps. I'll hug and/or comfort them and "logically" I understand that it's just NEEDED sometimes... but it makes me feel helpless and lacking.

Same here. I hardly ever cry myself, and when someone else around me does, I feel quite at a loss, unless it is a very small child.

 

[Frosty]

Rarely. Its actually an issue for me because I cant even cry in situations that deserve it anymore, leading to lots of pent up negative feelings. Some of the thoughts that go through my head when I am upset are much worse than crying probably would be.

But I dont know how to change that. I cant force it- it happens or it doesnt happen... and the well is just totally dry

 

[Earl Grey]

I have what is called Resting Ice King Face Syndrome, toss me your saddest things, I won't move a single facial muscle.
So yeah, it's really hard to cry. Which is bad when I actually want to or need to let things out.

I very rarely cry (female, INFP, here). I would just set myself up for bullying, ridicule, or apathy if I did so, openly, as a kid. The exception being angry tears. If I'm REALLY mad about something, I can't NOT cry.

Interesting, Zhaylin, we are opposites. When others would get sad I would get almost uncontrollably mad, and it was always better than tears for me. Especially if it's in reaction to someone bullying, or just generally trying to get at me. It's hard to not be mad and just cry instead, hooray me.
It isn't always the healthiest.

I'd clarify that this ... I think it's less a gender issue, I know guys who would withdraw and kinda sob it out or be sad in quiet.

 

[Coriolis]

I have what is called Resting Ice King Face Syndrome, toss me your saddest things, I won't move a single facial muscle.
So yeah, it's really hard to cry. Which is bad when I actually want to or need to let things out.

I wouldn't say it's hard, it just doesn't happen. I don't feel the slightest inclination to do it for the most part. If someone is regaling me with sad things, I wonder why. I suspect ulterior motives, unless it falls out of the conversation naturally, or is related to actual ongoing events, e.g. a friend reporting a recent death in the family.

I'd clarify that this ... I think it's less a gender issue, I know guys who would withdraw and kinda sob it out or be sad in quiet.

I think the natural inclination to cry is more type-related, but guys are more likely to be "trained out of it" by upbringing, while women are more likely to be encouraged or at least allowed to do it. This just makes it harder on guys, which isn't fair.

 

[Earl Grey]

I wouldn't say it's hard, it just doesn't happen. I don't feel the slightest inclination to do it for the most part. If someone is regaling me with sad things, I wonder why. I suspect ulterior motives, unless it falls out of the conversation naturally, or is related to actual ongoing events, e.g. a friend reporting a recent death in the family.

I guess I'd get suspicious only if I get expected to cry, but I have an advantage in that my gender means my 'coldness' is just overlooked.

I think the natural inclination to cry is more type-related, but guys are more likely to be "trained out of it" by upbringing, while women are more likely to be encouraged or at least allowed to do it. This just makes it harder on guys, which isn't fair.

Oh, I guess that's true. I kind of hate the thing about having to be a 'tough guy' even if I ironically do it to myself.
Like, I don't really care if other guys cry, I just can't do it myself. I do still sometimes wish I could. It's not that I hold back, it's just that no tears come.
Now, I don't mind crying at all.

 

[Zhaylin]

Heh, I'm a bully to myself if I feel like crying about something (most of the time): "What are you whining about you friggin baby?! Do you know how friggin fortunate you are?! Suck it up. Other people have it so much worse!!!"

I've written about it here, a little bit, but I was a self-injurer for most of my life. When I was a kid it was to punish myself and train myself out of undesirable behavior. Crying in front of others was one of the biggest no-nos. Hurting others and making them cry came with the worst punishments (the behaviors were ranked with the worst offenses meaning 10 slashes, and the least was 3). When I got older, SI became more about "grounding" myself through extreme emotions.
(Let it be noted, though, that my SI was usually little more than cat scratches. It still got the point across and worked well.)

I often wonder how much my reactions to things are the result of my type or my self training. It's hard for me to show any sort of emotional reaction, other than happiness. Which really sucked when my kids were young. Sometimes people NEED to see an emotional reaction. But nope. I was always stoic, though warm, but had the energy (?) of a slightly indifferent adviser.

 

[hjgbujhghg]

Everything makes me cry in general, I don't even have to be sad. I actually don't cry because of sadness all that often, but I cry over touching words, books, movies and songs all the time. Sometimes the songs and the movies even suck, but all I need are few emotional words and my eyes get all wet. I try to reason with myself and stop myself from crying during the stupidest movie scenes, but when I see a character crying, I just cry too, for like... no real reason.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

Not as much as I used to. I want to though.

 

[I Tonya]

Yes. I'm a realist so I don't cry over everything, but when I do I can't stop.